When I tried to open my eyes, bright white light attacked my eyes that I had to squeezed them shut again. I tried to slowly open them again after a while.

"Baek, I think she's awake."

Is that Jin's voice? Wait, where am I? What happened?

"Hey," Baekhyun's soothing voice greeted my ears. "It's alright. I'm here. Are you feeling alright?"

My eyes fluttered open and I could vaguely see his face over mine.

Alright? Why wouldn't I be alright- And it all came rushing back to me, flooding my mind. I remembered attempting to kill myself, and I remembered why. Sehun. He-

"I need to talk to her."

His voice made me quickly open my eyes wide. And just as I expected, I was in a hospital. I raised my head a bit and saw him standing up from the couch, walking to the bed. I turned to look at my side and saw Baekhyun and Jin.

"She just woke up," Baekhyun replied through gritted teeth beside me. "She needs to rest."

I frowned when I saw a bruise on the corner of his lips.

"Talk later!" Baekhyun glared at Sehun.

I turned my head to look at Sehun again and found him already standing beside me on the other side of the bed.

Wait. Is that a bruise too? I narrowed my eyes at the dark color staining his pale skin on the corner of his lips.

It didn't take a lot of turning of the wheels in my head to figure that Sehun and Baekhyun had been fighting. And the thought that they did because of me sent shivers down my spine. Did I just break their friendship?

There were few seconds- which really felt torturously longer- of silence and glaring battle between Baekhyun and Sehun before the latter finally opened his mouth. "Please." His eyes suddenly gazed down to mine, catching me off guard.

I could only silently stared back, drowning myself in his dark brown irises.

"Fine." Baekhyun groaned. "Speak."

Sehun's eyes flitted back to my brother. "I meant just the two of us." His eyes found mine again. "Alone."

"Why do you-"

"It's okay, Oppa," my voice croaked, cutting Baekhyun off. My throat felt sore from suddenly talking.

"Here. Drink first." A glass of water appeared in front of me. I whipped my head and found Jin smiling at me. He helped me up, propping my back with his arm, so that I could drink.

I could feel Sehun's eyes on us, but my throat was much more important now for me to worry about him being jealous. Besides, he had no right to be jealous after what he did.

"Better?" Jin asked with a small smile.

I nodded, lying back down. I glanced at Sehun then back at my brother. "I'll be okay."

Baekhyun stared at me with a frown and I just gave him a nod. He finally agreed and left the room along with Jin. Once they closed the door, I couldn't bring myself to look back at Sehun and just stared at the door. It was as if his gaze was giving my neck an enormous weight that I couldn't turn my head around to face him.

"What are these?" He asked curtly, grabbing my left arm.

I winced a little at his strong grip and finally turned to look at him.

"What are these?" He asked again, bringing up my arm a bit higher and showing me the streak marks on my arm. "And this?" Raising his voice by little, he pointed to my bandaged wrist. "What were you thinking?!" He let go of my arm quiet harshly.

It pained me that even in this state I was in, he wasn't even trying to be gentle. If he was worried, I'd say that was a weird way of showing his worry.

Well, you have a weird way of trying to gain him back too! The voice in my head mocked.

"I was thinking of you," my voice sounded so bitter to my ears as I narrowed my eyes and added, "kissing her."

I could see a flash of surprise across his eyes, but it quickly went away, replaced instead with anger. "Again with the jealousy." He groaned with a roll of his eyes.

I felt my heart dropped to my stomach before rage consumed it. "You kissed her, damn it! How am I not supposed to be jealous? I'm your girlfriend!"

"I didn't kiss- okay, I did. But it wasn't- she was- I was only- Wait. That's not the point." His sharp gaze was on me again. "I wanted to talk to you because I can't understand why you keep on losing weight the wrong way and harming yourself over and over again. You're going way too far with this!"

"That's not the point?" My jaw dropped. "You kissing her shouldn't be the point?! That was the whole point to this!" I pointed at my bandaged wrist. His frown only deepened. "And I was just trying hard to prove myself worthy of being your girlfriend! But then I realized I was going nowhere. I would never be as perfect as Wendy because I'm just a short, fat, ugly insignificant girl! You would never look my way and that hurts me a lot. That's why I created these." I showed him the scars on my arm again. "To replace the pain in my heart because I realized I would never be worthy of standing beside you in front of everyone! And I realized that your heart was not for me anymore, but for someone else!"

I would have loved to clap for myself for letting everything out without crying. Anger must've really consumed me more than sadness.

The crease in his forehead eased a little and his eyes were rounded. But soon, his features turned cold- and was that a little smirk I see?

"You know what?" Now he looked disinterested and distant that it scared the hell out of me. If there were anger or even a tinge of worry before, they all suddenly went down the drain and disappeared into thin air. "You're right! You're not worthy of being my girlfriend."

First stab.
My eyes were rounded in shock.

"You're just an ugly and insignificant girl." He crossed his arms.

Second stab.

"Yes, I love Wendy."

Third stab.

"I don't even know why I've stayed with you this whole time!"

Fourth stab and I felt my body becoming paralyzed.

