Sweaty palms? Check.

 

Sudden awkwardness? Check.

 

On a constant lookout for his presence among the crowd? Check. Check. Double checked. Do I need to check again?

 

Oh! And always wanting to talk to him? Gosh… Check. You’re a lovesick puppy.

 

I wanted to smack myself in the face to force myself to wake up. Maybe then I would snap out of this giggly trance I am in right now because this is too much.

 

For me, me of all people, to be reduced to such a submissive, backless creature, is preposterous!

 

As much as I wanted to snap out of it, I can’t help but enjoy the floaty sensation of being with my crush, just trying to find him, trying to talk to him, trying to make him happy.

 

But… It big time when he’s your best friend.

 

See, if it were any other guy, it wouldn’t have been so bad, because it would be just another crush. But if it was your best friend, it would be a totally different matter.

 

For starters, developing a crush for your best friend will either result in a happily ever after (note the sarcasm) or completely crushing your friendship and your own heart.

 

That would be the most logical and most common excuse people try to tell themselves to get out of the stupid crush they have on their best friends. But that isn’t the worst part of liking your best friend.

 

The worst part is, because he’s your best friend, he’s actually nice to you. Gentlemanly, protective, reliable, at the same time, mischievous, funny…

 

Basically everything you would want in a boyfriend. And basically, the beginning of mixed signals.

 

Luhan and I have been best friends for too damn long. Right before we hit puberty, we were there for each other, us against the world. He saw me transform from an awkward, lanky girl with a braced smile to the pretty decent looking, confident and strong girl I am now. And me him.

 

And I develop a crush on him? HIM?!

 

Snap out of it now, Hana. You can’t keep thinking about him like this! I chided myself.

 

Or can you?

 

Shut up, you annoying voice-in-the-back-of-my-head.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

“Hana!!! How was school?”

 

Thud. Thud. Thud. There goes my stupid heart.

 

“Since when was school good?” I threw my emoji cushion at Luhan with a scoff as I spun around on my chair back to my laptop to prevent him from seeing my flushing cheeks. Pretending to be researching for my biology assignment (which I was partnered up with Luhan, as usual), I scrolled through random websites just long enough for me to calm myself down, while he made himself comfortable on my bed.

 

“So, what’s the agenda for today?”

 

I spun around to face him once again as I asked and he whipped out his journal. “We gotta finish up at least half the biology project, come up with the type of poem we want to work on for literature, and buy a new drinking bowl for Mochi. Her old one has a leak.”

 

Yes, we co-own a dog. A Labrador in fact. Luhan suggested we adopt her from the shelter during our sophomore year, to ‘celebrate the second anniversary of our friendship’.

 

His words, not mine. See what I mean by mixed signals?

 

One moment we adopt a pet together like a couple, and the next moment he tells me we are celebrating our friendship.

 

“—ice cream.”

 

“What about ice cream?” I blinked and stared at him, zoning out for a moment there.

 

He gave me a flat look and smacked my head with the worksheets he had in his hands. “I said, after getting Mochi’s drinking bowl, we could go for smoothies or ice cream. Listen to me when I talk would you?”

 

He pinched my cheeks so hard I yelped in pain and started hitting his hands. Instead of letting go, he pinched even harder and shook my head from side to side, readjusting my facial features until I looked like an alien from Mars.

 

Nah, he didn’t. But it really did hurt.

 

I threw another one of my emoji cushions at his face (or was it the same one I threw at him earlier) and he finally let go of my poor, throbbing face.

 

“Look at me now! Just look! I’ll probably need another hundred plastic surgeries to get my former beauty back. You’ll have to be responsible for my disfiguration! I don’t care. You have to!”

 

“What? Do you want me to kiss it better?”

 

The blood capillaries in my cheeks exploded. “Ew no! Pay for my plastic surgeries, idiot.”

 

He chuckled and ruffled my hair, messing it up until so many knots formed and it looked like a bird had just decided to land on my head and make it its home.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

“You! Come back here, you little !” I screamed across the living room with the shampoo bottle in my hand. “What did you do to my shampoo?!”

 

He laughed so hard, he was rolling on the floor by the time I stormed into my room, red-faced and panting. That… The nerve of this boy. He’ll get it from me for sure.

