"If you do"

If you do it’s GOOD, if I do it’s DONE
How can you always say that I’m wrong
You always want to win
Tears are your ultimate weapon

"I don't understand you." Jaebum takes his hand to push his hair back out of his face, his eyes trail off to stare outside the window.
"I'm saying i'm sick of you. I'm not sure what's so hard to get, Jaebum." You set down your book on the slightly dusty coffee table seperating him and you. You ignored his eyes slowly following your body as you put on your shoes and raincoat to head out.
"Where are you going this late at night?"
"Does it matter? I'll come back if I want."
Jaebum sighed as he flipped on the radio to drown out the silence that seemingly mocked him after you left. When had it become like this?
Every day felt like a chance to dig beneath eachother's skin. A game to see who could make the other break down first. Who had more dominance.
You pushed back your hood as you entered the small street side resauraunt, ordering your favorite dish and soju. Before you had realized it, staring at other couples happily talking and smiling knowingly at eachother, you had drunk much more than what your body could handle at that moment. 
"Why doesn't he show he loves me! That Jerk...JAEBUM!" You began shouting, cursing his name as you slammed your glass down. he owner looked over and frowned ready to call for you to be picked up.

I was attracted to your confidence at first
But every day I went down on my knees
You magnified even my minor mistakes
And pushed me to the edge of the cliff
Well I love you anyway,
that’s why I put up with you

"Please come get her, she's starting to scare off my other customers."
"How much did she drink?"
"She ran up quite a bill."
I the next moment, when you were about to fall in a lovely sleep being slumped over on the table, a pair of arms lifted you up, another helping to put you on someone's back. Hazy eyes opening, you felt the familiair warmth of his large back beneath you, carrying yoo out into the biting cold.
"Why did you come to get me. I don't need you." your fist loosely grabbed a fistful of his hair.
Jaebum stayed silent, focusing on not dropping you on the pavement. He had a long day, too tired to even lecture you on drinking again.
"Go to sleep."
"Why don't you be more affectionate? Do you even love me? hm?" You pressed further. When he didn't anwser, you slid off his back, wriggling out of his arms.
"I said why don't you be more affectionate Jaebum? You can only fake loving me for so long."
Every day every night
Feel like a fool you gotta know
Why why why are you always mad mad mad at me
Can we go back to the way we were
"Y/n, come on. It's too late for this." Jaebum stuffed his hands in his pockets as he glared at you. When you didn;t budge, he grabbed your hand roughly to began walking back home. If that's what you wanted to call the place where you both returned back each day.
"Everyone else I see dating these days are always so warm and happy with eachother. Why aren;t you like that with me? Do you even love me? Obviosly not, Jaebum." You slurred, trying to pull your hand away. Now everyone passing you by on the street were giving judgmental looks at Jaebum
"Please, stop it."
"Stop what? I'm asking you a question!"
"Y/n." Jaebum stopped walking and turned to look at you, eyes tired, yearning for something from you that was probably long gone at this point. You stared back at him, directly in the eye, letting him know you wouldn't be satisfied until he anwsered.
"I love you, please, believe it."

If you do it always becomes the right words
If you do I can never win
Suddenly you become a different person
When we get along well I get more nervous
If I do If I do
If I say something you always say let’s break up
So I can’t get any closer
Can’t deepen my love for you

