All I wanted was what I'd already had. That exultation, that love. From him. – Choi Jonghyun.

*

Third year.

Jonghyun thought love was a bull, if you took it seriously it will become troublesome. A headache. One can never be in love forever with the same person, just like his parents were.

He used to hear his relatives or neighbors talked about how sweet his parents were. How their love story started from high school sweetheart to the stage they bound with marriage status, a happily ever after.

Jonghyun scoffed.

He vividly remembered one day when his father whispered sweet nothing into the phone, giggled and laughed so sweetly. Jonghyun thought it was so romantic like the Cinderella story book his mom bought for him, until he saw his mom came from his parents’ bedroom, hair wet from shower as she retrieved her phone on the kitchen cabinet.

His father already hung up when he strutted his way to the kitchen and planted a kiss on his mother’s forehead before grabbed a car key and went out.

His 10 year’s old self was confused.

At age 12, Jonghyun asked Yumi, his sister, can a person who love more than one person at the same time? He heard she said it was impossible. But she lied. Because the day before, he saw his father kissed a woman in the car. And he knew it was not his mother.

That night Jonghyun thrown all the fairytale books out of his room.

Now, they were openly argued and he can count on his fingers how many days where the house was quiet from their argument. His mother cried almost all nights, his father never at home and Yumi said the love was not there anymore.

That was when he realized, why bothered fall in love only to fall out of it later.

**

“They are at it again?” Jonghyun kicked the small stones as he took a deep breath. From his peripheral vision, he saw Changhyun looked at him, waiting. His small body rocked back and forth on the swing.

“What else. They will file official divorce next month. Took them so ing long.” Jonghyun scoffed. The cold autumn breeze felt hot on his skin.

“You okay?” Came the soothing voice.

Jonghyun nodded. “At least, the house will become quiet.”

He saw Changhyun stopped the swing and abruptly stood up. Those short legs trudged toward him. “Let’s go. We going see some fireflies tonight.”

The honey like voice sound so close behind his ear. Jonghyun unable differentiate if the shiver ran down his spine was from the chilly night breeze or from the voice. He never knew.

At times like this, he didn’t questioned Changhyun’s sudden decision as he stood from the swing and trod lightly behind Changhyun’s small frame. He watched the shorter hair bounced against the winds each time he took steps forward. It looked so soft – like a cotton candy, inviting to be touch.

Jonghyun’s fingers was a few inches away to reach Changhyun’s hair when he retreated his hand soonest possible, because the short male turned around just to check if he follow. He can felt the sweats of perspiration on his forehead, eyes roamed on the puddle of grass beneath his shoes – hands clammy. It was not like he done something illegal but he felt like being caught when Changhyun smiled at him before turned back to lead the way.

They stopped when they reach a river bank near the outskirt of the town. Changhyun pulled his hand down so that they both lied side by side on the grass, arms on the back of head, the flowing sound of the river calming their hearts.

“Wait. They will come out in a moment.”

Jonghyun hummed. No verbal response needed at that time, especially when the side of his thigh touched against with Changhyun’s.

As in cue, a flickers of light came in his sight, dancing in the night. It was fireflies. They glowed in the dark of the night and illuminated the area within. The view was splendid. The way they glow and shine and dance through the night somehow make his heart beating slowly and calm. 

“Beautiful right?”

Jonghyun hummed. Eyes trailed to his side where he met with the sight of Changhyun’s face illuminated under the moonlight.

“Beautiful.” Indeed.

That moment he just wanted to forget everything. Everything that made his heart agitated.

His parents.

His final exam.

And importantly, how his heart and body acted weirdly around his best friend.

Around Changhyun.

“Jonghyunnie.” That warm voice called out. Jonghyun diverted his eyes from the starry night sky to his side. Eyes flinched a bit when they met with Changhyun’s brown eyes that already on him.

He hummed. Eyes never leaving the brown orbs.

“What is your plan after highschool?”

“Lately, I have been thinking but - you know maybe I just want to run away.”

“From what?” Changhyun chuckles at that. Jonghyun really appreciated his best friend effort to lessen the tension about the subject.

