ROOMMATES - CH4

EIRYIA and KWUINTESSENCE (JinYoon FF)

Jinwoo’s body is nudged to awareness by a susurrating sound from his more than an arm's length away cell-phone. It’s morning, very early, there is no sun out yet but the gray of the sky is already letting itself be known as its muted hue sneaked into his bedroom. The hardwood floor is cold under his bare feet but it’s something trivial compared to what’s waiting for him beyond these four walls. Jinwoo walks down the hall with quiet even steps, careful not to rouse his roommate as he heads towards the bathroom they shared.

Warm water falling against his skin feel like a luxury these days. Jinwoo tries his best to work his shampoo into a generous lather. His hair will carry the scent of apples, he will have this small pleasure to hold on to at least. Something sweet even though there was something much sweeter that he’d truly much prefer.

When he steps out of the bathroom rubbing excess water out of his hair with a towel, his roommate's bedroom door is ajar. It’s seconds after that when he grows aware of the smell of ground coffee, the sound of glasses clinking, and the sound of his roommate’s voice.

“Did you sleep well?” Seungyoon asks, stepping out from behind the kitchen counter. Jinwoo nods at him slowly even though it was a lie.

They have breakfast together - something simple, something easy. The scrambled eggs on Jinwoo’s plates are half-gone and not a word has passed between them since after Seungyoon had asked him to pass the kewpie mayo more than 10 minutes ago. He quietly watches Seungyoon’s hand curl around his mug of coffee, lifting it and letting it hover in front of his mouth. For a few seconds, the simple act has left Jinwoo charmed. Seungyoon’s lips cutely jut out as he blows on the still steaming liquid before taking small sips.

“Will you call me?”

Jinwoo’s heart skitters as their gazes lock. He’s not able to say a thing, the thundering in his chest forces him to look away from Seungyoon and the scramble eggs almost escape his plate.

“You’ll probably be too busy to do that.”

There was something about the tone of his voice that compelled Jinwoo to look up again, their gazes met for the second time. He smiles lightly, hoping it at least conveys some form of sympathy but the sudden brush of Seungyoon’s fingers against his skin when he reaches over and rests his hand on his arm has left Jinwoo very conscious of him all over again. It brings back the memory of Seungyoon’s lips against his own and it makes Jinwoo terribly want him in that same way all over again.

“Take care of yourself while you’re there.”

Jinwoo has no more scramble eggs left and he’s suddenly not sure about what to do with his other hand. He’d better not let go of his fork though cause he fears he might just reach over and hold on to the one thing he’d really like to hold on to the most right now.

It’s hard for Seungyoon to act like he doesn’t notice - something about Jinwoo has changed. It’s not a bad change but it’s a change that’s got him up most nights with so many thoughts and feelings that threaten to consume him. They have been since that night...that night Jinwoo kissed him.

Seungyoon wasn’t able to sleep even a wink that night. The feel of Jinwoo’s lips against his was something he can’t forget and it’s become something that he’s only grown to seriously crave. But he’s unable to do anything about it, not when Jinwoo is so good at acting like nothing happened between them most of the time.

Then there are those moments when he’d catch Jinwoo staring, fleeting moments when Seungyoon thinks Jinwoo might just be doing the same thing that he is - hiding, observing, waiting. Moments when Jinwoo would look at him too fondly, like he’s doing now, and all Seungyoon can do is keep acting like he doesn’t notice, keep acting like his easily 'Jinwoo-excited' heart is not hammering in his chest over it.

“Will you call me?”

An almost panic stricken look crosses Jinwoo’s face when he finally locks his eyes with his. The little movement Jinwoo’s shoulder makes doesn’t go unnoticed.

. He’s really too freaking adorable.

Seungyoon grips his mug tighter, trying to stop himself from reaching out and touching Jinwoo in any way. The way Jinwoo avoids his eyes has become a usual these days and Seungyoon isn’t disappointed by it. Rather, it’s something he’s starting to grow fond of. Like this, he can continue to hope that Jinwoo might just be feeling the same way he does.

“You’ll probably be too busy to do that.”

Seungyoon’s smile disappears behind his mug as he takes another sip. It didn’t help that Jinwoo was leaving for some training camp. Seungyoon was already dreading his week without him - it’s not something he’s ever imagined. With the two of them living together, it was easy for him to get accustomed to always having Jinwoo there, always having Jinwoo close. But he’s been unable to say anything, somewhere in the back of his mind was something he feared.

What if he’s only reading into things between them too deeply?

What if Jinwoo has been reading into things differently?

There it is again, that distinct quiver in his chest. He goes back to watching Jinwoo eat, even the way he exhales has become melodic to him. It’s hard being so immensely besotted like this with someone just an arms length away. Seungyoon thinks all his holding back might just drive him crazy. Jinwoo has become as vital as a much needed breath, as necessary as the quiet sunlight now filling their shared space. Too fast and too soon, all around him there is only Jinwoo and nothing will make it better other than Jinwoo.

He moved before he’s even realized it. Jinwoo’s wordless gaze renders him immobile. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing. His fingers linger on Jinwoo’s skin as he gives his pale arm a subdued squeeze - something to stretch this moment between them even for only a few seconds.

“Take care of yourself while you’re there.”

There's a literal ache in Jinwoo’s chest. The moment his bedroom door clicks shut, his back goes against the wood and he lowers himself to the floor.

“Seungyoon...”

His name rolls of Jinwoo’s tongue easily and already he’s enamoured by it. A scathing laugh escapes him, lately he doesn’t even know what to do with himself or what to do with these feelings that just keep growing and growing at an alarming rate. When he steps out of his bedroom with his bags, Seungyoon was by the counter writing something on his notebook.

“What time are they picking you up again?”

“Soon.” is all Jinwoo tells him.