"Ha, don't lie to me now." your smile anything but sweet as you yanked off his hands on yours. Jaebum stared at you pleadingly.
"I don't know what else to do for you. I'm sorry I can't be there as much as you want me too, our schedules have been very hectic lately and I thought you'd understand--"
"I understand completely Jaebum, what you don't get is that I can't be left for a month alone. How do you expect me to want to love you when you have to leave all the time?" 
Jaebum stayed silent, mind filtering back the promises between you two of being together forvever even if he had to be gone or she had to take some time for herself. No matter what, you would stick together for the worst. Now, that kind of promise was a bitter joke at best.
Your major is saying the same thing over and over
You force me to do things to please you
I am tired of these trials with already known results
I’m desperate to break free
To you they’re just friends
To me they’re jerks who could be flirting with you
Another mistake, if you do it’s ok,
but if I do huh
"Jackson! Stop it!" you laughed as you pushed his hands away from tickling you. You had agreed to go out with Jaebum and a few of s to go out and eat tonight. Forgetting your rotten week at work, You laughed along with his jokes and had fun with the other members. You ignored Jaebum on purpose, enjoying his look of hurt each time you touched one of them. Maybe a litte cruel, but you had your reasons.
"Hello! here's the food you ordeed." The waitress smiled birghtly, setting down the food.
"Thank you." Jaebum looked up at the waitress, who was now much more aware of just how attractive Jaebum was after looking at him. She smiled coyly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Of course. Please tell me if you need anything else."
Watching this interaction, you couldn't help but making a scoffing sound in disgust, what the hell was he doing, flirting with her in fornt of you?
"Jaebum? I wanna go home." You suddenly interjected as everyone began finishing their meals.
"Already?" Jackson pouted.
"Yeah, we still have dessert." Bambam grinned, pointing at the picture of a delicious cake on the menu.
"I'm very tired. Have a good night@" You smiled as you and Jaebum stood up.
"Good bye," Jaebum waved to s.
It was back to square one again as you leaned against Jaebum's car, looking at him expectantly.
"Yes?" He sighed. You cocked your head to the side, grabbing Jaebum by his collar and roughly kissing him. He gave in almost immediately, but pulled back, now afraid of the feeling behind your lips.
"This is what you imagined doing with the waitress, right?" You smirked, breathless as you still held Jaebum close to you. He looked at you darkly, eyes mixed in confusion and hurt.
"Why are you saying something so ridiculous"
"Why do you get nervous when i'm spelling out the truth for you?
"I could talk about how friendly you were getting along with Jackson, but I figure it's only going to backfire on me." Jaebum laughed, now stepping away from your hold. He shook his head, looking out over the parking deck. The irony of uselessness of this conversation filled him with a feeling he had became used to at this point. Years, years of knowing you, and how you played games with him, and he still fell into it every time
I wish you wouldn’t go too far but you just can’t stop
Now I say in my sleep, I’ll be good
When there’s nothing to say you always say,
I’m gonna go to bed
Frustrated with no one to talk to
Sometimes I delude myself that I’m trapped
"Your accusing me of cheating now? I'm just good friends with him. Don't say things like that or i'll really hate you."
"Are you sure you already don't?" Jaebum traped you on bolth sides with his arms, hovering over you. You looked staright at him, feeling it was some sort of fight for dominance.
"Let's break up."
If you do it always becomes the right words
If you do I can never win
Suddenly you become a different person
When we get along well I get more nervous
If I do If I do
If I say something you always say let’s break up
So I can’t get any closer
Can’t deepen my love for you
He looked in the mirror, his eyes were red and puffy, obvious from tears he had cried. The shower this moring was cold and he couldn't bring himself to add heat because it didn't matter. When did anything matter at this point?--When the one thing you loved more than the world itself had put him in a rollercoaster of emotions that was it's own personal torture in itself. He felt like a lion in a cage, wanting to bound out into open fields, but held back by cold steel bars. He wanted to love you, even if it wasn't how everyone else did or the way you dreamed of, he hoped you would accept him for who and how he is.
Accept him for him.
Someone like you had come into his life like a firecracker that all of a sudden grasped his attention. Jaebum was never open to anyone, and s knew that the best. They were all shocked when you had begun to change Jaebum and open him up. Years and the bond between you was suddenly and seemingly unbreakable. You were bolth madly in love--but then came a sudden shock. You discovered things you hated about him. He would let you come and go all you wanted, the pain oand hurt building up inside of him.
He was ready to accept all of you for you, but you were far from it and he knew.
Maybe that was the realtionship now--you bolth hated eachother so much you loved eachother. He began to fight back too, but he was so much weaker. He couldn't ever be as cruel as you.

It’s up to you if you wanna break up
I don’t care
Just do whatever you want
It doesn’t matter to me
I’ll just go to sleep
She walked into the apartment, eyes matching his, puffy and red, freash tears still streaming down her face.
"Y/n..." Jaebum pulled you gently inside, making you coffee with the exact amount of sugar you liked.
"I'm sorry."
Jaebum stayed silent your cries muffled by his sweater. The sounds of the television and the cars outside washed out as Jaebum felt it was just you two again, against the world where nothing else mattered.

Every day every night
Feel like a fool, you gotta know
Why why why are you always mad mad mad at me
Can we go back to the way we were
"I'm scared to show much I love you."
He spoke the truth as he stared at the back of the book she was reading. After a moment, she placed her bookmark in and cocked her head looking at him.
"Is that your excuse? I'm hanging out with friends today, don't call me. Bye!"
If you do it always becomes the right words
If you do I can never win
Suddenly you become a different person
When we get along well I get more nervous
If I do If I do
If I say something you always say let’s break up
Jaebum stared at the music sheets in front of him in a montone manner, Mark waving his hand in front of him frantically to get him to stop spacing out.
"Hey, are you listening What, did you and Y/n fight again? That seems to be the way you guys bond now." He laughed jokingly.
"Isn't it though?" Jaebum smiled dryly, shaking his head as he picked up his phone, reading a text from you that said to 'have a good day, honey~'
"Ah, this means she'll really hate me today." he laughed again, making Mark step away a litte. (He felt like Jaebum needed space.)
He realized again, he was hanging on to a relationship that wasn't driven off of a crazy game between you two. One where you two had no fears. There were no fights. No one left.
That was all fake, yet it made him desperately hold on to you like a life line hoping deep down somewhere, you didn't actually hate him, and your mind was on him as his was filled with you. You were crazy, but he was in love with you. He couldn't let you go, your smile, your laugh, or even your dirty looks.
And that's why he was probably the biggest fool.
So I can’t get any closer
Can’t deepen my love for you