My heart pounds painfully against my chest as I chase after her, adrenaline pumping through my body. 

"Wait!" I yell. 

I grab her wrist and it almost slips from my hold, that's how much I'm sweating. However, I manage to catch her and she stops in her tracks. I breathe heavily, my sides on fire, having sprinted all the way from my apartment, down to the open yard in front of my building. 

When she faces me, her expression is filled with pity, while I know mine shows only desperation. 

"Let me ask you one more time." I force out of myself, my voice quivering despite the strength I try to exude. "Do we really have to break up?" 

When she hesitates, her eyes closing with the brief silence as a way of gathering her thoughts, I already know her answer. My grasp weakens by itself. I finally let go of her, freeing her. 

"I understand. Sorry." 

I turn and leave to go back to my home, my chest hurting. After a moment, I hear her steps fade away as well. I can't help but turn to have one last look. However, by then, she's already gone. 

Laughter exudes from my heart as she pokes my side, pouting at my teasing. My hands itch to touch her more, so I wrap my arms aorund her thin waist, bringing her towards me. She laughs, slapping my arm lightly, suprised by the sudden embrace. However, it doesn't bother me, as I snuggle into her shoulder, inhaling the familiar flowery scent. 

"I love you." I say, the words bursting from my heart. 

I feel her smile, sinking into me. She turns, and I see the wide grin I was expecting. She opens and I eagerly wait for her reply when-

I jump awake, my eyes wide open, my ears filled with the buzzing of my phone rather than the soft laughter I had dreamed of. I tiredly look at my phone and it's a message from my parents, asking if I am enjoying my holiday from work. Little did they know I've just been lying in my bed. It's been a week since my annual two-week holiday. Usually I go and spend it with my family, but something unexpected happened, something they wouldn't understand, and I was forced into bed rest. Some days I feel everything at once. Other days, nothing at all. I stay in bed because my only relief is sleep. When I'm sleeping, I'm not sad, angry or lonely. I'm just nothing. However, when I dream, I dream happy dreams. And happy dreams make me realise just how miserable I am when I'm awake. I can't win. 

My phone vibrates again, but I ignore it. I'll reply to my parents later, when I'm feeling alert. Right now, I just want to sleep more and go back to my happy place. 

Suddenly, there's a loud pounding at my door. 

"Byul!" calls a very familar voice. "Moon Byulyi! You better open this door right now before I break it down!" 

Finally, I force myself to get up from the bed. I can pratically see the shape of my body left on the mattress. As I move, my muscles ache. Has it been that long since I've moved? Maybe my body is not used to staying stationary, too used to the constant movement of being a choreography teacher. 

I open the door and the woman storms in before I can even say a word, her sweet perfume tickling my nose. I close the door behind us and she glares at me. 

"What's wrong?" I ask, sorting out my hair. 

"What's wrong?" she repeats, flabbergasted. "I've been calling and messaging you for over an hour. We were meant to meet at 11. It's already 1 pm!" 

I'm shocked. Did I really sleep through all that? I check my phone and I see a collection of missed calls and messages. I suddenly feel bad. Kim Yongsun has been my best friend for over 5 years and she's been through so much with me, through the thick and thin. Guilt fills me at how I might have caused Yongsun worry and fear. 

"I'm sorry. It must have slipped my mind." 

"Obviously." Yongsun says straightly. Her nose suddenly scrunches, as if she's imitating me. "What's that smell? Open a window for goodness sakes." 

Before I can stop her, Yongsun throws open the large curtains and light immediately shines through. My eyes close at the unfamiliar natural light. I hear Yongsun gasp when she sees the state of my usually clean room. Takeaway boxes scatter around the apartment, with unwashed dishes in the sink, and my clothes spread over the floor. I suddenly feel very embarassed, as if I've been caught . 

"What is this hell hole?" Yongsun blurts. "What on earth happened?" 

My heart twitches in my tight chest and I literally feel my body close up. 

"I don't want to talk about it." I mutter. 

Yongsun looks at me for a moment and I wonder if she's going to ask the same question again. However, she doesn't. She always understands when I'm ready to talk. 

"We don't have to talk about it." Yongsun says. "But we are going to clean this place up." 

I groan but Yongsun immediately rummages through my cupboards and quickly finds my cleaning products.

Throwing yellow gloves towards me, she threatens, "You better start now otherwise I'm going to tell your sister." 

