Concept board meetings are fun. People lay their ideas out on the table and are allowed to present the concepts they’ve been harboring for months. It’s a pass or fail type of deal and the competition is fairly healthy in the company. This time around you won the editor’s admiration, and the group to model the spread is in front of you waiting for an explanation of the concept.

Jolts of excitement are coursing throughout your body as you begin to see your ideas unfold. Never realizing how nervous you should actually be in front of the renowned men sitting before you. Nothing but smiles come from your face and there is an unrivaled mirth behind your eyes as you explain. Emphatic gestures couple your voice and probably the impression you give these men is one of insanity. That’s okay.

“Sounds stupid.”

Your smile drops at the pointed statement and all your excitement seems to spill out of your gut and onto the floor in an embarrassing mess. Earth shattering is a bit overkill, but you are supremely disappointed.

The elder of the two men hits the other on the shoulder, attempting to explain the inconsiderate statement, “I’m sorry, Changmin’s just a little tired from the flight over. We were in Japan a few hours ago after all.”

Changmin seems more peeved after this explanation and scowls, “No, I’m telling the truth. This concept is garbage.”

A moment passes where the air seems to still as the room becomes a soundless vacuum, your disheartened look blares out for all to see until suddenly you  bounce back again, all smiles, “Well that’s just too bad now isn’t it.”

The smile you shoot your new enemy is stiff; his answering smirk says he accepts your challenge.

~

 Being in charge of a photoshoot is beyond exciting. People only do what you instruct them to do. They rely on you to make all the decisions and everything literally revolves around you you you unquestioningly for the next few days of the shoot. It’s as if you are the most important person in the world… or at least on the set. However, that’s only partly true because while you tell the coordinators what clothes are right and which props are best, they then leave to answer the needs of your concept’s main objects, TVXQ.

The elder one is complacent and calmly receives his clothes and instructions without so much as a complaint. If only it were so easy with the other one.

Care is spent in picking the outfits. There are materials to consider, colors, textures, patterns, embellishments, an entire warehouse filled with clothes, and you have to rake through all of it to ensure that what you’ve picked is perfection. But perfection is missed on Changmin.

The clothes are too scratchy, they ride up in the back, they’re too tight, they’re too loose, they’re too revealing, they’re too conservative. You listen to the stylists as they relay his complaints for all of two minutes, until you personally confront him with the offensive pieces.

Fire burns behind your irises and you can feel the heat of anger at your thoughts, but you solve problems with smiles and rainbows shooting out of your , so the concept of heated frustration is new to you. It makes you want to cry, he makes you want to cry. This doesn’t show though, and you stare down his smug smirk with immovable determination as the clothes are shoved into his hands and words come out clipped from your mouth, “You. Will. Wear. What. I. Give. You.”

“Then you should personally be the one to deliver them.”

~

“I don’t understand.” A phone is raised to your ear as your complaints filter through the receptor, “I’ve never interacted with someone so insanely difficult, and I’ve worked with a lot of idols. This is just unprofessional.”

It’s lunch break right now and you’re in a hallway of the company building, resting the top of your head against a wall as you bend over your phone, arms tucked in tight to your body. The idol’s attitude is an enigma, and you’re consulting the main editor trying to figure out how to proceed.

“What did you do to insult him?” the editor can’t imagine anyone hating you, you’re almost... saccharine.

The pressure on your head is becoming painful as you turn around to squat, leaning your back against the wall as your face points up to the ceiling, “I don’t know. I didn’t do anything. They were being told the concept and after I was done he said it was garbage. I can’t get the shoot done in a week if he keeps delaying it with useless complaints, and then it will turn into three months of editing and then we won’t be able to put it into the next addition and then the subscribers will be angry and the CEO will come down and-“

“Breathe, breathe, it’ll all be fine. They just came back from Japan two days ago right?”

There’s a nod on your part until you realize he can’t see it through the phone, “Yeah.”

“He’s probably still tired.”

“We’re in the same time zone!”

“They were probably busy over there. Just give him time to rejuvenate.”

Elbows press into your knees as your body goes into a tight ball of frustration, your low voice comes through clearly, “Fine.”

~

“She’s pretty cute right?” it’s been a long silence in the car as Yunho gives Changmin a lift back to the younger man’s apartment. He has been oddly quiet these past few days working their latest shoot and Yunho’s attempting to figure out why Changmin chose to be an insufferable brat to the head of the project. It’s a bit odd for him to act this way with someone he barely knows, and then seeing him watch her figure with lingering eyes as she marches away, upset with his dealings.

“Who?” Changmin very well knows who, he just didn’t realize he was being so obvious about it.

“You know who,” the man driving glances over to his side to see Changmin leaning his arm on the window with his chin in his hand, “and you definitely are not winning points by being an . I think she’s about ready to murder you because of the ‘special attention.’”

