The first time I felt alive was the first time I feel his hands on my ‘skin’.  He was caressing me tenderly, rubbing his gentle hands around my chest, my back and the lower part of my body.  Even though I could not see him, even though I was ‘blind’, I could always tell those gorgeous hands were belonged to him and him only.  His silky fingers slowly moved on the surface of mine.  I liked it.  I loved it.  I knew he was trying to put a LIFE in me.  A soul into my body.  He was forming the curve of my figure, I could feel his intense gaze to every part of my body, placing his chisel carefully on each inch, as if he does not want me to feel the pain caused by his pressure.  But he should not worry about that actually.  I did not feel anything anyway.  I could not feel even if I want to.  

           I was merely a stone.  A big tall and white stone, people used to sculpt a statue from.  I was taken here to a place where I could sense many people around, talking and chatting about their passion of art.  I was happy at first.  Finally, someone took me from my lonely place in the middle of nowhere.  Someone would give me a new life, a new look, and perhaps, with those I would enjoy a glimpse of happiness for not being alone anymore.

Then this man came.

I knew it.  

I could tell it was our fate.

           Even though I could not see him, I could hear his hoarse and low voice speaking to me.  Even though I could not see him, I could sense his warm smile beaming at me when he talked to me.

            I could not tell whether it was day or night that he would come to see me, but I then realized when he was around, it was usually late at night, because I knew there would be no other people around.  The place where I was kept was always quiet when he was around.  But I liked it that way.  As if the world had only the two of us, and only the two of us owned the world.

            The day he finally formed my face was unforgettable.  I remembered he started to caress my head part more often.  I could sense his fingers form my hair delicately.  The tip of his gouges took turn to have smooth maneuver on my face.  He carefully formed my jaws, my cheek bones, lips and nose.  I was excited.  I never felt this happy before.  Was this mean he will soon create my eyes?  When he did, I knew I would be able to see him for the first time in my life.  Finally, I would see his face.  I would wait.  

Impatiently.

Then that day came.  He made my eyes.  The eyelids, the orbs and the sclera.  I knew it.  It was time.  

I was scared, yet excited.

I wanted to see him.  Eye to eye. 

My creator.  

My father.  

I focused my vision.

I adjusted with the bright light – the light I had never seen before through an eye.

There he was.

Right before me.

            I was stunned.  It was not like I could move anyway.  I was a statue.  I was a sculpture.  But if there was a suitable word could describe how I feel now, perhaps it would be none.

            He was way gorgeous that I ever imagined.  He had this kindhearted look on his face, wide glossy eyes, slim nose and lips that always beamed a brightening smile.

I could not describe how I felt at the moment, but I thought I know.

I fell in love at the first sight.

           He smiled back at me.  He whispered the words, "welcome to the world", and told me how he was eager to show me to the world.  Let the world admire my beauty.  Now that I was able to see, I could tell he had many friends working with him in that place.  

A studio, I believed.  

           His friends loved his presence, that I was sure.  Who wouldn't be?  He was amiable.  He was always full of smiles.  He cared of his surroundings. He brought food for them whenever he had a chance to.  He listened.  

Then I finally knew his name.  I knew it from his friends who addressed him every now and then.  

Jun Jin. 

Simple.  Yet I loved it.

           Jun Jin talked to me every time he was working on me.  I could tell he was a perfectionist, in a good way.  I know he was trying his best to make me look good.  Now that I could see what he was doing, I could not help not to blush every time he goes down there.  Working on my thighs, my legs and- 

           I learned many things from him.  He talked a lot, but I did not mind.  He made my days not lonely and all silent anymore.  I loved him when he talked about his life.  About his family.  His father.  His missing mother.  And lastly about the man he fell in love with.  That part I did not like.

           He told me that he loved a man named Dong Wan.  Apparently he was an artist too.  A singer.  Jun Jin loved him very much.  I lost count of how many times he talked about his boyfriend's incredible talent in singing.  How he never failed to mesmerize everyone with his voice, including my Jun Jin.  The more he talked about him, the more I grew dislike at him.  I was jealous.  I envied that man.  If it was possible, I, too, would compose a song for my Jun Jin and sing it for him.

