Initially I didn't intend to make another continuation for this story, but... as I read the comments, I think I really should write. Because you know what? I'm weak to comments. Well I mean, I'm easily affected by comments. So that's how I decided to make the second part for a happy ending, but this is going to be the final part :)

And I added the song It Has to be You from SJ's Yesung, also an OST of Cinderella's Sister. Hope you enjoy!

And this will be based on Jaejoong's point of view.

 

 

“Yes, haraboji?”

Haraboji started walking towards me, with a hesitant face, though I was not sure why. Haraboji is such a good person. Nine years ago, I returned to Korea after hearing Shim Changmin has given up on me and married someone else. I came here homeless, but he’s the one who offered me shelter when I told him why I returned to Korea though I lived just fine in Japan.

 

I wanted to find someone. Was what I said to him, I need to stay so that when he returns, he can find me easily.

 

Why haven’t you come to find me? I’m still here; I believe you’ll eventually come. I know you will. No matter it’s another ten years, or twenty, I know you’ll return to my embrace. I would be lying if I’ve never considered the possibility that you’ve moved on and find another person, replacing me. But… my naïve self still believes in true love. True love never dies. Isn’t it…?

The old Kim Jaejoong will say out your name easily, with bubbly voice, happily chirping all over your ears. But now? I find it hard to let my mouth say it out. Because it hurts. During these years, I tried hard getting myself busy to occupy my mind. But I can’t. My mind will always wander to you, to our memories. But it was only memories. That’s why I rarely call out your name with my mouth and now… I find it hard. As if your name is a stranger to my tongue. Can you come… And teach me to call out your name again?

 

Do you know that I still love you?
Do you know that I will still love you even if another ten years pass?
Do you know that I’m still waiting for you?
Do you know that I will still wait for you even if another ten years pass?

 

 

“Yunnie…” I said as I snuggled closer to him, feeling his warmth through our touching skin.

“Hm?”

 

I love this man. I love him so much that I pray every day and night to God, never take me away from him. Not for that Shim Changmin, or anyone else. I can lose everything but him. Well, it’s not like I have anything to lose anyway, since I was born poor. I’ve always envied my friends, getting new bags, new watches, and many more.

But Jesus, I promise. If you give this man to me, I will stop being envious of what others have. I will stop asking for more. I will stop having bad thoughts about stealing when I envied someone too much. I only need him to be by my side for the rest of my life and I will be satisfied with that. I promise. I swear.

 

“Yunnie, promise me to never leave me? Please.” I asked, and I could feel his hand combing my hair, softly and slowly. I love his touches. I love how his touches make me feel like I’m the most precious jewel in the world. I love how they make me feel like he sees no one else but me. I feel loved.

 

“You know I’ve never believed in God. People say He does grace on lives, He gives salvation and promises Heaven and love. But I’ve never given it a damn. I’ve never felt his grace in my life. I’ve never noticed His good doing in my life for making me lose my father and giving me such a to be a woman who gives birth to me. I thought he was being fair to everyone but me.” He says, “But this time, even if I have to beg for being with you for eternity, I will kneel down, I will beg Him to let me stay by your side. Forever.”

 

My lips formed a smile.

No words needed to express what I felt. I love him and only him. Jung Yunho. My Jung Yunho, my precious baby Yunnie.

---

 

“Jaejoong ah… I found this book in Petite France earlier this afternoon.” Haraboji extended his hand to show me a notebook, black, pocket sized notebook.

I started to question why he’s giving this to me, whose book is this?

“I don’t know whom it belongs to, Jaejoong ah. I saw a man was holding this in Petite France earlier, but when I started talking to him, he walked away. And the second time I saw this book was near the exit door, it lays on the ground and I assumed it was either the owner dumped it, or he lost it without even realizing he had lost it.” Haraboji added before I could ask him about those questions in my mind, and soon he smiled faintly at me, “Perhaps you want to read it. It’s for youths. It’s not my thing. I’m too old for that, and just throwing it away will be disrespectful to the owner, whoever it is.”

Haraboji started turning away as we heard Kwang Soo cried out, “Haraboji! Let’s play snake and ladder!”

 

I saw Haraboji’s back which is growing further away, leaving me alone in the kitchen. My eyes fell on the book on my hand. Should I read it like Haraboji suggested? But isn’t it going to be disrespectful to read it without permission?