 

“What the hell did you do to my shampoo? Look at my hair now. Are you satisfied?!”

 

“Yeah I am. Blonde hair kind of looks good on you, my darling. Nothing better than a little hair dye to do the job.”

 

I fumed. He is so… Infuriating! My once midnight black hair is now a bleached blonde. I internally screamed. Turning to look in the mirror, I stared at my foreign reflection, as a revenge plan started to form in my head.

 

“What’s the matter? Are you okay?” His laughter stopped as he realized that I wasn’t responding the way he was expecting me to. Aha! I knew what to do now.

 

Forcing myself to stare at my reflection, my eyes started to prickle and tear up. Soon, I felt my nose clogging up as the first tear rolled down my cheek. A soft, but audible sniffle escaped me and caught his attention.

 

For the first time since the shampoo prank, Luhan sat upright with a serious expression on his face. That was when he knew… He messed up. Or so he thought.

 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry Hana. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Come here.”

 

He pulled me onto his lap and locked me in his warm and strong arms. Rocking us back and forth, he rubbed my back and hushed me while he kept apologizing for the prank he had played on me. “I’m sorry Hana. I really am. I’ll even buy the dye for you to dye your hair back.”

 

“B-But it won’t be the same anymore. My hair is already damaged.” Thanks mom, the drama lessons you forced me to go for when I was eight paid off.

 

“Oh no. Can it be fixed?” That idiot. You really did damage my hair, but I have to admit that he was right. I didn’t look too bad with blonde hair.

 

Shaking my hair, I forced another sniffle and tried to hide a smile when I felt his shoulders slump in defeat. “I’m so sorry Hana. How can I make up to you? I’ll do anything.”

 

“Anything?” Score! This was what I was aiming for.

 

“Yeah, anything.” He pulled back and looked at me with those large, chocolate puppy eyes. He looked so apologetic, for a moment I felt bad for doing this to him. But remembering what he had done to my hair was enough for me to blurt out my demand.

 

“Okay. You’ll be my slave for the week.” I dropped my acting and he gasped.

 

“You’re fine! You lied to me!” He accused and I tutted at him.

 

“And you just changed my hair colour my dear. I would call us even.” Blowing him a kiss, I hopped off his lap and said, “now go get me my chocolate chip frappe my darling. Don’t forget the whipped cream!”

 

The last thing I saw before I left for the toilet cackling was him sulking in his seat.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

I was drumming my fingers and tapping my feet impatiently while munching on my brownie bar as I waited for my dearest best friend to end his training before we left for home.

 

Where is he? Why isn’t he here yet? Shifting in my seat, I adjusted my backpack strap and switched up my posture a little, so that I was resting my head on my hand. He is seldom late and he ended his training about half an hour ago.

 

Suddenly, something black covered my eyes and I yelped in surprise. Before I knew it, I felt like I was being lifted off my seat and thrown over someone’s shoulders as vertigo hit me and my head started spinning, despite me not being able to see anything. I screamed and kicked, but the person just pinned my legs down, unaffected by my struggling.

 

“Let me go! Who are you?! Why are you doing this to me? I HAVE NO MONEY I SWEAR!!!” I pounded on his back.

 

The person’s shoulder started shaking in silent laughter. Damn it! I can’t hear his voice. Who the hell is he?

 

A moment later, my kidnapper put me onto the ground safely, putting his hand on the small of my back to stabilize me, holding me close to his chest. I sniffed his shirt and a familiar cologne scent hit me just as he removed my blindfold.

 

“Luhan, I’ll give you three seconds, you better run. Three, ONE!” I tackled him to the ground and straddled his waist, sending punch after punch to his chest while he laughed at my feeble attempt to hurt him. Damn him.

 

“Uh… Surprise?” Yijin, my girl best friend, looked back and forth between us with a party hat on her head and a cake in her hands. “Am I disturbing something here?” She blinked and wriggled her eyebrows suggestively and that’s when I looked down and realized our compromising position.

 

Blushing, I stood up and cleared my throat. “What’s going on here?”

 

“Happy birthday best friend!” Luhan brushed himself off and ruffled my hair.

 

Oh… I forgot that it was my birthday today.