“I don’t know..” Jonghyun closed his eyes, imagining a future ahead. “I want to graduate and continue dancing. Maybe we can apply for Korea national University of Arts. Then we can rent an apartment and run our own dance studio. You, me and the rest of the hyungs.”

Jonghyun snickered before continue. “Scratch that. I don’t want to suffer another years with Chanhee hyung, so we rent another apartment for us. And a puppy.”

“A puppy?” Changhyun asked. There was a tint of amusement in his voice. If Jonghyun hear hard enough, he will notice the happiness underlined in the honey-coated voice.

“Yup, with tail wagging while waiting for us at home. Oh wait, a Golden Retriever sound good- he can bark and bite Chanhee hyung when hyung come to our home. It going to be hilarious. Serve him right.”

Changhyun laughed at his side. And when it stop, Jonghyun sighed - he want to hear it more. It is a beautiful sound.

“You’re so mean.” Changhyun eyes turned into crescent and his face painted with a smile that Jonghyun can’t fathom. Endearing?  Amusement maybe. His pouty lips moved in beautiful way. Jonghyun was drowned deep in those mesmerizing eyes until Changhyun looked at him questioningly. A shades of pink marred his cheeks.

“Come again?” Jonghyun averted his eyes back to the night sky.

“I asked what happen next. Urm, what come after the puppy?”

Jonghyun humming to that question. “I can only think until that. Maybe after that you will get married and have your own family. You left the house.” Jonghyun voice croaked out. He felt something clenched in his heart.

“But I will keep the Golden Retriever. I will live with him until the end. It sound empty though – so I might want to change the last part. That I will tell you after I give some thoughts on it. Seriously, all I want to do is to run. Away from all this.” Jonghyun sighed as he smiles toward the sky. “Hey, how about you then?” He asked Changhyun.

But the answer never come, the only sound he heard was a faint sound of Changhyun’s sobs. Instinctively, his head snap to the side and saw a broken sight of Changhyun crying, body shaking as he covered his face with his little palms.

“Hey, Changhyunnie..what happen?” Jonghyun shifted closer to the crying boy, trying to discard those fingers on Changhyun’s face.

“Changhyun..look at me. Is it something that I said?”

The shaking boy only shook his head, refused to uncover his tears stricken face. Jonghyun was about to envelop his best friend into a comforting hug when he heard a muffled sound from Changhyun.

“I love your plan. But… but- I ha-hate the last part. I don’t want to leave the house. I want to stay with you. I want to take care of the puppy with you. I want to wait with them at home until you come back from work. W-we bring them to the park and do grocery shopping together. You can cook for us – because I hate cooking. We can practice dance together. Come out with new routine together. Brush our teeth together. Travel together. Do everything together. I really hate the part when you said I will get married and leave the house. I- I hate it. I don’t want to leave the house.”

Jonghyun lips turned upward at the sudden outburst. He pulled Changhyun closer and circled his hands over the sobbing boy’s shoulder. Thumb running circle on Changhyun’s back.

“Aigoo, you crybaby. Okay, you will live with me and us both going to be single till the end.”

Jonghyun felt Changhyun tensed in his hold before the latter let go of his hands and it fall – revealing a puffy eyes looking at him intensely. Pouty lips quivering.

“I don’t want that either.”

“Urmm, you will live with me and us both going to be single till the end and we will eat a pint of ice cream while watching Netflix?”

“Stupid.”

“Okay, I will try again. You will live with me and us both going to be single till the end and we will eat 6 pints of ice cream while watching Netflix and order your favorite Pepperoni cheese?”

The shorter shook his head while tears running down his face.

“Let me try ag- “

Jonghyun words was cut off.

“You jerk, I just want to be with you because I love you. Not as best friend. It is different. You might gross out but I need to let this out. All this while, I have fallen for you but you are so dumb that I think I might gone crazy. I like the you and I want to be with you. I know you are not gay, but I love you” With that, Changhyun pulled his face down and leaned their lips together.

