It was only a few days after the funeral when Sangbae brought some friends over to Jonghwa’s apartment to check up on him.  However, they buzzed and buzzed but he wouldn’t answer the door.  Kyungtak kept buzzing, hoping that maybe if they annoyed him enough he would open the door, while Sangbae pulled out his phone to call Jonghwa.  Hoejun just stood by the door with his hood up and his arms crossed, leaning on the door.

“Yah!  Lee Jonghwa!  Answer the door!”  Sangbae yelled into his phone.  

“He answered?”  Kyungtak asked, looking up with hopeful eyes.

“No…”  Sangbae sighed and texted Jonghwa multiple all caps messages with an angry emoji for good measure.  “Yah!  This punk, he left me on read.”  While Sangbae furiously typed into his phone, Heojun pulled out his keys and went to unlock the front door.

“Hoejun!  You had keys this whole time?”  Kyungtak shouted.  Sangbae looked like he was about to punch Heojun for not unlocking the door in the first place.  

“You even have the apartment key?!”  Sangbae was near furious now.  1.  Why didn’t Hoejun just unlock the door before all the frustrated calls?  2.  Why does Hoejun even have keys to Jonghwa’s apartment?  All questions that he could wait to get answers to as Hoejun pushed open the apartment door and revealed a mess of an apartment.  Jonghwa was passed out on the couch with furniture littering the room.  The table was flipped on its side, the chairs were scattered, only one still upright and intact.  The three ran into the apartment and to the couch.  Jonghwa’s head turned to the side, assuring them that he was not dead.

“Go away.”  He dismissed them with a wave of his hand and turned to hide into the corner of the pillows.

“You’re a mess dude.  Come on, we gotta get you and this apartment fixed up.”  Kyungtak went to throw away some of the take out containers in the kitchen while Heojun turned the table right side up.  Sangbae just walked over the the couch and knelt in front of Jonghwa.

“Dude, you have to get your together.  Breaking stuff isn’t going to fix anything.  In fact it does the exact opposite.”  But he was talking to a wall.  Jonghwa didn’t talk much as it was, he was always on the quiet side, but this was a different quiet.  “Come on, at least say something.  You have to talk to someone at some point.  We’re here for you.”  Sangbae lowered his voice a little, trying to sound as comforting as possible.  

“You have to eat a proper meal.  This isn’t like you.  You always eat healthy and you’re always making sure everyone else has eaten.”  Kyungtak said as he cleaned through the kitchen.  Heojun gestured to the bedroom from out of Jonghwa’s line of sight.  Kyungtak moved his position in the kitchen so that he could see what Hoejun was gesturing to and saw the bedroom looking spotless.  It was like a tornado had blown through the apartment and missed that one room.  

“I’m going to make some coffee.”  Kyungtak announced.  Heojun went to help him and was met with Sangbae.  The trio talked in low voices about how to get Jonghwa out of the worst of this slump.  They hadn’t even noticed him get up and sit at the table.  When they turned around they were shocked to see Jonghwa slouched in a chair.  

“Guess we don’t need to convince him anymore.”  Hoejun whispered to Sangbae.  Kyungtak put the coffee pot in the middle of the table and brought over a slightly broken chair, it was missing the back but the seat was still functional.  Sangbae and Hoejun pulled over some stools to sit on and they sat in a heavy silence.  The three friends had their eyes on Jonghwa the whole time, gauging his feelings.  Jonghwa looked up from his mug and looked around the table, eyeing his friends.  They averted their eyes and mumbled something about the weather being nice while they went back to drinking their coffee.  The door buzzed and all four looked up.  Jonghwa got up to check who was at the door and saw Jaeho standing at the front door.  He let him in and waited in the doorway for his guest.  

“Who is it?”  Sangbae asked hesitantly.  

“Jaeho.”  Hoejun replied.  Sangbae replied with a glare, more confused why Heojun knew all of this stuff and he didn’t.  

“We should go then, let them talk.”  Kyungtak slowly got up and gestured for the other two to do the same.  Reluctantly, they agreed to leave and waved goodbye to Jonghwa as they passed him and Jaeho at the door.  Jaeho walked into the still messy apartment and slouched into one of the chairs in the living room.  Jonghwa took a seat on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees.  There was a silence for a while before Jaeho spoke up.

“Do you still see her?  Like around…”  Jaeho’s voice was small and he had trouble looking at Jonghwa.

“Of course I do.  Everywhere.”  Jonghwa let out a defeated laugh as he continued.  “Sometimes I think I hear her walking around in the morning.  I-It’s…”  For the millionth time he broke down again.  Jaeho moved to sit next to Jonghwa.