           I knew I did not like that man, Dong Wan, and I was right.  The first time I met him, he visited me that night.  My Jun Jin invited him.  My Jun Jin proudly presented me to him, and I was happy that he was proud of me.

           But that man chuckled.  He told my Jun Jin that I was not natural.  I was way too handsome and there was no way a person in this world could look like me.  He even laughed at my Jun Jin.  But I knew my Jun Jin would not say anything in return.  Even though I could tell there was a disappointment in those beautiful eyes, he would choose to keep it.  

That night changed my Jun Jin.

           He started to visit me less and less.  Sometimes he only saw me once in a week.  I was sad.  I missed him.  I wanted to see him.  I wanted to tell him that I needed his presence.  If only I could talk.

           I knew it was Sunday today.  I counted the days.  My Jun Jin would come and I would be here waiting.  As if I could go somewhere else anyway.  

           He came.  Finally.  Even though it was late, but I did not mind.  I did not care as long as I could see him, I would wait even until the end of time.

           But something was different that night.  I knew what.  His look.  His eyes.  He looked different.  He was not as cheerful as he used to.  He had been crying.  What happened?

           He took off his scarf and coat, hung them on their usual place.  He was quiet.  He used to babble when he met me.  Greet me even though he knew I would not answer back.  I wanted to.  But I was just a statue.  I could not.  But tonight, he did not say a word.  He was still quiet even when he took his tools and started detailing my fingers.  I wished I could reach him and brushed his silky black hair.  Or even embrace him and whispered in his ear that I was here for him.  I would listen. 

           I could see his hands shaking.  He was about to cry, but I knew he tried to hold his tears.  He started to talk again.  His voice was so soft.  I was thankful there were only the two of us, so I could still hear his voice clearly.  He told me that he caught his boyfriend kissing a woman.  He told me that he was frozen when he saw them.  He told me that he did not blame him for doing that.  He said he knew his boyfriend was disappointed of him.  That he was not as talented as his boyfriend was.  That he could not make a better living, for he was just a small artist. 

           He told me that he began to realize his life had no use.  No achievement.  Nothing in his life that could make someone proud of him.  Love him. 

He teared. 

I teared. 

He was broken.  

I was broken.

           Then I started to feel.  A single drip of his tears fell right onto my hand.  It was warm, yet piercing.  He wiped it.  He wiped his wet eyes.  He asked me for forgiveness.  He told me he could not focus creating me because of this matter.  I understood.  I did.  Then we spent the rest of the night in silence. 

           He eventually stood up, caressed my cheek and bid me farewell.  He promised me he would be back soon.  He thanked me for listening to him.  He took his coat and put it on.  He took his scarf and put it around his neck.  He took the last look on me and smiled.  He waved at me, as if I could wave to him in return.

He turned off the lights.  Closed the door and locked it. 

           Little that he knew, every time he said goodbye, I died.  I returned to my old days when I was merely a chunk of stone.  No shape.  No form.  Kick by people.  Spit on.  Step on.  Rain fell over me.  Heat burned me. 

           He was my hero.  He made me into something.  He turned me into something special.  He turned me into something people would admire.  Something to love.  Even if he was nothing to that man Dong Wan, he was everything to me.  He gave me life.  He gave me the reason to breathe.  Never before I wanted to come to live so badly.  I wanted to be able to move.  I wanted to be able to run after him.  I wanted to be able to tell him that he was precious to me.  That he was my sun, my moon, and the star of my life.  That he was the reason I was here.

But it was impossible.

I knew.

I should not ask for more.

Then FATE had mercy on me. 

           The next morning.  I opened my eyes.  Something was DIFFERENT.  I could tell.  I felt my body was lighter.  Light as a feather.  As if I had touched one before.  All that I know, I could move.  My limb was not made of stone anymore.  I was made of skin, flesh and blood.  I did not know how.  But I transformed.  I CHANGED. 

