Chapter 1

(First Part)

Sitting at the bar of the hotel he and his friends were staying in, Taemin sneaked a casual glance toward the table where Jongin sat in a private make-out session with Krystal. For a moment, he could do nothing but stare at them with a narrow-eyed look, biting his lip in a lame attempt to control the jealousy that was welling up inside. Then he realized his hands were starting to shake and quickly turned his eyes away before he did something stupid like scream in hysteria. Or ran out of the bar crying like a betrayed girlfriend.

He let out a tiny sigh and drank the remainders of his beer, wondering when his life had gotten so messed up. Only a few months ago, he was a carefree guy who always had a smile on his face, loved life and partying with friends. No major problems. No real upsets. But now—as dramatic as it sounded—there was only worry and sadness in his heart. He'd lost his job at the bookstore, his car had broken down and he didn't have money to get it fixed, his brother had gotten jailed again for armed robbery. And if that wasn't enough, Jongin, the love of his life, was getting married in a matter of hours.

Life was a .

Taemin was sure he could have said ‘no’ to Jongin when he asked him to attend the wedding as part of his family; said, “No way in hell I’m going to sit there and watch you join your life to another person’s.” But eventually he decided it was not worth all the fuss his refusal would have caused. So, here he was. At least the traveling and the hotel were free since Jongin had graciously offered to cover all his expenses.

He slammed the now-empty bottle on the counter and turned in his seat to signal the bartender for another one. He rarely indulged in alcohol but when he did, he always drank to get drunk. And tonight he wanted to get drunk off his and forget everything save the number of his room. He didn't want to have to sleep in the hallway or with his friends. He loved Jonghyun, Minho, Jinki and Kibum, but they could get quite handsy while asleep.

“Here you go,” said the bartender when he set a second beer in front of him. Taemin held on with one hand, twisting the bottle in circles, only stopping the action when he took a long pull. Ah, sweet, sweet nectar, he moaned in approval as the cold liquid touched his tongue.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” A deep, husky voice startled him, and he ended up spewing beer down the front of his white button-up.

Damn! This was his last clean shirt, aside from the one he was reserving for the wedding day. If there was an award for the clumsiest person alive, someone should give it to him. Or better yet, give him some money and help him pay the spares for his car; stupid piece of it was. "I'm an idiot," he mumbled to himself, wiping at the front of his shirt with his free hand. Then he glanced over his shoulder angrily.

He was completely unprepared for the sight that welcomed him. The voice that had startled him belonged to an attractive blond-haired man standing a few steps behind him. Taemin had seen a lot of beautiful people in his twenty-two years of life, but none of them held a candle to this man. He was a hot piece of foreign meat: tall—taller than Minho even—with blue eyes, tan skin and broad shoulders. And he was staring at Taemin with a y lopsided smile, a cigarette clamped between his teeth like one of those models’ in Kibum’s magazines. Their eyes met briefly and Taemin was struck by the sudden urge to give him his cell phone number. And there was no way he wasn’t blushing like a foolish schoolgirl, so he looked down at his lap and said. “No, uh-” he cleared his throat before continuing, “-you can sit if you want.”

“Thank you.” The man slipped out of his jacket and, tossing it over the chair, sat beside him. “I’m James, by the way,” he said in heavily accented Korean.

“Taemin.”

James’ thin lips quirked into a little smile. “Nice to meet you, Taemin.” He dipped his head toward him in a respectful bow and Taemin found his eyes tracing the sharpness of his cheekbones, the faint freckles splattered across the bridge of his nose. “You have a beautiful name.”

Taemin almost choked again. He looked at James in surprise, not sure what to say. It wasn’t common for a man to compliment another man on his name, least of all if they were strangers who had just met. But maybe it was common where James came from? He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again to stutter a clumsy, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” James grinned. “So, what brings you to Gyeongpo Beach, Taemin?” He ran a hand through his hair, drawing casually on his cigarette as he surveyed the bar.

“A wedding.”

“Yours?”

“A friend’s.”

