[CONTENTID1] Forest of Anamnesis [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Anamnesis: a recollection of events, especially from a supposed past existence

When Seulgi was eighteen, she hit a girl. One could say that this recklessness was simply a stage of growth, but for Kang Seulgi – she just had the wrong timing.

At her peak age, she realised that her best friend since junior high freshmen, Son Seungwan, or she’d like to call her English name Wendy, was bullied. Not any type of bullying: the brutal circumstance that’d make someone want to curl in a world of their own and end their existence.

Seulgi hated herself for realising so late – no, ‘hate’ was an understatement. As a person involved in a human being social connection known as friendship, the minimum expectation for her was to have recognition of Wendy’s misery. She’d failed this: she hadn’t noticed how Wendy had wept until her soul was sore, hollowed herself until she was almost no more.

It was when she witnessed a crumpled beige letter with a ‘To my dearest Seulbear’ imprinted on the front did her mind open to the possibility that something was wrong with her wonderful Wendy.

And her heart cracked shattered with fragments of glass becoming a brittle waterfall, crashing to the ground. The simple ‘thank you,’ ‘I’ll always love you’ and ‘I hope you understand’ was enough to make Seulgi see what was going on, connecting pieces of thoughts into one.

When she realised she might never see Wendy again, she raged like a fierce beast. Yet, she watered like the rain.

Seulgi didn’t know of the aftermath and consequences of punching Park Sooyoung, the most ‘known’ girl in the school, but when did thoughts ever come before actions? She knew for sure that Sooyoung was the culprit who’d pushed Seungwan’s boundaries this far, the cunning lady who wore a façade. Seulgi wanted to burn down her mask and she believed she’d never regret the sensation of her knuckles against the pale, flawless skin. She thought that maybe, by committing this sin of hitting another, she’d be one step closer to the girl she thought she knew all of.

But the storm of nature seemed to dominate with its typhoon winds and murderous intentions. It escalated so fast – rather than stepping stones or stairs, lifts and time travelling machines. This was truly the real leap to Wendy’s heart – in fact, she became the new Wendy. All this for a single punch she devoted to revenge a friend.

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A Seulgi without a Wendy was the perfect representation of a body without a soul. She loved Wendy with everything she could offer – more than her ‘family’ who sent her out to survive on her own, for the sake that one could remarry and have newborns without worrying about their forgotten child.  She remembered of the times of how they would tell each other their pains and sadness, share the glum and tears. Never once did Seulgi not tell Wendy her troubles.

Wendy didn’t abide.

The seconds, minutes, hours, days, months; time after her rough encounter with Sooyoung was by far the worst time of her life. And Wendy not being there to save her heart from breaking resulted in a malfunction in Seulgi.

They called her a cat, labelled her with the title of cruelty, said things; did things that one should never go through. It was like a mouse stuck in the darkest pit hole and children throwing rocks in it.

At first, Seulgi could only go to Wendy who never came back. She sent her messages online, constantly called her line, and it was expected her friend didn’t return. In her mind, Seulgi knew Wendy was gone, but her heart bid the other way.

She cried. Seulgi cried a lot. She shed tears more than one ever would, almost a lifetime worth of river. But what could she do? It was her remedy to insomnia: so when there was no water, sleep never came.

She had never feared walking through the school grounds. Arms linked with a beautiful bubbly Wendy, she'd enjoyed the scenery and memories.

But they died. Seulgi’s memories died as life slowly crawled further. Instead, to fill the empty void, new ones were made.

Not dreams of two best friends, skipping through the hallway, their giggles echoing against the beige walls and vividly orange painted lockers. Not the very least.

They were nightmares of a single girl, trembling as she walked, head down at the battered floor, attempting to shut down the whispers in her ears. There were ghosts constantly haunting the vulnerable being, their horrid laughter ringing through the hallway. And with the sharp feline eyes she was so obvious to pick out – Seulgi.

It was her fault Wendy left the school. It was all her doing that Wendy found the heart to move away. She was the betrayer of a best friend.

