Sehun [22.36]: I just finished practicing. I got somewhere I need to go now. Gonna go back to the dorm right away after. So don't wait for me, kay?

Sehun [22.36]: Nite.

Of course! What did I expect! I scoffed to the side. He must've forgotten again. He's busy anyway! Tears were already stinging the back of my eyes as I stared at plates of food in front of me.

It was always like this. He always forgot our anniversary, let alone the monthsaries or whatever people call it! We had been dating for three years, but it wasn't like this when we first started dating. It wasn't until two years ago when everything started falling into place for him that I started falling out of his life. At least, that was what it looked like to me.

Ever since two years ago, every date planned by me was canceled. Every anniversary planned was canceled. Every single food I cooked to impress him was thrown away. And every single promise he made to make up all the lost times we could've had was either broken again or just simply... forgotten.

But who was I kidding! He is, after all, THE Oh Sehun. The popular idol girls adored.

I did understand his busy schedules and I did not want to force our little dates on him. I also understood why he couldn't go public with our relationship and I honestly agreed because who would want to have her boyfriend's crazy fangirl pulling her hair out. But this was seriously getting too much for my heart to bear. For the past two years, every month I barely see him and he only called when he could find the time (read: almost NEVER). His text messages were getting lesser every passing days and I just didn't know whether I had the strength to continue being in this relationship.

A part of me wanted to give up so many times, but my scarred heart didn't want to let him go because despite it all, I loved him. Truly loved him.

But lately, I kept on questioning myself whether this would all be worth it. Whether I was only holding on to a mere string that was going to snap any time soon. Whether he was even still in love with me.

A drop of tear escaped my eye as I ate alone.

Honestly, I didn't even understand why he wanted to date me in the first place. I was just a fat, short, ugly, useless, insignificant, worthless girl! Why would someone with such godly look as him wanted to date me?

Maybe he just pitied you. A small voice in my head answered me.

Yeah. That was probably right. He must've pitied this girl who had lost her parents and went to the city to look for her brother and stumbled inside his apartment that one winter night. And when it turned out that I was his flatmate's sister, as a good friend of my brother that he was, he started taking care of me too. Out of pity, he must've decided to give me the experience and thrill of having someone like him to be my boyfriend. And now? Now that he had entered the world where he belonged- the world where there are tons of pretty girls surrounding him- he must've gotten tired of even pitying me.

That must be it. He never actually loved me in the first place.
 

"That is enough!" Baekhyun, my beloved brother who was now growing two heads- or were there three? Wait, why were there three of him?- growled at me, snatching away the glass of soju from my hand.

"Gimme back my glass!" I slurred and pouted.

"No! What is wrong with you?!" He then shifted his gaze to the guy beside me slash my best friend slash my brother's former classmate who was trying hard to guide me away from the table. "Jin, you know anything?"

Jin shook his head. "She called me with slurry voice. I didn't really hear what she said because I was hurrying here." He hoisted me up on my feet, but I fell to his chest instead, luckily caught by his arms before my hit the floor. "But I think it has something to do with Sehun again."

"Sehunnn." My voice broke out, sounding like a sick whale and I felt my cheeks wet.

"Again?" Baekhyun groaned. "What is it this time?"

I only cried harder.

"Uhm... Baek? Can we do the interrogation later?" I can feel Jin struggling to keep me stand and walk- probably because of my goddamn weight too. "I need a little help here."

"You are coming to my place!" He growled at me as he helped Jin.

The next day, I woke up with an enormous throbbing pain in my head. I was disoriented for awhile before I realized I was in Baekhyun's apartment.

After he graduated university and got a job, he left the one he shared with Sehun and I. Of course, he was reluctant to leave me only with Sehun at first. He told me to come with him, but I reasoned that his place would be too far from the cafe where I worked part-time. Plus, Sehun was already my boyfriend. Trusting Sehun wouldn't do anything to me, he finally agreed.

Well, he was right about that. Sehun and I didn't do... that. Honestly, I was grateful he respected me and my dignity. But right now I questioned myself whether it was out of pure respect and love or he was just doing himself a favor. He must've been disgusted with me. I was short, fat, ugly.

Yes, that must be it. He never loved me.

