OMG, thank you so much for suscribing and for commenting. I love you, guys. Here's the second part of the first chapter, hope you like it. 

Chapter 1

(Second part) 

Another silence passed and Taemin could feel the anxiety rising in him again. "So-” he began, but was cut off by Jongin.

“You going anywhere?”

“Yes,” Taemin replied, almost at the same time as James said, “No.”

Jongin's eyes narrowed further and his expression closed off completely as he stared at them with cool brown eyes. “So, you going anywhere or not?” he asked again, his voice carrying the unmistakable timbre of over-strained patience.

Taemin nodded. A distant voice in his head told him to shut up and not to talk about his plans with James because it would make things harder for him. But what this voice couldn't understand was that Taemin's mouth was out of control and wouldn't listen to his brain. He wanted to stay silent, but his mouth wanted to talk.

“We're going to James room. He wants to-”

A dry cough interrupted his words. James rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry,” he said and smiled apologetically, flashing his white teeth. He looked so y with his cheeks tinted a soft shade of pink. Taemin his lips and flicked his gaze away before Little Taemin had time to get up and pitch a tent in his pants.

“Oh, I see,” Jongin said with a hint of disapproval, his gaze sharpening. “It's fine. I mean, you two are obviously having fun and-” he paused as if searching for the right words, “-and could we talk for a second, Taem?”

The change of topic was so abrupt it took Taemin a moment to catch on.

“Uh, what? Right now?”

“It'll just take a second.”

Taemin looked sidelong at James, who shrugged and sat back in his stool, arms folded and impassive.

“Okay,” Taemin said finally and, after casting a last glance at James to confirm that he was all right with being left alone for a moment, he followed Jongin toward the exit.

But it was hard to walk straight when his head was spinning like a roller-coaster. It wouldn't be so troublesome if he was in a club or a crowded place, but the bar was barely full and he could feel a lot of accusing eyes on him; an old woman even pointed in his direction with disapproval. Taemin wanted to scream at them to mind their own business, but he had a different and far more urgent task to deal with at the moment: his legs. They felt unstable beneath him and he was afraid that if he took another single step, he was going to collapse. That would be a great show for the looky-loos.

The solution came in the form of Jongin, who at some point seemed to have noticed Taemin was having difficulty coordinating his limbs, and had decided to give him a hand.

“Gotcha,” he said, sliding an arm around Taemin's waist to steady him. “You okay?”

Taemin just shrugged, not feeling like using his mouth when the world around him was twisting and turning. He closed his eyes and with a pitiable little whimper he snuggled into Jongin's warmth, placing his head on his shoulder. He'd always begrudged Jongin being taller than him, but right now he was grateful for it. Jongin was so comfy, and he smelled divine too, body heat and soap and aftershave. Taemin inhaled deeply and held the breath inside his body, trying to keep the familiar scent with him.

Deep down he knew he shouldn't be doing this, but It was just too hard to hold back. There were so many things pulling them apart lately, so many secrets affecting their relationship whether or not they wanted to, that sharing this little moment felt like heaven.

He leaned more against Jongin, bliss making him oblivious to his surroundings.

“Do I smell good?” Jongin asked, breaking the spell.

Taemin looked up with slightly opened eyes and was so caught off guard by the closeness of Jongin’s face that he almost stumbled again.

When had they gotten so close?

“Careful, you idiot.”Jongin chuckled.

It didn't stop Taemin from biting his tongue and his body from tensing as they reached the lobby.

“Mmmwhere we going?” Taemin asked then, fighting back the blush that was determined to stain his cheeks. He tried to pull away from Jongin, but his friend tightened his grip on his waist.

“My room.” Was the answer.

