Seungri thinks that things were somehow easier back then, when they were unbelievably young.

The days where their eyes were so bright and hearts so full of hope. When it was just five boys against the world with only big dreams and each other. When the leader would fuss over and take care of his maknae, and the maknae would let him.

Jiyong would slip his hand into Seungri’s when walking on the street, like it was the most natural thing to do, as automatic as breathing or blinking. At first Seungri would scrunch his face up and pretend he didn’t like the way Jiyong constantly invaded his personal space, but he was only trying to fool himself, really. He secretly revelled in it. The warmth it gave Seungri was enough even on the cold winter evenings. Jiyong’s hand was safe, and secure.

But then there were the whispers.

“They look like they’re dating.”

The smile would melt off Seungri’s face and his hand would go slack even as Jiyong tightened his grip on Seungri’s receding fingers. Seungri would try not to think about the look of hurt that passed in Jiyong’s eyes or how empty his hand felt without Jiyong’s.

There was something about the murmurs from the fans that burrowed its way into Seungri’s mind and made him wriggle in shame, as if holding Jiyong’s hand was a sin. The fans never meant it in that way, of course, but they made him wonder how something that felt so comfortable, so easy, could be made to feel so, well, not-so-right.

Now, when Seungri thinks back, he regrets.

He regrets on the nights when he’s home alone and the air is so saturated with emptiness that he can’t breathe. On the nights he misses Kwon Jiyong for no reason.

He regrets not holding on tighter.

He regrets letting go.

~

BREAKING: KIKO MIZUHARA IS SEEING A JAPANESE ACTOR
Kiko Mizuhara has been snapped with a Japanese actor.

The model-actress has found new love with a younger man.

The man in question is Shuhei Nomura, who is four years her junior. News broke out when Japanese media snapped pictures of them together at a party in Tokyo last night. They can be seen happily holding hands and hugging intimately. According to sources, the two met on the set of a photoshoot for this month’s issue of Numero TOKYO.

Kiko has long been rumoured to be in a relationship with Korean star G-Dragon. With the surfacing of these new photos with Shuhei, we can safely assume that Kiko and G-Dragon have parted ways or were never a thing in the first place.  

Check out the pictures below. What do you think? Comment your thoughts!

~

Seungri stares at the screen and the screen stares back. The information sits in his mouth tasting foul, refusing to be swallowed, let alone digested.

He reaches for his phone, but then withdraws his hand.

Curling into a ball, he brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around himself tightly.

Is this for real?

~

“Jiyong.”

“Kiko.”

“Be quick, I know overseas calls aren’t exactly the cheapest.”

“What’s all this bullcrap about?”

“Elaborate on ‘bullcrap’.”

“It’s all over the news. ‘Kiko Mizuhara has dumped G-Dragon for a younger man.’ You know, I’d prefer to not find out that I’ve been dumped through a news article.”

“…I’m tired, Jiyong.”

“Yeah, and so am I. But here I am making a phone call to Japan when I could be sleeping instead. Now hurry up and explain.”

“No, you know what I meant. I’m tired. Of putting up with you. I see through your façade, Jiyong. You’re only using me.” 

“Using you?”

“I know you, Jiyong. Don’t play dumb.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was never the one. You only ever saw someone else.”

“…You‒”

“And I tried to break up with you, I tried to get you to hate me so you could see what’s right in front of you, but you stubbornly kept coming back to me. And because you looked like such a lost puppy each time, I took pity on you and gave in. Which I shouldn’t have done.”

“Kiko…”

“But the last time I saw him, that day when he came to your house and joined us for lunch, you two were too busy wallowing in your own miseries to really notice each other. It’s almost laughable how blind you are. I told myself that that was the last time I’d let you hide behind me as an excuse for not having the courage to go after him.”

“I’m not using you as an excuse…”

“Whenever you hurt, it was never because of me. It was always because you couldn’t have the one you really wanted. You’re an idiot, do you know that?”

