I was thinking of you, and of the past.  I have so many memories of you. My youth won't be complete, if you were not there. 

Well, I want to believe I am your favorite niece hahahahaa *smile*

I am just joking, but it would be great if that was the truth hahahahaa *smile* not that I had a head start from my other cousins haahahahaa

I know, I know, you don't favor anyone, and that you love us all, I am just being silly.

Forgive this niece of yours, I just want you to smile.

Please, uncle, be patient, and read the whole story. 

I am not a real niece, by blood, but you never treated me any differently. 

I did not know I was adopted until I was a young adult, but, you always treated me as your niece. 

i knew, even as a young child, we were not rich, and that we were poor. And, we don't even own the room we live in. Yes, a room, divided to make a home for us.   And that papa had to work in a far away place, to provide for us. And, you had your own work too. 

Papa, would buy me the local variety of chocolates, whenever he came home from Subic Base on weekends, along with chocnuts and variety of hopia. I always wait for him on the day of his arrival, I could not wait for that day to come, because I knew he had something for me. He would  give it to me with a smile, as soon as he entered our room, "Here, this is for you." And, sometimes, he would ruffle my hair, and I would smile up to him, "Thank you, papa," and sometimes, I'd hug him, sometimes I'd kiss him, but sometimes I'd just say my thanks with no words with a smile. 

But, because of you I had my first taste of the imported chocolates. Even, my first Hershey, or M n M, or the expensive kinds.  That is why even to this day, I love chocolates. I associate it with you and papa.

I remember, when I was younger, barely in grade school, you would ask me to buy cigarettes sticks for you, and I would ask the seller to light it up and I would be puffing now and again while walking home, and be coughing in between puffs, so that the cigarette would stay lit, until I could reach you. And, once I gave you the cigarettes, you would give me the change, and I would be so happy, because I got money to buy snacks, candy or small toys. Or, if there was enough left, I'll have a few coins for my coin bank.

I remember so clearly, when you went to Germany, my mama asked me, if I were to ask a gift what gift would I ask from you, I said, if it was possible, if at all possible, I wanted a skateboard.  I knew, it was not going to happen because it was expensive.  But, I was thinking instead, that maybe, I'll get some chocolates when you got back.

But, my mama told me when you'd return from Germany you had a skateboard for me, I was so surprised, I was speechless, my jaw dropped, "What?! Really?!" My face was in full amazement. I couldn't wait for you to come back home.

And, when you got home from your trip, and as soon as we got to your aparment, which was a first for me not having you in our room,  and then you opened some boxes, you gave me the skateboard, I shyly said thank you. But, my heart was beating so fast. I sat in a corner on the floor and was amazed looking at it, flipping it again and again, checking it out, And then I turned it up side down on my lap, rolling the wheels with my hands, with this silly smile planted on my lips. I had it in front of me, but I still couldn't believe I owned a skateboard. No one, among my cousins owned one. And, I never saw one among our neighbors either. 

I really took good care of that skateboard, and would only let my cousins played with it if I was with them.  And, won't let them play too roughly with it. It lasted a long time, and I only gave it away to younger cousins when I was already in high school. And, it was as if brand new. I don't know how long it lasted with them. 

I remember, one time, we went to this place full of clothes, I did not even know why we were there. I was a young girl with cheap clothes looking at all these clothes. It was my first time to visit such a place, and to be surrounded by so many beaufitul clothes. I did not even want to touch them, because I might get them dirty. I did not know where to look, the whole room was full of clothes.  Then to my surprise, you told me to pick a dress. 

"What, uncle? For real? Truly?" I remembered asking you, with an amazed look on my face. I never owned a dress before, and you were asking me to pick a dress.  Then to top that, you even said, "pick three clothes."

I tentatively looked at a dress on a hanger, then checked the price, I dropped the tag price and I turned my head back to you and whispered, "it's so expensive, uncle."

You said, "Don't worry about the price, just pick what you like."

I asked very tentatively, "Are you sure, uncle?"

"Go on, and just pick three clothes, with a dress. "

I picked another tag price, looking at the price.

"Don't mind the price, just pick the ones you like best."

It felt like my birthday, christmas, and new year in a day all rolled together. I never had new clothes unless I needed it, or it was christmas. I did not know where to start, and what to pick. But, you were so patient, and let me roam around and looked until I picked what I wanted.  And, when you paid for it and handed me the plastic bag, I could only say, "Thank you, uncle."

You only smiled at me, and then ruffled my hair and asked, "Did you like what you have chosen?" 

With a shy smile, "Yes, uncle, thank you."

I wore those clothes only for special occasions, and never wanted to dirty it. 

One time you said, "Wear your clothes I bought for you, or you might out grow it."

But, I did not want to wear the clothes all the time, because, it was my best clothes.  And, when it would not fit me anymore, I kept it folded behind my daily clothes for years. 

You were always generous with me,  even with food, if you brought home some food you'd always say, "there is food in the refrigerator, get what ever you like." 

If you got back from your trips abroad, you always gave me a lot of chocolates, even before you gave anyone anything. 

You're the only one who gave me a Hanes T-shirt.  And, even asked me if I liked the one you were wearing, and would say, "I have one more in my luggage, it's yours," or, in another occasion would say, "let me just wear it now, then you can wash it then it's yours."

Even if, you already had shoes meant for me in your luggage, even with the shoes you were weariing, you would say, "you like this? Let me just used it for now, and it's yours."

My mama asked you when you were abroad, if you could gift me for my high school graduation, a gold ring, because I never had any jewelry. And, my first ever jewelry was that ring.  Which I still have until now.  And, my mama again asked if you could gift me a gold necklace for my college graduation. And, that gift was my first gold necklace. I seldom wore it. I wish I still have it, but it was stolen from me. But, when you heard it was stolen from me, and that I was sad about it, you replaced it. Now, I still have that necklace hidden away somewhere, and only use it for special occasion.

So many first, my first swatch watch, which I was always using until it was stolen from me.  

And, the last gift I received from you is this laptop and mouse I am using.

Yes, you were always so generous with me.  Those were not just things you gave me, those were gifts enfolded with your love.  When my parents could not provide for me, you were always there for me. 

Along with my papa and mama, you raised me too.  You were always my uncle.

It is not often that I say, I love you or that I thank you. But, I always, always do. 

I don't have to say it, but you know my mama loves you, you are her younger brother, she loves with all her heart.  She aches, she could not be with you to see you, but because of health reasons, she could not take a flight to see you.  

If it is the will of the Lord, we know, you have accepted your situation, mama  and I have accepted it too. 

We love you,  no words could ever be enough to convey our love for you. 

Poems I wrote for you:

My dearest uncle

With my heart, I ache for you

Wish I could be with you

To hug you, and kiss you

To say. I love you

Though I don't want to say the words

Though I don't want to feel this pain

Though, I don't want to let you go

I don't want you to suffer even more

I don't want you to go through this pain

Should I just think of you, sleeping

Should I just think of you, dreaming

Should I just think of you, Living

Should I just send you on your way 

It is not often I say, I love you

But, you probably know that I do

It is okay

It is okay, uncle

it is okay, to be on your way

It is okay, uncle

it is okay, if you feel like leaving this day

It is okay, uncle

mama says it is okay, to be on your way

It is okay, uncle

mama says,  she will be okay for that day

It is okay, uncle

we understand, for you to be on your way

it is okay, uncle

we understand, if you feel like leaving this day

Jesus, is  waiting for you

with open arms, He is welcoming you

Jesus, knows you

with His arms, He will engolf you