one thousand and four, fin.
one thousand and fourYoon Jeonghan got up from bed as soon as he opened his eyes, it was a Saturday so he needed to be early to be able to pick up the freshest batch of white flowers. The flower shop owner gave him the usual bouquet he orders once he got there, there was no need for him to speak about what he was looking for anymore. For the past few years, Jeonghan had already been a regular costumer; Buying three red roses everyday except for Saturday where he buys a bouquet of white flowers. The ahjumma owning the shop already knew about the young man too, it was impossible for her not to remember him especially for his dedication and faithfulness.
Jeonghan gave her a soft smile, handling his payment like he usually does– but the latter refused to take it this time. The younger insists, but the ahjumma kept on refusing. In the end, Han thanked her and told her he would be back tomorrow again. After that, he drove his car to his destination again. Which was apparently just a few blocks away from the shop, so it wasn't long until he made it there too. As soon as Jeonghan steps into the front door, the familiar smell was already there to welcome his presence. For years, he had been visiting this place more than anywhere else in the world. Not to mention, he spends a lot more time being here than being at his own house too.
Just like at the flower shop, people here already knew about him too since he goes here everyday. The doctors, the nurses, the guards and the other employees he encounters on his way greeted him brightly with enthusiasm. This hospital almost seemed to be his second home.
“Goodmorning baby,” he speaks as he opens the door, greeting the man lying on the hospital bed. “It's Saturday! It's our day of the week, so I bought your favorite flowers as usual.” he adds, placing the bouquet beside the other male. “Ahh it's supposed to be our quality time together yet why am I the only one talking?” Jeonghan pouts, crossing his arms. He stared at the latter for a while before letting out a deep sigh, “Choi Seungcheol, you're such a sleepyhead! Wake up!” he commands out of frustration, burying his face on the sleeping one's chest as he tries to hold back his tears. “Just a few months more and it's been three years since you started sleeping already.”
Choi Seungcheol has been in coma for a thousand and three days today.
The thought of it made Jeonghan feel a lot more weaker, his heart was aching so much and it felt like he couldn't handle the pain and emptiness anymore. Jeonghan held Seungcheol's hand as tight as he could, once again he started shedding tears infront of him. If Cheol was awake, he would've hugged and comforted Han already. He couldn't bear seeing his angel cry, especially if he was the reason behind the tears. The older male would have punched himself, but he wasn't awake. And Jeonghan already cried and begged for him to wake up for almost three years now. Yet still, the long-haired male never gave up on him, he stayed by his side patiently even though it broke his heart to see Cheol being like that everyday.
There wasn't even a hundred percent guarantee that Seungcheol would still wake up, but Jeonghan never lost hope. He still believes that someday, they would still be able to share smiles and laughter with each other, that someday they would still continue making memories together. Because of Seungcheol, he started to believe in miracles, he started to hope they would happen to them too. Back then, he remembers Cheol convincing him miracles exist, and that someday they would experience one together– Right now, it's the only thing Jeonghan could hold onto, but he believes in it, and he knows it's a strong one.
Jeonghan sniffed, “Sorry if I keep on wetting your hospital gown with my tears.” he tried to chuckle, “I just miss you so much... and I just want to atleast hear your voice right now.” he mumbles, wiping off his tears. “Hey, you'll wake up right? I know you will.” he fakes a smile, cupping Seungcheol's face. After a while, Jeonghan took a thick journal from his backpack, it was the journal he writes on everyday since the very first day Cheol fell into a coma. He made it, so it had tons of pages. Sometimes, he would just write short one-liner messages, sometimes he writes long ones; But he never runs our of words to tell Cheol. Just like how he never runs out of hope for him to wake up too.
DAY 1003
It's been 1,003 days since you started sleeping. Wow, Choi Seungcheol, are you that much of a sleepyhead? Sleeping for two years and nine months straight– not even daring to touch the breakfast I make sometimes when I visit you. I thought you wanted me to cook for you someday? I asked your mom about yout favorite dish and she thought me how to do it two years ago! Up until now, you still haven't tasted them yet. I am mad at you. You're trashing my efforts and neglecting my hardworks. But how I wish you actually were just doing that. I wish you were just messing with me, trying to make me feel sulky just so you can have an excuse to flood my ears with sweet words and show your affection.
