She stepped back to look at her canvas. It was splattered with a bunch of bright colours as per her client’s request-a koi fish pond with lots of gold and orange incorporated. 
“Just a little more red on the top…” she muttered to herself as she dabbed her paint brush onto the centre piece. As she was finishing up her painting, she heard a knock on the door. She already knew who it was considering there were only two people in her house. “Come in I’m just about done.” She called out. The door opened and she felt two hands snake around her waist. “You’ve really outdone yourself this time.” His voice was like creamy chocolate. Like warm water enveloping her. She always thought that if silk was a sound, it would be his voice. One time he decided that it would be funny to scare her while she was painting. Her hand slipped and a bold streak of purple ran across the canvas as she jolted from the startle. It almost led to a break up hence why he always knocks when she paints now.

“You think so? I feel like it’s missing something.” She said. He shook his head and kissed her cheek, “You always say that. I think everything you do is outstanding.” His compliment made her smile from cheek to cheek. She put her paintbrush down and turned around the face him-it was difficult to concentrate with him around. 
“I have to head to the office but I’ll be back to pick you up for the party tonight,” he said, “are you sure you want to go?” It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go, it was the fact that Kris and all his colleagues were very successful lawyers and made her feel like her feel so small and silly for choosing art as a career even though she was making good money off of it. It was also the way they viewed her that made her so uncomfortable as well. Kris always added in white lies or exaggerated her stories almost to make her sound up to their standards. So it wasn’t because she didn’t want to go, she just didn’t want to be judged.
“Of course I want to go,” she replied, “I’ll see you at 7:30.” 

_______________________________________________________________________

The time waiting for the party later in the evening was spent deciding what to wear, what makeup to do and what hairstyle to do. The want to impress Kris’ colleagues and Kris was a priority and she wanted to look her very best. She wanted Kris to feel proud to have her by his side. She settled for a slim wine colored dress that ran to her ankles, simple gold necklace and earrings and black heels to compliment her dress. Wanting to play it safe she decided to just curl her hair.

“You look beautiful stop worrying.” Kris chuckled as he watched her check her makeup for the 50^th time. The closer they got to the party they more nervous he became. He had only brought her along twice in the 3 years he had been working there and the 20 things they had invited him too. His need to impress his colleagues was just as great as her want to as well. But the fact of the matter was the world the people he worked with was completely different from hers. They would tear her apart and judge her immensely for her choice of career.  In fact, he had as well when they first met but came to love her and the things she created. It was just easier to lie about what she did than explain how important and meaningful her work is to his colleagues.

“We’re here.” Kris said and turned off the ignition. He saw her take a deep breath in and placed a reassuring hand on her thigh. “It’s going to be fun. You’ll meet some of my work friends and eat good food and if you feel overwhelmed just tell me and we can go home okay?” She looked at his reassuring smile and couldn’t help but fall a little more for him. He always had a way of comforting her and making her feel safe. His good looks were just a bonus. A really big bonus.

Her heart accelerated as they walked into the hotel together.  Her grip on Kris’ hand tightened. He led her to their table and she sat down with a sigh of relief. Her legs felt like jello and she was grateful that no one had approached them yet. “Hey, I’m going to have a quick talk with those guys over there okay? I’ll be back with some food.“ he kissed her on the forehead and left to go catch up with his work friends. She felt her anxiety grow and her fingers were unconsciously drumming on her thigh at a quick pace. The banquet hall was huge which made Kris harder to track which only added to her anxiety. There was music playing in the background but she could only hear the loud thumping of her heartbeat echoing through her skull. She was so focused on staying relaxed that a tap on her shoulder made her jump a little. "Pardon me, I didn’t mean to startle you.” the voice came from a man who looked about Kris’ age. He was wearing an navy blue suit with a grey tie to match. He smiled and reached his hand out for a handshake. “My name is Chanyeol, I work along side with Kris. And you must be his girlfriend.” She nodded and introduced herself, his handshake was very firm. She had heard of Chanyeol before. She knew that he was a criminal defence lawyer and a good one at that too. He had mischievous eyes-complimenting his choice of career. “The office knows so much about you,” he laughed, “you must be really good to have all the clients you do. Stealing all the commission huh?” She raised her eyebrow at his remark. She had lots of clients yes, but she was self-employed. She decided to play along to hear what else her career sounded like. “Well, most clients are long time partners I’ve had.” She replied. Chanyeol sipped his champagne, an impressed look on his face, “Still though, considering how much projects you take in on weekly basis. At this rate you should just be a manager,” he chuckled, “so which marketing company are you with?” her heart dropped to her stomach. “I’m impressed with how much you know about my career,” she forced a laugh, “Kris has just been telling all this?” Chanyeol nodded, “Yeah he boast’s about it all the time when people ask. People joke about having you joining the marketing team we work with.” The drumming of her fingers returned as she scattered her brain for an explanation as to why Kris would lie. “I see,” she forced out, “it’s a crazy job all right.” She excused herself to go look for Kris. The lump in grew as Kris came to view. He was laughing with his colleagues, unaware of the damage he had created in their relationship and the frenzy of insecurities he grew inside of her. His eyes gleamed as she approached him. 