“You’ll be back next Saturday, right? That’s exactly a week from now.”

Jinwoo stays quiet for a moment, halted by the lump in his throat, “We won’t see each other for a while…”

Seungyoon’s hand stills and then Jinwoo watches him nod, “I know.”

“Think you’ll be okay here on your own?”

“I’ll manage.” Seungyoon beams, “Who do you think I am?”

The sight of it flushes Jinwoo with warmth. That saccharine smile always succeeds in making his heart feel too many different things all at once.

“It looks like you won’t be missing me as much as I thought you would.” Jinwoo smiles tentatively.

“If I told you I’m going to miss you like crazy, would you stay here with me and not go?”

Silence swells between them leaving Seungyoon’s question hanging. The tension grows palpable and Seungyoon’s eyes behold him in the most mesmerizing way that he can’t quite describe.

“You sure know how to make someone feel special.” Jinwoo tries to tease - he shouldn’t fall for it, not this time.

“I want you to feel special.” Seungyoon pauses, a faint blush creeping over the apples of his cheeks, “Because I care about you...a lot.”

His response is a lot for Jinwoo to process and he can only evade eye contact as the sound of his beating heart grows loud and demanding. Jinwoo doesn’t dare speak, afraid of what he might just blurt out in the heat of the moment.

“It’s almost time...” Seungyoon breaks the silence, “...they should be here anytime now to pick you up.”

Jinwoo glances at their wall clock. He doesn’t know if he should feel relieved or disappointed.

“Should I help you with your bags?” Seungyoon asks him softly.

“You don’t have to.” Jinwoo shakes his head, even though deep down he wanted to tell Seungyoon the opposite.

That he wanted for them to be together even for just a moment longer.

“I’m going to get going.” Jinwoo sighs reluctantly, hoping his roommate wouldn’t notice.

Seungyoon bristles closely against him, blocking their front door. His smile is too cheerful, too infectious - too much like an adorable puppy that he just wants to smother with kisses in his arms.

Is he even really going to miss me? Jinwoo briefly wonders.

Although Seungyoon implied he would just minutes ago, he looked strangely too happy now at the prospect of him not being around for a week. The thought irks Jinwoo and he tries his best to not let it show.

“Enjoy yourself while I’m gone.” Jinwoo tells him, “I’ll be back in a week. Saturday, some time in the afternoon.”

“Noted.” Seungyoon beams again, too adorable in Jinwoo’s eyes. “I’ll be here. Waiting.”

It’s on the tip of his tongue, to say something more. Instead he exchanges another glance with Seungyoon. It will be a while until he gets to see him again and Jinwoo would like to take with him as much of Seungyoon as he could. His eyes start to flit nervously when he realizes where his thoughts are leading him yet again.

“I really should go.” it was probably the seventh time that he said it or maybe the eigth. Seungyoon finally steps aside to let him pass.

Standing outside the hallway, Jinwoo’s hand trembles on his side. That feeling is back again and the longer he stays there, the more his resolve weakens. Seungyoon is unknowing, smiling at him from the other side of the door and Jinwoo feels awfully guilty over the thoughts now clouding his mind. He knew he was being petty, hoping that Seungyoon would really miss him like he said he would, that Seungyoon will keep thinking about him even whe’s not around. With another sigh, he turns his back, walking towards the elevator with his feet feeling like they were weighed with lead. Behind him, he hears the sound of their apartment door close.

Seungyoon’s smile fades the moment the door closes. Deep down, he didn’t want Jinwoo to go. Then again, it’s not like he could stop him from leaving either. Being in love is hard, being in love with someone like Kim Jinwoo is even harder. He’s the shy silent type who seldom speaks, but his eyes, his eyes do things to Seungyoon that he can’t even explain.

Everything he does has become fascinating to him and Seungyoon is finding it harder and harder to look away. From how Jinwoo looks when he’s lost in thought, to the way his gaze slowly drifts down sometimes when he talks. Even when he’s watching his dramas in the living room, Seungyoon keeps falling and falling, watching Jinwoo’s expression change as he tries to hold back his tears or when he does that ridiculously adorable half-smile of his. The more sides of Jinwoo he saw, the more his feelings intensified. It didn’t take long for Seungyoon to realize that he’s in deep trouble.

But that’s not what matters.

What does matter is what he chooses to do about it.

Standing in front of the elevator, Jinwoo watches the numbers above it illuminate after he pushes one of the call buttons. It takes a few seconds for it to arrive, it’s doors opening for him with a high-pitched ding. There was no one else in it when Jinwoo steps in. Now that Seungyoon is not around, Jinwoo no longer needs to mask what it is that he’s been feeling. He puts a hand over his thrumming heart, feeling a little sorry for himself, for his growing feelings that might just never get returned.

A rumbling outside the elevator just before it closes interrupts Jinwoo’s thoughts. He stumbles backwards in surprise, his back going against the wall as Seungyoon is revealed on the other side, his hand on one of the elevator doors to keep it from closing.

“What’s going on?” concerned, Jinwoo eyes him, “What are you doing? Did I forget something?”

Seungyoon doesn’t answer him. Instead, he steps in, his hand hovering over the elevator panel looking nervous. It’s seconds after that when he finally lowers his hand without pressing anything but his other arm remains stretched out not letting the elevator doors close.

“I won’t see you for a while.”

Seungyoon genuinely sounds perplexed, Jinwoo’s eyebrows weave into confusion as he watches Seungyoon’s Adam’s apple strain against his skin as he evidently swallows.

“I wasn’t kidding around when I said I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

Jinwoo shifts anxiously, “I didn’t say you were...”

“But you thought so. I could tell when you looked at me.” Seungyoon glanced his way and cleared his throat. “I really care about you. A lot”

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