'Well, it wasn't as if he recoiled in horror, he said he had somewhere to go, something to do, he's just busy' Kikwang attempted to reassure himself, knowing that it was useless, knowing that HE didn't want him, wasn't interested. Not only that but their friendship as they knew it, could very well be over. He put himself out there, his heart on the line and had it crushed. Its not that HE had turned him down but it hurt as if he did. It was a toothache of the heart.

'Why did i have to say anything? Do anything? Everything was fine til' i stuck my stupid oar in it' he really could kick himself, he hated himself so much right now.

As if his night couldn't get any worse, his enemy entered into his misery, stupid grin plastered over his stupid face.

'Did i murder someone in my past life or what?' he just wanted to be alone, needed some space to think, to get his mind round everything that had gone on tonight. Fat chance of that now. Now it was time to plaster on the fake smile and the more than ungenuine niceities.

"Hey, what you doing up here on your own?" Doojoon asked as he approached the younger man and took a seat next to him on the cold, cement steps of their rooftop haven.

"Thinking" Kikwang didn't even look up at his hyung.

He really didn't hate their soon to be leader, quite the opposite infact, he admired him. He was such a strong, manly character but at the same time, he was gentle and patient with all of his other band members. He hated himself for disliking such a person.

"About what?" the question interrupted his train of thought

"Nothing and everything"

"Aaaaaahhhhhhh, one of those nights, is it?" Doojoon sighed as reached his hand over to gently pat Kikwang's back

"Best have some of this then, it'll help provide some clarity to the situation" he grinned as he held his hand out, bottle of Soju offered, right under the dancers nose

Kikwang lifted his head, glancing from his hyung to the alcoholic beverage. He too smiled, he couldn't help it, how was he supposed to hate on the other man now.

"How will this" he took the bottle from Doojoon "help provide anything but a hangover?"

Laughing, that devilish grin curling his lips, Doojoon shrugged "Don't know but it feels so damn right, don't it?"

Kikwang nodded through large mouthful's of the sweet and bitter tasting liquid. It did feel good going down, felt like it was cleansing him of his current problems along the way. It certainly diminished his ability to care too much about them anymore.

Handing the Soju back to the other man, he leaned back, resting his palms, flat on the cold ground beneath them, head tilted back, staring straight up at the stars, wishing for a second that he too was one of them, could just shine, like they did. Offer guidance and a sense of protection, however small that may be, to one man and one man only. Shining forever for him.

A spark of light from beside him, dragged his attention back to Doojoon, who, for a nano second, he had totally forgotten about.

His hyung was sat, looking skyward also, only difference was, he had a long, white stick poking out from his mouth, burning brightly with every of the toxins into his system.

"What the hell Doojoon, i didn't know you smoked" Kikwang was finding it hard to hide the shock which was evident all over his face.

Doojoon sideway glanced his direction, same naughty looking grin on his lips as he pulled the cancer stick from between them

"I don't"

"But" before his dongsaeng had the chance to make a rather obvious observation, Doojoon offered the lighten cigarette to him

Kikwang stared at it for a second, uneasily looking between it and his hyung

"It's not a cigarette Aj, it's a joint"

His mouth fell open for two reason's, Doojoon had just referred to him as Aj and the older man had drugs.

'What the ?'

"You don't want it?"

Kikwang shrugged "What could it hurt?"

A loud thud echoed through the night air as Doojoon slapped him rather hard across his back.

"Thats the spirit" he whooped, watching eagerly as the young dancer took a long drag of the spliff. Coughing his lungs up after a sharp inhale

"Jesus, it's strong "

Doojoon laughed as he took it back, it deep into his lungs, holding it there for a minute before releasing a small amount of the smoke into the night.

"It's good" he smiled at his dongsaeng

Eyes wide, Kikwang stared at his hyung. That could blow his lungs apart, it was like breathing in a whole skunk farm. Burned going down, burned coming back up, still burns now, five minutes later.

"So, what did Yoseob want?"

Hearing the maknae wannabes name, Kikwang lowered his face down to his training shoe clad feet, heart pained at the mere mention of the younger man's name.

"Nothing" he replied, his voice barely a whisper

A loud grunt filled the silence "He must have wanted something. What is it with you tonight?"

Shaking his head, Kikwang glanced over at Doojoon

"Don't you dare say, nothing" his hyung mocked

A smile spread across Kikwang's features "I wasn't going to"

Taking the alcoholic beverage from his dongsaeng, swigging it like a thirsy pirate before handing it back to the younger man, Doojoon's face suddenly fell serious. He knew there was something wrong with Kikwang, he could feel it. The air around them tense, his handsome dongsaengs face appearing happy but his eyes unable to continue the betrayal. The pain was clearly evident in them. Doojoon felt his own heart hurt, he hated when any of his future members were in any kind of pain but he hated it even more when they wouldn't or couldn't talk to him about it. Kikwang was the worst for keeping things from the older man, he acted like he could handle it all himself but Doojoon knew better. He was, as much as liked to pretend at times that he was not, only human. Kikwang really needed to start opening up to people, let them in more, it wasn't healthy for him to be so introverted.

'I just hope he spoke to Yoseob tonight and told him whats wrong' he thought as he reached over to rub small, comforting circles on Kikwangs back.

'I'm going to tell him, it, what have i got to lose?' the young dancer smiled over at his hyung

"Hyung?"

The loud thud of the rooftop door being thrown violently open, causing both men to look over, their shock etched across their faces.

Yoseob stood in the doorway, breathing heavily, tears streaming down from his pretty eyes, leaving a trail in their wake.

"Seobie, whats wrong?" Doojoon yelled as he jumped to his feet, racing over to and wrapping his arms around the much smaller man.

"I need to talk to you" Yoseob gasped out in between silent cries

Kikwang wanted to do all the things that his hyung had just done but he knew he couldn't, so he just stood there and watched them disappear down the stairs together, Yoseob glancing back over his shoulder at him, his eyes filled with worry looked accusingly at him.

'This is the worst night of my life' he sat back down on the steps, curling into a ball, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and wept.