“…There’s too much at stake. I can’t just‒”

“Don’t give me that crap. Ask yourself what you really want.”

“…I don’t think it’s the same as what he wants.”

“Like I said, I think that you’re too caught up in your own self-pity to really see the truth.”

“If what you say is true… But you don’t understand! I‒ I break everything I touch. And I can’t afford to lose him.”

“Oh my god, you’re just a melodramatic coward. Though we fought a lot, I’m still in one piece. I know you care a lot about him, much more than you have ever cared about me, so I trust you to do the right thing with him.”

“…You know, I really did like you, Kiko.”

“And I you. But I was never the one you loved.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. So don’t blame yourself.”

“Okay.”

“In a way I was using you too, so thank you. Without you, I wouldn’t be the highly sought after model-actress-singer I am today. You made a name for me.”

“Nah, you would’ve made it anyway. You have the face and the talents to. I’ve always believed in you.”

“Thanks, and now I believe in you to not it up with him.”

“I-I’ll try not to. And thank you. I’m glad you’re such a cool girl.”

“Don’t change your mind about me now. I already have a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t mean it that way!”

“I’m only joking. Now hang up and go do something great. Bye.”

“Bye. Oh, and I hope everything goes well with you and Nomura.”

“I hope so too. Now I’m really hanging up.”

~

The buzzing of his phone causes Seungri to jump.

“Maknae.” Jiyong’s tone over the line is undecipherable. “Busy?”

“Not really.”

Seungri can’t gauge Jiyong’s mood right now. But Seungri’s sure that Jiyong’s calling now because of her and how he’s hurting over her again. And he requires Seungri, his faithful distraction-provider.

Seungri waits for him to ask.

“Can you come over?” Jiyong says.

“Yeah.” Seungri guesses that he’ll just have to cancel tonight’s dinner plans with his friends.

~

Seungri finds Jiyong lying on his back on the floor of his living room, arms folded behind his head and knees bent up with one leg propped on the other. Jiyong twirls the foot in the air around while looking at the black and white artwork on the wall in front of him.

Seeing not a single bottle or cigarette in sight, Seungri treads towards Jiyong in trepidation. The scene is a little too tranquil to be true. The honey-coloured curtain to Jiyong’s left is drawn open, exposing Seoul’s skyline as night rapidly descends.

Seungri takes the spot next to Jiyong on the floor, mirroring his position. A comfortable silence sprouts.

Staring at the painting of the woman, Seungri muses that things would be easier if he were solely attracted to girls. But Jiyong is Jiyong, he reminds himself, and there’s no one else in the world who can make Seungri feel so endlessly fascinated.

“I feel like that woman,” Jiyong says after a while, nodding his head upwards at the painting. “Blinded. Muted.”

Seungri gazes at her face, at the black blindfold covering her eyes and the white cloth obscuring . Vulnerable. Powerless. Submissive.

Jiyong unfolds his legs and rolls to his side, arm pillowing his head, to face Seungri. Seungri follows suit, to face Jiyong. They’re so close they’re almost breathing each other’s air. The wooden floor is hard under Seungri’s body. But he scarcely notices. Seungri’s just lost in this little world of their own.

Jiyong continues slowly, “But I’m an idiot. And a coward.”

His gaze is solemn, but it still portrays a softness and something that looks like… aching hope? Seungri finds himself slipping away in Jiyong’s chocolate brown eyes.

“Because all I need to do is open my eyes and speak up.”

Jiyong sits up and Seungri, once again, does the same. Jiyong places a palm flat on the floor next to Seungri and leans his weight into that arm, never breaking his intense stare on Seungri.

“And it’s about time I do so.”

Seungri blinks rapidly, trying to follow along Jiyong’s cryptic train of thinking, but his thoughts are abruptly flung out the window when Jiyong swoops in, stopping his lips just above the skin on Seungri’s neck.

Seungri muscles turn to stone, hairs on his neck shooting up.  

His face burns. Sweat beads under his shirt. The walls of his throat are arid. He makes a feeble attemp