1. 

Sejeong remembered the first time she saw Chungha dance like it was yesterday--as clear as daylight.

The memory had engraved itself on her mind, refusing to leave, impressing a searing vivid mark behind. It was undoubtly haunting for each time her eyes settled on the (currently) dark-brown haired latter, she would be reminded of the immaculate waves and body-rolls the girl had performed during their first evaluation. 

The way her body moved was enchanting--so fluid and so beautiful. 

And when she danced, for some reason, Sejeong could not keep her eyes off the girl; she followed and noticed every subtle movement with ease. The girl's long dark locks of hair would sway along to the beat in such a splendid manner, it seemed as though it was part of the choreography itself. 

On top of that, the girl was also a natural beauty.

During their Pick me! practices, Chungha would often walk in casually, bare-faced, and seemingly unaware of all the other girls watching her. Despite several warnings, the girl maintained her position and reasoned that it would not get aired anyway for she had little screen-time. Then she would proceed to learn and practice, or rather master, the steps they had learnt in the morning, executing each step cleanly and with ease. 

With each alluring arch of the eyebrow, each curve in her soft pink lips and that locking gaze that grips her each and every single time--Sejeong was not sure what she was supposed to feel anymore. 

There was no doubt about it.

The girl was good at what she did and personally, Sejeong regarded herself as a potato when it comes to dancing. The only good skill she had was singing. 

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, this was a competition and the girl was a force to be reckoned with. 

Maybe, she thought, that was the reason why she kept her eye on Chungha in the first place. 

2.

"You're my flashlight~ Oh~" 

No one told Sejeong that Chungha could sing this well. 

The girl seemed to have it all--looks, talent and personality. 

With pressed lips, Sejeong clicked the 'replay' button for the umpteenth time, staring at the screen attentively. For some reason, she could not stop herself from wanting to hear the girl's voice over and over again. And to be honest, the meager amount of lines Chungha received during their evaluation songs was seriously unjustified.

The girl was too underrated. 

She closed her eyes, taking careful note of each pretty note (she had such a lovely tone), as she mouthed the lyrics to that one sole line. Chungha carried her low(er) voice flawlessly; it was honey-like and incredibly stable, and Sejeong bet her bottom dollar that the girl was more than capable in belting out the high notes as well. 

She clicked replay again, wanting to hear more. 

-

At first, Sejeong (she'll confess) felt a little intimidated by the girl. There was a mutual agreement among all the girls that Chungha's sharp rise in rankings was alarming, regardless of rank they were personally at. Because of that, she had garnered most of their attention, becoming a common topic in daily conversations. For some of the girls, it proved to be too much for they distanced themselves from the latter.

Whether out of fear or jealousy, Sejeong did not know. 

All she knew was that as time went by, there was something about Chungha that emerged to be so endearing. 

Once the girl had warmed up and made friends with some of Produce 101's members, it was as if her strong y image (not that she still wasn't) had been cast aside, revealing a walking ball of fluff. 

"Oh, oh! Remember that one time--" 

The group exploded in laughter and Chungha brought a hand over , giggling at the hilarious recount by one of the girls. On the other hand, Sejeong twirled her finger around a lock of the girl's (now) blonde hair distractedly; she was thinking about how soft Chungha's hair was, and debating between whether the girl used vanilla or strawberry-scented perfume. 

Then, someone mentioned that Chungha looked like a hamster. 

Sejeong glanced at the girl, watching closely. She felt heart skip a beat when their eyes met as Chungha broke into another giggle, her nose scrunching up slightly in an adorable fashion.

Secretly, she thought so too. 

3.

Ranking evaluations. 

Oh, Sejeong hated this part of the program the most. The way the show was designed was cruel to boot--seriously having no mercy at all. In her eyes, all of the girls deserved to debut. In fact, if one watched any of the performances, it would not be surprising to naturally assume that these talented girls were already part of an existing girl group. 

They had all worked hard like their lives depended on it. 

But most of all, Sejeong hated this part of the show because of Chungha.

She could tell from the way the girl's face twitched whenever someone else's name was called, from the way her eyes darting across the prized seats in front of them, to the strain in her smiles whenever she congratulated her friends--Sejeong heaved; It felt like something had wrapped itself tightly around her heart, making it hard to breathe. 

Although everyone else was in the same situation (including herself), it pained her the most to see the girl fidgeting in her seat, constantly on the edge and silently praying. 

"You can't leave her out when it comes to dance--" 

Chungha.

Ah, it's Chungha-unnie.