Guilt surrounds me again and I can imagine the look of horror on my dependable sister's face, and the way she would rush over and clean my room for me. As the older sister, I couldn't let her do that. I release a hard, long exhale, and we begin cleaning my apartment. 

We both collapse onto the sofa, my apartment finally decent. I forget how clean smells. It's fresh. Nice. I flick off the latex gloves, my hands finally able to breathe. 

Yongsun suddenly claps her hands. "Let's go out." 

"Where?" I ask. The coffee shop where we were supposed to meet is definitely closed by now. 

"I have a plan." 

Her love was like morphine. It numbed my pain and was addictive. She was like heroin. Every moment I spent with her, it sent me to euphoria. Every second she was away, I craved for more. It was impossible to give up. The more I thought about it, the more it consumed me. It still consumes me today.

I sip at the beef intenstine soup, while Yongsun bites into the ddeokbokki. I should have known we would be coming here. We basically spent our lives here at this restaurant as budgeting university students. It's the first time we've come here in a long time, but the owner still recognises us. She even gave us a plate of jajangmyeon on the house, with our favourite kimchi and pickled radish. 

"Does it taste good?" Yongsun asks. 

"It's delicious." It always is.  

Yongsun smiles and I find myself smiling too. It feels odd, as if I haven't used those muscles in a long time. Yongsun reaches over to have some of the stew, but I quickly grab the loose sleeve of her white blouse. 

"Geez." I exasperate as I roll up the material, repeating on the other sleeve. "I can't believe you're older than me." 

Yongsun sticks out her tongue, quickly pulling her self back. Taking my spoon, I scoop some of the soup, and feed it to her. She hesitantly opens and swallows. She doesn't even chew the meat. I see a speckle of liquid at the corner of her lips, and with my thumb, I swipe it away.

"Seriously, what am I going to do with you?" I chuckle.

Suddenly, Yongsun widens her eyes llike a doll and pokes her own chubby cheek. "Please take care of me."

Laughter explodes from my chest. 

"Do that thing." I ask.

Yongsun immediately turns around, and flips her hair, sending me a seductive look. "Neutrogena foam cleanser."

I'm seriously laughing now, my stomach hurting.  However, Yongsun doesn't stop. She starts beating her chest, bouncing up and down in her seat. 

"What's wrong with you Kim Yongsun?" she acts, renacting a scene from a cringy web drama, inserting her own name. "Be normal. Be normal!"

I gasp as I grip my sides, my nose cringing with joy. It's the most I've laughed in a while. Yongsun smiles until her eyes creases with glee. Apparently a good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures for anything. I'm beginning to believe it. 

"You're so funny Yongsun. You're actually the best." I praise, wiping the tears from my eyes, my cheeks aching from my wide smile. 

Yongsun chuckles at her own actions. "What can I say? I'm rich in talent." 

"I totally agree." 

The night continues with sprinkles of jokes and chuckles. Before we know it, it's around midnight and we start heading back to my apartment, where Yongsun also left her car. 

We walk through the quiet courtyard and I'm suddenly filled with nostalgia. The low lights illuminate Yongsun's honest face and I immediately want to tell her everything. 

"She's getting married." I suddenly say. 

"Who?" Yongsun asks, althought I'm almost certain she knows who. She just wants me to say her name. 

"Krystal." 

At around this time last week, I was scrolling through Instagram, minding my own business. Then, I saw a post containing someone I recognised, a face I could pick out from a crowd in an instant. I shoudn't see her, but she appears on my feed. However, it's not like I never go onto her Instagram profile specifically. I would tell myself it's just this once. It's the last time. I'll stop after one more time. But really, it's time after time. I can't help it. I should have stopped following her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to know if she would move on, how long it would take her if she did, who she would be with, who would be the person she considered better than me. I got all those answers but I wish I didn't know because it would have saved me from all the heartbreak. She moved on too quickly, or at least, far faster than me. Maybe I was just far more in love than she was. 

When I looked at the post, my heart stopped and dropped into my stomach. Krystal is smiling, next to the same gorgeous man I've seen in previous photos. I've never met him before in person but hate boiled inside me every time I saw his handsome face. The post is of Krystal and the guy, smiling widely, and her showing off her hand. Then my eye caught it. Underneath the picture I read the caption.