“And you must be Kris’ girlfriend.” One of the men said. He was average height with milky white skin. “Yeah poor you, it must be a hassle dealing with that guy.” The other one joked. He was also of average height and had light brown hair. “You can say that again.” She muttered under her breath. The two men introduced themselves as Suho and Xiumin. They were one of the kinder colleagues of Kris she had met. Small exchanges were made and soon she was faded out of the conversation. The topic of clients and files and court was circling around in the air. When those topics died, she was suddenly the centre of attention. “So what do you do?” Suho asked. She didn’t want to answer. Fortunately, Kris was there to answer for her. Jumping right into it before she could even exhale. The dreaded word “marketing” and “company” was thrown around. Her body had become limp and she let him go on and on about her false career. She had stopped listening and stared straight ahead with a forced smile on her face. She didn’t know if Kris was just oblivious to her feelings or just stupid. After a few more exchanges, Suho and Xiumin went back to their tables. She waited until they were out of sight before turning towards Kris. 

“Hey Kris,” she smiled sweetly at him, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’d like to go home now.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The entire ride home was silent. Tension hung in the air and she could feel her anger grow more and more every time she thought about the stories he’s made up. Her nails dug into his car seats so hard she wouldn’t have been surprised if she left a hole in them. Kris was taken aback when she pushed his hand off her thigh as he tried to rest it there. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew why she was upset but he didn’t want to face it. That would mean admitting the fact that he wished she had a career up to their standards and that it hurt his ego.

She took off her heels and immediately made her way upstairs to her bedroom. In the process, she tried to slam the front door but Kris had caught before it closed. Hell was brewing and he knew in his heart of heart, he was the reason. He waited a few minutes before going upstairs to find her. She wasn’t in her room, and so he walked down the hall to find her painting room door ajar. His stomach flipped flopped around as he approached the room. The door creaked slightly as he pushed it open and he found her sitting in front of the koi fish painting she had finished in the afternoon. She just sat there, staring at her creation and ripping it apart in her mind. She was so proud of everything she put out. People came to her to ask her to create a piece for them whether for decor in their house, fondness for her creations or a gift to a friend. They wanted her specifically, did that not mean anything to Kris? She had become so successful doing what she loved and was able to buy a home with her money. What was so shameful?

“You like this painting don’t you?” she managed to croak out. Kris swallowed, his throat felt dry. “Of course I do.” he said. She bit her lip in order to keep herself from whimpering. Tears were streaming down her face. She thought she was going to explode from the amount of anger building inside of her. 
“Do you think my client will like it? I don’t know if it’s up to my company’s standards.” her words pierced him like a knife. He began to approach her slowly but she got up from her seat. He hadn’t realized she was crying until she turned around the face him. 
“I don’t-I-” Kris stammered. He was trying to think of things to say or an explanation. The only thing he could come up with was that he was just an arrogant . Seeing him struggle to come up with an excuse only made her more upset. 
“Why?” she asked with clenched teeth. Kris only stared at her, he took another step forward. Guilt written all over his face. 
“Please just-” 
“I said why?!” she shouted. Kris clenched his hands into a fist. He was screaming at himself to apologize mentally but nothing could come out. “Answer my question!” she shouted again, not trying to hold back her emotions anymore.
“Because painting pictures is not a career! Anyone can do it! Getting people out of jail or convicting someone and getting them in jail is a career!” he finally shouted back. Then as if the entire world fell asleep, silence blanketed them like thick snow. The only sounds that could be heard were her heavy breathing. Her body became limp again and her hands fell to her side. His words hung onto her, dragging her heart down to her stomach. Kris stood just as still, bewildered by what he just said. He saw the devastation and chaos he had created inside of her. There was no excuse for his actions and he knew it. 
“I’m so sorry.” Kris managed to sputter out. She looked at him right in the eye, not wanting to back down. “2 years with you Kris, and I have never-you-” she couldn’t even speak. It came out broken and choked. The man standing in front of her was her entire world. He was the one that support her through everything and helped get her business started, and now he was criticizing her for it. “Get out Kris. Get out right now.” he stood there for a few more seconds, examining the damage he made, analyzing where to fix the broken pieces, and trying to picture his life without her. He could examine it all night, and analyze and put together the fragments but he could not-could never-picture himself without her. He looked at her one last time before slowly making his way out of her house knowing that he had done enough to her for the night, and for awhile.

