1.Effort Counts

15 years ago, 2B classroom

“Imagine your bestfriend is here with you! Hold him tight.”

“Yes Seonsang-nim!” the 2^nd grade shouted. Those who are lucky to have their bestfriend in the same class cling to their friend like no tomorrow, Hakyeon could only imagine having his Taekwoonie close. Taekwoonie doesn’t like anyone clinging to him.

“Okay children. Now the one who have the best answer will be given a chocolate bar to share you’re your bestfriend. So answer this question after thinking it thoroughly. What is the meaning of bestfriend?”

Students didn’t bother raising their hands to answer, they shouted it.

“A best friend is someone who can understand you” one said

“You should understand him if he’s your best friend” another said, twisting the words of the first boy.

That is when Hakyeon gone cold.

He can’t understand Taekwoon.

15 years ago, break time, school hallway

“Taekwoonie!” Hakyeon shouted to his best friend. For once his voice doesn’t show his enthusiasm, not that Hakyeon currently have any, and instead it’s filled with urgency and fear. Taekwoon doesn’t know what to do. After all Hakyeon is a happy-go-lucky kind of kid and Taekwoon rarely saw Hakyeon like this. So today, unlike any other day where he would ignore it and continue walking to the cafeteria, Taekwoon stop and turn around looking puzzled at his slightly older friend. It is now just the two of them with Hakyeon clinging on Taekwoon, heavily panting. The hallway is deserted now, kids their age need food at every single second of course. Taekwoon need it too and Hakyeon isn’t saying anything so he turn again, determined to get food in his system. But Hakyeon question catch him off guard and he isn’t fantasizing about food anymore.

“Are we bestfriend?” Hakyeon needs this, he is a boy full of insecurities and doubt. He needs confirmation that Taekwoon is indeed his bestfriend.

Taekwoon doesn’t understand why Hakyeon ask this all of the sudden but he can see the fear the need and Taekwoon knows the answer of this question as clear as the blue sky in a sunny day.

“Yes.” Taekwoon is a simple boy, and hard to become close with. Hearing a vocal answer instead of visual is a big relief for Hakyeon, he’ll let this slide but the doubt is still lingering in the back of his head.

Taekwoonie is after all honest.

But Taekwoon still finds Hakyeon in doubts so he ask again.

“Why ask?” Hakyeon is startled, Taekwoon just seem to be done a couple minutes ago. But Hakyeon will be honest, just like Taekwoon.

“Seonsang-nim ask and most said that you should understand your bestfriend, but I can’t understand you so…” Hakyeon trailed off and Taekwoon felt bad. Taekwoon know he is hard to understand, always keeping everything behind thick barriers made of the strongest alloys, he always wishes for someone to understand him. Nobody does, but Hakyeon tried.

“But effort also counts.” He said and it’s nice because he knows even when maybe no one will ever understands him, Hakyeon will always be there to try and that is enough.

Hakyeon, is just so happy with that answer that he literally drag Taekwoon out afterschool to play video games at Hakyeon’s house.

2.Effort Counts

10 years ago, hospital hallways

Hakyeon feel like having a Déjà vu moment running through the crowds in the hallway like 5 years ago when he asked Taekwoon about bestfriend. Efforts count and Hakyeon is always sticking to that phrase, a reassurance that Taekwoon accepts him even when Hakyeon can’t understand. But now, Hakyeon is running, his parents lost in the crowd behind him. This Déjà vu moment enclosed Hakyeon, but he knows it’s different, the crowds won’t disappear and the school bell won’t ring, this is the hospital after all.

Hakyeon would usually complain between his height and adults’ feet getting in the way, bumping them are just no-no because 13 year olds are supposed to be old enough to respect adults. Today Hakyeon won’t care, he just need to find his best friend and –try to- comfort him. Hakyeon knows he can’t understand Taekwoon, Hakyeon’s parents are still alive after all, but Hakyeon will try. Because effort also counts.

Hakyeon’s parent found their son panting and clinging into a pale boy, the boy they recognize easily with how often he come over, Taekwoon. Said boy is also clinging to their son, for the first time he return the contact, face buried in the creases of Hakyeon’s clothes and hands desperately holding Hakyeon’s neck. They could see how wet Hakyeon’s clothes is and that he started shivering. Hakyeon didn’t seem to care. He just wanted to comfort the other.

Taekwoon’s parents are dead and Hakyeon can’t understand how that feels but Taekwoon is grateful anyway. Hakyeon is there for him no matter what.

Hakyeon however is feeling guilty, he can’t understand and he doesn’t like it when Taekwoonie is sad.

Taekwoon said that he may be not ok, but he will be. It isn’t like he lose everything, he still have soccer and music. And Hakyeon will always be there to help him anyway. Efforts also counts.

In the end, Hakyeon’s parents ask Taekwoon to move in with them. Taekwoon agrees, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go and it will ease Hakyeon’s doubt.