The younger one snorts, “I’m not giving her any special attention, she just takes herself too seriously, so she’s fun to pester.”

Yunho shakes his head at the childish explanation, “Right, it’s just to bother her. Changmin, this is her job, and probably the first spread she’s solely in charge of at that. Don’t make it more difficult than it has to be. If you want her attention-“

“I don’t want her attention.”

“You don’t need to lie to me. If you want her attention then treat her well.”

“She’s not the type of person that kindness leaves an impression on.”

The elder’s eyes widen in confusion, “How do you know?”

Streams of light pass the car as the dark of night makes the stripes stand out bright; they are all winding together in a mélange of sizes as Changmin stares out the window, responding to the other man with a mysterious air, “I just know.”

~

Everything’s on schedule, surprisingly, and you hurry about back and forth giving orders, adjusting lights, fixing objects that decorate the set, and all the while a pair of eyes follows your every move. Today you seem happy again, all smiley and giggly with everyone, no one notices the stress behind your composed face except Changmin. He can tell by the way your smile falters when people turn away and by the quick hand that continuously runs through your hair. He doesn’t know you, but he’s analyzed enough to understand that you’re nonchalant nature is faked. It’s ironic considering the industry he’s in, but he hates fakes.

After all is prepared and perfect you slightly back yourself away with your hands on your hips and scan the area for any imperfections. There’s a serious look on your face and for once the sprightly façade is off your countenance, replaced instead with your sincere stone-faced thoughts. It’s intriguing how fast your face changes when you think no one is watching, and he finds your candid expressions the most beautiful. Perhaps that is why he enjoys pestering you… because you never look at him with your honest emotions unless you are fired with frustration.

Whatever stupor you are in breaks and a wide grin twists your face as you clap and call everyone to start their work. A stylist comes to Changmin and beckons him to follow as she arrives in front of a rack of clothes and begins riffling through the hangers, handing him a few things and mumbling for him to go change as she begins picking out Yunho’s outfit. Changmin’s feeling inventive today, and goes back to the clothes rack to change his pre-chosen attire. When he comes out again to step in front of the camera, he looks over to you with a slight smile on his face. You grasp your scalp, about to rip out your hair.

An earth-shattering scream of agony comes from you as you finally break, and the entire room is silent with shock, watching as your anger reddened face leaves the room with stomps and curses. You make it out to the hall and crouch down, hugging your head between your knees as tears of dammed back frustration and hate fall from your eyes. Why is this happening?

Back in the room of the photo shoot the rest of the staff continues to stand dumbstruck by your complete change in demeanor, never before have they seen an emotion from you other than pure content and excitement. Changmin stands in the middle of the shoot set-up, before the lights and cameras, not feeling as happy as he thought he would be by making you show your true feelings.

It is during these frozen moments that Yunho marches up to him and violently grabs Changmin’s arm to drag him to the side. His voice is low and scolding as he speaks, “What did I tell you…Why did you do it anyway?”

Shame is not something that Changmin feels often, in fact he is too proud to ever show it, but as the reality of what he’s done finally sets in, it takes over his entire body. “She’s prettiest when she’s angry,” he runs a hand through his hair as his eyes trail up to the ceiling, not quite willing to face his hyung, “I’ve really screwed up haven’t I?”

Yunho doesn’t answer that question but instead gives a reassuring pat to Changmin’s shoulder, “Apologize.”

~

You’ve moved your wall of shame to the secluded space behind the desk in your office where you are now siting on the ground with your back against the cool green plaster. This color was chosen to soothe away any tensions that afflicted you throughout the day and you always knew your office as a safe-haven to calm you down after stressful interactions with your co-workers. It’s debilitating, keeping up your mask all the time, but it’s necessary in order to get what you want. If you are kind and friendly people will ask you to help them on their projects, gates open, you can network with people and form business associations and move further up in the company, all with just a kind smile and relaxing demeanor. Changmin had to ruin all that. No one in this building has ever seen you crack, ever. You are the mediator, you are the reliable one, you are temperate and soothing. What are you now?

Never one for crying, the tears shed earlier are nothing but stale and stinging stains left on the skin under your eyes. Nothing can be done now. You will return, sheepish and smiling, to apologize to the rest on the set and the man who stems all your problems. He doesn’t deserve an apology, but to keep up  appearances you may as well give one and let on as though nothing happened.

You nod in agreement with your thoughts as you ease up the wall and straighten out your clothes. The door suddenly open to show the man you least want to see. Okay, smiles.

Putting on your most pleasant face you begin the undeserved apology, “I’m sorry, that was unprofessional of me. We should begin shooting again.”