But… It’s alright as long as I keep it to myself right? And perhaps if I read it, I can find out who the owner is, and return it. Yes, I’m reading this for good intention, not bad. So I guess it’s fine.

I lied on my bed and my eyes were still focused on the book in my hands. It never left my hands even once. Not ever.

I exhaled before turning to the first page.

Him. It says.

I know it. It must be some kind of diary.. I shouldn’t read this. It’s too private. I believe if I were the owner, I wouldn’t want anyone to read my diary. It’s embarrassing. Kim Jaejoong, you should stop yourself from reading this or Heaven will punish you.

I got up from my bed and put the book on the desk before turning off the lamp and throwing my whole body to my fluffy bed. I tried closing my eyes, hoping I would fall asleep anytime soon.

. I can’t.

I opened my eyes and they landed on the book places on my desk.

Just why did Haraboji give this to me? I mean, if he doesn’t I will probably be asleep already. But… No, now I can’t. I know it’s rude to the owner, but I can’t deny that I’m growing curious over the content. My mind kept telling me it’s wrong, yet my heart keeps telling me otherwise. I want to know. I want to read that book.

Once more, I found myself getting out of the bed, turning the lamp back on and sat on the chair. The book is now just inches from me. I sighed.

Oh yes I should read this unless I can’t fall asleep.

I let out another sigh before I turned the page.

 

It’s the first time I return to Seoul today. I thought by going back, perhaps… Just perhaps, I can undo all the things I did to him. I thought we can meet and make up. I thought we can reconcile.

I just wanted to find him. So I went to the first place we met, that alley. I hoped perhaps I can meet him… Or if I can’t, at least I can… Reminisce our memories, the memories of our first meeting.

But he wasn’t there.

I didn’t see him anywhere. I can’t even find a trace of him. I tried going to where he used to live and he wasn’t there. His neighbors said he has moved out and he didn’t say where he was leaving to.

That moment, a tear dropped without me noticing.

As far as I could remember, there were two times when I cried. First was when I was still a baby. Second, when my father passed away.

Thanks to him, I cried for the third time.

 

My heart raced as I continued reading. The writer has… Similar past to me. I know how hard it is to be away from someone you love so dearly. I hesitated to go on because it will only wake the scarred past of mine, making those hurtful memories fresh again in my brain. But… somehow I can’t stop myself from reading. My eyes found their way to the next page.

 

I hoped I would stop thinking of him.

Perhaps he’s living well with someone else now. Perhaps my place in his heart is no longer there. I should just accept this if it’s true, because I was at fault from the beginning, for leaving him without saying anything. I must have made him cry badly for that. I’m such an incapable jerk who had no control over my own life. I can’t even choose whom to love, where to stay. , isn’t it?

But do you know what?

When he smiled, I smiled wider inside.
When he cried, my heart was shattered into pieces.
And hey, I know he must have cried hard when he can’t find me anywhere. Perhaps he will hate me for that.
But I cried too. I cried those tears too.

How much I regretted that I hadn’t had the chance to say that I love him, that I love him as much as he does.

If he hates me for leaving him, I hope he can feel that I also hate myself for being taken away by my own mother to Canada by force.

 

I started feeling that all those memories came rushing to me again. The memories that I had tried hard not to have huge impact on me. I miss him. I know that every day I will wake up feeling empty because I no longer have him by my side. I know that I’ve never spent a day without missing him and his love. But reading this book gives those memories a whole new meaning for me. I miss him so badly, so much that I will rather die than living this way.

 

 

“He’s just a friend, Yunnie.” I said in a small voice, afraid Yunnie will get angrier if I speak to him loudly. He’s just a temperamental person. When he’s angry, you can’t tame him with fire. You need to show him tenderness and love to melt him.

 

A friend of mine, Heechul asked me how I was able to keep up with his possessive, protective and jealousy side all the time. He told me if he were me, he would have broken up with him and looks for someone better.

Someone better? But I don’t think I can ever find someone better because to me, Yunnie is the best. Yunnie is everything to me, and I can never lose him. He’s perfect just the way he is and I don’t see a reason why I should leave him. I love him too much for that.