“I know.  I miss her a lot too.  I can’t stop thinking about when we were kids.”  He looked down at his hands and closed his eyes, trying not to cry.  “I- I can’t image what you or my parents are feeling.”  At the mention of her parents Jonghwa felt another pang of pain in his chest.  The Songs were such a warm and kind family.  When Jaeyoung first introduced him to her parents, they embraced him like he was their long lost son.  And Jaeho was always there laughing with them and joking around.  

“She was kind of perfect wasn’t she?”  Jaeho asked, rubbing his eyes with his hand.

Jonghwa let out an empty laugh, remembering all the times he spent around her family.  “Yeah… She was.”

 

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

 

“Did you get the flowers?”  Jaeyoung asked from the bathroom.  She was putting on light makeup and was finishing up when she called out to Jonghwa.

“Yeah.  They’re on the table.”  He stood in front of the mirror in their room and straightened his tie.  Jaeyoung came out from the bathroom and kissed Jonghwa on the cheek.  

“I can’t believe he’s graduating high school.  It’s like yesterday he was stumbling around our living room asking for ‘mama’”  Jaeyoung hugged Jonghwa’s waist and reminisced about her younger brother.  

“We’re going to be late, come on.”  He hugged her back and pulled their bodies towards the door.  

They sat with her parents and brother at a nice restaurant.  There were other families from his high school there too, all celebrating the next step in their children's’ lives.  When Jonghwa and Jaeyoung first started going out, Jaeho was only in his first year of high school.  Her parents looked so proud of Jaeho.  They were smiling non stop for the whole day and couldn’t stop telling strangers that their boy had just graduated.  Jaeyoung was no less excited, she was teasing her brother and laughing and joking around like they were little kids again.  Jonghwa just watched the family interact, feeling like he was on the outside looking in.  He didn’t mind it though, it was actually one of his favorite things.  Jaeyoung was always more natural around her family as opposed to their friends.  It was the first time he had thought he wanted a family like this of his own.  

 

~~~~~End~~~~~

 

“Do you want to come over for dinner?”  Jaeho asked, shaking Jonghwa out of his own thoughts.  

“A-are you sure?  I don’t want to be a burden.”  The thought of facing Jaeyoung’s parents in their dining room without her made his chest feel tight.  He had spent time with them alone before, but it was never for very long and Jaeyoung was always just a room or two away.  

“You shouldn’t be alone, it’s not good to mourn by yourself.”  Jaeho sounded like the hyung now, taking on a wiser and more mature tone.  “Come on, it’ll be good for all of us.”  Jaeho pulled Jonghwa up and towards the door.  He got a call once they got outside and stepped aside to take it.  It was his mom.

“Jaeho where are you?”  She asked on the other line.

“I’m at Jonghwa-hyung’s apartment.  He’s coming over for dinner.”  Jaeho hadn’t asked his parents before hand if Jonghwa could come for dinner but it was too late now.

“What?  Jaeho, I- I can’t look him in the eyes.  It’s too soon.  Just come home and -”  

“I already invited him, it’ll be fine.  We’ll be there soon.”  He ended the call and walked over to Jonghwa.

“You didn’t tell your parents?”  He said as Jaeho approached.  The younger nervously messed with his hair and shook his head.  Jonghwa sighed but walked to his car and opened the passenger side for Jaeho.  He drove the familiar route to his parents’ house and tried to prepare himself for seeing Mr and Mrs Song.  Jaeho unlocked the door to the small house and let Jonghwa in.  He slipped his shoes off and walked into the main room.  As he went to bow to the Songs, Mrs. Song covered and sped over to hug him.  Jaeho walked in behind Jonghwa and greeted his parents.  

“Oh my baby.  Are you doing okay?”  Mrs. Song coddled.  She held the sides of Jonghwa’s face and hugged him again.  

“Honey you’re strangling him.  Give him some room to breathe.”  Mr. Song interrupted.

“Aigoo, come on let’s eat dinner.  Have you eaten?”  She was talking fast as she pushed Jonghwa and Jaeho into the dining room.  They sat around the table, Jonghwa unconsciously going to sit where he always sat - across from Jaeho, two seats to the right of Mr. Song, who sat at the head of the table.  There was an empty seat between Jonghwa and Mr. Song, the place where Jaeyoung should be.  They all stopped their small talk for a moment and stared at the empty seat.  Jonghwa uncomfortably shifted over so that he was in her seat.  Slowly, the four of them managed to open up and talk their feelings out with each other.