“This is the prescription for Mr. Oh Sehun's antidepressants.”

Luhan watched his mother's shaking hands reach over to take the small note out of the doctor's. He held onto Sehun's hand tightly. However, he didn't feel the smaller hand hold back.

It had been years since the incident. Sehun was currently a second year middle school student while Luhan was a second year college student. The young man was attending a university near his home so he can be around Sehun often and take care of the younger. He somehow balanced his work load and did his part of being the older, caring cousin... The person who promised to protect Sehun.

Near the end of Sehun's elementary school years, and the beginning of Luhan's high school years, something changed in the small boy. Sehun started distancing himself from everyone. He always ended up locking himself in his room, refusing to come down to dinner, refusing to leave, refusing to even talk to anyone. Luhan tried his best to get Sehun to come out or to tell him what was wrong but the younger didn't have any of it.

On more occasions than Luhan would like, he grabbed the spare key in the small bathroom drawer and forcefully entered Sehun's room. He would drag Sehun down to the dining room, with plenty of struggles and protests, sat the younger down, and forced him to eat, even if it was just a little. This went on for weeks, Luhan winning some then losing some, until one night, Sehun just snapped.

And Luhan never wanted to see it again.

“Why?!”

Luhan was so shocked to hear those words that his hands instinctively let go. He hadn’t heard that voice in so long... Sehun took that opportunity to scramble back onto his bed and push himself to the far corner, the furthest away from Luhan.

“Why.. Why do you keep... Keep making me do this?” Sehun sobbed. Luhan hadn't noticed that his cousin had started crying. “Can't you see? I'm... Taking too much...” Sehun's voice was scratchy for disuse and fumbled with the Chinese he knows. “You guys keep giving... And I keep... I keep taking and... I'm burdening you all...”

Luhan widened his eyes. He can feel the tears well up in his eyes when he sees how vulnerable Sehun looks again. “Oh, Sehun...” He took a few steps closer but the younger furiously shook his head and pushed himself against the headboard of the bed. “Sehun, please... You’re not a burd-“

“Yes I am!” Sehun screamed. “I haven’t done anything but cause trouble! Everything was my fault! I caused so many bad things… I… I just…”

Seeing Sehun starting to crumble, Luhan rushed over and wrapped his arms around the younger. Sehun struggled for a second before he just buried himself in Luhan’s hold. The older was blinking back tears as the younger sobbed. He didn't know how long he held Sehun but he gently hushed the boy and smoothed out his hair. It was only when Sehun calmed down a little when Luhan's heart really broke.

“If... If I wasn't born... Hyung would still be alive.”

After those words, Luhan just shook his head, not trusting his voice. He held onto Sehun a little closer but the younger wouldn't stop talking.

“If... I just... Got over Pinku's death and didn't... And didn't act like an idiot... My parents wouldn't have taken us on that trip... We wouldn't have gotten into an accident... Hyung wouldn't have had to protect me... They wouldn't have had to die...” Sehun sniffled, pausing his mumble to hold back another sob. “Luhan... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for taking Hyung away from you...”

The older boy's eyes widened. “Sehun. It's not y-”

“I'm sorry for taking someone so important away...” Sehun interrupted, mixing up the two languages because of his overwhelming emotions but Luhan understood nonetheless. “I'm so sorry for taking away your best friend... I'm so sorry that I wasn't the one who died instead.”

“Sehun!” Luhan yelled.

The young boy flinched at the loud voice but stopped talking. There was silence for a brief moment before Luhan let out a heavy sigh.

“Sehunnie. Don't interrupt me.” He started. “It's not your fault. You shouldn't apologize. You deserve to be alive. You deserve to be here, with me and auntie and uncle. Nothing is your fault. What do you think your hyung would do if he found out that you thought like this?”

Sehun lifted his head just a tad, his eyes puffy and red and tears still overflowing from them. “Wouldn't... Wouldn't hyung be mad at me?”

“Why would he be mad?”