Sure I may find his jealousy is exaggerated sometimes. But isn’t that a way of showing his love for me? Rather than sulking, I’m rather happy if he’s jealous over me, even if he starts throwing tantrums. He will even throw things everywhere, break anything, punching the walls till his fist bleeds. People may find it scary, but I don’t. Because he doesn’t hurt me.

Every time he’s upset, he will blame it on other things, even hurting himself, breaking mirrors, hitting the walls and mirrors till his hand bleeds. He can hurt himself when he’s upset over me. But he never hurt me. He never hit me, or hurt me physically. He never even called me things though he’s angry at me. He never speaks to me harshly. Because…

 

“To me, you’re my oxygen. If I lose you, it’s the same as I lose my life.” He once said that when he saw me crying at the corner. He was throwing his tantrums again when he saw me talking to a colleague of mine. He hit the mirror till it breaks, and now his fist was bleeding and some pieces of the shattered mirror were stuck on it. I cried seeing him like that. Him getting hurt is the last thing I’ve ever wanted to see in my life, and now he’s hurting himself again because of me. Though I could see the disappointment in his face, I could feel his tears started falling on my knees and he brought his bleeding hand closer to me to caress my wet cheeks gently.

 

“I’m sorry for hurting you.” He says.

 

I shook my head. It was me hurting him. I said I hated seeing him getting hurt, but it’s always because of me that he hurts himself. Yes, he never hurt himself no matter what happens. He says whatever upsets you is not worth you hurting yourself over it.

 

“I’m breaking my rules again,” He says.

 

Yes. He breaks his rules and principles because of me. He hated pain but he hurt himself because of me. He wanted to express his dissatisfaction over me but instead of hurting me, he chose to put the blame on himself, leaving me unharmed.

 

---

 

I’m losing my way again
I’m praying to the sky i want see you and hold you more
that i want to see you and hold you more

 

Oh why do I start tearing up? Gosh.. This is embarrassing, Kim Jaejoong. I’m a man and for God’s sake, it’s been ten years. Why do I still cry over that? I’m hurt deeply when he left me. But now that I recall it… It doesn’t matter how many times you separate, as long as you know you will meet him again.*

*Quoted from Endless Love CTS

 

my bruised heart
is screaming to me to find you
where are you?
can’t you hear my voice?

 

It was not easy for me to stop tearing but nonetheless I found myself back to the book again, flipping another page. Well, last page, to be exact. My heart started pounding faster when I read the content.

 

After ten years, I finally saw him now.

All those nine years, I’ve always avoided going to Petite France because it reminds me of how I left him ten years ago. That pain is something I never wanted to remember, but… What can I do when the first thing comes to mind every time I woke up is him?

Every day and night, I have been praying, begging to God to bring me to him. All these years I think God has turned His back on me, ignoring my prayer, pretending not to hear anything. That person told me to rely everything to God. Human’s capabilities are limited so whenever you meet a dead end, seek for God’s help. Yes, I started believing that when I was still with him. However as time goes by… My belief started relapsing.

What do you call it when I pray endlessly but get none as an answer? Am I too demanding? Dear God, If you return him to me, I promise I will be a better person. A better person for him.

That’s always been the content of my prayer. But did God answer it? No. He never did. That’s why I started doubting my belief.

 But… He answered it today. He let me see the truth.

I saw that person now. In front of my very eyes, he’s standing tall. He never changes. He’s still as gorgeous as ever. And my heart still beats for him like crazy like it has always been. That’s the first time I felt His grace overwhelming me. Yes, that until I saw the thing I’ve never imagined. There were two boys running to him, calling him appa…

I still remembered how he hit me hard with his bag till my lips bleed. I still remember how persistent he was in asking me out for a treat. I might have said no. I implied that we shouldn’t meet anymore but truthfully… I was shaking.

My heart was shaking in front of a stranger whom I just met. I hate to admit but… His smile stopped my world. The world stopped ticking, at least for me. Yes. He is a whole world for me.

I have always thought that love is a gateway to pain. That’s what my mother has always shown me. Love is a pain in disguise. But… When I saw him, I didn’t want to think about that. All I knew was, I wanted to be with him. I wanted to know him better. His smile made me feel secure, that he’s not going to lead me to pain as what my mother did to my father.