Taemin went cold and his gaze jerked to Jongin as his heartbeat nearly tripped over itself in its speed. It was safe to say Jongin's intentions weren't like James's—he didn't want to Taemin—but the thought crossed Taemin's mind, anyway. He felt overwhelmed for a moment, imagining Jongin's hands moving up and down his body, and distantly wondered if Jongin would make love to him in a gentle way, or passionately as he did with Krystal. Heat rose to his cheeks again and the tips of his ears burned with shame.

He should stop fantasizing about Jongin while in his presence. It could lead to eventual embarrassing situations.

“Your-” Taemin began, but stopped when his voice cracked. He cleared it, low in his throat, before speaking again. “Your room? why?”

“To talk, remember?”

“But why can't we talk here? James is waiting for me.”

“I'm sure he can wait ten more minutes.” Jongin drawled with biting disdain.

Taemin blinked and looked at him in surprise. He knew Jongin was overprotective and a little overbearing at times, but this was ridiculous. His hostility towards James was out of place. The man had been nothing but considerate to Taemin, especially since Taemin had been having a rough night. For a moment, he thought about saying this aloud, then decided against it. Jongin would not understand and he would ask questions like -”why didn’t you look for me?” or “Why were you having a rough night in the first place?” Things Taemin didn't feel like discussing right now or ever with him. So instead, he said, “You're being weird, Jonnginie. And that's me saying it, so that's something.”

“How am I being weird?”

“You were pretty rude to James before, y’know”

Jongin looked at him strangely before saying, “I wasn't rude.”

Taemin rolled his eyes. “If you say so.”

“I wasn't rude.” Jongin whispered again in a strong, even-tempered tone as he shrugged his shoulders.

Taemin smiled, feeling pleased and a bit proud. For some reason it was gratifying to know he could still broke Jongin's cool temper from time to time. It wasn't that he wanted Jongin to be angry or unhappy, but the pouty faces he made when he got mad were very cute. Taemin had a big video collection of Jongin crying and making pouty faces at the camera, they were an awesome blackmail material.

There was a brief pause and Jongin cleared his throat and added. “Look, I just need you to help me with something, okay? Real quick, I promise.”

“First you wanted to talk and now you want my help? Why, Jongin, If I didn't know better, I'd think you're trying to seduce me.”

“Shut it.”

“Aw Jonginnie, are you blushing?”

Jongin gave him a slight push on his shoulder and Taemin laughed.

They strode in silence to the elevators. It wasn't long until the first one arrived and Taemin and Jongin stepped in along with a handful of tourists wearing shorts and polos. The group was talking in undertones to each other, speculating about where to go next and what to eat, but Taemin barely paid attention. He was too busy counting the floors as they passed and ignoring the woman flashing flirty smiles in Jongin's direction. What was about Jongin that made everyone that came in contact with him like him? Taemin included. Did he have some kind of human magnet inside his body? The thought amused Taemin more than he would have expected.

They got off at their floor and headed straight for Jongin's room. The hallway was empty and quiet—only the drone of a vacuum cleaner could be heard in the distance—a marked contrast from the rest of the hotel which was so overcrowded that no matter the time of day, something was happening. He suspected everyone was out enjoying the beach and the good weather. They should also have gone to the beach, Taemin thought. It would have been funnier than staying at the bar, watching Jongin and Krystal kiss like teenagers. Still, he decided quickly that he didn't regret they did. He met James and he was happy for that, and a little flustered too.

Thinking about James made him feel edgy, and he was reminded abruptly of the man's touch on his mouth. Involuntarily he his lips, discovering a faint sugar-and-beer sweetness. People said his lips looked pretty and soft like cushions—Jjong often compared them to marshmallows. But Taemin always thought they were just joking around. Until now. James had a way to make him feel desired, wanted, something Taemin was not used to. He knew he was a good-enough looking guy but for some peculiar reason, people around him seemed more motivated to feed him than to him.

The unhappy trend of his thoughts was interrupted suddenly by the feel of a pair of hands on his hips. He turned around in surprise and shot Jongin a confused look.

“What are you doing?!”