'Baby proposed to me today on our anniversary. We're getting married!' 

The knife in my heart twisted round and round. I saw the congratulatory messages and I wanted to leave a message. Except the message would have been filled with despise and regret. Therefore, instead, I closed the app and closed off my heart once again. 

That's the reason why I stayed inside for the past week. The reason why I didn't visit my family. I couldn't face anyone. Without love there is no pain. Therefore, I chose to live a loveless life. I won't care anymore. However, I do care. I care so much that I'm going to bleed to death from the pain of it all. Feelings don't die easily, especially if you keep feeding them memories. 

I feel Yongsun look at me, her gaze confused and filled with slight disdain. I don't want to meet her eyes. I don't want to show her how vulnerable I am, even if she's already seen me at my worse, because I've definitely been more pathetic than this. 

"For God's sake Byul. It's been over a year. Can't you get over her?" 

It's true it's been over a year since we broke up. However, it's not easy, especially after a two year relationship. The memory of Krystal hurts. Even if I try not to think about it, even if I didn't go on her Instagram, it would still hurt. Painful memories don't need a trigger. They just are. They're there. They will always be there. 

However, in this moment, there's a new hurt. It upsets me that Yongsun can't sympathise with my pain. Even though Yongsun may have gotten over her previous break-up quickly, I would think she would understand my struggle, also being the person that was left behind. Yongsun also knows how much I loved Krystal, how broken I was when she left me. Doesn't she know it will take time for me to heal? Maybe she doesn't really know how it feels, to be in love. 

I grit my teeth but Yongsun continues. 

"I know how you must be feeling but-"

"You don't know how I'm feeling." I hear myself retorting. "You're not me." 

I feel Yongsun look at me but I keep staring forward, doing my best to subdue the anger rising in my chest. My feet keep carrying me ahead, rushing to the safety and solitude of my small home. However, Yongsun easily meets my pace. 

"When people walk away from you, you let them go. You shouldn't have to think of her because if she really cared about you, she wouldn't have left in the first place. People who love each other don't separate." 

I find Yongsun's speech patronising, even if it isn't meant to be. She's only slightly older than but she somehow feels she can lecture me on a topic where she has far less experience. I feel her hand on my shoulder, offering some sort of comfort, but it completely pushes all the wrong buttons. Everything that has happened, with Krystal and my loneliness, it all boulders and avalanches. The red mist falls upon me and I take it out the only way I know how. I push Yongsun away, so hard it makes her stumble back, almost causing her to fall over her own feet. She stares at me with horror. It strikes me but I can't respond. I'm possessed with anger. 

"You have no right to tell me that! What about you? You haven't dated since Eric and that was two years ago!" 

"Don't turn this on me! You're the on that's still acting like a crazy stalker. I know you still follow Krystal on Instagram. The past has passed. Let it ing go!" 

I can't believe Yongsun just cursed at me. We're now yelling in the courtyard but there's no one around, and even if there were, we can't see anything but each other, blinded by our rage. 

"Oh will you just leave me the alone!" I scream back. I've devolved so much that I'm even cursing. If I was seeing myself now, I would be disgusted. However, just looking at Yongsun now makes me want to shout out everything I have.

"It's not like you have a say in my life." I continue. "What are you? Nothing!" 

"Oh I'm nothing am I?" Yongsun scoffs. "Am I not the only that stuck by you even when you became a shut in? Even when you took out all your anger on your friends and family, practically isolating yourself, exactly as you're doing now. Don't take out your frustrations on people who you love." 

"There you go lecturing on love again. What do you even know about it? What gives you the right to tell me who I love?" 

"Me!" shrieks Yongsun, the loudest I've ever heard her. Her face is bright red and her eyes are filled with frustrated tears. I've never seen her this angry.

"What about you?" she yells.

"What about me?"

"What gives you the right to make me have feelings for you?" Yongsun screams.  

I stop, unsure if I heard right. However, Yongsun confirms it.

"That's right you idiot! I love you! I'm in love with you Moon Byulyi! I've been in love with you for over 4 ing years!"

My mouth hangs open, my brain shaking. I still can't comprehend what Yongsun is saying, even if she shouts every word, pronouncing each syllable clearly. 

"Did it ever occur to you to ask how I felt?" Yongsun says, her voice back to normal volume. "To ask how it was for me when you started dating Krystal, how it felt for me seeing you so in love with someone else, being so torn apart because of that same person." 