 

Apparently, Yijin and Luhan got everyone close to me to celebrate my eighteenth birthday for me, and for once, I was speechless. Looking around at all the familiar faces of family and friends, I quickly forgot about the whole kidnapping incident and started to tear up. As they sang the birthday song for me, I clapped along and Yijin brought the cake near my face.

 

I closed my eyes. ‘I wish the best for all the people whom I love, even if they don’t love me back.’

 

And somehow, the only face that surfaced in my mind was Luhan’s.

--------------------------------------------------

 

Sitting on the wooden swing set my dad got for me when I was twelve, I swung myself lightly back and forth, watching the sky turn a beautiful, reddish-purple hue.

 

The streets, where normally many of my schoolmates would hang around at, was quiet. Everyone had left for prom at the hotel downtown, and I was stuck here, all alone.

 

I didn’t go for prom. I didn’t have a date.

 

As much as Yijin had tried to persuade me to go, I put my foot down and told her to enjoy her time with her boyfriend.

 

I sighed, insecurities from my pre-puberty years starting to flood back. Despite a rather drastic change in my appearance, deep down, I was still that lanky, awkward girl that nobody wanted. She’s not beautiful, she’s not special.

 

She was ordinary. Even borderline ugly.

 

Not only did I not have a date for prom, I did not even receive an invitation. That didn’t really help much with my self-esteem.

 

Because even if I became prettier, to others, I will still not be enough.

 

When will I be enough for somebody? Enough to be loved unconditionally by someone aside from my parents?

 

Will I be able to find someone in this small suburban town?

 

The swing came to a halt and I closed my eyes, feeling the cool breeze blowing on my already wet cheeks. Damn these traitorous tears. If I cried, it meant that I’m giving in to my inner demons.

 

And I hated this feeling, the feeling of being helpless and weak.

 

All of a sudden, I felt someone gently taking my hand. Startled, I opened my eyes to see Luhan kneeling on one knee in front of my and slipping a corsage onto my wrist. I looked at Luhan, confused, and he only smiled up gently at me as he wiped at my cheeks with the pads of his thumb. “Don’t cry, princess. Will you be my date to prom?”

 

My eyebrows furrowed. “Aren’t you going with Youngsun?” Unlike me, my hot best friend actually has girls lining up to go to prom with him and after a lot, a lot of persuasion and bargaining (as painful as it may be for me), I convinced him to accept one of them.

 

“Told her two weeks ago I wasn’t going with her anymore. She got herself another date.”

 

“But why? Didn’t you buy the tickets already? They’re expensive!”

 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out two tickets. “Yeah, I bought it for us.”

 

“Us?”

 

“Yeah. I had actually planned to go with you, you dimwit, but you kept pushing other girls’ invitation on me. Now go get dressed. We’re going for prom together.”

 

“But… I don’t have a dress for prom!”

 

Luhan pinched his forehead and sighed in exasperation. “How are you a normal girl?” He picked up a large maroon gift box from beside him (how did I not notice that) and handed it to me. “Go change. It should fit you. Yijin and I picked it out for you.”

 

I stared at the gift box, then back at him, and then back at the gift box. Slowly, I took the box from him and opened it. In it, lay a gorgeous white full length dress decorated with carefully positioned sequins, giving the dress an angel-like innocence. The plunging neckline, however, gave it the bit of iness to make it elegant and seductive at the same time.

 

“Oh my god…” I looked up at Luhan with wide eyes and he gave me his usual sunny smile. “Go on. Yijin said to pair it up with the pair of heels you bought during boxing day last year.”

 

Nodding, I ran up to my room and changed into the dress. When I looked into the mirror, I gasped at my reflection. Even without my makeup and hair done, I looked gorgeous. The dress was perfect, and I could not have found a dress like this even by myself.

 

Remembering that Luhan was still waiting for me, I put a little bit of mascara and lip gloss on and let my hair fall down in its natural waves (thank god for good hair days). Running to my wardrobe, I grabbed my silver sequined heels and slipped them on before grabbing my white clutch.

 

As fast as I could, I hurried down the stairs where Luhan was waiting for me on the front steps. Hearing my footsteps, he turned around. It took him a few seconds, but eventually, he recovered from his surprised trance and offered me his arm, “Shall we, princess?”