The thought sank deep in my heart, adding salt to my wound. I couldn't even think straight when Baekhyun was nagging me whilst preparing me the hangover soup.

"I just don't want you to get hurt." He took my hand into his. I could see the worry in his eyes when I lifted mine to his. "You're my one and only sister and I'm tired and hurt of seeing you like this."

I ducked my head. "I know."

I wished I remembered my promise to Baekhyun not to harm myself. But the squeezing pain in my heart was just unbearable.

The rumor of Sehun and unidentified female celebrity dating that I just read last night was spreading like uncontrollable fire. His fangirls were burnt with either excitement or rage. But my heart was burnt to ashes. Everything felt numb when I first read the news. Pictures of him in a black cap with an unrevealed female celebrity in a cap going inside an apartment- that night we were supposed to celebrate our anniversary- raised questions as to who the girl might be.

But I knew who she is.

Wendy. She's the prettiest girl I had come to know. She's thin and had long legs unlike me. She's the most adored singer and she was supposed to be my friend. But I knew now why she was friendly to me. It was because she wanted to take Sehun away from me. And oh how she had succeeded!

Some who had suspected the girl to be her admitted that she was worthy of being Sehun's girlfriend.

I would show my worth. I would show the world that I'm worthy of standing beside Sehun. I would be like her. I would be perfect.

With the last bit of my energy, I forced myself to throw up the little amount of food I just ate.

"What are you doing?!"

Aah. The voice I loved. The voice I barely heard of the past few weeks.

I glanced at Sehun before flushing down whatever I just threw up and weakly stood up. His eyes were wide, almost bulging out of their sockets.

"Well, look who still remember the way home!" I forced myself to smirk as I trudged my way to the sink to cleansed my mouth.

When I looked up from the sink and closed the tab, I found him behind me with eyes scrutinizing my state through the mirror. He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around to face him.

He cupped my face. His brows were pulled in the middle and his eyes looked over my face. "You're pale." He deadpanned in a husky voice that was dangerously attractive.

Wait, what? I'm supposed to be mad at him here.

"Have you even eaten?" He brushed a hand over my hair. My heart suddenly tingled at his touch and this close distance between us.

This isn't fair! He hurt me, but he's still able to make me feel this blissful.

"You look awful!"

And that did it! He's breaking my heart all over again.

I scoffed to the side and pulled away his hand. "Of course! Because Wendy is way prettier than me, huh?"

"What?!" He furrowed his brows deeper. "What are you talking about? Why are you bringing up Wendy?!"

I rolled my eyes and made my way past him and out of the bathroom with him following behind.

"Ohoho. Protecting her now, huh?" Tears were starting to sting the back of my eyes.

"Hey!" He grabbed my elbow and harshly pulled and turned me around. His eyes bore into mine as soon as I looked up to him. "What is wrong with you?! I was only asking about you!" He pulled me closer to him. "I was worried!"

"Oh wow! You're worried about me now? What about few days ago when we were supposed to celebrate our anniversary? Were you worried about me? Were you even thinking about me? No, you didn't!" I scoffed. "'I got somewhere I need to go'? Ha! You meant 'someone', huh?"

"Wha-" He blinked surprised, but then stopped himself and sighed. "You've seen the rumor, haven't you? I can explain."

"Ha! So it was true!" My heart was breaking even more. "You were with her! You were with Wendy! And on our anniversary! Damn it, you jerk!" I freed myself from him, and felt my cheeks were already wet. Had I been crying this whole time?

"It wasn't like that!" He argued. "It was a goddamn rumor!"

"But you were with her that night, weren't you?" I glared through the tears that was slightly blurring my vision. I was expecting him to deny it, but no. He stayed silent, opening and closing his mouth. My heart was twisted again. "So, you were."

"Yes, I was. Okay?" He paced around and roughly ruffled his hair. "But it wasn't like what you think it is. I was only-"

"I hate you!" I grabbed a pillow from the couch and hurled it at him. Unfortunately, he dodged it.

"Let me explain!" With two long strides, he was already in front of me again and he grabbed my wrists, bringing them up whilst pulling me closer.

"Let. Me. Go." I struggled to free myself, but his grip was too strong.

