While reading, listen to BTS's Born singer

When it's done, listen to EXO's Miracles in December

The following chapter is all narrated by Kim Taehyung.

Crap crap every single ing day.

Normal people go to school to learn, to meet their friends, but who i'm i lying to ? i'm not normal, i go to school to get bullied, to eat alone, to watch everybody laughing ... at me. 
I didn't do anything wrong, i tried to make friends, but when i joined that school, i .. i just didn't fit. Everybody already had their best friend, while my best friend was that toilet that i used to sit on ,because i won't find an empty seat in the cafeteria. I started having good grades first but they permanently fell, just like everything else did, tears fell, emotions too. At one point, i didn't bother what to wear at all, i just went to school, to do my daily routine, get screamed at by the teacher, get spit at by the boys, eat lunch in the toilet by myself, go to class again to get screamed at one more time, and get humiliated by the class "king". He normally would tease me, slap me, make me do ridiculous stuff ... Enough said, my pain was his fun.
Then i would go home, i must feel relieved right ? Not at all ..
As soon as i enter the house that i consider more like a jail, my mother would order me out.
" You idiot ! Why are you always late ? Go feed the dog and pick up his crap, do you hear me ? You ty useless person, i can't believe i gave birth to such a stupid human being, in fact you are no human being, your an animal, even animals are better than you, at least they listen and do as they are told to do ! you just go to school and come back with f's ! You ! I hate you ! Do you hear me ? You don't deserve this life you have ! You must be thrown away in the street like a piece of ! I never thought that i would say this but listen to me carefully you brainless animal, YOU ARE A MISTAKE ! You were never supposed to come to this world, it was your father's idea ! I never wanted to give birth to a baby because i was afraid that it would turn out like you ! But your father made me do it ! Your too young for this but i don't give a if you are, i will make you feel guilty for the rest of your life, because i can't take it anymore, DO YOU HEAR ME ? I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE ! No one cares if you die, just kill yourself, you would do the world a favor if you committed suicide you idiot ! I wish you weren't born ! i wish i never met you ! Your ugly, worthless and a shame ! Why do you even try succeeding at school, start begging on the street, it's the only job your intelligence will ever afford you." 
Of course normal go home to rest, get kisses from their parents and stuff, but what i get is slaps, punches, hits, kicks, my body is full of blues and scars, but i got used to it ... used to being treated like an animal, even an animal shouldn't feel the way i feel. I lost hope on everything, friends ? I don't have any .. parents ? wish they didn't have me. I'm just a useless lonely boy.
I would spend the whole day doing chores till 10 pm, then my mother would throw me in the basement and lock the door .. the dark cold basement. I have a mattress to sleep on, next to it a small lamp to light up the cabin, dust was all over and i was allergic to it, i couldn't sleep. My mother puts all the things she doesn't need anymore in that basement, and that clearly explains why she put me there, because she simply doesn't need me anymore ... except when it comes to cleaning and doing the chores of course. I would do my homework till 12 pm, and then, lay on the bed thinking about what did i do wrong, what did i do to deserve this life, treated in a way no one should be treated, hated by literally every one till i started hated myself. I don't even think about trying to make new friends because the last time i tried to, which was the first day of school, that boy spilled his soda on my head, then punched me in front of every body, and finished by spitting on my forehead .. " Don't talk to me ever again. Not even a kindergarten kid would like to be your friend, creep ! " he said. I never forgot his words, he was right, nobody wanted to be my friend, hate was what they felt over me, but .. i .. i didn't do anything wrong.
You see there are always going to be some bad times. Times when you feel like there is no one that can help you. Times when you're convinced that you're without hope. Anxiety is the type of condition that can at times feel so overwhelming that you're convinced that you'll never be able to live a happy life or live the life that you've always wanted, but after talking to your friend, or just thinking by yourself, you will become happy again, and forget about what made you sad or mad, but for me, that doesn't work .. because i don't have any friends to talk to, nor a brain to think with. I'm just hopeless. 
Each night before i "sleep", i wait for the "scream", it's when my father comes home drunk with some chicks, he would hit the out of my mother till she falls, and he continue hitting her in her stomach till she pukes, punching her till she passes out. He then would with one of the he brought with him for two hours, and i won't be able to "sleep" because of all the moans those es would scream out loud. When those s leave, my father goes down to the basement to find me laying on my bed, and for no reason he would grab me from my collar, tie me to a chair, take off his belt and using it, will hit me wherever he likes, and i would just sit there in pain, helpless, getting hit till i eventually pass out ...
What a life ! You must be saying right ? I say that a lot too, what would you do if you were me ? ... suicide ? I think about it each day. but then i always remember .. Why i'm i the one that should end his life ? Why don't THEY end their lives and leave me in peace ? Why me ? Why just me ? Why can't it be for once ... them ?