Seokjin knew that he had to try harder. May be he did not put the same effort as much as Yoongi did?

 

He did not know if that was the answer to his question. Walking down the street with the question in his head, he was heading towards the Japanese café. It was the usual hangout spot for Yoongi and him.

 

Well, that was back then. It had been months since they last dine in. The ambience was great. Woody walls, cement floors, black-rimmed windows, all were visually perfect. Yoongi really liked that place. It left Seokjin wondered if Yoongi came here alone for those few months.

 

“Hi sir, what can I get for you?”

The server asked.

 

“Can I get the Salmon Says and Ebiko’s Ride?”

Seokjin ordered the usual ones. He hoped that Yoongi still likes it.

 

Salmon Says was basically a sushi roll that consist of salmon sashimi on the first layer, followed by a layer of ebiko, avocado and endame beans next and center filled with the wasabi mayonnaise. That was Yoongi’s favourite.

 

Ebiko’s Ride was Seokjin’s favourite. Ebiko fillings, roasted enoki mushrooms and beef, avocado and lastly yuzu mustard fillings. That was perfect. Meat was Seokjin’s life. Yoongi would always just rolled his eyes whenever Seokjin describe how juicy the beef was.

 

“Oh yes, additional of the natto and salmon sashimi salad too.”

Seokjin added on. That was Yoongi’s favourite too.

“Also, 3 iced citron tea.”

 

After making payment for his food, he was given a buzzer. He would then sit on their usual seat while waiting. Yoongi chose that table. He would say that it was pretty good, near the collection counter and window. Seokjin just smiled. He knew Yoongi was just too lazy to take a longer walk towards the collection counter if he took the seats at the back.

 

5 minutes later, the buzzer buzzed. Seokjin stood up and quickly went over to collect his food.

 

Time to buy Namjoon’s lunch!

 

• -

 

“Hyung, you know, Jin hyung actually had his own thoughts about you guys.”

Namjoon wanted to help them.

“Have you tried to hear him out?”

Yoong remained silent. Well, he tried. But he did not agree to the decisions that Seokjin made. He did not think that it would work out at all. Honestly speaking, he was not too confident with their relationship at that moment.

 

It was at its most vulnerable state. He could not put his feelings into words, telling Seokjin how scared he was about their relationship. Yoongi really did not want it to end. He was afraid, if he let go, let Seokjin moved out, they might drift apart.

 

That was something that Yoongi could not take it. Does that mean that their love was present? They were just confused about what they were right now?

 

“Probably you guys are too comfortable with your current status. Everything is too mundane and that is the cause of everything? Don't you think so?”

Namjoon said.

 

Probably….

 

 

• -

It was almost midnight. Yoongi and Namjoon decided to wrap up with what ever they were working on.

 

“Let’s go.”

Yoongi said as he taped lightly on Seokjin’s shoulders. Seokjin stood up and followed behind Yoongi out from the studio.

 

“You need a ride back?”

Yoongi decided to offer a ride back for Namjoon. The metro stations seemed to be closed for the day.

 

Namjoon shook his head.

“Nah, I’m good. Taehyung’s gonna pick me up with his Yamaha bike.”

 

Yoongi nodded and bid goodbye. He then reached out his hand to hold on Seokjin’s while walking towards the carpark.

 

 

The heat radiating from Yoongi’s palm was so comforting. Seokjin smiled. It was the same as before. Yoongi opened the door for Seokjin and then went over to the driver seat.

 

Slamming the door shut, Yoongi started up the car, but did not start driving immediately.

“Jin, trust me.”

 

Those words came out of the blue. Seokjin looked at Yoongi blankly, trying to figure out what Yoongi meant.

 

“I know I don’t say too much about what I feel, but you need to know you’re important. I…. I was just confused.”

Yoongi explained.

“I probably took us for granted, and thought our love has come to an end. But hell no, I came to realize that I’m still in love with you, like how we used to be. The thought of you leaving pains me that much to the extend I thought I would be ripped apart. I was just too complacent. ”

 

Yoongi held on to Seokjin’s hand. He knew he was terribly wrong and almost lost Seokjin. Complacent makes a person lose the power to fight, to strive.  Seokjin knew he himself was too complacent too.