I was not a stone anymore. 

I was not a statue anymore.

I was a MAN.

What?  How?  How was this possible?

MIRACLE.

          That was my mind told me.  There was a VOICE.  In my head.  I could hear someone talk to me.  I did not know who.  He told me I was given this one day to be a man.  Not more, not less.  Before the sun set, I had to return and be a statue again. 

Before the sun set.

It was more than enough.

I was laughing.  Out loud. 

I was ecstatic.  I was overjoyed.

Before the sun set. 

It was more than enough.

I wanted to see him.  I wanted to meet my Jun Jin.  I wanted to thank him.  For creating me. 

           But how to find him?  I looked at the time.  It was still early in the morning.  I remembered there was once he came in the morning, carrying a cup of coffee in his hand.  I remembered the brand.  He had to be in that cafe by now.  I looked around me for a clothing.  I could not go out like this.  My Jun Jin carved my body in Atlanta’s way.  Carved my body in single sheet of cloth. 

           I was lucky.  I found a used shirt and a pair of black pants, right on my size.  An artist must have left them there for a spare.  I found his shoes too.  I took them.  I promised to return it after use.

           I hurried and let myself out of the studio.  I ran around the busy street to find that cafe.  I would ask for direction.  I could not wait to meet him.  I wanted to see him.  Would he recognize me?  He better NOT.  If he did, he would freak out.  There was no way a statue could come to live.  Nobody believed in miracle nowadays.

           I almost gave up.  I could not find that place until now.  Morning would pass soon, he might be going to other places, and I did not know where.  There was one cafe left in the neighbourhood I had not checked yet.  I had to try my luck.  I made my turn in the corner.  I was in a hurry, I did not notice someone else was coming from the other side.  I bumped on him.  He bumped on me.  We bumped on each other.

What did I tell you?  Fate.

           I found him.  He ran to me.  He dropped his coffee on my shirt.  He was panic.  He apologized to me.  Again and again.  He bowed.  I smiled.  I did not mind, I said.  He looked at me apologetically.  He asked me whether he could do me a favour.  I really wanted to tell him that I just wanted to hug him.  But I knew.  It would be weird.  So I told him that he could buy me a cup of coffee, or breakfast.  I wanted to taste man’s food. 

           He smiled.  He agreed.  We went to a near cafe.  We sat.  We made orders.  He asked me for my name.  I was speechless for a moment.  I did not think of that.  He never gave me a name.  When we talked – he talked, I listened.  I looked at the cafe’s name.  ‘Eric’.  I told him that my name was Eric, just like the cafe’s.

           He laughed.  What a coincidence, he said.  I was happy.  I was happy to see him laughing.  We started to talk.  He told me the stories he had told me before.  About his work.  He worked in an art gallery.  He appraised paintings, sculptures, and any kind of art.  About his hobby.  I asked him.  He smiled.  He told me he was working on a man sculpture now.  Me.  I knew.  I grinned.  I could tell he was happy when he told stories about me.  How he made me.  Where he kept me.  He could even tell me every detail about my body, my height, my weight and the colour of my skin and hair, if ever he could give colour.

           Then he surprised me.  He told me that I really looked like the carving he was working on.  My face, my height, even my gaze reminded him of it.  I laughed it off.  I told him it was impossible.  We just met today.  I told him it was just his imagination.  He beamed.  Perhaps, he said.

We ate together.  We drank together.  He told me it was like meeting an old friend, a good one too. 

I was content. 

Yet I asked.  How was his boyfriend?

           He lost his smile.  I regretted it.  He asked me how I knew he had a boyfriend.  I told him I saw his boyfriend’s picture in his wallet.  He smiled dimly.  He admitted it.  But he was still reluctant to say anything about that man.  I understood.  I was a ‘stranger’. 