She didn't take it at first, strongly holding her stand that it was Sooyoung who tarnished Seungwan, but like a sponge, she slowly absorbed them in. The sponge was her heart and although she knew in the back of her mind that Wendy’s departure was due to Sooyoung’s bullying, more thoughts surrounding herself began to emerge and take over her clear picture.

It was her fault. She was a failure of a friend. If she'd noticed earlier, maybe she could have helped. Maybe Seungwan would be still with her.

And like a sponge, her heart had limitations. She absorbed more and more as they said more and more. Eventually, she ran out of space. The sponge could only take in enough and grow heavier until there was no more.

If Wendy was here, maybe she could have squeezed them out.

But she wasn't.

Kang Seulgi went through a long-term change.

There's always that time in one’s life where their character takes a swift turn, accidentally knocking down the people on the way. They called this a ‘mood swing.’

What Kang Seulgi became was alike to this analogy. Except, that ‘time’ would be continuous.

She didn't understand, neither did the rest of the world, when did she stopped caring about everything. It was like she accepted the fact that she would be bullied through the rest of high school.

In the course of this swift turn, she met a Wendy in which was translucent. That's when she realised that the girl she loved, grew up with, cried with, shared her life with, was gone. Wendy would never turn back, and Seulgi was left behind. She couldn't afford to live her life lurking in the shadows of Wendy, so she stepped out and threw off the best friend she thought she'd share her adulthood with, even to the extent of old retirees who lived by the coastline in a faraway land.

There was something about Son Seungwan that changed in her mind. It was the perspective that maybe Wendy had been planning this all along. What if it was her motive? Did she befriend Seulgi, crawl into her heart, unlock her heart, and then run out so she’d hurt her?

Seulgi stopped calling Wendy. In fact, she threw her phone away, before they'd steal it and hack into her deepest memories and secrets.

Maybe because her heart was too heavy that it couldn't hold its place and ripped in half, because Seulgi’s bubbly personality disappeared as if she was never a cheerful girl.

She’d never tie her hair above her head so that the shield could hang down and provide a second barrier. The ebony straight hair – it worked perfectly, yet flawed with the deepest imperfections of losing the ability to connect.

Seulgi also began to lose her voice. They'd scared her to the point she only felt like she wanted to whisper and not disrupt them, or else they'd punish her.

Her goal to lose communication with the world succeeded, but losing communication with the world meant inhumanity. What was one who didn't socialise? Even one who didn't talk spoke with signs, but Seulgi with her mask over her face and voiceless, was a whole new level of anti-social.

Eventually, the bullying died down. But for two years of high school, her legacy remained and it was unavoidable that it'd last a long, long time.

The part of them that physically abused her had fallen dormant, but the verbal and emotional attribute grew.

She wasn't known as the girl who punched Ms Popular, no – she was Kang Seulgi, the monster of a feline who made her best friend transfer overstate, brutally attacked innocent Sooyoung.

While Seulgi’s reputation lowered, Sooyoung’s grew. She gained sympathy with her controlling means, but the way she lied as if it wasn't her fault, saying that a punch was nothing, made people deem her Joy as she was forever bubbly.

In a universe like Earth, there's always heaven: white, pure, innocent and serenity, and the opposite side, hell: black, dirty, guilty and deafening. And where there's an angel, there's a black devil.

Who was who?

As years went by since she changed, new students came to school and became the new generation of freshmen.

And of course, the first thing they'd hear would be the tales of Kang Seulgi: of how she bullied, of how she killed.

They'd also be taught how the recognise her – the sharp cat eyes, ebony black hair over her face and overall dark clothing.

It was as if the police were teaching small kids to be aware of stranger danger.

And a police – strong authority that swayed truths – mixed the lies to make sure the kids believed what they wanted them to.

Seulgi spent her last years of high school isolated and alone. When they said ‘high school is the best time of your life,’ she learnt it was not true. It was, in fact, the worst time, and hopefully, she prayed, this would be the peak of worst times in her life.

Alone was Seulgi’s best friend. Wendy had officially disappeared two years ago, so she could only count on alone. Alone was always there beside her, telling her it's better this way, no Son Seungwan can hurt you again. Friends are useless. They betray.