"Why don't you even trust me?" I could hear the hurt in his voice, but the pain I felt was far greater.

"Trust? Trust, you say?" I almost spat at him. "How can I trust someone I don't even know anymore! You rarely come home and you barely contacted me! You bailed on every dates we planned! I don't even know whether you're still the same person anymore!"

"THAT IS WHY I'M HERE RIGHT NOW!" He raised his voice. "You KNEW my schedule would prevent us from meeting each other since the day I entered the industry! What is wrong with you right now?! Can't you see that I'm doing this for us?! Stop being such an insecure brat!"

My heart stopped beating for a second at his last words. I could only stare at him with rounded eyes.

His grip around my wrists loosened when he realized what he just said. "I-I-I'm-"

A drop of tear escaped my eye. "Let me go." I didn't even raise my voice to say it. "I don't want to see you now." Lie! "I hate you." Lie!

He slowly let my wrists go. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I-"

"Save it." I raised a hand to stop him. "I hate you!"

Without giving him a second glance, I ran to my room and cried my heart out there

Days passed, and we never got to talk through of what happened. If anything, I thought our relationship was getting worse. His messages got lesser to almost none and he still rarely came home. When he did, he always found me in front of the toilet bowl and we always ended up in heated arguments.

The rumor of him and Wendy dating wasn't dying down. In fact, it got hotter, especially with the news of them going to act together in an upcoming drama.

I couldn't understand it. If it were really just a rumor, why the hell didn't he deny it? Why didn't they made any statement regarding that? Why didn't he tell everyone to just stop with the rumor because he already had me?

He knew I was hurting, but he didn't deny any of the rumors. He even agreed to act in the drama.

Yes, I was an insecure brat. But he knew it. He knew my insecurities, yet he kept on leaving scars on me, opening up past wounds.

No. This isn't his fault! This is my fault! I'm always the wrong one. It's my fault to believe that someone like Sehun really loves me. God! Why does this hurt so much?!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

I was expecting Sehun, but that wasn't his voice. I looked up and saw Jin dropping the grocery bags from his hands. He immediately ran to my side as I was sitting on the floor, curling into a ball. I quickly rolled down the sleeves of my hoodie.

"Give that to me!" He demanded pointing at the cutter I was clutching in one hand.

I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks. He gently grabbed my hand and carefully pried the object from it before tossing it elsewhere. I just silently cried when he pulled my other hand and painstakingly rolled up the sleeve. I squeezed my eyes and heard him slightly gasped when he saw the streak marks of red on my arm.

I was expecting him to lash out at me and chastised me over this or threatened to tell Baekhyun about this. But instead, I felt a pair of arms encircling me and pulling me close to warmth. I couldn't hold all the pain and hurt any longer and sobbed in his chest as he my head.

"It's alright." He sounded just as broken as I was. Why so, I didn't know. "Why are you hurting yourself?" He asked, but by the tone of it he wasn't expecting me to answer. And I couldn't even if I wanted to. He gently rubbed my back as he kept on chanting that it was alright.

I know sane people wouldn't do it again. But let's just say I wasn't. Who would be sane when her boyfriend was rumored to be dating someone else and was found by the paparazzi to be kissing the girl he was rumored with? Yes, Sehun kissed her. He kissed Wendy.

One could only imagine the pang my heart was feeling right now when I found the pictures in internet. I wondered whether my heart was still there because I couldn't feel it anymore. It had been crushed to pieces. It probably had turned into debris.

My mind was honestly in a blank after I called Sehun several times, but he didn't pick up. I didn't know what I was thinking. I didn't even know what I felt because everything- even my heart- felt numb. I couldn't feel anything until I felt a slash on my wrist.

I looked down and saw something red on my left wrist while my other hand was holding a knife smeared with of liquid of the same red color. Black spots suddenly blocked my sight and I felt my self falling to the ground when I heard a click at the door. The black spots increased in number and before it could swallow my sight, I heard a voice shouting my name.

Ah. It was the voice I so loved.

Just to be clear, I don't hate Red Velvet's Wendy ^^
This one is requested by my IG friend. And all the characters here are her biases. Since BTS' Jin is my bias too, so I don't see why not include him haha.