That's got to be Chungha. 

A sea of whispers washed through the uncalled group of members, their eyes settling on the girl they had dubbed the Dancing Queen. At that, Sejeong felt an inexplicable surge of pride swell in her chest and her patience slipped, she could not resist. Making a heart with her fingers, Sejeong called for the girl, causing the latter to turn in her direction. The same nervous smile played on the Chungha's lips. 

"I love you~ " 

Sejeong grinned at her friend, uttering the words in her well-known 'ahjusshi' tone. To her delight, Chungha broke into a laugh, feigning confusion at Sejeong's dorky confession. But she knew that the girl was happy to hear that. Even though it was not that kind of confession, it did not stop Sejeong's heart from thumping hard against her chest. And she hoped it was not loud enough for the girl to hear because--

"--Im Nayoung." 

There was a moment of shock among the members; many jaws dropped. 

For Sejeong, in that point of time, as she watched Chungha's countenance drop to form another quivering strained smile, it felt like a part of her heart was chipped off. 

4.

Debut.

No one word could be more important. 

Well, maybe with the exception of two words--her debut.

No, not her own debut (although it was still incredibly important). 

But her debut--Chungha's debut.

Sejeong sat quietly next to the girl with an arm wrapped around her shrunken, shaking form. She chewed on her lip nervously, her eyes pooling with worry and pain. It felt as though someone had ripped her heart from its heartstrings and thrown it across the floor for others to trample upon.

Usually, Sejeong was the kind of person to lift the spirits of her friends; she was their happy vitamin-pill after all. There was nothing she did better at than smiling and dishing out hopeful words of encouragement in times of need. 

Yet, here she was. Terribly useless and merely watching with watery eyes. turned dry like hot concrete, and the words were forced back down. 

Here are the mid-point results--in 11th position: Kim Chungha. 

"What am I going to do Sejeong? I don't think I can make it." Chungha wrapped her arms around the girl's neck, her body trembling. Sejeong wished that she had the answer to those words too--she the girl's head tenderly, allowing her own tears to flow freely--but nothing came up. All she could do was return the embrace, hushing Chungha's quiet little muffled sobs and cries. 

Oh, Sejeong had never felt so damn useless. 

- 

It was such a strange feeling. 

Here she was on the second seat, relieved of the burden of the first. Apart from her heart, which was about to burst from happiness, she felt rather light-headed too. With a tear-streaked face, she flashed grateful smiles towards the audience and the camera.

Then, she thought about her family, she thought about the Jellyfish girls poignantly (of all the people, why Nayoung?), she thought about all the people that have helped and supported her throughout this strenuous journey--her eyes settled on the familiar head of chestnut brown--and she thought about Chungha. 

Debut.

They were going to do it together, in the same group. 

They were going to debut together. 

It was a fact that Sejeong still struggled to comprehend, it all seemed so surreal. In addition, it was a revelation that came too late, a sort of happiness that struck a chord. She took another look at Chungha again and this time, she was sure.

Glancing down from the height of her seat, Sejeong felt her eyes overflowing with tears once more.

Oh, look just how far she had fallen. 

5.

Just how much was too much? 

Deep down inside, Sejeong was sure that she knew. The question was not even necessary--she definitely knew. 

Despite that, she could not stop herself; she could not keep her hands off the girl. Everything about Chungha was so attractive. On top of that, she had lost count of the many times she had pecked the girl's cheeks playfully or the times she had wrapped her fingers around Chungha's slender hips during photo-shoots. 

She was just so irresistible, so darn precious, so stunningly beautiful. 

It did not take long for Chungha to be the reason why Sejeong looked forward to each day in the dorm. Especially when things got tough, when their hours were long or when she could not keep up with the choreography, all she needed was to witness the girl's adorable smile and everything would be alright. The roles had been reversed--Chungha was now her happy vitamin-pill. 

And then, there was that one moment at the I.O.I Showcase. 

As if watching Chungha sway her hips before her was not enough, they just had to have the entire group dance together in the segment. Sejeong stood up to dance, starting off moderately for she was not too confident of her own dancing abilities. Then, as the beats got harder and the bass dropped deeper, she was regretfully carried away by the excitement and the crowd. 

Oh, and how the memory made her cheeks burn.

Wiggle wiggle wiggle~

She had turned towards Chungha, grabbing the girl's left arm, swaying her hips boldly to the music. Likewise, Chungha dropped her hand into the curve of Sejeong's shoulder, glancing sideways with an enchanting smile, synchronising the movement of their hips. Realising what had happened (perhaps, a moment too late), Sejeong gently pushed her body away and danced on her own, flushing deeply all the way from and up to her cheeks.

