You were standing in his embrace at the airport, hidden from the fans, as you said goodbye to your boyfriend Johnny. He was about to go on a world tour with NCT. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to be away, but he said he would probably be gone for four months, which is a really long time. We still weren’t sure how we were going to make things work, but we trusted each other. We promised to call each other and message each other a lot. Even if I couldn’t talk to him each and every day, I understood. The kind of lifestyle he was living required a lot of time and effort. It was stressful to say the least, but I knew it was what I signed up for the moment I started dating him.

‘I’m going to miss you,’ I said as I was trying to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I didn’t want him to leave while worrying about me. I had to be strong for the both of us. ‘I know, I’m going to miss you too,’ he said while sighing. Neither of us was looking forward to being separated for an unknown period of time. ‘Promise you’ll tell me all about the tour, okay?’ I asked. ‘Of course,’ he said while nodding his head. ‘Johnny, hurry up! We’ve got to go,’ his manager yelled from afar. Johnny sighed. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go.’ I nodded my head. ‘It’s alright, I understand. Take care of yourself alright? I love you,’ I said. ‘I love you too, babe,’ he said as he kissed my lips one last time.

I watched him as he walked towards the other members of NCT. They turned towards my direction as they saw Johnny walking towards them. They pulled a couple silly faces. I chuckled and waved goodbye. They waved back enthusiastically. I shook my head while laughing. I was going to miss those dorks. Johnny turned around one last time to look at me. I gave him a small smile as we waved each other goodbye.

I sighed as I made my way towards the exit of the airport. I could still hear some fans screaming from afar. I wasn’t looking forward to the next couple of months. It was going to be tough for our relationship. There was no guarantee that things would work out, but we were going to try.

For the next couple of months I tried to occupy myself with finding some new things to do. I decided to pick up on drawing and writing again, so that occupied a lot of my time already. I went out clubbing with my friends more often, but I still tried to hold myself back from getting drunk all the time. It was a way to distract myself and stop worrying about the guys. I knew they were doing fine, but I couldn’t help but check up on them every day. Seeing them on stage and seeing them enjoy themselves so much made me happy. I knew they were in good hands. It was their first world tour, so they got to meet a lot of their international fans. ‘I bet they must be incredibly excited,’ I thought to myself.

Johnny and I were still doing fine. It was hard to be so far away from each other, but we managed to make it work. We would call each other a lot through Skype, so we could still see each other’s faces. Seeing his face made me miss him a little bit more, but I always tried to shake those thoughts off. He would tell me all about the tour in an enthusiastic manner, just like he had promised me. I could tell he was having a lot of fun, so that was quite a reassuring thought for me. He would send me cute little souvenirs from all over the world. It made me happy to know that he was still thinking of me.

They were touring in the US now and their last show in Chicago was approaching quickly. Johnny told me how excited he was to return to his hometown. He told me his friends and family were all coming to the show. It made me happy, knowing that he would be able to see them all again after such a long time. ‘I’ll be home soon. You won’t have to miss me much longer,’ he said to me during a Skype call. I smiled. ‘I know, I’m looking forward to it. I miss you so much,’ I said while sighing. ‘Don’t worry, alright? I miss you too. I’ll be back in Korea before you know it.’

That’s what he had said. Neither of us was prepared for what was to come.

Tonight was the last concert of their world tour. They were in Chicago, right now. ‘They probably just finished their concert,’ I thought to myself. I wasn’t sure if Johnny was going to call me tonight. They were probably going out to celebrate their successful world tour. Besides, his friends and family were there as well, so he would probably want to spend some time with them. I nodded my head as I tried to convince myself to stop worrying about him. I decided to just head to bed, since I wasn’t expecting a call from him tonight.