"Thank you for opening my eyes. Now that you've said it, let's just cut to the chase." His eyes turned dead serious as he leaned down closer to me. "We're done."

Final stab and my heart died.

I could only stared at him in disbelief as he straightened up. Was this really the same guy I fell in love with? Was I dreaming? Was I actually already dead and went to hell? Because that felt a whole lot like hell!

I saw his jaws tensed when a single drop of tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek. He probably expected me to say something in retort, but I didn't have any more energy left to even utter a single word. Maybe I had gone dumb.

His eye twitched a little before he closed his eyes and turned his back on me. With a sigh, he spoke over a whisper, "Good bye."

It was a whisper so soft but spoke so loud to my ears and sent a blow so hard to my heart. Wait, but was that a little waver in his voice?

You wish it were!

I watched his retreating figure. He paused when he opened the door, meeting eyes with Baekhyun but saying nothing. Without a single hint of regret, he silently walked past Baekhyun and Jin, disappearing from my sight. And my life.

Life felt like a living hell after our breakup. Wait, no. It had been like that ever since he changed. But this? This was a whole lot worse!

For one whole month, not a day went by without crying. I felt like a rag. I felt like a walking dead. I felt like a trash and I was seriously on the verge of dumping myself into the coffin several times if it weren't for Baekhyun and Jin.

I moved to stay with Baekhyun and had to quit my part-time job. I couldn't work if my mental state wasn't even stable. At least, I was sane enough to worry about the safety of my colleagues and customers, right?

After the month passed, I stopped crying. It wasn't because the pain had gone, but because I had no more tears to let out. I was just tired and I couldn't drag my brother down with me any further. He looked haggard himself from trying to comfort me every single time I cried. So the crying had to stop.

I didn't even cry when the news of Sehun and Wendy confirming their relationship broke out. Yes, that was how tired I was. But the pain was there. It almost felt tangible even. It ate my heart whole as I silently watched the news on TV before Baekhyun turned it off.

I almost fell back to the old habit of harming myself, and my life almost plummeted down further. Luckily, I still got Baekhyun and Jin. They were total bedrocks! Their presence alone encouraged me to live.

Since Jin was a psychology student before, he suggested me to see a therapist who happened to be his professor. I refused several times, but eventually agreed. Yet, it didn't really help me because most of the times I was unable to articulate my feelings.

Speaking of your feelings isn't as easy as it looks. I knew it was supposed to help me, but I found myself unable to open up to anyone. Not really even to Baekhyun or Jin. Though they more or less knew of what happened, I never really told them of how I felt.

Pushed to think of ways to make me open up, Jin suggested a crazy idea one day. He told me about this website where one can write confessions anonymously or with fake username. He told me I can chat with people there too if I want. I know. It's crazy, right?

I thought Jin had lost a few screws in his head from being around me too often. I meant, writing confessions is one thing, but chatting with strangers? Now, why would I do that? Jin had really gone cuckoo!

He kept on pestering me about it for days until I finally decided to give it a try. It wasn't like the chatting thing is a must anyway. Guess I could just ignore anyone who tried to chat me.

Turned out, it was actually fun to let it all out without people having to know it was me. For weeks I posted my life story and confessions though in a cryptic or metaphorical way. But I honestly could feel myself getting better. It lifted me up too when people- strangers- commented on my posts, telling me they had ben there too and urging me on to persevere.

I couldn't really describe it, but it was a refreshing feeling. It felt like I was just being splashed with cold water that woke me up from my deep slumber of depression. It was like I found something. No, not something, but myself. I felt like I had found myself.

I knew I wasn't the only one noticing the change in me. Baekhyun and Jin had been saying how I looked a lot better. And I do felt a lot better too. The insecurities were diminishing along with my thoughts of Sehun.

Sehun. The name now sounded foreign in my ears and even tasted foreign in my tongue.

"You know," Jin started one day when he barged in our apartment for breakfast, stuffing his face with the cereal. "I never understood why you see yourself as ugly and fat." I quirked an eyebrow at his statement as he continued. "I mean, yeah, you're not skinny like the idols or whatever, but you're not fat either. If anything, you're healthy. And you're cute." He said it so nonchalantly, but my cheeks felt like they were burning.

"Ya!" Baekhyun threatened to throw his spoon at Jin.

"What?" Jin blinked innocently.

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, pointing the spoon at his friend. "Don't you start hitting on my sister! Stay away, I warn you."

I could only pursed my lips to stifle a chuckle at my brother's being overprotective.

Jin's lips curled into a lopsided smile. "Sorry, can't promise you that, Baek."

"Aish!" Baekhyun used the spoon to hit Jin's head instead.

"Ouch!" Jin rubbed his head. "Dude, chill!"

I laughed at their silliness. When they heard me laugh, they just looked at me with surprise and then silently glanced at each other before smiles broke out across their faces and they started laughing along with me.

I guessed life without Sehun wasn't so bad after all. Losing him, though painful at first, was worth it.

Right, heart?

So the supposed oneshot has turned into threeshots XD Yes, there'll be one more part to this.

And the website thingy was inspired by one of the episodes of CSI I've watched before lol