Thank goodness for the fact that Chungha seemed hardly aware of what had just occurred, much to Sejeong's relief. 

Just how much was too much? 

Sejeong was sure she had crossed that line ages ago. 

6.

"Where are the others?" 

"I think Nayoung and Pinky went outside for a walk," Chungha paused to nibble on her dried sweet potato stick. "Besides them, I'm not too sure about the rest..." 

"Hmm, perhaps, schedule?" Sejeong offered, even though she was the one who asked. Honestly, it was just an excuse to strike up a conversation with Chungha. That had been her intention right from the start.  

"Probably." 

Sejeong hummed as she walked into the dorm-room, scanning her surroundings. It was far neater than the other two rooms that they had, as expected of its occupants. Chungha watched the older girl expectantly, putting down her packet of dried sweet potato sticks. They were made by Chungha's manager and the girl absolutely adored the snack.

Then, Chungha parted her lips, looking as if she wanted to say something. 

"Aish, don't be like that," Sejeong said, using her 'ahjusshi' tone again. "What is it?" 

To her surprise, Chungha hopped off her bed and sauntered towards Sejeong, before bringing them into a tight hug. Sejeong felt her body stiffen instinctively and she hesitated, not sure if it would be appropriate to return the hug. However, with one small pout the girl, her knees went weak and Sejeong eventually gave in, wrapping her arms around Chungha's slim waist. 

"Is something wrong?" She asked, breaking the quietude that had ensued. Chungha only shook her head at the question, smiling brightly as she broke the hug (much to Sejeong's dismay). The girl slipped her hand under the pillow and pulled out a slim box--it was a DVD container. 

"Just my way of saying thank you. Let's watch a movie, shall we?" 

- 

Sejeong had already watched the film but she kept quiet about it, gladly reveling in the moment. Besides, re-watching movies was her hobbies so she did not mind it one bit. 

She was happy (more accurately, ecstatic and bursting with joy) that she took Chungha up on her offer for the latter was currently lying in her arms, breathing softly. It turned out that Chungha was not especially good with staying awake during movies with excessively long dialogue, hence the snooze. Sejeong smiled at the endearing sight, her heart melting into warm slush.

Not to mention, Chungha smelled like vanilla (it was vanilla perfume after all), with a hint of sweet potatoes. 

Sejeong brushed aside her bangs and combed her fingers through Chungha's soft hair gently, earning a muffled sigh from the girl. Just everything about Chungha was so perfect, and Sejeong wished for the moment to last forever. She certainly did not want this to end. 

While musing, her eyes unconsciously traveled down to the girl's lips. 

Would she dare? 

Sejeong blinked, dread pooling in her stomach when the thought dawned upon her.

Oh, surely not--

She lowered her head and then paused, glancing around the empty dorm furtively. Her palms had turned sweaty, revealing the nervousness prickling beneath her skin. A sinking weight seemed to rest itself on her shoulders, entrapping the girl in her rigid position. Sejeong clenched her fists, realising that she was shaking. 

Maybe, just once. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and a strained sigh slipped from her lips. It did not help that Sejeong was currently acutely aware of the gentle rise and fall of the girl's chest, the soft dependent way Chungha had grabbed onto her shirt in her sleep, the parts of their skin that touched--Sejeong puffed out her cheeks in frustration. 

The girl's pink lips seemed to beckon her, tempting her with the wonder of it's texture and taste.  

Sejeong gulped as she leaned forward, holding her breath at the close proximity. She had never been this close and gosh, Chungha's beauty was certainly one-of-a-kind. 

Then, holding her breath, she pressed her lips lightly against the girl's brilliantly soft ones, lingering for a moment before pulling away sharply. It was fleeting but so full of affection that it moved Sejeong in so many tremendous ways. 

Oh what had she done? 

Much to a groggy Chungha's surprise, Sejeong moved aside abruptly and bounded for the bathroom, locking herself inside. Her body shook, guilt controlling it like a pain in every joint. 

What had she done? 

-

Chungha never found out why Sejeong cried that day. 

7.

The distance between them was torture, but it was necessary. 

Although subtle, it was evident in the lack of the usual touches, the strain in Sejeong's radiant smile and most alarmingly, the slight recoil of the girl's body whenever Chungha came near. No matter how much she tried, she could not look at the latter in the eye, for fear that the memory of what she had done would come piling back in.