James nodded and waved the bartender over. “Sounds like fun.” He leaned back in his seat, drumming his fingers on top of the counter. “And it seems luck’s on your side. They say the weather will stay nice for a couple days.”

Taemin snorted. Luck was on his side? Yeah, sure. Luck was the biggest reason his life right now. Well, luck and destiny; and God; and that old woman outside Starbucks who always cursed at him when he passed by—because she seemed to believe men who drank coffee were devil’s workers—and the entire ing universe.

James gave the cigarette a gentle tap in the ashtray in front of him. “If you don’t mind me asking, when’s the wedding?”

Taemin sighed under his breath and barely restrained the urge to say, “Yes, I do mind!” He seriously didn’t want to talk about the wedding anymore, or think about it. But he didn’t say that out loud. Instead he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and asked, “So are you from America or what?” Avoiding the question altogether.

James chuckled, and if he noticed what Taemin just did, he didn’t give any indication of it. “Canada.”

“Oh, really? I’ve always wanted to go there. You here on vacation?”

“Business, actually.” James smiled when the bartender came over with his drink.

“That’s cool.”

“Not as exciting as a wedding, though.”

There he went again, bringing the wedding back up. Couldn’t he get the memo already?

Taemin gritted his teeth. “Believe me,” he said dryly. “I’d trade the wedding for your business trip anytime.”

“What, not a fan of weddings?”

Taemin offered a tense, one-shouldered shrug and lifted the bottle to his lips, keeping his eyes fixed on a nonexistent point in space. Yeah, he was not a fan of weddings, especially when said weddings involved the man he loved marrying someone else.

If only a big storm hit the beach and destroyed it, the wedding would get canceled.

He regretted his thoughts immediately. How could he wish such a thing? Perhaps it was because he was a ty friend. He couldn’t stop thinking about his own feelings for one single second. Never mind that these were the happiest days of Jongin’s life. No. Taemin had to make everything about himself and the rest of the world. Stupid, selfish Taemin. That was what his father always told him whenever Taemin visited him at the shelter he was living in now. And yes, Taemin knew he shouldn’t pay attention to the words of a gambling drunk. But the more he thought about it, though, the more he felt there was some truth in it.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind, he looked in his friends direction with a dark glare, a mixture of satisfaction and annoyance flooding him when he saw Jongin and Krystal weren’t at the table anymore. They were probably off in a corner somewhere, going at it like a pair of rabbits. It was what they’d been doing since they got to the hotel. Taemin knew this all too well because their room was next to his, and the walls seemed made of cardboard as any noise from the adjoining rooms and the corridors was too clearly heard. He gazed around at the people milling about the bar, and then closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” He heard James ask.

“Uh, Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little tired.” He tried to smile, but it was a dismal failure. “I think I need another beer.”

Just as Taemin reached into his pocket and withdrew his wallet to see if he had any money left, James said, “Order whatever you want. My treat.”

Taemin closed his wallet and frowned in thought. “Are you sure? You barely know me.”

“I'm not offering you a ring, man” James mocked him, a goofy grin on his face. “Just a drink.”

“Mm… Okay," Taemin said after a moment. "You can buy me two if you so wish.”

"Absolutely," James said with a laugh. He looked at Taemin innocently, but there was a gleam in his eyes.

For a while they sat in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company and drinking beer after beer until Taemin began to feel hazy at the edges. And James began to tell tales of his childhood. The stories were obviously false, or at least utter embellished, but after his third bottle Taemin found himself laughing out loud at them. He yelled in surprise when James told him about the day his mother slapped his hands for ing in the toilet. And almost broke down in tears when he heard about the puppy James rescued from a fire. By the time the bartender pulled them a seventh beer, Taemin was having the time of his life. He had undone the first four buttons of his shirt, his hair was rumpled and all his fears and worries seemed unimportant and far away.

He honestly couldn't say he’d felt this way in a long time, except maybe with Jongin before he met Krystal.

“And then she said, why you keep stealing my garden gnomes!”