Everything felt normal and in place when I woke up the next morning. I wasn’t expecting this day to be different from any other day. I decided to check my phone to see if I had missed any calls or messages. Johnny had texted me, saying that they were going back to Korea in about a week. They still wanted to enjoy their time in the US for a little bit longer. I was satisfied, since I finally knew when I would be able to see and hold him again. I quickly sent a reply to him and wished him a lot of fun while he was still with his friends and family in the US.

A couple days went by without a call from Johnny. I wasn’t really worried, since he was probably just enjoying his time together with his friends and family. I just went on with my life as I secretly wished for the day of his return to come sooner.

On the last day, right before they were scheduled to return to Korea, Johnny called me. I picked up as soon as I could. ‘Hey babe, how are you?’ I asked. ‘Hey, I’m sorry for not calling the past couple of days. Something important came up and I need to talk to you about it,’ he said. ‘What is it? Are you okay?’ I asked as I started to worry. I could slowly see his expression changing. ‘It’s… Something happened to my dad. You know how I’ve been telling you about his health, right?’ he asked. I nodded my head. His father had been sick for a while and Johnny always worried about him. ‘His health has suddenly been declining quickly. He has been in the hospital for a couple days now. That’s why I haven’t been able to talk to you. I was too busy worrying about him and taking care of him. I’m sorry,’ he said. I shook my head. ‘What? It’s nothing to apologize for! I know how much you care about your dad. I’m so sorry to hear that he hasn’t been doing well,’ I said while feeling helpless. ‘I know, I just felt bad for not letting you know sooner,’ he answered. ‘Anyway, I know that we’ve been looking forward to seeing each other again. We were scheduled to return to Korea tomorrow, but… I’m not sure if I will be going with them anymore,’ he said with an uncertain look in his eyes. ‘Oh… I mean, yes, I miss you and I really want to see you, but I understand that you would want to stay a bit longer for your dad,’ I said reassuringly. I tried not to show that I felt slightly disappointed. This was not the time to be selfish. ‘I want to stay here to take care of him while he needs me. The problem is that I don’t know how long I will be staying here. I don’t know how long it will take for my dad to get better. I already asked the company for permission to stay here,’ he said. ‘We’ve been doing fine until now, right? A little while longer shouldn’t hurt too much…’ I said uncertain. ‘Babe… I’ve been away for four months already. I could be gone for a couple more months. I really love you and I really want to make this work, but I’m not sure if this is fair to you. I can’t tell you when the next time will be when we’ll see each other again,’ he said softly. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to say. A couple days ago, I was expecting to see him again, but everything suddenly changed. ‘I… I understand that the future is uncertain, but we could try, right?’ I asked hopefully. ‘I don’t know… I don’t know if this is going to work out. I can’t keep you waiting for me forever,’ he said with a sad expression.

All I could do was stare blankly ahead. I had never expected this to happen. Not to us. I thought we would stick together until the end.

‘Are you… Are you breaking up with me, Johnny?’ I asked full of shock. ‘I just think it’s better for you to keep going with your life. I feel like I’m holding you back with the way things are, right now. I love you, but I think this is for the best,’ he said. I could slowly feel my eyes tearing up. I tried my best to hold my tears back, but I failed. ‘Babe, please don’t cry. I know this is hard and I’m not happy about it either, but it’s necessary,’ he said as he tried to stay strong and hold his own tears back. ‘I don’t know what to say. Is this really what you want?’ I asked while trying not to sob. He stayed quiet for a while. ‘Just know that I will always love and care about you. The boys will be coming back tomorrow. Make sure you say hi to them, alright? I know how much you’ve missed them,’ he said as he tried to change the topic. I decided that he had probably thought about this for a long time already, so I knew that he had made up his mind. ‘Alright… I love you too. I will take care of the boys for you,’ I promised. ‘Thank you. I appreciate it. I have to go now. I don’t know when the next time will be when we’ll talk to each other again. Take care of yourself until then, alright?’ he asked. I nodded my head. ‘Then… I guess this is goodbye,’ he said softly. ‘Bye, Johnny…’ I said as the screen faded to black.