Simply put, Sejeong was scared and the fear had casted a shadow over her entire demeanor.

It was not long before the other members began to notice the change. Late at night (assuming that she had fallen asleep), the girls would talk in hushed whispers and Sejeong did not need to see to know that looks of concern were being shot her way. 

It had come to the point where Nayoung, their leader, had decided to approach her. But it turned out to be an awkward attempt that failed before it started; she received no answers from Sejeong. The girl just refused to budge, maintaining her position, and her myriad number of smiles did nothing to assure the rest of the members.

At best, it only kept their lips sealed with worry. 

Sejeong did not know whether it was a bad or good thing that Chungha was not the most tactful member around. Despite being the source of her problems, Chungha was not persistent in pressing for answers. Instead, the only thing she did was observe Sejeong carefully with an uncomfortable look etched across her mien. 

And all it took was for Sejeong to flash her a brief smile and the girl would pause, as though considering a thought, before smiling back.

Then, all continued to be well. 

-

It had become an ironic habit of hers. 

Whenever troubles came about, Sejeong would quickly pushed them to the back of her mind, burying the problems under a carpet of happy thoughts. And then she would beam even brighter than before, scrunching up her nose in delight, while she went about her day with a spring forced in her steps.

But really, what was the point?

She was fooling everyone else but herself. 

It was a mask all too familiar to the people she was close with. Her childhood friends, her family--they knew all about the same facade Sejeong liked to wear in order to hide her true feelings; her distress, her anxiety, her pain...

Sejeong was human too, and she felt all those things like everyone else did. 

More often than not, she was showered with praise about her smile and her cheerfulness. It was no big secret; everyone adored Sejeong for her carefree spirit and happy-go-lucky demeanor. As much as she appreciated the positive feedback, they did not understand. 

She was scared.

Smiling wasn't a choice. 

8.

"If you were a man, which member would you date?"

As she was pulled in by the maknae, Sejeong chewed on her lip nervously, casting glances towards the floor in an attempt to avoid the emcee's gaze. A bitter chuckle left her lips and she felt a small pang through her chest. 

"Sejeong-sshi?" 

Forcing a smile, Sejeong took the microphone and held onto it tightly. She gulped when the answer came almost immediately, hanging from the tip of her tongue. It seemed so easy to utter her name, but in reality, it felt equivalent to choking on air. So instead, she drew her lips into a taut line, looking across her friends thoughtfully. 

Then, she spoke, "Doyeon."

The crowd cheered and her friends nodded their heads in surprise, watching Sejeong curiously. They all knew what the next question would be about. 

"Ah Doyeon! Why?" The emcee exclaimed, overflowing with enthusiasm. 

"Well..." Sejeong turned to look at the girl, struggling for a reason for all she could see was Chungha; nothing else but her.

"She's charismatic," she managed to say, once again reminded of everything she adored about Chungha. Then, with a sudden trickle of panic, Sejeong continued, raising her hand for emphasis, "And she's tall, which is cool." 

From that point onwards, her mind had blanked out and everything else that occurred during the segment failed to register in her mind. She turned her body away from Chungha, taking a step towards Somi, unable to handle the close proximity between them.

And she swore, for a fleeting moment, she felt a hand brush against her arm. 

Why, out of all people, was she standing next to Chungha in the first place? 

9.

"Okay everyone! Let's have a 15 minute break." Nayoung announced, clapping her hands for attention. 

Their popularity was rising and it was a good thing to hear that more stages and programs were being scheduled. All the girls worked as hard as they could to make the best of their time together. After all, they only had less than a year together.

Despite all that, Sejeon could not seem to concentrate. 

It was bad enough that she was a slow learner at dance. But even making mistakes after having performed the exact same choreography for almost all their stages? 

It was getting to the upsetting stage where Sohye danced better than she did. 

With that thought in mind, Sejeong departed from the group, pacing nervously out of the practice room with a pensive expression.

- 

"I think there's something wrong with Sejeong-unnie." Mina stated, dragging Chungha into a corner of the room. 

The latter uncapped her bottle and took a sip, her brows furrowing in confusion. 

"What's wrong?" She asked, unable to contain the worry in her voice.

There was no denying it; she did noticed that Sejeong was at odds these past few days. However, it was not in Chungha's nature to pry into the personal issues of others. And perhaps, there was also one part of her that wished that Sejeong had relented and confided in her.

Although, that clearly hadn't happened... 

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Mina explained, frowning as she waved her hands about in exasperation, "Mwo, if even you don't know, then what am I going to do?" 