Yes, I grew to develop strong feelings for him. I know I’m not good at expressing my feelings. I have a great sense of protecting and possessing whoever belongs to me. I only realized that after I got together with him. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll hurt him by all these bad personality of mine. I’m afraid he’ll get scared of loving me, not daring to love me, getting tired of my possessiveness, protectiveness and jealousy. If it were someone else, perhaps I’ll be left alone already. I’m just too temperamental and insecure much.

But I swear to Heaven and God, I did that because I love him. I can’t live without him.

After all these years of separation, what I found was… He leads a new life, a happy life with his two sons. I left soon as I saw that because I know I can’t stand seeing him with another man. Rather than getting another broken heart by seeing his new man, I… I’d rather leave. I didn’t want to hurt him or the person he loves. I know if I saw his new man, I’ll grow possessive again and I don’t know what I will do to that person.

I thought I’ve always wanted you have a new life that is happy and perfect, stop being stuck with a rotten man like me.

But now I realized, I don’t want you to do well, not without me. I don’t want you to replace my place with someone else. I don’t want you to give your heart to another person. I’m such a selfish bastard, I’ve always been. Yes, I want you to keep me forever in your heart like how you have been haunting mine.

Goodbye, my love. I’m leaving to Canada tonight, without turning back. I’m leaving you for good.

 

My tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably as I brought my hand closer to cover my mouth. I could feel every inch of my body started trembling greatly.

Could this be…. His?

Isn’t it too much of a coincidence? But… It can’t be… It just can’t be…

 

if i live my life again
if i’m born over and over again
i can’t live without you for a day

That was what written in the last page of the diary. My mind told me this book can’t be his, but.. Everything is just too much to be called as coincidence. Yes, my heart raced and my whole body trembled at the possibility.

I found myself flipping the last page, and… Another tears escaped when I saw what I found… My heart was clenching in pain.

It was a picture, taken with Polaroid, a picture of me talking to Kwang Soo and Joong Ki. At the back of the photo, it was written, Be happy, the first and very last man I love. – Jung Yunho.

God… So… Is it really him? Is this book really his? So he misunderstood the whole thing? He must have assumed Kwang Soo and Joong Ki to be my sons.

My heart ached. I think if tears can ever run out, I’m already nearing the . But if tears do stop rolling, will the pain stop hurting too? No. It won’t. During these whole ten years, I’ve cried hard several times because of the same exact reason, him, and whenever I finished crying, I’ve never felt that the pain lessen. Not even the slightest bit, not even once.

No. I must chase him.

I looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost nine. Yes, I know. But I want to go for him. Perhaps… Perhaps I can still make it.

Without waiting for anything else, I grabbed my coat and ran outside my room. I could hear Joong Ki calling out, “Appa, where are you going this late?” But I decided to ignore it and just ran to the door, making my way outside.

I don’t know where to go. I don’t know which path I should take. I just ran here and there aimlessly. I wanted to… I just wanted to see him…

When I was crossing the street, I noticed a light of car coming to me and my eyes widened in shock My whole body froze, not being able to move the slightest bit.

When I open my eyes, it wasn’t white. Yes, I’m not in Heaven, I know. I’m saved. The car was barely able to stop in time.

I could see the driver coming out to see if I was okay. I trembled, but managed to look up.

“Jaejoong?!” He gasped in shock.

Truthfully I’m not less surprised to see him, Park Yoochun. He’s his best friend.

“Omo! Jaejoongie?!” The one who gets out from the passenger seat was also shocked to see me. It was Yoochun’s wife, Junsu, if I don’t remember wrongly.

“Jaejoongie, you’re here in Korea?!” Junsu asked as he gripped my shoulder tight.

I was still trembling because of the shock, but all I could think of was him. I need to see him before he leaves me for good. It might be the last chance of us.

“Him…” I muttered, “Please take me to him.”

I believe Yoochun didn’t need another explanation from me as he guided me into this car, driving at full speed to the airport.

“His plane is at 23.00. Perhaps we can still meet him before he checks in.” Yoochun said.

Junsu kept patting my back at the back seat, “We were on our way to the airport, Jaejoongie. Initially we wanted to take Yunho to the airport  but he said he wanted to go alone and if we want to see him for the last time, we should just come to the aiport.”

It didn’t put my mind at ease, truthfully. Not at all.

It was 21.50. One hour before his take off. I know most probably he has already checked in. But I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t feel like going home without seeing his face. No, I won’t go home without taking him home.