In your mind you are scowling and cursing and shoving the man to the floor as you slide him out of the way with your foot and walk out the door without a glance in his direction… In short, the large chunk of pride moving down your throat is ripping it to shreds as you up your emotions and apologize. He’s so much higher ranked than you’ll ever be in this business, and the only way to move up is to cater to his whim.

A disgusted look makes its way onto his face as you open your mouth to apologize again, only to be interrupted by his voice, “Stop doing that.”

The confused look on your face as he says this makes him want to laugh, but there’s no time for that as you soon speak, “Excuse me?”

“Stop pretending you’re fine with how everything’s gone, because you aren’t.”

This upsets you. Who is this prick to act like he knows you, but smiles, remember the smiles, “I can’t say I know what you’re talking about.”

He moves further into your office and shuts the door behind him as you remain standing behind the desk, his trek stopping once he reaches the middle of the room, catching your eyes, “Don’t play coy, I’ve treated you like and you just sit and take it, what do you gain from that?”

The intention for coming here was to apologize, but Changmin figured there’s no turning back now and he may as well set his thoughts out on the table. It’s riling you up and you turn away from him to look out the window beside your desk, ruffling your hair in frustration as you nearly yell, “Of course you wouldn’t know what I have to gain, you already have everything you ever wanted. But I work hard, and moving up involves a lot of pleasantries and a lot brown nosing. So sorry if I have to ignore your tantrums in order to get my job done.”

Sometime in the middle of your rant you moved from behind your desk to stand right in front of the brown-haired man. Your faces are close after the exchange and you glare at him hoping the heat of it will melt his skin off. It’s not working, it doesn’t even freeze him in place as he instead moves his hands to your cheek and the back of your neck, forcing you forward into a heated kiss.

It’s ardent and passionate and his mouth seems to mold to yours as the sun sets just outside your window onto the seemingly romantic scene, but you aren’t kissing back. The only reason he wasn’t pushed back from the beginning is because it was so sudden, but you gained your conscious back and shove him, following it up with a slap.

Changmin’s cheek is red and stinging as he rubs the skin and looks at the absolute hate emanating from your eyes, “You will never touch me again.” And with that you give another shove for good measure and stomp your way out of the office and to the women’s restroom, leaning on the sink and wiping your mouth as the mirror reflects the tears prickling at the corner of your eyes.

~

Changmin is the first to return, but no one really seems to notice as their concerns focus on you. He understands this through the worker's mumbles as he passes them. “Poor girl, it’s probably all the stress.” “The nice ones always crack first.” “I knew we shouldn’t have let some little girl be in charge, they’re always so unprofessional.” “How dramatic.” “Wow, she sure is taking a long time, should someone go find her?”

Did these people see no problems with the real person at fault? Did they not see that he, Changmin, treated you with the utmost cruelty every time you showed your face? He supposes Yunho was right, he really didn’t understand why you keep on your best behavior, but now he does.

A click causes all the mumblings to silence in a wave as the door opens to reveal you with a little less make-up around the eyes. Some coordinators rush to fawn over you and ask if you are fine, but you brush them off with an embarrassed laugh and sheepish scratching of the head as you mumble a, “Thanks, I’m okay.” Maybe you were never the worst of the hypocrites; the people around you go from judging you to fawning over your exhaustion-softened face.

The concrete walls resonate the sound of your voice in a charming manner as you call everyone around you and give a deep bow, apologizing all the while, “I’m sorry everyone, that was unprofessional of me and unfair to Yunho and Changmin. I promise it will never happen again,” you then turn to the duo and give another deep bow, coming up and only meeting Yunho’s eyes, “I hope you accept my apology and can work well with me from now on.”

Yunho isn’t looking at you, instead he shoots a disappointed look to the man beside him.

Changmin is again baffled by you, and just when he thought he understood. How can you accept things the way they are, why are you so submissive? You have nothing to gain from being nice to him now. He grabs your wrist and drags you out of the room, much to the surprise of the rest of the staff.

When you are both in a safe hallway he tosses your wrist from his hand and you snatch it to your chest defensively, all the while saying, “What the hell are you doing?”

“How can you just roll over and accept these things, do you have no pride?”

Of course he doesn’t understand, he probably never will, “Some people can’t afford pride. Why do you even care? I don’t know you, and all you’ve done is pester me. What did I do to deserve that? You don’t bother anyone else. aYou know what, forget it, I don’t care.”

You’re turning away to walk back into the studio when he grabs your wrist again, but this time you violently rip your arm back and turn on him, voice dripping with malice, “I told you not to ing touch me. I let you go this last time, so watch it,” and he’s left to stare at the empty space you once occupied while you instead return to the shoot, explaining to the staff that Changmin wanted to talk about a matter regarding his part in private.