The entire night was spent with her screaming, and crying. She cried so much her head spun and ached. The painting she worked so hard on during the afternoon would soon be torn up and laying on the floor beside her bed.

_______________________________________________________________________

It had been a week after their fight. She was still ignoring his texts and phone calls, going as far as to turning off her phone. In fact, she didn’t respond or talk to anyone. She trapped herself in her house and pondered her choices. It wasn’t until the last day of the week that she realized that their relationship was Kris’ mess to clean up-if there was even a relationship to clean up. She was her own mess to clean. She loved her job, her clients and made a living off of it with extra money to spend leisurely as well. And she would continue to do so with or without Kris. Yet with all this self realization and motivation, she ended all her days sitting in front of a blank canvas. The koi fish painting was scheduled to be picked up 3 days from now and it was blank. Her skills had disappeared and she questioned all her moves before her brush even touched the canvas. 

“This is way too familiar.” she thought to herself. She was sitting in her painting room with the same blank canvas that had been haunting her all week. She had to finish it but she didn’t want to redo or imitate the original one. The room was completely quiet and the sun was shining through her windows making all the other paintings in her room waiting to be picked up glow. She began mixing colours and mentally giving herself a pep talk. She took a deep breath and decided to stop thinking about what to do and her hand began to move by itself. Before she knew it, she was finished the painting with one day left to spare. It was early in the evening and the sun was just about the set. It was quiet yet again, only her brush could be heard. She took a step back to examine her creation. It was completely different from the first one she did. The original was just a pond of koi fish swimming about surrounded by green scenery. This one showcased a single koi fish struggling upstream and eventually turning into a dragon. Gold and orange incorporated. 

“It’s absolutely beautiful.” a familiar voice said behind her. She jumped in her seat and her heart stopped after she collected herself and realized who it was. She did not dare turn around. 
“I’m sorry I know I should’ve knocked again but you didn’t hear me so I just let myself in and I-well you know-I-” Kris started stuttering, “you really outdid yourself this time. It’s amazing.” his sweet talk wouldn’t work on her this time but she missed his voice so much. 
Standing in that room, Kris felt so small. He could stand in front of judges and present evidence so clearly, unafraid and confident. But when it came to her, he was a stammering fool. The reality of her ceasing to exist in his life became more and more real everyday and it completely destroyed him. 
She slowly put her paint brush down and felt that lump in return. 
“Listen, I’m so sorry,” Kris finally said, “I am so, so, so sorry.” hearing his voice crack made her heart ache even more. 
“I should have never said and did what I did. You’re absolutely amazing and you create the most amazing things. I should be pushing you up and not holding you down because you should be so proud of what you’ve accomplished. You shouldn’t even care about what I said. I don’t even know why-I just don’t-I’m just a ing idiot. I am. I’m so sorry.” he said in one breath. The intensity in that room was suffocating her. He took slow steps towards her. “You mean the entire world to me. Please just give me one reply.” he was right behind her now. The lump in had completely formed and prevented her from saying anything. She knew that she would only choke on her words again. She heard him something and a sketchbook soon appeared in front of her face. 
“Look I kept this for so long. You were going to throw it away when you moved into this house and I stole it. There were still a couple of pages left and I tried to mimic what you you drew already and it’s so ridiculous.” Kris tried to joke but he was the one choking up now. Tears began streaming down her face once again as she watched him struggling to flip through the pages due to the trembling of his hands. He really had tried to mimic her drawings but failed miserably and that made her love him even more. 
“God please-just please don’t leave me. I’m so sorry, I can’t bear to lose you.” he had no more words to say. He could only rest his forehead against her shoulder blade, a tear escaping from his own eye. Silence enveloped them again. Time was going by slowly and her delayed response was slowly killing him.
“Yeah you are an idiot,” she finally muttered, “and there’s a lot of things to fix between us. But I can’t see myself without you either. You helped me build this, and I don’t want to give this up and give up on our relationship either.” 
Kris slowly turned her around and felt his heart break at the sight of her crying again, “I am so sorry.” he grabbed her hands and held it against his chest. She felt his heart beat-it was racing. 
“Please let me fix this.” he whispered and she nodded. He pulled her into his chest and she sobbed. They slipped onto her bedroom floor, holding onto each other like they were going to ripped apart at any moment. Whispers of apologies and adoration were made, and careful butterfly kisses were made.

The last bit of sunshine drifted through her window. They had fallen asleep in each other’s arms waiting for the natural clock inside to wake them up later into the evening. The gold used on the painting glistened as the sun ray kissed it one last time before disappearing. The painting remained standing tall and proud to greet the both of them when they woke up.