 

“Please, stay. I’ll do anything.”

Yoongi strained his voice, pleading. Yoongi never pleaded anyone before, as he was a man with dignity.

“I’m sorry.”

 

Seokjin sighed.

“I’m sorry. Me too.”

 

Yoongi looked at the Seokjin’s hands. The hands that he had held on for the past 5 years. The thought of  his hand not holding on to Seokjin’s never really crossed his mind. What the hell was Seokjin thinking when he wanted to move out?

 

Deep down, Seokjin was still thinking, was moving out an excuse? He refused to give a second thought about it anymore. He should not have his uncertainties eating him up alive.

 

 

Probably,

 

love was about accepting,

 

compromising

 

and forgiving.

 

 

 

Probably, that was the definition of love.

 

 

 

Both of them were not too sure.  

 

Although over-thinking sure had taken its toll on them, they refused to let each other go. They knew they had to make a decision. To continue or not.

 

Both of them were still a little lost.

 

The ride back home was quiet. They did not turn up the radio at all as they need to clear their minds. All they could hear was the engine spinning and cars driving past them. Their minds were pretty occupied by their own thoughts.

 

Soon, they finally reached the carpark of their apartment.

 

“Once we step out of the car, we’ll start afresh.”

Yoongi said as he turned off the engine of the car.

 

Seokjin nodded his head slowly.

 

Silence took over once again.

 

Yoongi could see the turmoil in Seokjin’s eyes. He reached out his hands again.

“Seokjin, do ….do you want us to continue?”

 

The decision was thrown back to Seokjin.

 

Yoongi sighed, as there was no reply from Seokjin.

“5 minutes. I’ll wait for you at the lobby for 5 minutes. If you want to continue, come to me. If not… you can just take the car and drive to Jungkook’s house tonight.”

 

After saying, Yoongi got out of the car and walked towards the lobby.

He tried.

 

Yoongi had tried.

 

If they were not meant to be, so be it.

 

He stood in front of the lobby, telling himself not to pin on any hopes. Having high hopes on something that might not be happening was dangerous. If it did not turn out to your expectations, you will definitely be disappointed.

 

Yoongi did not want to feel disappointed at Seokjin. If the other party was not able to play their role in the relationship, it was pointless for the relationship to continue on.  If Seokjin chose to leave, he would willingly accept Seokjin’s decision.

 

Soon, 5 minutes were up. From a far, Yoongi heard the car engine starting.

 

That was it.

Yoongi told himself.

 

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He could feel his eyes burning.

 

Yoongi really thought he would be able to accept the fact calmly. But he was wrong. He was terribly wrong.  In the end, it seemed like Yoongi was the one who was still leaving in the past.

 

Yoongi blinked his eyes, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. He knew Seokjin was gone. Seokjin was not going to participate in the next chapter of his life anymore. He pressed the button for the lift and soon the lift opened.

 

He walked in and looked at the buttons of the lift. With trembling fingers, he reached out to press on the 11^th button. The button, to their apartment that they once claimed to be ‘theirs’.

 

Tears started falling down, one by one. Yoongi cried, mourning for the loss of their love. That was it. It did come to an end. The lift door closed, as if closing the world between Seokjin and Yoongi. The sudden realization of Seokjin leaving his life forever hit Yoongi hard.

 

Just as the door was about to close, the door opened again.

 

 

“Who said I wasn’t coming?”

 

 

• -

 

a/n:

 

I think this marks the end of this fic. I have to apologize before hand if any of the sentences seem to be awkward. I was thinking in mandarin and had translation done within my head without any help of others.

 

Choosing this topic to write was kinda hard. I tried to put myself into their situation and just wrote down what ever they could be thinking in this. Oh man, overthinking kills.

 

And this fic does strongly gives me the feel when I was writing One Metre which I wrote few years back.  Oh man, i know my angst skills are not up to level yet and I’m still learning and thinking for more angsty scenarios. But it was always worth trying to write it out.

 

Thank you guys for reading and showing interest towards this fic :D

Your feedbacks are greatly appreciated! Thanks!

 

**BGM**

lauv - reforget 

wild - back to you  (nurko remix)

echos - all that i want (dawn golden cover)