“Because... Because I killed him...”

Luhan was at a loss for words. He could only hold Sehun tighter.

That’s how they found themselves at the family doctor. With just a series of questions and a short physical test, the doctor diagnosed Sehun with depression and wrote a prescription. Luhan held Sehun’s hand tightly as they walked to the bus. Sehun didn’t say a word the entire time they were at the office and the bus ride. It wasn’t until Luhan led Sehun up to his room where they were alone when Sehun spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

~*~

A year passed and nothing was getting better. If anything, everything had gotten worse.

“What’s wrong?”

Luhan glanced up from his cup of coffee. Minseok had a concerned look on his face. If Luhan’s mind wasn’t a mess, he probably would have laughed at how the older looked. Instead, he let out a sigh.

“It’s just… It’s Sehun.”

Minseok knew who Sehun was but never met him. Ever since that day he walked with Luhan to pick Sehun up, only to disappear, he never met him. The two continue to be friends all through their middle school years and into their high school years. They somehow managed to end up in the same class for two out of the three years in high school. In their second year, something clicked between them during lunch.

They sat together in the courtyard, very similar to how they had lunch when they first met. Luhan had his eyes closed while he leaned against a tree, Minseok next to him and eating his boxed lunch. They sat so close, their sides were practically pressed together. However, they felt too comfortable to even move away. When Luhan opened his eyes to check for the time, he locked his gaze with Minseok’s. The two stared at each other for nearly a whole minute. Luhan didn’t know why his heart beat started to quicken when he realized how beautiful and handsome Minseok became to be.

It took both a week to actually realize their feelings and ask the other out (Minseok beat Luhan by half a minute). They had been dating ever since but mainly in secret…

“What’s wrong with Sehun?”

Luhan heavily sighed. “I just… He’s going through depression and it’s really, really bad right now. He keeps saying that it was his fault and he keeps blaming himself for the accident that happened years ago…” Luhan ran fingers through his hair. “He’s continuously hurting himself and it hurts me to see him that way and… Nothing I do to help actually helps.”

Luhan felt Minseok’s hand on his, bringing it down and held it tightly. There was a brief silence with just Minseok holding Luhan’s hand to calm him.

“You should let me meet him one day. I still haven’t met your cousin.”

Luhan nodded. “Yeah. Maybe a fresh voice would help…”

~*~

“Sehun!”

Luhan slammed the door open. He was heading upstairs to change so he could go out with Minseok later that evening. However, the steam escaping the cracks of the bathroom door redirected him. Luhan stared at his cousin, who was sitting in the tub as scorching hot water pelted into his skin. He could see red blotches appear on Sehun’s skin and that snapped him out of it. He pulled the younger boy out of the shower. What surprised him was how Sehun struggled against him, loudly protesting.

“Let me go!”

“Sehun! Stop! You’re hurting yourself!”

“I want to!”

Luhan’s eyes widened and he almost let go. Almost.

He yanked the younger out with as much strength his had (which wasn’t too necessary since Sehun was a light and as thin as a twig). He pulled Sehun close, ignoring how it burns to just touch the younger. Sehun tried to push away but Luhan wouldn’t have any of it. He held on tighter until the struggles died down and Luhan loosened his grip slightly. Sehun stood there, head hanging, as Luhan sighed. He didn’t ask. Instead, he reached over for a towel and started to gently pad the younger dry. Luhan remained mostly silent as he dried Sehun off and led him to his room. He then grabbed a fresh pair of pajamas and helped Sehun put them on.

“I’m sorry…”

Luhan paused in drying Sehun’s hair off when he heard the apology.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Luhan could hear how Sehun’s voice wavers.

“You guys do so much for me because of my stupid self…”

Luhan kneeled down so he eye level with younger.

“I want to be better but it’s just so hard and I just can’t do it.”