 

I blushed. He’s so swoon worthy. In that tux and bowtie, he looked every single bit like the prince charming he was. And standing beside him, with my hand placed gingerly on the crook of his arm and his hand over mine, I feel every bit like the princess he referred to me as.

 

And he never failed to make me feel less of a royalty that night.

--------------------------------------------------

 

After prom, like the gentleman he was, Luhan sent me to my front door after a wonderful night full of dancing, laughing, and secret whispering to each other.

 

Oh it did a number on my heart, let me tell you that. If I had thought I had fallen for this guy before prom, I can safely say that after tonight, I’m head over heels in love with him.

 

It didn’t help that Yijin kept wriggling her eyebrows at the two of us when we were on the dance floor and people coming up to us, telling us how good we looked together, and that they knew that we were definitely not as simple as ‘best friends’.

 

“So… I’ll say goodnight to you here?” Luhan rubbed his neck as he stared down at me with his deep chocolate eyes that are nearly black if not for the lights on my front steps reflecting the delicious colour from his eyes.

 

“Thanks a lot for today Luhan.” I stepped forward to give him a hug, which he returned easily. What he did next though, nearly gave me a heart arrest.

 

He leaned back and gave me a peck on the cheek and I froze. We have never done that before. That felt way too intimate, as compared to the brotherly kisses on my forehead he had always given me. When he fully drew back, I realized he was blushing. “Goodnight Hana.” He smiled at me before he turned around and left for his car.

 

I wanted to call him back, to ask him what that was about, but it was too late as I watched him speed down the street in his car.

--------------------------------------------------

“Yijin, oh god this is bad. I’m in deep and I can’t get out now.”

 

My best friend stared at me wide-eyed as I paced back and forth in her room the next morning after prom. I had barely gotten any sleep after the kiss on the cheek, and the moment it hit a reasonable timing (is 8am a reasonable timing?), I washed up and ran to Yijin’s house.

 

“What’s wrong?” Yijin stared at me worriedly and l slumped onto her bed, burying my face into her leg. “What happened?”

 

“I’m in love with Luhan.”

 

“What? Get up and speak properly, I can’t hear you clearly when you’re burying you head into my bedsheets like an ostrich.”

 

I sat up and whined. “I want to be an ostrich. I don’t want to face this. Oh god. What’s going to happen to us? What if I lose him as a friend? What if-”

 

“I’m presuming you’re talking about Luhan. What about him?”

 

“… I’m in love with him.”

 

Yijin’s eyebrows immediately shot up when she heard that and slowly, a smirk formed on her face. “Finally, the day has come.”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re that oblivious. Practically the whole school are rooting for the two of you to be together! Oh god, this is really happening, my two best friends are in love with each other! Finally!”

 

Wait what?

 

“What did you say?”

 

“What? Luhan’s in love with you since eighth grade? Please don’t tell me you’re that stupid. That boy makes it so obvious.”

 

I gaped at her. Eighth grade?

 

“Oh… So you really didn’t know. You’re an even bigger idiot than I expected you to be.” My mouth dropped even wider and I smacked her with her pillow. “Ow!”

 

“What do you mean by he’s in love with me? How?!”

 

“Have you not realized why no guys have tried to make a move on you when you could easily be the prettiest girl in school? Nobody dared to offend Luhan, not when he made it clear to everyone that he was in love with you. I think the entire school knows that he loves you!”

 

“Except me.” By now, wheels are turning in my head, and I was finally absorbing this piece of information that has been thrown in my face.

 

Yijin nodded. “Except you. You have to tell him how you feel! You kept him in the friend-zone for so many years you . You owe him at least this much.”

 

Tell him what I feel? But… Isn’t this a little too fast?

 

“What? Do you want some other girl to snag him? Just tell him how you feel damn it!”

 

“I can’t just do that!” I protested and Yijin whacked me back with another pillow.

 

For the entire day, all we talked about was ways I could tell him what I feel for him.

 

And in the end, we came up with the most idiotic idea ever.

--------------------------------------------------

Rocking myself back and forth, I waited for Luhan to end his football training as usual. But today, it seemed different. Today, I was on edge. And extra fidgety. And nervous.

 

“Hey I’m done. Sorry to keep you waiting!” Luhan slipped an arm around my shoulders and I jumped. Laughing sheepishly, I twirled my hair around my fingers. Luhan noticed that action and furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“Is something wrong?” I laughed awkwardly again and shook my head and we fell into our usual silence on our way to Luhan’s car.