I could feel my feet started hurting from all those running. I started to run out of breath, but my heart kept telling me to search him.

 

Last check-in call for passengers flying with Korean Airlines to Canada.

 

I could feel my knees went weak at the sudden announcement. Are we over like this? Tell me, what am I supposed to do? Are we really over?

I started to kneel down as I lost the strength to support my body. I covered my crying face with my palms.

I let him go again. Within a hair’s breadth. I let him walk out of my life again. I can’t bear sending him away one more time.

i cannot send you away one more time
i can’t live without you
it can’t be if it’s not you

As if God heard my silent prayer, I felt arms circling my body from back. I know this. I know this touch and warmth… It’s him. I can’t be wrong. But is this real? Am I not dreaming?

I tried finding my voice… “Yu… Yunnie?”

Hearing no response, my body started trembling again but I managed to turn back to look at the person who held me.

Another tears escaped. But this time, tears of relief and happiness, I guess.

He kept his head low, and I cupped his cheeks to make him look up to me.

It’s him. And with that thought, I cried louder.

He held my waist and brought me closer to his embrace. Oh, how much I miss this man. I miss his touch, his embrace, his warmth. I miss everything about him.

I snuggled deeper, tightening the hug and I don’t want to let go. Not now. Not ever. I’m afraid if I let it go he’ll walk in and leave me again. No. I can’t let this man walk away from my life anymore. Once is enough.

“Jae… Jaejoong…”

I just realized that it is the first time he calls out my name. Yes, he called my name just now. Oh Yunho. How I miss you.

“Sorry for holding you like this,” He said, still sobbing, “I know I promised myself to let you go and be happy with your husband and children, but I can’t. I wanted to leave for Canada and bury whatever we had. Because you’ve moved on, and I need to move on too. But… I can’t find myself entering the check-in counter.”

“I can’t leave.” He added.

Yunho, you’ve never changed. You have always been this jealous and insecure jerk. He never changed. Even now, he jumps into conclusion without asking me first. But even so, I still love him.

“They are not my sons, Yunnie.” I said as I let go of the hug. I could saw his confused eyes were examining my face, trying to get some hints what I was implying.

“They call me father because they lost their own father.” I continued, “But I’m not their father, and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone else.”

I could find him getting nervous over my words. It’s the first time I see the confident Yunho stutter, “Wh… Why…?”

I caressed his cheeks, wiping those tears away with my thumbs, “Yunho… Have you ever been hurt?”

There was silence between us before I continued, “**Do you hate the person who broke your heart? You hate him… For never letting you able to love another person, losing the ability to love a person.”

I added another thing, “That’s how I feel to you. I hate you for losing the ability to love another person.”

I could see another piled of tears started pooling in his eyes again before he said, “**But have you ever thought, when you were upset, that person was even more upset. You didn’t know that person has always wanted to find you. Telling you the things he could not tell you in time.”

I stayed silent, signing for him to continue, and he did, “**No matter if the whole world opposed to it, I still want to be with you.”

**Quoted from Hi! My Sweetheart.

 

However, I’m so hurt when I recalled that we have been separated for ten freaking years. I love him and he loves me as much. Why did we have to be separated then? As much as I have thought about it, I still can’t find any reason for that.

People say, It doesn’t matter how many times you separate, as long as you know you will meet him again.* But I don’t feel the same. Even for one second, I’m not willing to be separated from him. Yes, in fact I’m just as greedy as him. I want him for me and me only, never look at other people. Jung Yunho is born for Kim Jaejoong and Kim Jaejoong is born for Jung Yunho.

*Quoted from Endless Love CTS

 

“I love you.” He muttered, causing me to cry harder at him. During the time we were together, we had never said those words to me, not even once. Back then, he didn’t need to say it to prove his love for me. I’ve always believed in his action speaks louder than words. But as time passes, I realized that I needed to hear those words from him even though his action does speak louder than words. I’m grateful that he was finally able to tell me that. I couldn’t be any more grateful than this.

He leaned closer to me, closing any gaps between us and capturing my lips with his. I could feel tears rolled down on our cheeks, mixing in our kiss, but it doesn’t matter.

Because his lips promise me the world.

 

 

 

Ah it's finally done! Constructive omments and feedback will bre really appreciated! Thank youuuu for reading!