Painful truth, excruciating pain, useless apologies

Recommended song: Apology-IKON

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h70lzKrh-Mg

1 day left for the meeting

She could not stop thinking about HIM. That person who she tried to avoid desperately. She kept tossing and turning on her bed but abruptly stopped when Joongki draped a protective arm over her and grunted. He had not yet woken up but gave signs of annoyance as the constant movement disturbed his sleep.

Whenever her mind travelled to the birth of Yeongnam tears swelled her eyes. It was something she could not help not doing. Everything she had been through had been nothing compared to what Joongki would do to her nearly every night. She would always go to sleep surrounded by the smell of the disinfectant she used to cure her wounds. But those could not be compared to what would be her emotional wounds. Even though she had isolated herself and had come to the state of having barely any emotions, she was human after all. One can only take so much. She could not help to feel like trash whenever he spat at her or feel like an auctioned possession whenever he grabbed her arm or pushed her against the wall with the strength of a hundred soldiers.

Nevertheless, this time, there was a spark of hope: she had found a job that might suit her. She would have time to do all the chores and tasks expected by Joongki and to have time to be with her little angel. This job was also something which did not have “physical” requirements, something which benefitted her since she felt herself out of breath frequently after giving birth to her child-yet this might also be because of Joongki´s beating-.

The sun had barely risen but she woke up in order to prepare everything extra well, she needed to gain Joongki´s favour so he would allow her to go to the interview the next day. She had already ironed perfectly the new skirt and blouse she had bought the other day. She had even laid out all the makeup utensils she had to find out the perfect equilibrium and secure the job. She was sure she would have many competitors and even though thanks to Joongki she was able to complete a degree in the university, she was not as experienced and it had been long since she last spoke Chinese.

She started by preparing his breakfast and heating Yeongnam´s milk since he barely had anything else after she had stopped feeding him. After that she set everything meticulously and beautifully before entering the bathroom to have a shower. She scrubbed thoroughly her body to get rid of the feeling of disgust after being touched by Joongki.

Not far away, in their bed…

He could not help but feel a sense of dread and emptiness. He reached his arm but failed to find her warmth and sweetness which his nose was used to, as if he was a trained dog. He would fall asleep to her and wake up thinking about her. He actually loved her madly, but in a macabre and sinister way. He had actually never received love from his parents and so grew up without knowing how to express any feeling apart from hatred and disgust.

His father would sometimes visit his bed at night to commit dirty deeds while whispering to his ear that he loved him, that everything was alright. Those times he would gaze at his mother, who was reclined over the door frame, watching him with dead eyes. Eyes that had once been filled with maternal love.

He ruffled his hair and wore his shirt- which