Jonghyun froze. Time stopped. Everything seem out of place. His body become rigid in the cold night. Eyes wide open, trying to register the words into his now confused mind. He stared into nothing for only God know how long.

Everything happened so fast, until what left was a wet tingly feeling on his lips and a familiar silhouette disappeared in the night – leaving him behind.

What he afraid the most have happened.

Love happened.

**

The next day, everything still the same. He still came to school with Changhyun, lunch with Changhyun, went home with Changhyun, and practiced with Changhyun.

Everything were same except he did it with ‘different’ Changhyun.

A Changhyun who smile seemed tight and didn’t reach his eyes. A Changhyun who cried a forced laugh. Whom sparkling eyes replaced with a dull, solemn eyes. A Changhyun who called him Jonghyun instead of Jonghyunnie.

A Changhyun who was avoiding him.

Jonghyun felt suffocated. His heart clenched and it hurt. He badly want to reach out and pull Changhyun into his embrace. Hold him dearly and make his favorite smile bloom again on Changhyun’s face.

But, he was confused and he was a coward.

So, he kept mummed. And Changhyun kept a distant that gone bigger by days.

**

It was the day when Changhyun did not came to school. He called a sick in.

“What happen with you and Changhyun?” Niel asked. Eyes filled with worries and he give him a knowing look.

“Nothing.”

Chanhee huffed. “Once a jerk, always a jerk.”

“I don’t want to fight with you hyung.” Jonghyun put down his chopstick. The whole table went silent.

He was tired.

Jonghyun was about to get up and leave the table when a teacher called for Chanhee. His movement hesitated when he heard the words out from the teacher’s mouth.

“..also can you help to deliver my message to Yoo, about his school transfer process, I have signed the documents so tell him to come to my office later.”

“Okay Sir. I will let him know.”

Jonghyun didn’t realized that he was clutching to his glass tightly until Byunghun asked him if he was okay.

He was not.

He was totally not okay.

“WHY NOBODY EVER TELL ME ABOUT THIS?” Jonghyun yelled. What he heard from the teacher made his heart drenched in excruciating pain. Like half of him was dead and he left soulless.

“Tell you what?” Niel asked, confused.

Jonghyun grip on the poor glass tighten. “Don’t play pretend. Am I the only one not knowing about his transfer?”

Jonghyun felt his blood rage when he saw the bewildered faces of the hyungs.

“Is this about what Ms Song told me just now?” Chanhee said with a tint of amusement in his voice. Instead of response, Jonghyun just glared at Chanhee, whom lips slight turned into a smirk when he realized it what Jonghyun was angry about.

“Why would you care though? It has nothing to do with you.” Minsoo, who was agitated with the situation tried to sound calm. The rest only nodded except for Chanhee, who eyes fixed on raged dancer, trying to gauge the reaction from Jonghyun.

“IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ME. YOU ALL!”

With that, Jonghyun stormed off, leaving behind perplexed hyungs. Chanhee chuckled.

“What is with him?” Byunghun mumbled.

“He was acting weird.” Niel supplied, still puzzled with Jonghyun antic.

“And, since when he close with Yoo Youngjae? He acted like it was the end of the world when it was Youngjae who going to transfer school.” Minsoo scratched his not so itchy head.

Chanhee laughed at ’s confusion. “Let him be. It just him being an idiot – jump into his own conclusion. That jerk in love.” Chanhee walked away with a knowing smirk plastered on his face. Leaving even more perplexed trio behind.

Byunghun sighed as he watched Chanhee silhouette disappeared behind mass of students going back to their respective classroom.

Jonghyun. Yoo Youngjae. Love?

Pausing his game, he found nothing correlation between the three subject. Damn, this was harder than playing Overwatch.

The shorty resumed his game and concluded that today is such a day and he indeed friending a weird bunch.

A/N: So, ive decided to be a jerk and left you guys hanging without the ending. The ending is already done along with this chapter but…but I want to put it into a new chapter that is the last chapter of this supposedly 3-shots story HAHAHA/demon laughs/

Thank you for reading J

Please wait for the ending!!

Love y’all.