           He decided to tell me anyway.  He was breaking up.  Before he caught him kissing with a woman, they fought a lot already.  About his job.  His making money less than the effort he gave.  And his hobby.  He told me that his boyfriend wanted him to quit his hobby.  It was useless, he said.  A waste of time.  A waste of energy.  But he opposed him.  He needed it.  He needed me.  He stood up for me. He told me he enjoyed every second he spent with me.  Only the two of us shared the world.  Our world.  He said perhaps he was getting out of his mind.  Talking to unliving thing, like me.  But he did not care.  He loved my presence.  In our loneliness, our souls were connected.  I was touched.  It was all worthy. 

I braved myself.  I reached for his hand.  I squeezed his fingers.  He was stunned. 

Thank you, I whispered. 

He thought I was thankful for the coffee and the breakfast he paid for.  But only if he knew. 

           He asked me whether I also had someone that I love.  I did, I answered.  I had this wonderful person who gave a life to me.  Literally.  Whose smile was brighter than the sun itself.  Whose words were gentler that the morning dew.  I told him he was my inspiration, and I would go through hurricanes, flame and thousands years just to be with him. 

He told me he envied me.

I told him not to.

Because sadly, this someone I loved, did not know I loved him. 

Because sadly, this someone I loved, did not know I wished for him.

Because sadly, this someone I loved, did not know I prayed to be with him day and night, hours and seconds.

He was speechless.  I could tell he understood how I felt.  But he did not dare to comment.  He apologized. 

He told me he was sorry.

I told him not to.

Because I was happy anyway.

For being with him, even if it was only in minutes.

For seeing him, even if it was only in a glance.

For listening to him, even if he did not know I was.

I told him, I was more than happy to find my reflection in his eyes every moment he talked to me.

           He cried.   His tears were falling.  I was surprised.  I was panic.  I handed him a piece of tissue paper.  He told me that he wished he could learn from me.  He wished he could love someone like me.

I smiled.  Even though I was a stone, it did not mean my heart was made of stone.

           I looked out.  I was surprised again.  It was getting late.  We sat there for hours, and the sky was getting darker.  It was going to sunset.  I had to return.  I stood up.  I bid him goodbye politely.

           I could tell he was disappointed for having to separate from me.  He asked me whether he could see me again in the future.  I said, definitely.  He would find me.  Again he said, how much I resembled his sculpture.  I smiled.  I ignored it.  My mind was busy finding a way to get back to studio soon.  I did not want to end up as a statue in the middle of the street.  My Jun Jin would be terrified if he could not find me in his studio.

           I ran as fast as I could right after I left him.  I retraced my footsteps back to the studio.  I was back on time.  I was glad I made it on time.  I took off the clothing I used.  I took off the shoes I used.  Returned them to their places.  I returned to the spot where I used to stand, fixing my usual pose.

           Then the sun set.  I was frozen back.  I could feel the transformation.  Once my blood, skin and flesh, gradually hardened into stones.  Again.  It did not matter.  I told my Jun Jin the one thing I always wanted to say to him.

‘Thank You.’

           I was about to fall asleep when I heard the door opened once again.  Who could it be this late?  I could not turn my head to his direction, but I could tell from the way he walked, his shadow, it was my Jun Jin.

He was here.  He wanted to see me. 

I was happy.

What luck I had to be able to meet him two times in a day.

           He took off his jacket and hung it.  He came closer to me.  But this time, he did not bring his carving tools.  He halted right before.  He stared at me.  I stared at him.  He did not move.  Just staring.  Deeply.

           I was wondering what in his mind.  Then I saw it.  A single tear rolled down through his cheek.  He was crying.  And he could not stop.  His tears were getting heavier.  He closed his mouth.  He was to burst out sobbing.

What happened?

It was you, wasn’t it?

He muttered.

I was shocked. 

He knew.

It was you!

It was me.

           He strode away.  He went to search for something.  He found it.  He found the shirt I wore.  He found the coffee stain on that shirt.  He carried it over and faced it before me.  He yelled at me.  As if I was deaf.  He asked me time and again whether it was me.  I could not answer.  I was muted as always.  He seemed to forget that I was merely a statue.  A sculpture carved by himself.