But you are not. You're really in a coma, for almost three years now. I can't believe it, Seungcheol. How dare you leave me waiting for you like this? You promised to stay with me until our hairs turn white, you promised to be by my side until we became unable to walk normally anymore. Even after everything, I still believe in you and I still believe in your promises. I keep on holding on even though my heart can't keep up anymore. Who would have thought emptiness could feel this heavy? My heart feels heavier than my whole body now, to the point I find it hard to breathe normally like I used to– something on my chest feels so heavy, Seungcheol. And I can't take it out without your help.
I lost track of when I started being this miserable. The tears cascading down my cheeks aren't even helping, even though I cry everyday, it still feels like I have more to let out. Sometimes I wonder, what if I just fall into coma too? That way, I won't be able to feel any pain anymore too, right? I know it's not right for me to wish for such a thing, but the number of knives stabbing my heart whenever I see you like that are killing me. The pain I'm feeling is slowly trying to kill me, and I don't think it's my sickness anymore that's making me feel like this. I don't want our story to become an unfinished chapter that could never turn into a book. I don't want us to separate ways like this. I don't want that. I don't.
And if ever I do finish writing on all the pages of this thick journal, I wouldn't mind making a new one. I'm more than willing to write you tons of letters everyday if that's what it takes for you to wake up. Hey, you should be proud of me you jealous prick. I never looked at someone else the way I look at you, up until now, my eyes still sparkle whenever I see you. Even though you look the same everyday, same hospital gown, same lying position, same blank facial expression, same reaction whenever I'm talking to you– You're still the same Choi Seungcheol this Yoon Jeonghan fell inlove with. No one can replace you, and I want you to know that I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes... I'll wait for you until I can, I'll wait for you until my last breath.
You're so unfair!!!!
I want to punch you and beat the heck out of you, I want to kick you and slap your face really hard! You're making me so frustrated! Why did you fall into a coma this early in your life? You were merely twenty-six years old when you got into that damned accident! Why so soon, Cheol? I still want to be in your arms, I still want to be with you while I'm living my life. But here I am, writing to you with hopes that someday, you'll be able to read the fragments of my thoughts while waiting for you too. I'm so mad, but I miss you more than I'm angry at you. And I want to kiss you more than I want to hit you. Maybe, maybe because I'm inlove with you more than I'm hurt because of you.
But I'm going to be honest with you. There were times I just wanted to give up on you and just find the happiness I've been missing on my own. I had selfish thoughts like that too, during nights when I couldn't sleep properly because of you– I keep on thinking about it, I keep on thinking whether I should be selfish or be selfless; The tricky thing about it was there was no in between, and I was completely torn between those two opposite words. But then in the morning when I wake up, I always end up thinking about you again. You're the first person who comes into my mind as soon as my eyes open, and also the last to occupy my thoughts before they close. It felt like my body had the mind of its own too, automatically getting up early to pick up flowers for me to give you.
It became a part of my schedule. A schedule I wish I wasn't used to, but I was, and it's because of you. I know, it's starting to kinda sound redundant but it's true. I know I can't find my happiness anywhere else– because you are my happiness, everything about you is what makes me happy. I know a miracle will happen sooner or later, and we'd still catch on each other's breath. Whether it's the last one, I don't care. I just want to see you awake and being loud again.
So Choi Seungcheol, please wake up while I still can. My heart is starting to get weaker, I don't think I can take it anymore...
This time, he wrote a long one. He killed his time by writing everything he wanted to tell him and every different thoughts he had while waiting for him. “Please wake up soon.” he whispers into Seungcheol's ear as he finishes writing, positioning himself to sleep beside the latter on the hospital bed. Jeonghan wraps his arms around the other, placing his head on Cheol's neck, “Please wake up... while I still can.” Jeonghan whispers, before completely shutting down his eyes.
Hours passed, and time flew quite fast, it was 11pm already. And Jeonghan was still asleep, his eyes were still closed and their position was unchanged. But his sleep was interrupted as soon he feels something moving. His eyes opened slightly, and his heart started pounding faster, and louder. A smile appeared on his face, but he couldn't move his body well.
Seungcheol's hand moved, his fingers started moving slowly.
A tear from Jeonghan's eyes came out, “I missed you so much, Seungcheol.” he whispers in a weak voice.
And then his eyes went shut.
“I.. m-missed.. you too.. Jeonghan.”
While his eyes went open.
Seungcheol was awake.
But it was too late, because Jeonghan's heart already went shut as well.
Day 1004.
“Jeonghan— Jeonghan! I-I am aw..awake! Yoon.. J-Jeonghan! I came.. b-back!”
But Jeonghan wasn't there to write about the miracle he's been waiting for on his journal anymore.
At least, it happened.
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