I'm slowly dying inside.

Just a little bit of my soul fades away everytime I see you laughing with her. Until when do you plan to keep tormenting me like this? 

A plathora of sleepless nights have passed, and I appear infront of you yet again today.

"Hi! How've you been?" You're still smiling, like always.

"I've been tearing myself apart little by little. I've been crying into the darkness of every night. I've been wandering in an illusion. I've been wishing so badly for the pain to vanish." Is what I hear my mind say.

"Good." Is the word that escapes my lips.

All becomes quiet, not like back then. We would have talked about everything and anything under the sun. We would have made up new things to talk about if we ran out of them. We would have enjoyed each other's company.

The familiar ring of his phone disrupts the awkward silence between us. You stare at the screen, then at me, then at the screen. Then at me again.

Oh, I'm sorry, is that her? Please go ahead and answer, I'll just wait here.

I can feel my forced smile disappearing and tears forming all over again as I hear you promise her that you'll be there in time for her birthday.

Ages pass by before you come back. You ask me, "Has it been long? It's my girlfriend's birthday today." You smile at me, that thousand watt smile that went from wavering my heart to smashing it into a million pieces.

"You should stop by, we're  throwing her a party." I shake my head and make excuses, a dentist appointment, meeting my mother, going to collect a broken watch. Those obvious excuses that you should have been able to see through.

You just nod and tell me that you understand.

Understand what, exactly?

That I resent the very thought of the two of you together?

That you're the reason behind all the harsh words carved into my heart?

That you don't know how much I hate myself for feeling this way, for thinking these thoughts?

"Oh yeah, why did you want to meet me again?" You question.

The words that I have been practising every day, every ngiht until I was sure that I had them right; "Why did you leave me behind?"

Instead, hot tears roll down my face, and my vision gets blurry for a moment. A mere moment before I can see your face again. 

Before I know it, everything's coming out.

"YOU TOLD ME THAT TOMORROW WOULD COME! YOU PROMISED ME THAT IT'S ALWAYS A HAPPY ENDING, YOU TOLD ME THAT I'D FIND HAPPINESS AND SMILE WITH YOU, WHERE DID ALL THAT GO? HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME FOR THAT ?! ARE YOU BLIND?! CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW MANY MEN SHE'S SEEING OTHER THAN YOU RIGHT NOW? WHY DO YOU KEEP LEAVING ME? WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF OVER THE FACT THAT I CAN'T IVE KNOWING YOU'RE STILL LIKE THIS? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME? WHY?!" 

"Please don't do this. I love you so much." Whose voice is this?

I hurriedly turn around.

To face me.

I can see you confused. I can see me realizing what's just come out of my mouth. Moments, and I have turned around and started running away.

From you.

From reality.

From myself.

Before everything becomes pitch black again. Once more, I wake up to the familiar sound of my alarm clock. I glance at my phone screen.

Oh.

It's her birthday today.