Through her very last year, she focused on her studies, dreaming of a future away from all this. If she couldn't do well, she'd be stuck with another year here, and, if she passed but with a low mark, she'd have a job she disliked in which she had to spend the rest of her life with. She wasn't going to let them drag her so low to the point it ruined her career.

At last, she graduated. She wouldn't have thought she'd ever made it, like the rest believed too. Seulgi left not only a legacy to her high school, Seoul Art, but also a name on the honour roll of students. Her effort had been seen through her label.

Twenty year old Kang Seulgi applied for a scholarship to a university, not long after. Not just any university, it was Busan National.

Three hours away from Seoul.

The office workers called her, in which she travelled three hundred and thirty-five kilometres by train, across South Korea, under the harsh dribbles of rain. A transparent raincoat over her body, black backpack that hung over her shoulders, earplugs securely placed in her ears, Seulgi rode with alone.

She'd almost missed her stop if it wasn't for the loud rattling of thunder ringing through the gloom sky. It jolted her awake, just in time for the speakers to announce, ‘return to Seoul doors are closing in five minutes.’ She rushed out.

The clock chimed its thirteenth ring of the day. Through the windows of the administration block of Busan National University, Seulgi could be seen, hands on lap, sat perfectly upright, talking across a desk to a woman in her late fifties, greyed hair and professionally dressed in navy pigmented blue.

By the fourteenth chime, she bowed to her interviewer and left the room. Her head was held high, like how the dark clouds had blown away. She had done it to the best of her abilities. Now she had to wait for the fate of her schooling destiny.

And the fate of her life.

Two weeks later, she was blaring, tears watering down her face. On the table of her apartment, there was a distinct letter, creases of lines on every third of the page. Beside it was a ripped envelope, shouting desperation, with the famous blue imprint of Busan National Uni.

Kang Seulgi collapsed onto the floor, crying into her hands with her dark hair falling over her eyes. She prayed to the gods above, thanking them of their answer.

She could see her life changing. Finally, she had a chance to get away.

Miss Kang Seulgi,

We hope to see you in March.

January of her twentieth year was spent searching for a new apartment. With the small budget she had, there was quite a limit to what kind of place she could afford. But because her Seoul home was worth a decent sum of money, due to the location near Seoul Art, she had a large variety of choice.

Seulgi knew she couldn't rely on the money her family left her with for too long though: there would be one day she'd run out like those rich people who spend and spend, and she would be left with a debt she'd deal with for the rest of her life trying to pay off.

Three years studying, then get a job, earn money. She was smart and had her life planned out.

By February, she signed a contract for a condominium. Not an apartment, but a condo. She'd changed her mind to what she was looking for. Her apartment in Seoul, she always knew it'd be a temporary place.

And she never wanted to return to Seoul.

Her new location was a walk distance away from her university. On the eighth floor of a collection of similar built homes, it wasn't particularly big with a living room and dining room connected. There was only one bedroom but held the size of two. A vivid street of shops and restaurants was just around the corner, along with a shopping complex. There was no better place.

A week into February, Seulgi had already finished packaging her belongings. No one would expect her to be only bringing along two filled suitcases: usually one would expect a whole shipping container brimmed with countless of breaking down cardboard boxes.

But if half your things held unwanted memories, you'd want nothing to do with them. Everything in Seulgi’s old apartment had a hint of either Wendy or them.

Two years ago when Seungwan was still with her, Seungwan would always go over to Seulgi’s apartment, spending her afternoons there, dinner, and even sleep. She'd made Seulgi’s home Seulgi’s, the decorations all over, the clothing she'd left behind, along with the memories. Wherever one looked there's always be Wendy: smiling in a photo frame, name signed, etcetera.

They'd also left their marks. Ripped, shredded notebooks sitting by the corner wall, blood stained shirts thrown across the room, dirty, hideous threats no one deserves to see.

Seulgi didn't want to bring anything. All she ended up with was stacks and stacks of clothes.

Before she left Seoul, she visited a hair salon.

“What would you like today?” The hair stylist had asked her.