 

Okay, this is it. I’ll tell him how I feel. Today. But when is a good time? How do I tell him so that it wouldn’t be awkward? I can’t tell him in the car! That would turn really awkward really quick. Oh right! I’ll tell him at the front of my house! So that if things become awkward I can just run into my house. Ye-

 

“Hana? Are you okay?” I snapped out of my own thoughts. “Huh? Yeah I’m fine. Why?”

 

He shrugged. “You just seem… really out of it.”

 

“Oh no, I’m okay. Let’s go.” Closing the car door and buckling up, he started the car and left the school in the dust of his car.

 

Throughout the car ride, I fidgeted in my seat so much; constantly shaking my feet, bouncing my legs, tapping my fingers against my thighs, smoothing my hair out again and again. Do I need to go on? Luhan, who knows me way too well, knew something was up, and was giving me weird looks as he drove. Bless his heart, he didn’t ask me what was going on.

 

The car ride was silent, and I was so distracted by my own fidgeting that it took me a while to notice we were not on the way to my place. “Why are we heading to yours? Aren’t you dropping me off?”

 

“Oh, I told your mum about this already and she agreed for me to get you home later than usual. I have something to show you.”

 

Crap. Crappity crap crap. This is bad. There goes my plans in confessing how I feel. Now I can’t run to my place if anything goes wrong. I’m screwed. Abort mission confession. I’m a coward, that’s what I am.

 

“What is it that you want to show me? Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” I asked him, wanting to get home so that I could bury myself in bed and mentally scream at myself and eat a dozen tubs of ben and jerry’s ice cream at the thought of Luhan not liking me back.

 

“Nope.” Taking my hand, he led me up the familiar staircase up to his room. Pulling me in front of the closed door, he covered my eyes with his hands.

 

“Alright Hana, I need you to reach forward and turn the doorknob.”

 

I gauged the height of the doorknob and did what I was told and the door slipped open with a soft ‘click’. “Now, take two steps forward. Don’t worry about the door. It’s wide open now.”

 

I did what I was told again, and when I came to a stop, Luhan asked, “Ready?” Confused, I nodded.

 

He released his hands from my eyes and I opened my eyes. Soft, warm light entered my eyes, and I gasped at what I saw before me.

 

Fairy lights strung across Luhan’s room had pictures of us hanging on them, each of them representing a piece of memory of our friendship. Looking around, a small smile appeared on my lips as I took in every single one of our photos. From the time when both of us still had braces, to the photos we took at the photo booth during prom.

 

Still in awe, I turned to look at Luhan. “What is this for?” Luhan smiled at me shyly before he drew out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. Roses. My favourite.

 

Slowly, I accepted the flowers and brought them to my nose, even though I knew that they probably didn’t have a smell. He took this opportunity and took a step closer to me; by now, we were standing toe to toe.

 

Taking my hands into his large ones, he lowered my hands and leaned his forehead against mine. I could feel his warm breath against my face.

 

Thud. Thud. Thud. My heart is beating so erratically that it was getting difficult to breathe.

 

“Lee Hana.”

 

I looked up slightly to meet his eyes, our foreheads never leaving each other. “I’m in love with you ever since you crashed into my life like the unstoppable force you are.”

 

Oh god. He loves me.

 

“You’re the most amazing girl I have had the chance to lay my eyes upon. Even the awkward, lanky girl you thought you were. I don’t care about how you look. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, inside out, and I fell in love with my sharp-tongued, quick-witted, but at the same time, compassionate and caring best friend. But as much as I love being your best friend,” He s his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him, “I’m getting tired of only being your best friend.”

 

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

I never knew he thought about me this way. I never thought anybody would think of me the way he did. Tears were b my eyes and I nodded, my breath exhaling shakily as I nodded even more vigorously.

 

“I love you too, Luhan. And I’m sorry for putting you in the friend zone all these while. I love you.”

 

He smiled at me and wiped my tears away with one hand as he held me close to him with the other. “That’s enough for me Kit Hana. That’s enough.”

 

With that, my prince charming leaned down and gave me an electrifying kiss that sent a shiver down my bones.