The wind blowing slowly and cherry blossom start to fall down. I look at her, she keep her head up and look at the sky. The breezy night make me want to hug her, she look cold but she act like she’s not. I take off my coat and put on her shoulder.

It will be lie if I say I’m not cold, I almost die from freezing but looking at her right now… all I can do is sigh. She still silent, actually we have a big fight just now. I know she must be tired but we just can’t stop fighting. We did try to chill and stop us from fighting but it seem like it doesn’t work.

I try to warm myself by moving around then suddenly she stand up, taking off my coat and hand it back to me.

“Wear it, it’s cold” I said but she shove the coat to me, I can’t help but to take the coat back

“I already make my decision” She said while looking away from me, she’s trying to hide her face

“What decision?” Honestly I don’t like this conversation, please don’t say that word

“We fight almost every day and it all start with a smallest and stupid thing… I’m already stress out with my assignment and work at college… I thought being with you will make me more-- happier but I didn’t found that happiness. Oppa, you are truly kind. You always try to cheer me up but we always end up fighting… I think we-- “She try to continue but I try to change the conversation

“Ahh it’s really cold, should I buy your favorite drink? Or we can buy your favorite tteobokki—“

“Let’s break up” She said and I can see her tears start to falling down

“You joking right? It freezing here, let’s go somewhere warm” I grab her hand but then she harshly pull back her hand

“I’m sorry, I think this relationship is not working. Let’s break up oppa” She start to cry

“We already near to the tteobokki place, we should go—“ I try to laugh and once again grab her hand but then she pull again her hand and hit my arm

“Don’t you understand?! I say let’s break up oppa!” She still hitting me while crying and I become speechless. I didn’t prepare for this situation, I thought we’re going to get married but our relationship actually end up miserably. I stop her from hitting me and hug mer. She try to get away but I hold her tight

“You must be having a hard time with me right? I’m sorry you need to go through all this, I’m sorry for adding your stress. I’m sorry I can’t fulfill your dream and I’m really sorry for disappointing you. I thought I can save this relationship but I just realized that I lack, I actually make you angrier than make you smile. You’re amazing and I don’t deserve you, you deserve someone better than me, I’m sorry Ha Mun Young” I let go of her, she can’t stop crying and I wipe her tears

“Don’t cry, please don’t cry for this jerk. Please…” My tears slowly come out, yes finally I lost…

“You are not jerk… you’re so kind and good but—“She keep stuttering so I put my finger on her lip making her stop talking.

“If this is what you want and make you happy, alright let’s break up but let me send you home for the last time” I try to smile and wiping her tears

“No, I can go home alone. You don’t need to send me, you don’t need to worry about me from now on” She look at me and wipe her tears. I look at her and she slowly turn around and walk away from me.

I can’t move so I sit on the ground and cry, I cry so much until there no tear left. I walk to the nearby restaurant and start to order alcohol. I actually stop drinking because of her, she always stop me from drinking but right she’s gone. No one will stop me now, I don’t know how many bottle I drank before I finally fade out.

***

One month already past and I still can’t forget that memories, I have trouble sleeping and my life is completely mess. I hate everything about myself and every time I saw her around campus I can’t help but look at her from far. I miss her so much but I can’t do anything, I’m such a loser.

Every day after class I will lock myself in my room, my friend always try to help me but I completely shut down all people around me. I spend in my room just staring at the empty wall without eating or anything. There some point my friend force me to open the door or they will break it.

And the end up break the door and found me sitting while hugging myself on the floor, they help me and try to get my spirit back. They interrupt me by taking me to play sport and hanging out, they try to not leave me alone and dazed off.

Amazingly in one month I finally recover and continue living as usual except I still having a hard time to sleep but my friend convinced me to meet doctor and I got sleep pill. Giving me pill make my friends restless so they hold those pill and give me every night. They know I might do something stupid with those pills.

I haven’t seen her after one week we broke up, maybe because our campus are quite far from each other. Thank god we are not in the same major but still sometime their major will come to our department like that one week after we broke up, she’s in my department doing her assignment but after that week I haven’t seen her so maybe this will help me forget her. Maybe…

She look fine and still look beautiful, I can see her laughing with her friend and clearly she must be happy without me. I guess there will be no hope anymore that we can be together again, I need to move on…

“Oppa, you look skinny. Want to grab lunch with me? My treat” Mirae standing beside my desk while I busy packing my stuff to go home.

“I’m busy” I stand up and grab my beg

“Huh you still can’t forget about that right?” I try to not get mad, it’s ok patience is key

“Oppa can’t you see I’m here? Are you still waiting for that ungrateful ?” She snorted while crossing her arm, well maybe patience is not the key in my life

“Stop calling her !” I slam my desk and push her before walk away

“Onew hyung!” Jonghyun running to get me, I ignore him and push his hand when he put it on my shoulder

“Hyung please stop! Pleaseeee” Jonghyun pull my shoulder and turn to him

“What?!” I shout to him and everyone look at us

“Follow me” Jonghyun drag me out from the campus and ask me to sit on the bench

“What do you want?” I ask him while looking at him walking from left to right without stop

Then I see key, Minho and Taemin walking toward us. Their face also look restless, I look at them one by one. Then Minho put his hand on my shoulder