Jongin looked at him seriously for a moment and sighed. He raised a hand to show Taemin a blue key card, his full mouth lifting in a half-smile that was likely nowhere near as reassuring as he'd meant it to be. How did this answered the question, Taemin didn't know, and he had to stop himself from expressing his frustration out loud. Instead he reached into his back pocket for his key-card, only to find it wasn't there anymore. “Why you-” Then realization hit him like a brick between the eyes.

They were standing in front of Taemin's room, not Jongin's.

“Okay, um, I thought you said we were going to your room.”

“Hmm.” Jongin slid the key in the lock. “I think it's pretty obvious we're not“ he said, pushing the door open.

Taemin stood still for a second, dragging his teeth over his lower lip. “What do you mean ‘we're not’?” he asked as he followed him inside the room. “Care to explain? You said you wanted my help with something in your room, then what are we doing here?” He kicked the door shut.

“I lied, okay?” Jongin replied as he sat on the bed. He crossed his legs, his gaze automatically resting on the window. “I was just- I wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me from what exactly?” Taemin seethed between clenched teeth, raising his hand to massage his temple. He had an idea what -or, rather, whom- Jongin was trying to protect him from, but he wanted to hear him say it.

Annoyance was unmistakable in Jongin's face when he looked back at him. “From doing something stupid, Taemin! You're drunk, barely able to walk and you planned to go with that man to do who-knows-what in his room! Have you completely lost your mind? I don't know what you’re thinking, but whatever it is that you think you want to do, think better about it. Or you want me to remind you of all the other times you made hasty decisions, only to regret them later?”

Taemin was so startled by the words that for a moment all he could do was gasp. He knew that Jongin often thought of him as a baby who needed to be protected all the time, a poor idiot who was incapable of making the right choices for his life, but to actually hear him make such a statement bothered him a great deal because even if in a way it was true that Taemin was a disaster, it was his life and if he had a right to make mistakes. Jongin made it sound as though Taemin was so stupid and naive he could do nothing right—he strongly disagreed.

“I didn't want you to make a mistake.”

“Okay, whoa,” Taemin snapped finally. “You need to calm down.”

“I'm calm, I’m very calm. But I'm confused, Taemin,” Jongin added with obvious worry. “What were you… Were you planning to - to- Argh! You know what I mean!”

“No, not really.”

“Were you planning to-”

“To-?”

“Tosleepwithhim” Jongin blurted out, immediately looking away again.

Taemin opened his mouth to deny this, but doubt kept him from so much as making a squeak. He was not sure if was the reason he'd accepted James' proposal, but he couldn't deny either that it'd been a strong motivator. He wanted to be with a man now that he could.

Once back in Seoul, he would go back to his normal life. He would go back to pretending he wasn't attracted to other guys, pretending that he was not jealous of Kibum for having the balls to be himself without fearing not being accepted; to pretending he wasn't in love with Jongin. Tears gathered in his eyes but he dammed them back.

He still had to give Jongin an answer though. “What if I-” His voice sounded too high the first time, so he stopped and started again. “What if I was? You have a problem with it?” He tried to steady his breath, the rapid beat of his heart, his shaky hands. This was the closest he'd ever come to admitting to someone he liked men.

“Of course I have a problem with it, Taemin!” Jongin said urgently, his voice seeming to wrench out of him. “You don't know him!”

“I do!”

“Then tell me his name.”

Frustration and uncertainty spiked within Taemin. “It's James. I introduced him to you, remember?”

“His full name, Taemin.”

Taemin counted to ten, doing his best to control his breathing. He felt simultaneously angry, scared, betrayed and... sad. Fights with Jongin were one of those things he never learned how to handle. He hadn't had an argument this intense with him in years. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many he knew he shouldn't say. But his brain was having a hard time deciding which was which.

“Ah... he.” God, he had no idea what to say because he didn't ing know James' full name!

