i've been waiting for so long,

for something to arrive, 

for love to come along.

under the fluorescent lights, doyoung held his birthday card in his hand, reading it for the nth time that hour. months had already past since he first got it, yet he was still giddy, legs crossed and smile apparent. he was an absolute er for a good letter, and even though it was rushed, he could feel the sincerity radiating off of each word jaehyun managed to write. just thinking about the younger writing it by hand had his lips ripping into a smile, his heart doing backflips.

"doyounga!"

upon hearing his name he lifted his head and made his way into the livingroom. their manager was sitting at the dining table while the other members were huddled around the television, catching up on a reality show. his arm was stretched out, phone dangling from his fingers. he was engrossed in the show but once he realized doyoung was there, he quickly spoke up. 

"it's your brother," their manager said. 

doyoung thanked the man and took the phone, sprinting into his room. it's been a while since he last talked to his older brother and he could feel his heart racing. "hyung!"

"dongyounga, have you been behaving?" came the familiar voice from the other line.

"yes!" the younger replied excitedly. he shifted on his bed, covering his legs with the blanket to warm them up. "i'm debuting soon.. have you been watching me?"

there was a laugh. "how could i not? you were all over show champion. i always had to look at you before i could watch any girl groups perform, you pesky kid."

there was a short pause. doyoung was picking at a string that had come loose from his duvet. he didn't know how to prompt the question, nor did he really want to know the reaction to the question he wanted to ask. although he knew that his older brother was familiar with the taboo subject, being that he actually acted in that role, he decided to be vague, "i watched your movie again."

"which one?" came a haughty reply.

"ah, hyung!" the younger whined playfully. "you know, 'futureless things'. it's my favorite."

"yah. i only come out for five minutes! why don't you pick something where you see me more?"

"but your acting was really great in that one!"

"i kissed another guy and then my role was finished!"

there it was. doyoung swallowed thickly, "..how was it? to do the kiss scene?"

"do you remember when we would fight when we were younger and mom made us kiss and hug?"

"ey, we never kissed for that long! you're gross!"

"it was the same feeling! nothing special," gongmyung snickered. his voice dipped in concern, "why do you ask?"

even though his brother couldn't see him, he was shaking his head rapidly. "no, no! i was just curious.. and i missed you, so."

he couldn't call himself an older brother if he didn't sense that something was off about doyoung. his little brother was bad at fibbing, and with a little push he was sure he could get something out of him. worries flooded his mind, things he had buried were now surfacing. he always knew that the younger was a bit different but he could never get himself to bring it up or make a scene about it.

he vowed to himself that he would protect his dongsaeng no matter what the costs. he knew what was happening, but he needed to hear it for himself. he couldn't have been making up these thoughts on pure boredom, right?

thinking back to when he accepted the role, he did so to prove to his brother that it was okay. they grew up fairly open, and had good heads on their shoulders. he's known that doyoung was gay, or at the very least, biual since they were little. taking the role in that movie was his silent way of telling doyoung that love is love, and nothing about him is different because of his uality. he was still and always would be his darling little brother, no matter what would change in the future.

even though he had his full trust in the younger, he didn't trust anyone that he would come to like. how would they react? would they treat him badly? there were many worries weighing on his shoulders. especially now, since doyoung was in the public eye, he was afraid. if something were to slip out about him, doyoung would be ruined before his career even started. 

he decided to let it slip. doyoung would tell him when the time was right. "when will the idol make his appearance at home?"

"next week will be our last week emceeing. i really want to see you hyung," the younger informed with a giggle.

"i really want to see my dotokki too. i gotta go now," he replied with a hint of remorse. their talks were always short and sparse, but they gave each other strength. "behave, you."

"i will," doyoung breathed out reluctantly. "bye bye.."

doyoung let out a rough sigh and slammed his back onto his mattress, tossing the phone to the side. ending calls with his brother was always bittersweet, but it only made him excited for the next time they would talk. 

it was weird to doyoung how their relationship became the way it has. they used to be so close when they were little, the younger following after gongmyung like a baby chick. now they were both working adults with conflicting schedules. although they both wanted this life, they didn't realize how different the reality actually is. gongmyung often was shipped off to different parts of korea to film dawn 'til dusk, and doyoung was stationary in seoul in practice rooms. they were both extremely busy, but even with the distance they still remained as close as ever.

lost in his thoughts, doyoung didn't notice johnny entering their shared room. the clean scent of his bodywash was the thing to draw the younger from his memories, eyes angling do