Why didn’t you answer me?

Answer me!

I lost count of how many times he asked me that questions.

           Then he realized I would not answer anyway.  I could not.  He was down on the floor.  Desperately crying, begging me to come back to live, since he needed a friend so bad.  A friend that understood him more than himself.

I wanted to.  I swore.  I wished I could.

Where was miracle when you needed one?

I was screaming in my head.  Begging I could move once more. 

           He was back on feet.  I heard he mumbled, ‘no use’.  He believed he was out of his mind anyway.  He was not.  I wished I could tell him that.  He dragged his feet halfheartedly to get his jacket.  He would make an exit.  He believed he was dreaming anyway.

I was crying in my heart. 

I was sorry. 

I was very, very sorry.

           He was about to leave when suddenly someone broke in.  His entrance was so loud, it made my heart jumped out.  I saw him.  That man.  His boyfriend.  Dong Wan was here.

           He was furious.  He glared at my Jun Jin.  He rushed to him and pulled his arm harshly.  They started to argue.  Argue in words.  That man Dong Wan accused my Jun Jin that he was cheating on him.  And my Jun Jin said the same about him.  They were yelling at each other.  My Jun Jin wanted to end their relationship, because he could not trust him anymore.  But that man Dong Wan refused him.  He even blamed all faults to my Jun Jin.

           He alleged my Jun Jin that he was going out with a man.  And he saw the man this morning, having coffee together with my Jun Jin, sitting for hours.  Wait.  Was he talking about me?  He saw me.  It was me whom he saw today.  My Jun Jin got the blame because of me.  I was mad.  My Jun Jin did not deserve this.  It was unacceptable.

           Then he slapped my Jun Jin so hard, he was slammed onto the cold floor.  I gasped.  My Jun Jin struggled to stand back on his feet, only to find that man slapped him again.  My Jun Jin was scared.  He tried to fight back and pushed that man away.   He did it at first.  He managed to drop that man down on the floor.  My Jun Jin knew he could never win that fight.  He was about to run away, but that man was faster than he thought.  He was able to stand again in a second and jerk my Jun Jin’s arm.  He was once again pulled over.  He was pulled closer to that man.

Then it happened.

That man Dong Wan put out something shiny from his front pocket.  I could tell it was something sharp.

It was a knife.

A sharp little knife.

He stabbed it on my Jun Jin.

He pulled it out.

He stabbed it on my Jun Jin.  Again.

Then my world turned into eternal silence.

My world stopped turning the moment I caught his eyes looking back at me.

He did not say a word, but I could tell his eyes were saying good bye to me.

Forever.

Please.

Please.

Don’t leave me.

What would I be without you?

What would I be without my sun, my moon and my star?

Don’t let me be a stone again.

Please.

He gave me his last smile.  Then he closed his eyes. 

He fell down on the floor.

Lifeless.

I was bleeding.

I could not save him.

I was bleeding.

I could not die with him.

           I glared at that man.  He had my Jun Jin’s blood all over his hands, his sleeves, even on his body.  I cursed him.  I damned his life.  He gazed at me.  His eyes were filled by filthy wrath.  He came toward me.  Bring it on.  I was not scared of him.  He ran toward me. 

That second.

He pushed me hard.

I fell down.

I fell into pieces.

The biggest piece was my head.

My head part was rolling toward where my Jun Jin slept for eternity.

I meant to roll there.  I wanted to have the last look of his face.

I did it.

I stopped right beside his peaceful face.

I smiled.  I was this close to him.

It’s okay.

I whispered to him.

His blood was pooling underneath me.

I sensed his warmth.

It’s okay.

I whispered to him.

We would be reborn. 

I promise you, there was a miracle.

It happened to me.

We would be reborn,

And I would find you.

I would recognize your soul.

I would fall in love with you again.

I would.

I promised. 

Until that time came to us,

Remember me,

Please.

Then I closed my eyes.

I smiled.

My journey might end for now, but it would start again.

Our tales.