My mind suddenly bursts with images of Yongsun. Her forced smile when I told her I confessed to Krystal. Her delayed grin when I said that we were dating. Her withdrawn behaviour when she said that she and Eric were now dating, and when I suggested a double date. The easy attitude she displayed when she said Eric broke up with her. The look of anguish when she found me curled on my bedroom floor, sobbing. The expression of concern when she used to come by nearly every day to check up on me during the weeks after the break-up. The way her eyes glowed when I agreed to finally leave the house. The disappointment when I said I hadn't yet apologised to my family or friends for my unsolicited actions. When she finally, genuinely smiled, when she witnessed I was gradually piecing my life back together. Yongsun was always there. 

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. 

I stare at her, silently. Yongsun looks tired now, exhausted. She has had enough. Enough of me. It makes me want to cry. 

"Why don't you ask me how it feels to be in love with someone so infuriatingly stupid, someone so stubborn, someone so selfish, so annoying so.... so beautiful, so kind, so tender... Why don't you love me?" 

Yongsun's voice cracks, matching my heart. 

Krystal looks at me. I can't believe the words that came from . 

"What did you say?" I ask. 

"We should break up." 

"Why?" I hear myself shout.

"You know why." 

"But I love you." I hate myself for sounding so desperate. But I am desperate. The love of my life just told me she wants to separate from me. How could I let that happen? 

"I know you do." Krystal says. I notice she doesn't say the same words back. I'm ready to go on my knees, to beg. 

"But you love someone else more than me." 

I'm even more bewildered now. "What you do mean? Who are you talking about? There's no one in this entire galaxy I love more than you." 

"You'll figure it out." 

She's already heading towards the door of my apartment, but I quickly follow her. 

"Krystal wait." 

She stops and turns to me.

"Are we really breaking up?"

Her soft smile breaks my resolve momentarily. It gives me hope.  

"I love you more than anything Moonbyul. But just this once, I want to love myself more." 

Krystal leaves without turning back. I don't chase her until it's far too late. 

That day I hesitated. Today it's different, I won't just stay still. There's so much more on the line.

I step towards Yongsun but she steps back. Her rejection hurts like no other. It's even worse than when Krystal closed the door that day, leaving me confused and alone in my apartment. Yongsun's detachment is even more painful than the memories Krystal left behind. 

I've become so used to hiding my true feelings that I'm not even sure what they are anymore. I hid my deepest feelings so well that I forgot where I put them. That is, until Yongsun lit the way and reached the unfamiliar warmth in the maze of my heart which I had forgotten could beat so hard. 

"But I do love you." I mutter out loud, more to myself. It's amazing that I finally realise that this fondness, this devotion, this affection I've had for Yongsun is actually love. Perhaps it's because the love I feel is so different from what I thought I had with Krystal. It's so solid, so real, that I feel like I can actually touch it, grasp it in my own two hands. My heart weighs heavy in my chest because it's so full of adoration. 

"Shut up." Yongsun says, hearing me. "No you don't." 

"I do Yongsun." 

She shakes her head in disbelief and makes a move to go. However, I jump forward and grab her wrist. She stops and doesn't shake me off. However, her back remains facing me, distancing herself. 

"I'm so in love with you Kim Yongsun, it's ridiculous how I didn't see it before." 

I can practically hear her voice asking me 'Why do you love me?', so I answer. 

"I love you because you were there for me at my lowest. When I reach my highest, it's because of you. You saved me and gave me hope. You never left me.  Being with you is the only time I'm truly happy. It's always been you." 

It's always been Yongsun. That's why everything tastes delicious with her, everything is brighter with her, everything is dark without her. And Krystal saw it. I don't know what she saw, but she saw the love I felt for Yongsun. I realised she really did let me go for my sake, as well as hers. I feel my breath catch in my throat. I suddenly notice my eyes are blurry. My sudden emotions have overwhelmed me without me knowing and tears are flowing freely from my eyes. I actually can't remember the last time I've cried like this, where my own pain is second priority to myself. 

"I'm sorry I took you for granted. I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Forgive me for not realising just how crazy I am about you until now. Forgive me and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you." 