“Hyung, promise me you will stay calm” Minho say in a serious tone

“What is it? Stop joking around. I don’t have time with your joke” I push Minho hand

“Hyung! Please promise me!” this time her hold both my shoulder then he let go, he nudge to Key and Key stand in front of me

“What is it Kibum?” Suddenly my heart beating fast, I sense something bad must be happen

“You need to promise us first, don’t freak out” Key look at me

“Ok alright I promise! Now tell me what is it?” I can see he Key look nervous

“It’s about—Moon…” Key stop speaking and biting his nail

“What?! What’s with Moon?! TELL ME!!” I stand up and hold Key

“She’s in hospital right now…” I sit down again and don’t know what to do

“They say someone try to her when she come back home late night yesterday from campus” Minho continue

“! I told her to not go home late at night alone!” I ruffle my hair

“Her hand broke and got a small cut around her arm and thigh” Minho take a sit beside me and rub my back

“Hyung, let’s go and visit her” Taemin

“No, I can’t. I want but I can’t, I can’t handle seeing her crying again” I stand up 

“Where are you going?” Key grab my arm

“I’m going home” I push Key hand and start to walk

“Let’s go together” The four of them follow me and we go home

When we reach home I lock myself in my room, then someone knock my door. I ignore it and take put a box under my bed, I open the box and a picture of me and Moon are in the box. I take the picture and look at her.

“Hyung let’s eat!” Key voice along with knocking from my door

“Give me 10 minute” I wipe my tear and put back the picture in the box then put the box under my bed

I come out with a smile, I don’t want them to worry about me. I take a sit at the dining table and the food are already serve on the table.

“Woah, do we have party today?” I take a bite and they all looking at me

“What?” I smile while eating then they start to eat. After finish eating I take a sit on the couch and they all come to me and sit around me

“Hyung, are you ok?” Taemin ask me but then Jonghyun slap his thigh

“Ouch!” Taemin rub his thigh

“Jjong-ah stop hitting the maknae” then I turn on the tv, I still can see they all looking at me so I turn of the tv and look at them

“I’m okay, don’t worry. Furthermore I’m nothing to her and why would I worry about her in hospital? I’m just overreacting just now at the campus, I forgot that we already broke up” I chuckled

“You really don’t want to visit her?” Taemin asking me again and this time Minho pull his head and lock it between his left arm and start to ruffle his hair. Taemin scream then Key stop Minho doing it then he slap Taemin thigh

“Come on I don’t deserve this” Taemin pouted while fixing his hair

“Then stop asking stupid question” Jonghyun glare at him, I can’t stop smiling looking at them trying to take care of my feeling.

When the night come I went into my room but before that Key handed me two sleeping pill with a glass of water. He put it on the table beside my bed

“Thank you Kibumie” I take a sit on the side of my bed

“Welcome, make sure you eat it and get a good sleep. Good night” Key close the door, I smile while look at the pill. I walk to the window and open it, the moon shine brightly.

“Ha Mun Young, are you alright? I know how strong you are” I smile while looking at the moon

I take the pill and swallow it before closing the window and lay on my bed, trying to find the comfort position I finally sleep.

When morning come I already getting myself ready for class, as soon as I reach to campus I got a call from unknown number. I pick up and the voice sound like an old lady

“Is this Lee Jinki?”

“Yes, who is this?” I furrowed my eyebrow while waiting for her answer

“I’m sorry for calling you early in the morning, it been a while Jinki-ya. I’m Moon omma”

“Ahh annyeonghaseyo eomonim”

“Jinki-ssi, did you know Moon in hospital right now?”

“Yes, I do. I want to visit her but I bet she doesn’t want to meet me”

“Back then I don’t need to worry at all when she come home late because I know you will be there with her but right now… every day she make me worried. You might see her cheerful and all like there’s nothing happen but at house she completely mess. You know right she hate when people start to worrying about her, she’s been hiding the sorrow by herself. And right now I think she can’t handle it anymore, she keep calling your name on her sleep. She also keep blaming herself for leaving you…erm” her mother stop talking and I can hear like she’s trying to hold from crying

“Eomonim, do you want me to come over?” I ask her then I can hear her happy tone

“Yes please come, maybe she will hate it and that is all about ego. If you two are not going to be together again I hope at least you can cheer her up or anything. I will respect any decision that you made and I’m not going to force you two”

“I will be there when I finish my class” we both hung up the phone, in the class I can’t focus. I try to find a suitable word for her and that is when one idea pop in my head. I take out a note and start writing something.

On my way to the hospital, I stop at the convenient store to buy banana milk and her favorite chocolate. As soon as I reach at the hospital, her dad sitting outside of the room. I go and greet him, while bowing to him, he hold both my shoulder and tap it lightly for a few time.

“I’m not going to meet her” I said to his dad, his dad quite shock

“Why? You afraid that she will kick you out?” his dad furrowed

“I don’t wank to take any risk, she need a full rest so I watch her from far. Can you pass this to her?” I handed a letter along with banana milk and chocolate.

“Oh this is her favorite, thank you” I bow to him but then I peek at the door, I can see her. She look pale and sick, how I wish I can sit there and cheer her up. Her eyes look puffy and she didn’t smile like she used too. I sigh and give a bow to her dad and walk back home

 

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