"What do you mean even me?" Chungha blinked, her voice unexpectedly rising. Pinky, who had been stretching nearby, caught on to the conversation and walked towards them with interest.

Mina gave herself a face-palm and shot Chungha a confused look. 

"Unnie, everyone knows that she's like that because of you! Aish, ever since that day--"

"Mina!"

Everyone (except Sejeong, who had locked herself in the bathroom again) turned to look at an alarmed Pinky, who had her hands on her hips.

Mina froze, then she realised.

Oh, no. 

The forbidden words had been spilled. The girl turned to look at Chungha, slowly registering the latter's shock expression. Then, she brought a hand to her lips, stunned with what she had just revealed. It was supposed to be a secret. 

"...Sejeong's upset because of me?" 

A silence ensued, accompanying the tension in the atmosphere. 

Mina stood up quickly in her daze, looking as though she wanted to escape. She shook her head vigorously and said, "Ah unnie, I was talking--nonsense--don't listen to what I had just said--" 

Likewise, Chungha mirrored the girl's actions and stood on her feet. Her body trembled as though pain ran through her limbs, and she looked at the rest of the girls with misty eyes. 

This time, instead of another question, the words came out as a dawning fact. 

"Sejeong's upset because of me." 

10. 

"Talk to me, Sejeong."

All it took was four words. It was the first time they argued and additionally, the first time someone had so easily broken down the walls Sejeong had built around herself, and that in itself was more than painful in so many different ways. 

"No." Such a word that came out as a whisper was hardly effective in curbing Chungha's persistence. Sejeong quickened her pace, walking out of her room in distress. 

"Please, come back here." From a stranger's point of view, it would have looked like a desperate game of cat and mouse. And while the confrontation was taking place, the other members had slipped on their shoes and escaped outside, giving the pair space to manoevure around their conflict. 

"...You haven't been as affectio--" Chungha hesitated, realising how strange the words sounded, "--close with me these past few days." 

Both girls found themselves in the Chungha's dorm-room, with Chungha pausing at the door and Sejeong standing in a corner. The latter lowered her head, pretending to fix her bangs. But it did nothing to hide the tears that trickled down her cheeks. 

"It's okay." Sejeong heaved a juddering intake of breath. "I agree, sometimes I do go overboard with the skin-ship." 

"Look, I'm not saying that I dislike it--"

"--It's okay, I understand." Sejeong forced a strained smile, her eyes transforming into crescent-moons. But it only aggravated the situation because Sejeong was unable to keep her signature expression, and her face fell harshly into one of contorted pain. The effect was jarring enough. 

Chungha felt her heart sink. 

"No, it's not like I--" 

"I'm sorry for being so touchy all the time."

Once again, Sejeong cut the girl off. The rims around her eyes had gone red almost too quickly--a sign that the girl had been crying recently. Sejeong clenched her fists, struggling to get the words out.  

"...and I'm sorry because I kissed you during the movie and you didn't know and I shouldn't have but I did and I'm sorry--" Sejeong repeated, covering her tear-streaked face. "--I'm sorry. Chungha, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry--" 

Thud! 

Like a bolt out of the blue, Chungha pushed Sejeong against the wall, gripping the girl's shoulders tightly. She stared at Sejeong, being so overwhelmed with emotion herself that her own breathing had gone ragged.

Sejeong squeezed her eyes shut, expecting and bracing for the worst.

However, Chungha's expression only softened and her kohl-black eyes poured with worry and affection for the girl trapped between her arms. The former leaned in and Sejeong felt her own breath hitch when the girl's breath tickled against her skin. Then, the next thing that came was the soft sensation of Chungha's lips pressed against her own. 

With that, Sejeong broke down in happy sobs. 

11.

They only had less than a year together but it was more than enough. 

After all, they promised each other that they would not cry when I.O.I disbanded. It was inevitable that they would; so they might as well make the most of the time they had together now. 

"Chungha," Sejeong began, reveling in the taste of the girl's name upon her tongue. She smiled when the latter leaned her head against her shoulder and huddled closer for warmth. They sat together on the sofa, currently in the middle of a movie-marathon. 

"Hmm?" 

Sejeong turned her head and reached out to brush aside the girl's bangs tenderly, tucking the soft strands of hair behind Chungha's left ear. Then she leaned in, planting a light kiss on the girl's forehead. 

"I love you." 

And Sejeong did not need to hear the same words to know for Chungha had intertwined their fingers together, showing the girl instead that she felt the same way too.