“See?” Jongin smiled smugly. “You know nothing about him. Not his last name, or if he’s married, if he has kids, if he's-” Jongin hesitated. “If he's some crazy- stalker or a serial killer who’s gonna murder you and cut you into little pieces.”

There was a moment where Taemin struggle to come with an appropriate response. He had none. He had to accept in spite of himself that Jongin was right this time. He’d been ready to James when he knew next to none about him . Not that it was something unheard of. People did it all the time in real life and in movies. But it was Taemin's first time and call him a romantic, but he wanted his first time to be special. He opened his mouth to say he understood now what was the whole point of this, when he caught sight of Jongin's victorious smile.

Taemin stared at Jongin silently for a moment before deciding he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of admitting his error. So instead, he said, “You're totally overreacting.” He made sure to set his best stop-being-a-nuisance expression and crossed his arms.

“Am I?” Was the lofty reply. “He got you drunk on purpose!”

“I got drunk myself!”

“But I bet he was the one who suggested you to have a drink.”

“Yeah, so?” said Taemin, his tone thick with exasperation and drunken ardor.

“So he’s a disgusting creep who wanted to molest you!”

The comment made Taemin hold his breath. By now, he wasn't pretending to be angry anymore. He was angry again, very, very angry. He was so tired of Jongin thinking he could dispose of Taemin's life as he pleased just because they were friends!

“I'm so tired of you overstepping your place, Kim Jongin!” he snapped, self control slipping through his fingers as this confrontation went in a direction he hadn't planned.

Jongin rose to his feet and came towards him.

“Why? Because I'm trying to stop you from being abused?!”

“Oh, please.” Taemin raised his arms on the air, swallowing a weary sigh. “I wanted him to me, okay! What part of I wanted to go with him you don't get?! I. Wanted. This. I still want it.”

A deep silence followed his outburst. Any other time, Taemin would have made a funny comment to ease the tension that gripped Jongin. He didn't care tonight.

“Okay,” Jongin spoke finally, his eyes moving over Taemin's face as if seeing him for the first time. “One: you're way too drunk to know what you want or need. And two: I don't understand why you- why now.” He stopped, seemed to rethink whatever he was going to say and shifted slightly. “Why you never told me you liked-”

“Men?” Taemin finished for him, irritation rising. Jongin looked so disgusted that Taemin felt his heart sink into his stomach. He was disgusted by Taemin. “You wouldn't have listened to me, anyway,” he bit out, his mouth hard.

“Of course I would-”

“You're so selfish.” Taemin carried on, growing a little pale, though he strove for a tone of sheer annoyance. “We were at the bar for almost two hours and you never looked in my direction once! It didn’t even cross your mind to ask me if I was having a good time too?! No, of course not. You were too busy kissing your girlfriend to care about your loser friend! But now you have the nerve to be angry at me because I found someone to have fun with… That’s real nice, Jongin.”

“Are you actually serious with this?”

Taemin snorted in derision.

Jongin stepped closer to him, his eyes holding on his face, not looking at all sympathetic as he said coldly, “You're accusing me of being selfish, but have you paid attention to yourself lately?”

Taemin gasped. “Oh, no, don't try to pin this on me.”

“I don't know Taemin, think about it. I'm getting married tomorrow but instead of being with my fiancee, I have to be here taking care of your sorry .“

Taemin's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. It felt like Jongin'd slapped him in the face. He hissed between his teeth and tried to push Jongin away, but Jongin grabbed his arm with a force he would not have imagined and held him still. “Stop acting like a child!”

Taemin struggled again to get free but couldn't. “I'm sorry I'm ruining your night, but you brought me here, !

“You really-”

“You didn't even ask me if I wanted to come in the first place! No, you just bought a ticket and forced me into a plane!”

“Well, I'm sorry if I thought my best friend wanted to come to my wedding!”