She responded, “Bleach. Bleach off every inch of black off my hair.”

Kang Seulgi kept true to her words when she said she wanted to leave everything behind. Including her mask that she hid behind for two years.

Within six hours, with two suitcases dragged along and anew blonde hair, she was back in Busan. Her new home.

And in which Seulgi believed she was ready for a reborned life, she didn’t realise that one can’t run away from their problems – the problems will always find their way back.

It’s a known fact that sometimes plans won’t be followed through, and this was no exception for Seulgi. She could see her future crumbling down as she stood on the stage along with several other students. While the headmaster was congratulating the minority of students who achieved a scholarship during the opening ceremony, Seulgi’s eyes and mind remained far away. Well, not too far. It was within the same university, same building and even more, same auditorium of which she stood.

Her eyes were wondering the crowd, trying to avoid eyes with Park Sooyoung. Out of all the things Seulgi could miss, why was it one of the most important that the monster who started her hell would be attending the same location of education for a long three years? Was she really such a cursed child?

Sooyoung was staring straight at her. Her eyes never left and gleamed of an accustomed sparkle and her lips formed an ‘o’ as she watched Seulgi. When their eyes met, Seulgi could read her immediately. It was so fast, so furious and so familiar.

It screamed of torturous attempts. And Joy’s lips slickly turned into a crescent whilst Seulgi’s heart dropped into the pits of her stomach. She didn’t know what was going to happen to her life anymore.

The bell of the school chimed and students emptied their classes, filling up the open spaces. It was the first day of uni for all students and an especially exciting day for the freshmen. Most of them had already found a friend or two, conversing happily as they headed to somewhere. Seulgi was alone and she nervously held her brand new phone, clutched in her palms, zigzagging through the gaps of social groups, head down and all in all trying to avoid Joy. She could already imagine Sooyoung spreading the rumours of her high school past to the people of her year, like she did to every being of Seoul Art.

No, no, no, everything was going to be ruined. She planned this for years and yet it was hit by a storm of thunder.

But Seulgi head down obviously could not see ahead of what was approaching, and she knocked into something, or someone. The contact made both fall back, Seulgi falling on her end and the opposite wobbling before regaining his stable stance. Her phone went flying into the field of students, and she let out a small squeal as a result. She didn't want people taking her phone again, not when she finally decided to buy a new one.

Her eyes frantically wondered around the room, like a chicken without her head. And she saw the shimmer of rose gold under a herd of students, walking past in an unorganised fashion.

Seulgi crawled that direction, but she was too late. She witnessed as a hand reached down, taking the phone, her face becoming a ghost’s.

“That’s mine,” she mouthed and outreached her hand, yet nothing changed. They didn't hear her, they didn't see her.

“Wait, that's my phone!” She heard someone shout out from behind her and she perceived heavy footsteps and a gush of wind swirled past her, as a tall man ran into the crowd. She watched as he attracted the attention of many people surrounding him with his loud, booming voice, their heads turning to see the commotion. The man did a reckless act Seulgi would never: jump into the herd of students. The top of his head could be seen over the people, not moving as he stayed on the same spot. His head then bobbed up and down as he proceeded to escape the herd.

She thought he'd just walk past without an eye but she was dead wrong. In fact, she didn't realise he was doing this for her. The man stooped down until he was the same eye level as her, and Seulgi could see his facial features.

Large brown doe eyes, soft flawless pale cheeks, clean forehead and a perfect nose structure. His shaggy curled hard fell over his eyes as his lips twisted into a smile.

He was handsome, so undoubtedly majestic.

“Here,” he held out a hand. Seulgi peered down and there was her rose gold phone, laying perfectly still against his courteous hand. She reached to get it and her hand laid against his when the man gripped it with the other arm, pulling her up so she was standing arose.

“Sorry about that,” he frantically apologised. His doe eyes stared at Seulgi like she was glass and could peer at her content inside. Seulgi gulped, casting her eyes elsewhere. But before he did anything else, he bowed, and left.

She wanted to say thank you, but what voice dos she have left? She shook her head and walked in the opposite direction. What was the chance of meeting his ag