3.Effort Counts

8 years ago, shared bedroom of Hakyeon and Taekwoon

Hakyeon ran through the house corridor in record time, panting as he clings to the upset figure on the bed.

“I’m okay Hakyeon. A little upset but I’m okay.” Taekwoon said in that ever quiet voice of his. Taekwoon wouldn’t usually talk to comfort the older but it is currently that time of the year when Hakyeon become a year older than Taekwoon for a few month, so Hakyeon is overly protective.

Hakyeon can’t understand. Taekwoon has just broke his ankle, preventing him from his lover (soccer) for a few months and will probably can’t play a real game forever.

Taekwoon’s injury is lucky. Just a broken ankle which will prevent him from playing soccer for a few months. But he is unlucky because of that injury, he is unable to play full time or he would broke it again.

Taekwoon won’t admit it but he likes Hakyeon’s comforts. But Taekwoon also know that Hakyeon dislike comforting him. Not because Taekwoon is needy but because of guilt that he can’t understand his bestfriend. Hakyeon is still a dancing queen with no broken ankle, he doesn’t know this feeling. And that is why Taekwoon smoothly says to Hakyeon.

“It isn’t that bad Hakyeonie. I still have my music. And you’ll always be there for me. After all…”

“Effort also counts.” Hakyeon continues.

They spend the rest of the days playing Fifa 20xx, singing and fall asleep with music blasting.

1.Effort Counts But It Isn’t Enough

5 months ago, shared bedroom of Hakyeon and Taekwoon

“Taekwoonie… How are you feeling?” Hakyeon stared at the lump of blanket on the adjacent bed. That lump is Taekwoon figure with his back to Hakyeon and blanket formed as a cocoon. Taekwoon has been silent the whole day. Hakyeon can’t blame him, losing his passion hurt. But losing your last passion must have hurt more. Taekwoon has lost his passion to music. No, Taekwoon has not gone deaf or mute or both. Taekwoon whole life revolves around his parents love, soccer and music. With two gone, music has become everything Taekwoon lives for. But now, Taekwoon has failed his music, he doesn’t qualify to be a trainee and receive some hurtful words for bonus. Taekwoon has lost his last passion.

Hakyeon didn’t know what to do. This is the best comfort he can give. Hakyeon doesn’t understand after all. Hakyeon still have his parents, Hakyeon still have full time dancing feet, and Hakyeon still has his dramas. Hakyeon watch many dramas before, he can understand the character, but he can never understand Taekwoon.

5 minutes

10 minutes

30 minutes

Taekwoon never answer

Hakyeon left him alone.

Hakyeon has tried after all, and effort also counts.

So Hakyeon move to the guestroom that night, thinking that Taekwoon will be okay. That his Effort has work. That Taekwoon will wake up, be quiet, but okay tomorrow.

The next morning, Taekwoon never did wake up. And Hakyeon tried to understand why Taekwoon go over the edge. Hakyeon wish his effort actually succeed, just this one time ‘cause for once he has to. Taekwoon needs it to, but it doesn’t make it easier.

Hakyeon would lie by saying that his effort does counts. At least that is what Hakyeon thinks. But a blood stained paper in Taekwoon’s grip is enough to change his mind.

_{You don’t understand me Hakyeon}

_{But you don’t understand the real meaning of best friend either}

_{So effort also counts}

_{But sometimes it isn’t enough.}

_{Don’t do anything stupid because of me}

Hakyeon ignored the last line, not that it’s readable.

So Hakyeon doesn’t understand Taekwoon. And Efforts counts but it isn’t enough. But Hakyeon still want to understand Taekwoon. So Hakyeon said goodbye, they will meet again soon anyway. Hakyeon just need to get Taekwoon funeral done and his passion gone.

Present, Hakyeon’s parent living room

Hakyeon parents can’t do anything. Sobs filled the room. Wails for their son in whispers. Television light blaring in front of them, voice muted.

It’s stupid the thing that they want to forget is looking at the news, so why did they mute it, why don’t they turn off the television all at once. Maybe it’s the news. Their son’s death is quite the uproar and that photo of him, shown on television is the first thing they have from Hakyeon since a few months ago.

A Couple Hours Before Present, Hospital Rooftop

Hakyeon has lost his passion. After sometime arranging Taekwoon’s funeral. Hakyeon has detach himself from his parents. Quickly moving to somewhere faraway. Hakyeon has stop watching his favorite dramas and instead ignore them on. Hakyeon has 1 thing left. Dancing. So a month before his planned death, Hakyeon dance. Dance until blisters came. Until he can’t feel his feet and he pass out. Waking up in the hospital is exactly what Hakyeon has hope, and fortunately he did. With a heavy feeling in his left foot and crutches next to his bed. A month afterwards, his passion for dancing is gone. Hakyeon understood most of Taekwoon now, he can be bestfriend with Taekwoon. There is just one more thing to do so he can fully understand Taekwoon. So here he is on the roof of an unknown building about to jump off. And he did. With one last thought in mind.

Hakyeon understand Taekwoon.