One day

DaeHyun sighed, clasping his hand together as he rubbed them together nervously, sitting alone within the white walls of the hospital. His thoughts whirling through what ifs of what he could have done better to avoid this dread of waiting for any sort of good news in regards to their daughter’s health.

She was born premature, nearing the end of 6th month, weighing just under a pound, her lungs under developed, her skin transparent as sheet (DaeHyun could even see most of her nerves) and with all those tubes being tied around her nose and mouth to help her feed and breathe properly. Due to her weak body, the doctor have warned him that perhaps to be prepared for the worse.

But DaeHyun didn’t know how to prepare for the worse, when for months, all he have been preparing was for the day, his little angel could be born, within his grasp to hold her and shower her with love. The love he felt even before she was born. But all  he can do is see her through the glass box, as her heart got counted by the beeping machine beside her.

A tear escaped through his eyes, when he thought about the small grasp of his little angel’s hold on his pinky finger. Holding on to him, as if she already knew who he was, as she slept soundly within the walls. She was so tiny, Daehyun was scared to even touch her. That a small touch could hurt her.

As he saw her breathing heavy through the tube, it made DaeHyun feel guilty that he couldn’t do anything for his little angel to get better soon (other than paying hospital bills). His little girl, he wished could see her growing day by day.

Wiping away his moist eyes, DaeHyun thought about how he was going to break the news to YoungJae who was in the other side of the hospital, passed out due to anesthetic, after going through the surgery. DaeHyun wasn’t sure what he was going to tell his better half, that the dream they had weaved together was already shattering. If only he was home in time, perhaps this couldn’t happen today.

-

The first thing, YoungJae realised when he opened his eyes was the lose of added weight he has come to love more than his own life. Letting him breathe more easily, while on his back than he have done in past month.

The second thing, YoungJae’s mind registered was that he was in the hospital, with that strong antiseptic smell, filling his nostril, as he was cuddled between thin hospital sheets, as he couldn’t feel anything down his stomach.

The third thing, YoungJae registered, was the feeling of lose he woke up with, with a missing cot and lack of that bump that was so familiar with, a lump formed in his throat, choking him as tears formed, in corner of his eyes, blurring his view.

He lost her.

Aeri

-

“Don’t you want to see her?” DaeHyun asked, as he sat in one bed, staring at YoungJae’s back, who was standing in the window, watching the vast city the hospital bedroom provided him. By the time, DaeHyun had gathered enough courage to come and face YoungJae the younger have been quite, just silently sitting there, ignoring DaeHyun and despite not saying a word DaeHyun knew that YoungJae already knew about her.

“The doctor said, that her..” DaeHyun choked, but none of them commented about it. “She is getting weaker by hour, doctors don’t think she will make it past tonight.” But getting a silent answer from YoungJae, DaeHyun got off the bed and sighed as he walked behind YoungJae, spreading his arms around YoungJae’s waist  (avoiding the operation area), taking in a strong scent of his better half.

It hurt seeing him like this.

“Please don’t be like this YoungJae.” He begged, closing his eyes as he leaned in other’s shoulder, as tears came down, wetting YoungJae’s hospital gown.  “Please.” he begged.

As a silence grew between the couple, but suddenly YoungJae rested his hand on top of DaeHyun’s wrist. “How does she looks like?” It was soft but DaeHyun had heard him loud and clear.

DaeHyun raised his head and squished his arms around YoungJae slightly as he gave a faint smile, thinking about how they had an argument before about how she could look like. More of him or more of YoungJae. But now she is here, DaeHyun can’t even tell any differences all he knew was she was beautiful in his eyes even though, her features were still not well defined.

“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully, he truely didn’t know whom she looked more like maybe because for him, she looked more than perfect than anyone he had ever met in his whole life (obviously not counting YoungJae). “Will you look at her?” DaeHyun asked once again.

Even though, DaeHyun understood the reason behind, YoungJae’s refusal to see her even for her last moments. He knew the reason behind the younger’s stubbornness. But DaeHyun couldn’t let him go this time, he doesn't want YoungJae to have the regret of never holding her when he could.

“Alright.”

-

As the silence stretched between the hallway of the hospital in the middle of the night. YoungJae clutched on the thick shawol draped over his thighs as DaeHyun wheeled him in the direction of where their baby was kept. Even though, the meeting session time was over, they were given special permission by the doctor to allow YoungJae to see the baby.

With each distance cutting shorter by seconds, YoungJae clutched onto the shawol nervously, closing his eyes. He was going to see his little angel in just few seconds but all YoungJae could feel was throbbing ache and guilt that he was going to lose her. That he wasn’t good enough, that fate have decided they are going to take her from them.

A sob escaped his mouth unconsciously with tears trickling down, but before YoungJae realised anything happening around him, he could see DaeHyun bending down in front of him, holding his hand as YoungJae sobbed more loudly now, looking at his hand that DaeHyun was holding.