Luhan lifted a hand to wipe away a few tears that escaped from Sehun’s eyes. No other words were exchanged when Luhan pulled Sehun in so the younger could rest his head on the older’s shoulder. He rubbed soothing circles on Sehun’s back for a moment before he sighed.

“Get some rest, Sehun.” He patted the top of Sehun's head a few times when he stood.

He ended up canceling on Minseok that night.

~*~

“I promise Sehun is a sweetheart.” Luhan said as he took out his keys to unlock the front door. “I knew the real him years upon years ago and I know he's still there. You'll love him...” His voice trailed off, a twinge of hope laced in his words but also the hint of insecurity.

Minseok slipped a hand in Luhan's unoccupied one and that was all it took for Luhan to relax. He pushed open the door and announced his presence and that he had a friend with him. He heard his mother's voice in the living room and he made his way there after he slipped off his shoes. He quickly introduced Mnseok (not mentioning that they had been dating, since it was probably best to wait until later to actually announce it) and quietly padded upstairs.

Luhan stopped in front of the door across from his and took a deep breath. Minseok watched curiously as Luhan lifted a first and knocked three times lightly.

“Sehunnie. Can I come in? I want you to meet someone.”

When he heard silence, he took that as a positive note and gently opened the door. Sehun was lying on his bed, eyes closed but Luhan knew he was awake. Luhan gestured for Minseok to enter with him. Luhan sat down on the edge of Sehun's bed and tapped the younger's forehead, to which he responded with a slight turn toward Luhan's direction.

“Sehun. I want you to meet a very good friend of mine.”

“Hi Sehun.” Minseok smiled when Sehun jerked his head toward the direction of the voice. “My name is Minseok. It's nice to meet you.”

Sehun nodded once before sitting up. Luhan can sense how insecure the younger was and patted his head.

“Minseok is going to be around more often so I thought you could meet him before he actually shows up.” Luhan explained.

“I hope we will get to know each other better.” Minseok added, smiling though he knew Sehun wouldn't see it.

Sehun nodded again but didn’t say anything else. Luhan continued to pet the younger’s hair as Minseok started to list off random facts about himself, from how old he was to his favorite food to his major and the list goes on. It wasn’t until Luhan and Minseok just finished their story on how they met when Sehun spoke.

“Are… Are you guys… Dating…?”

Luhan froze while Minseok’s eyes widened. Sehun just sat so still, his body ridged from nervousness on asking a question he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask.

“Yes.” Minseok answered honestly.

Luhan was about to angrily pout at him for actually answering but he paused when Sehun hung his head.

“Oh…” The young boy mumbled. “Sorry.”

Minseok tilted his head. “What are you sorry for, kid?”

“For taking Luhan away from you.” He murmured, shrinking into himself. “He’s always taking care of me and I know he’s canceled plans on you because of me… Sorry.”

Luhan was quite shocked to find out that Sehun knew he had to call off a few of his meetings with Minseok. Minseok was equally as surprised to hear it but he quickly composed himself and gently placed a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, the younger tensing up a bit.

“There’s no need to apologize, Sehun. I completely understand. But now that you know who I am, you should understand that you don’t have just Luhan or your uncle and aunt.” He smiled a little when the boy scrunched up his face in a confused manner. “You have me now since I’m practically your brother in law.”

Minseok laughed at how pink Luhan got.

“Hey! I never agreed to this!”

Minseok grinned at Luhan while the younger of the two pouted. They didn’t notice how quiet Sehun got not how he nor how the guilt still gnaws and tears him inside.

hahaha helloooo.... it's been.... so long. 

To be honest with all of you, I did forget (lol) and I got caught up with school work (I'm graduating soon!)... And... I may or may not have lost interested in writing but I've recently gotten back? Though I'm not sure if I remember what i planned for my stories... But I'll try my best! This was supposed to be longer but I didn't want to keep you all waiting so I just tried to add a sentence or two to make it "complete" and posted it for you all.

Thanks to everyone who subscribed, upvoted, and commented! Until next time (who knows when that'll be...)