However, Yongsun still doesn't look at me. I move my hand from her wrist and into hers, holding it. I feel her hand twitch and I know she wants to hold me back but she's resisting. I bite my lip, hesitant on saying what's on the tip of my tongue. Yet, Yongsun isn't looking at me now, and if I don't say it, I might lose her forever. The fear I feel is tremendous, crippling. I can't let it happen. 

"I admit that you didn't catch my eye at first. You were just Kim Yongsun, my best friend. .But once you did, I swear, I couldn't look away. My heart chose you so quickly I can't compare it to anyone else. It just took me some time for my brain to realise it, to catch up. You're my soul-mate Kim Yongsun." 

Finally, Yongsun looks at me and I swear, I truly can't look away. Her face is tearstained, matching mine, but she's also so beautiful it takes my breath away. The pain she must have felt all these years because of me... I can't even describe how bad I feel, I just to make it better, to make it so she has so many happy memories, it buries the painful ones. I just her to be mine. I can't help it but I pull her towards me and without hesitation, I kiss her.

Our first kiss tastes salty and wet, but I don't mind. It just feels so right. We sink into each other, our lips seeking for more, our hands touching more. 

Suddenly, Yongsun pushes me away and slaps me. The pain is brief, the sting mild. I can handle it. I caused her so much more pain, I deserve much more than this. Nevertheless, I cup my cheek and we are both startled. However, Yongsun quickly gathers herself. 

"Do you think just kissing me will solve everything? Do you think I'm that easy?" 

"No." I calmly retort. "I don't think you're easy. I think you're the complete opposite. I think you're a strong, independent woman that doesn't need someone like me who doesn't deserve you. But I just wanted to kiss you. I couldn't help myself anymore."

I step towards her again. I still can't look away from her. She doesn't withdraw but she breaks away from my intense gaze. I take her hands into mine and they feel warm, heating me like the sun itself. 

"Didn't you want to kiss me?" 

Yongsun doesn't answer.

"Yongsun look at me... please." 

Yongsun meets my gaze. Her dark eyes shimmer and I sink into them, losing myself once again. I lean in, they delightfully flutter close. I can feel her breath on my lips and it makes my heart pound. 

However, before I can kiss her again, Yongsun steps back. Then, she starts dashing to her car.

"Yongsun!" I yell, surprised. I immediately give chase. I get deja vu. 

However, she doesn't stop. She's had a head start so she's in her car before I can stop her. I try to open her doors but Yongsun has locked them.

"Yongsun open the door!"

But she doesn't. Instead she emotionlessly starts the engine.

"I'm not going to give up Yongsun!" I yell. "I'm going to keep chasing you until you tell me to stop."  

She moves forward and I move out of the way. I can't believe this is happening. I'm in despair. I'm being left behind again.

However, just when I'm about to lose all hope as she drives away, she goes past me and I see it. Relief fills me. Although it was brief, gone in a second, I saw it. It's going to be the last thing I think of before I message Yongsun goodnight. The thing I will dream about when I fall asleep.

Yongsun's bright, wide smile.

It's been over half a year and I'm on my Instagram again. As I'm going through my feed I see a new post. It's Krystal, next to the same man as before, with their familiar wide smiles, but she's in a white wedding dress, while he's in a tuxedo. 

'Just married!' 

I stare at the post. I feel something, but it definitely isn't anguish, or bitterness, nor is it happiness. 

I do not forget Krystal, but I do not miss her. I just remember that she is not with me anymore. There's someone else who I love now, who I've never loved as much. I'm grateful for Krystal, for making realise what I was missing. And I'm eternally grateful and thankful towards Yongsun for granting me the precious chance to love her. 

I smile, truly pleased for Krystal. Everyone is selfish when it comes to love. She's finally found her happiness, and ultimately I've found mine. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I leave my short congratulatory message. On the bed, I turn to the person next to me. Yongsun is napping soundly and I automatically grin. Leaning over, I pose for the selfie. In the photo I'm smiling, while staring at the sleeping Yongsun. 

'Is she dreaming about me?' I caption, before posting it. 

I hope Yongsun is, because I'm always dreaming of her. 

The End! So what did you guys think? It's been a while since I've written a more serious, emotional, one-shot so I hope you guys liked it :D 

Also yay for MAMAMOO! #2YearsWithMamamoo ! Did you guys see it trending on Twitter? I'm so happy for them, and I hope they enjoy their time in New York, as well as their concert. I hope I'm not the only one that's still obsessively in love with them XD