Taemin threw his head back and laughed so loudly four women sitting nearby turned and scowled. But he was too engrossed in James’ story to give a . He could imagine the whole scene all too well. Mrs. Heaton, James’ neighbor, coming out of her house with a broom clasped in one hand and a dust pan in the other, stomping around and yelling, "Why do you keep stealing my garden gnomes" in a high pitched voice. It shouldn’t be this funny but even knowing that, he couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up within him. It took every ounce of energy he had to not burst out laughing again just at the thought. Instead, he shook his head hoping to dispel the visual. “She sounds lovely.”

James, who was resting his forehead on the counter trying to get his laugher under control, perked up and made a noise that sounded like a cross between a giggle and a snort. “You want to hear the best part?” He straightened up and took a good, hearty sip of his beer. "I wasn’t the one stealing her gnomes! It was my dog!”

“Doggie bad,” Taemin said in a terrible English, willing himself to look stern but failing miserably. His face only wanted to smile. “You a-are a v-very fun man!”

“Now you’re just mocking me,” James said with a hint of a pout.

Taemin shook his head with vigor. He wasn’t normally the touchy-feely kind of guy but thanks to James he was having a really good time tonight. He couldn’t even remember why he’d been sad in the first place. The man was like the perfect solution to all his afflictions. Although maybe all the beer he had to drink had something to do with that as well. He could swear the bartender had now four clones helping him pour the drinks. “I’m not mock. You fun the night,” he mumbled in English again.

“You only say that because I'm paying for your beer,”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Right now? Yes. But you’re gonna hate me in the morning when you have to go to that wedding of yours with a hangover.”

“ the wedding.”

“Oh, yeah?” James laughed. “And why is that?”

Taemin shrugged and finished what was left of his drink in one long gulp. It because he wanted to be the one in the receiving end of Jongin’s kisses, because he wanted to be the one being able to touch him, wanted to be the one making him happy and building a family with him. No one knew Jongin better than Taemin, not even his mother and sisters. No one knew how scared he was of becoming a failure; how many nights he’d spent crying himself to sleep in Taemin’s arms because he thought he wouldn’t be able to go to college; how his eyes crinkled at the sides when he beat Taemin on video-games; how much he actually hated spicy foods and how he used to have a man crush on Gong Yoo when he was ten. No one knew, only Taemin. But Jongin had chosen Krystal to be his life partner. Not Taemin.

And it hurt so ing bad.

He still remembered the day Jongin told him he’d met a girl, how his heart felt as though a dagger pierced it as he heard the words, and when they announced their engagement six months later, his entire world crumbled as well. The worst part of it all was that he couldn’t even hate Krystal for this. She was a sweetheart. So caring and nice to everyone, very smart too. She’d just gotten her college degree and had a bright future ahead of her as a lawyer. The exact opposite to Taemin who was a good-for-nothing loser with more debts than assets to pay them, and whose only achievement in life was that beaten up piece of junk he called car. He could clearly see why Jongin would have never chosen him over her.

But to James, he said, “'cause it and Jongin’s an idiot. I hate him and he needs his head examined.”

“I’m not sure I’m following—”

Taemin kept right on talking because he had a lot to talk about. “I don’t even know why I’m here, you know? I should've said nooooo, should've stayed at home and kick my car to death. It broke down, you know? And I got wet ‘cause it was raining. And I love rain, James! I love rain, but not when my car is broken and I have to walk to work. But I don’t really work anymore ‘cause Mr. Ryuk fired me. I hate Mr. Ryuk too.”

James grunted some sort of acknowledgment. A moment later he said, “You’re wasted out of your mind, aren’t you?”

Taemin groaned. “Absolutely not. If I was washted, could I do this?" He tried to touch the tip of his nose with a finger but he missed completely. “Okay, maybe I’m a bit drunk,” he said and grabbed his stomach for emphasis, closed his eyes, and pressed his forehead against the counter, feeling dizzy and weak. This was why he usually avoided alcohol. He ended feeling sick very soon, or very soon. Thanks God he still had his clothes on, but he wasn't sure how much longer things would stay that way. His shirt was halfway ed already.

