Jin felt his heart pound, shaking the roots that wrapped around his ribcage. Every breath he took, every cough he forced, every fiery petal that fell from his lips were all a reminder that he could never be loved back. The cursed Begonia petals, meaning deep thoughts only made the oldest cry more. The orange petals that he woke up to every morning, rushing to rid of them before the others found out. His ego used to put up a front, masking the true depression of living a disease from a one sided love. They are too different, he knows it too well. Their personalities are fairly the opposite of each other, and that is what is killing him. The suffocating crush of the petals that pile up because Jin choose to love the wrong person. The pain he goes through, the emotionally destructive thoughts he gains from every petal, and no one notices. The other members are always goofing around, but they don’t know. They don’t know how much his heart breaks when they jokingly refer to them as “Mom and Dad”. They don’t know that every time they push the pair together, Jin’s roots grow a little more. He doesn’t know that every time his finger simply brushes against Jin’s skin, that petals cut off his windpipe, but Jin keeps on smiling. He’s in love with the leader, that is too blind to see it. He’s in love with the leader and it’s too late to turn back. The roots have dug into his heart, the flowers blooming in his lungs faster than before, and this is Jin’s last chance to tell anyone. Every heartbeat sends a shock of pain, his voice struggles to say a word, lacking the oxygen in his lungs, but today Jin will get his message out. Namjoon, confused as he sits outside of the recording booth, watches the eldest members stand by the microphone, swaying slightly on his feet. Once the music starts, Jin feels himself overrun with emotions, and he knows that it’s time. Namjoon sits in the chair, watching the sight unfold before him, questions bubbling in his mind as to why the vocalist wanted the leader here. A familiar tune starts up, the beginning of I love you, only adding onto his confusion. He watches as Jin starts out quiet, his eyes close as he pours all emotions into the lyrics, sounding too genuine for Namjoon to feel comfortable.

We were too different
You know that well
We aren’t able to embrace
Each other’s realities

“I don’t understand”
“I don’t remember”
Words that will always just be words
I don’t expect them

As the song progresses, Jin doesn’t open his eyes once, his quiet whisper soon turning into belting, a look of pain on his face not going unnoticed by the leader. As the ‘I Love You’s were repeated, Namjoon slowly came to his realization as to why the eldest called him here.

I love you

Every time Jin would ask for Namjoon’s favorite meal, and whenever the leader was stressed he’d find it waiting on the kitchen table. Sometimes Jin would go into his room, placing the tray next to his laptop as he reminds the leader to get more sleep, and to watch his health.

I love you

Every time Jin would make sure Namjoon is feeling okay, almost pampering him to the extreme without being questioned once. Namjoon just thought they were Jin’s motherly instincts, that Jin was like this to the other members.

I love you

Every time Jin would smile when he catches the younger staring at him, not asking or wonder why he was. How Jin would always lightly squeeze Namjoon’s hand when the leader wasn’t paying attention to where his hands were.

I love you

Every time Jin’s smile would falter when Namjoon and him were referred to as the parents and the oblivious leader turned it into a joke, brushing off the comment. Everytime Jin would force a smile so the others didn’t worry.

I love you

Every time Jin coughed, only to blame it on allergies even though that season ended a while ago. The petals that Namjoon would spot in the trash when given the chore to clean. The countless times that Jin was almost sickly sweet to their leader, even though it was killing himself.

I love you

Every time Jin laughed, smiled, or even cried in the presence of Namjoon, not aware of the feelings being mutual. The words not spoken that lead to the wall that was formed but rough vines and flaming flowers.

To your warm touch

    Namjoon felt his own eyes tear up, Jin having gone through so much pain just because he didn’t want to stop loving their stupid, oblivious, and destructive leader. Jin feared to open his eyes, still belting out the song lyrics and not ready to face what might come.

Please hold me

Jin opens his eyes, his heart painfully loud as he meets eyes with the tear stained face of Namjoon

Please catch me

    The petals were too much, Jin finally coughs them up, falling to the floor as petal after petal fall from his lips, soon coming out in clumps. The petals mix with blood and tears as the eldest members hacks up petal after petal, curling up on the ground and barely hearing the leader's words.

    “I love you! Jin hyung! Don’t close your eyes, listen to my voice. Jin- I love you don’t leave me. Jin- Seokjin stay with me!” the pained and hurried voice of Namjoon is heard above him, blurring in and out as the older struggles to stay awake. There's a soft pressure on his lips, rough lips meeting his own soft ones. The kiss was desperation, need, and pain. The feelings that could’ve been spoken for such a long time, but were never said. The mutual emotion shared but unknown between the two members.

(...)

    Namjoon was never the same. Jin left a large scar on his heart, the hints and clear actions went by unnoticed by their leader. Jin was the peace bringer, Jin was the one that kept the group calm when Namjoon couldn’t handle it anymore. The group fell apart, none of the members took it well. Hoseok and Jimin both resulted to extremes, Hoseok was found passed out on the streets, a sloppily written sorry on his hand. They didn’t know how to react, Hoseok tried to overdose, Jimin tried to drown himself, and everyone is falling apart. When the pair when to rehabilitate, Namjoon struggled to keep peace back at the dorm. Every picture, every object, even the stupid mario toy that was left on the window sill brought pain to his heart. Yoongi had his own ways of coping, his main go to was to drink. It started to get out of control, and fast. He lost his own touch with reality, not even Jungkook could help stabilize the members. Taehyung disappeared almost immediately, going home to his family to get his state of mind better. He would send letters every week, an extra going to Hoseok to check in on how he’s doing. Once Yoongi went too far, Namjoon had to be the one to send him to get help, the destruction and emotion instability destroying the older member. It was then just Jungkook and Namjoon, left alone in the dorm that used to be so small, but is now filled with a heart wrenching emptiness. The fans were still there, the fans were supportive of the group, even after they broke up. Jungkook was the final member to loose touch with the world, he stopped trying to smile for people, he stopped talking to fill the empty silence. He just stopped. Jungkook became numb to everything around him, leaving the dorm soon after. Namjoon was the only one left, not having the strength to leave the place that Jin and him met. The memories and ghosts of feelings linger in every spot of the room. The kitchen was the worst, every time it was entered he could almost see the cheerful boy humming as he cooked Namjoon’s favorite meal, reminding him to watch his health and get some sleep. The tears that fell down his face at night didn’t go unnoticed as he hugged Jin’s pillow to his chest, only the faint scent of Jin lingering onto it. Namjoon cried for the times he would have had. He cries for the times that never were. He cries for the times that are now. He cries for the fact that he’s grieving a boy who put up with months of pain just so he wouldn’t stop loving the worthless leader. The leader that always makes mistakes. The leader that destroys everything he touches. The leader that killed the one thing that brought him stability, the one thing he loved. The one thing he loves. Namjoon knows the moment he coughs up the dark purple larkspur petals, the cursed meaning of beautiful spirit, that it was Too Late.