“You would have known if you'd asked me.” Taemin shouted back angrily. He wanted to stop talking but the nasty voice in his head wouldn't let him. It kept whispering all kind of ugly things to him, and it seemed his mouth was on board with it because he couldn't control what came out of it next. “But you never know, because you never bother to ask any questions at all... You're just as bossy and arrogant as your family is. No wonder your father killed himself.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Taemin wanted them back, and immediately his throat lodged in horror of what he had said. The silence that followed lasted so long that it became almost physically heavy, even suffocating. The sound of their ragged breathing filled the room while guilt and disgust filled Taemin's body. How could he have said such a terrible thing? He was despicable, he didn't deserve to be called a friend.

“Jongin, I.” Taemin began to apologize, but before he could add anything else, Jongin spoke.

“Shut up.” He rubbed a hand across his pale face. He wasn't looking at Taemin anymore, and when he keep talking, it was with unfeeling finality. “You gross me out.” His tone wasn't angry but hurt.

“I know, I-”

“You are a piece of , you know that?”

“I didn't mean it!”

“ you!”

Taemin stared at Jongin for a moment with pleading eyes, searching for anything in his body language to say he was going to forgive Taemin for this—something to take away from the finality of his words. But there was nothing. He was just standing there, eyes red, hands shaking, looking at the floor. Then he was moving again.

Jongin pushed past Taemin towards the door. He opened it with a sharp movement.

“Jongin,” Taemin called.

Jongin didn't turn back to look at him, nor he stopped. He left the room and slammed the door so hard it shook he floor beneath Taemin's feet.

“JONGIN!”

There was nothing.

Taemin stood where he was, staring at the door with blurry eyes. Soon after, his legs gave up and he sank to his knees on the floor, cursing himself. 'Idiot, ing idiot.' He felt his breath came in gasps as the reality of the situation crashed down upon him. He said—shouted—something horrible to Jongin, and the knowledge that he'd done it only to hurt him had his stomach turning, clenching. All because he was a who couldn't handle a couple beers like a man. He hated himself so much.

He covered his face with his hands and started to cry. He’d screwed up so bad, there was no point of return from this. And with that came the inevitable thought —what he was going to do tomorrow during the wedding. He couldn't go and sit with Jongin's family after what he just did. What would Mrs. Kim think of him if she knew that he'd used her husband's death to hurt her son's feelings? She would probably hate him as Jongin did now.

Bursting into another round of tears, Taemin stood and stumbled to the bathroom, feeling more and more sick with each passing second. The instant he crossed the threshold, he was on his knees again emptying all the drinks he’d consumed into the toilet.

Jongin would never forgive him this. Taemin was a monster.

He retched again.

He didn't deserve to be Jongin's friend and it was clear he couldn't stay. Flushing the toilet, he stood up and walked back to the room. He knew what he had to do. He strode quickly towards the bed, grabbed all his clothing, his pajamas, his aftershave, the book Jinki had given him for his birthday the month before, shoved everything into his half-unpacked bag and zipped it closed. He had a feeling that before making any decisions he should go talk with his friends, they always knew what to say in moments like this. But if he went now, they would try to convince him to stay. And Taemin really, really, didn't want to stay.

He dropped the bag on the floor, kicked off his shoes, and flung himself on the bed with a muffled groan. He couldn't leave the hotel right now, he was still drunk and had to think something to say to his friends that would explain why Taemin had decided to leave so suddenly. In a way, he was lucky they were still not aware of what had happened or they would already be here trying to kick someone's . Probably Taemin's since he was an idiot. And Jonghyun would probably try to make a friendship circle or something like that to help Taemin feel better.

Taemin smiled despite himself. He loved his friends to death, but he wasn't in the mood for them right now. He just wanted to sleep and forget.

He would go in the morning.

_________

NOTE: Forgive my grammatical errors. English is not my first language and although I proofread my chapters multiple times, it's hard not to make mistakes. I promise I'll try to improve my writing skills with every chapter.