James looked at him scornfully. “You’re not dying, are you?”

The sound that came from Taemin’s mouth was half moan, half groan. "Don’t think so, no. But it smells kinda funny here. I think one of the clones pissed on the floor.” He glared at bartender number three. Or was it two? He couldn’t distinguish them anymore.

James blinked.

“Okay, babe, no more beer for you.”

“But, James-” Taemin began in what he hoped was an adorable pout, “-I don’t wanna go yet!”

James sighed. “So then, how about we go talk somewhere quieter?”

That got Taemin’s attention. He raised his head from the counter and asked, “Where?” The words sounding as if they were ripped from his throat.

"My room.”

Taemin paused for a second as his brain processed the information. He had a feeling he knew what James was suggesting, but it couldn’t mean… well, that. Taemin might not have been a social butterfly, but he knew enough to know that inviting someone to your room was also an invitation for . Had James gotten him drunk on purpose to seduce him? “I—” He was searching for something to say but was unable to find the words. There was a thick fog clouding his brain’s ability to function, and all he could think about was that stupid song he’d heard on TV before leaving his room a few hours ago. It went something like: bam bam bum bum-

“Taemin?”

Taemin blinked. Oh yeah, he had to say something. He gazed up at James and the expression on his face was one of absolute expectation. “Uh, your room? why…?”

James leaned closer to him, his eyes holding on his face. “I think It’s pretty obvious why.” He reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Taemin’s ear, thumb caressing his cheek.

Uh-oh. So he was right. It was about .

“Isn’t it, Taemin?” James finger left a heated trail as it traveled down the side of his face to his mouth.

Taemin parted his lips on a breath as his pulse quickened in anticipation and yeah. He didn’t know what do do anymore. He wanted this, whatever this was that James was offering, but at the same time he couldn’t just say yes. He’d known James for only a few hours, and sure, he was smoking hot and he seemed like a nice man, he was a smooth talker with a great sense of humor. But what if Taemin regretted it in the morning? He didn’t want his first time with a man to be a regretful drunken memory in a hotel room. Yet, when he opened his mouth to answer, all that came out of it was a low and simple, “Okay.”

Damn you, brain!

James gave him a megawatt smile. “Awesome!” He stood and reached for Taemin’s arm to help him up. "Let’s go, then.”

With a sigh of surrender, Taemin let himself be pulled to his feet and winced when the movement caused his stomach to heave and roll. He bowed his head and willed the nausea to subside, feeling hot and dizzy. For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick, and Oh God, what if he threw up in front of James? That wouldn’t be y at all, and the man would probably change his mind about taking Taemin to his room. Staggering backward, he cursed at the bile rising in his throat, and nearly lost his balance when he hit a stool. He would have fallen had James not held him up with an arm wrapped around his back.

“Careful, pretty.” A gust of warm breath rustled the hair near Taemin’s cheek.

Taemin glanced up at him and his lips. “Thanks,” he said, feeling his whole face heat up.

“Taemin?”

As the voice came from right behind them, James let go of him quickly and Taemin spun around to see Jongin standing there, big scowl in place. He felt the color drain from his face. What was Jongin doing here? His heart raced and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. How much had he heard?

“Hey, Jonginnie.” Taemin giggled, trying to hide his nervousness but knowing too damn well that the breathless sound of his voice gave him away. He’d always been a bad liar and a poor actor. “I was just thinking about you. And now you’re here!”

“That’s great, buddy,” Jongin said, looking in James’ direction with an expression that was a little less approachable and a little more blank than usual. “I see you have company.”

Taemin watched him for a moment and then let out a funny little breath. “Yeah, Sorry. Uh… Jongin, this is James. James, this is Jongin,” he introduced them, hoping to ease the tension in the air.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, broken by James when he cleared of his throat. “Nice to meet you, Jongin,” he said and extended his hand in greeting, but Jongin replied with a curtnod, then turned his attention back to Taemin.

Another silence passed and Taemin could feel the anxiety rising in him again. "So-” he began, but was cut off by Jongin.

“You going anywhere?”