《jimin's pov》

Worthless. Failure. Fat. Selfish. Ugly. 

These are the most common words used within my brain,sadly. No one has ever actually told me these words but I can see it in their eyes. Those eyes that potray feelings of dismay and resentment.

And by those , I'm referring to my parents and my so callled friends. Everytime I hand over my papers to my parents ,they give me a smile that never reaches their eyes and tell me,"Try harder next time. I know you can do it." with that same dreary tone.

I just wished they would tell me that I would never succeed so that I wouldn't have any false hope that they may actually want me as their own child . I just wish my so called friends would just leave me alone to rot. 

By myself. In the dark abyss I've thrown myself into.

I just want everyone to leave me alone to wallow in self pity without feeling guilty that they'll worry themselves sick.

Although... I can't exactly blame them.

I put up quite a good facade of bonhomie. I put up a show of ebullience to shadow my true despondent self. I lie through my teeth,saying "I'm fine." after every failure. Yet my heart clenches and my guts feel like they were filled with cement. I can never do anything. I keep on lying to myself, telling myself to try again. But not so deep inside, I know I'll never make it. I'll never be a su