“YoungJae ah, Jae ah.” DaeHyun whispered, as he could feel DaeHyun erasing his tears only to be replaced by the new ones. “Jae look at me please.” DaeHyun whispered once again but YoungJae shook his head, refusing to look at DaeHyun’s eyes.

He didn’t want to see her, lying in that glass box attached with all those tubes, he wanted her in his arms healthy & happy but she wasn’t.  She was in pain, she couldn’t breathe properly. It was all because of him, wasn’t it?  

He didn’t want to see her and lose her, he didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to say his goodbye. YoungJae sobbed, as he felt his body being wrapped in a hug as he sobbed on the familiar shoulder of his other half.

As he could feel a trail of tear tickling his neck, where DaeHyun’s head was rested. “Daehyun, I don’t want to lose her, I don’t want to say goodbye, I can’t let her go like this.” YoungJae sobbed, clutching tightly on DaeHyun’s shirt.

“Aeri…sob sob”

“I know baby, I know.” DaeHyun replied, patting YoungJae’s hair in comfort, as he tried to hold back his own sobs which is getting difficult to hold with every second that passed. He didn’t want their angel to leave them but..

Feeling that YoungJae had calmed down a little, DaeHyun pulled from the hug, looking at YoungJae eyes, reflecting his own emotions. DaeHyun leaned his head towards YoungJae, connecting them, as their breath mingled together intimately as he  whispered, “There is still hope Jae ah, our Aeri is going to be fine.” He whispered even though, he have also given up hope but he couldn’t say that in front of YoungJae, not right now.

“... but.. It’s only 5% DaeHyun, she can’t breath of her own, she..she.”YoungJae sobbed , holding onto DaeHyun’s arm, breaking down once again as he buried his face on DaeHyun’s neck.

I know. I know. As tears fell down DaeHyun’s face, as he sobbed holding on YoungJae. Praying silently, for their little girl.

-

“She is so small, isn’t she?” DaeHyun asked, looking at YoungJae’s swollen eyes that were staring at their little angel with so much love, scared to move his finger that was held by their little girl, in a loose grip.

DaeHyun could see fresh set of tears falling down YoungJae’s cheeks but decided to ignore them because he completely understood what YoungJae was feeling right at that moment, when Aeri took his finger as she gripped on them loosely, it was so beautiful, DaeHyun couldn’t help but take her picture, holding him.

Smiling to himself, “DaeHyun” DaeHyun looked at YoungJae whose eyes were still fixed on the little girl in front of him. “Hmm.” he replied.

“She is beautiful.” YoungJae whispered, as tears gathered around his eyes but he refused to cry, his eyes locked in their little angel. “You bought her blanket.” he questioned, as a tiny smile graced on YoungJae’ lips, even though, though it was really small but DaeHyun saw it.

“Obviously, it's her blanket, she needs to use it. Plus I didn’t want your mom’s effort to go to waste.” DaeHyun shrugged, smiling at looking at his two precious people in his life. If only fate, decides to be graceful to him, he wants to keep his little angel with them as well.

“Yeah.” YoungJae replied, without looking at DaeHyun. Smiling to himself, DaeHyun moved to the other side of the glass, bending down with the height of the incubator, he whispered. “Aeri ah, see who is here? It is daddy. Both daddy and appa is here to see you angel, don’t you want to see us, just like how much we want to see you?” He asked, smiling widely, locking his eyes with YoungJae for a second, who looked at him questionably, before looking down at their little girl’s chest falling down and up breathing.

“Daddy loves you so so much that he was so scared when we first found out about your existences you know, even though, we had been anticipating the news for over the year.” He laughed, DaeHyun could feel YoungJae pouting in the other side but he continued.

“You have no idea, how insane your daddy became about his health after that, always eating healthy food, he was so worried that he was going to give allergies to you. He even banned me from eating food appa loves, saying that we need to set a good example for you. If you can’t eat it, then we can’t eat it either because that couldn’t be fair to you.” DaeHyun smiled, as he looked at the man across him, who smiled back at him widely, the smile he had been searching for, as he looked back at their angel.

“That’s why, you need to be strong okay Angel, so that you can be with appa’s side and make daddy to go with us to eat food we both love.” He paused for a second, taking a deep breath. “You need to keep on holding on okay for both daddy’s and appa’s sake because we both love you so much, we don’t want to say goodbye to you. We never want to say goodbye to you.”

He finished, he couldn’t see anything clearly with tears blocking his view, but he could feel the familiar squeeze of his better half on his shoulder.

They will be fine.

-

Authors note: This is the 1st shot, thank you so much for those who subcribed even though, I didn't had anything in my description box. Do feel free to comment and subcribe and upvote if you love what you see because it encourages me to write more. Thank you. ^^ v don't forget to follow @JungYoofamily in twitter to get more edits & future spoilers.