"Kiss me..." Taehyun said with a desperate voice. His hands were around his own neck as if he couldn't breathe and as if Mino kissed him, he could breathe... as if Mino could fix his heart and heal his wounds...

It was one of those nights Taehyun came to his room with a pain engraved on his face in the hope that he might diminish his pain with Mino or better if he was lucky enough then he might even forget his broken heart just for a moment...

Two broken men stand still face to face for a heart beat. It was like a scene from a cheap melodrama where audiences broke into tears. Mino didn't know whether he wanted to escape from Taehyun or run to him to hug him... to beg him...

He had always been weak when it came to younger one.  He didn't even know since when he'd been loving Taehyun. It'd been so long... He was so got used to live with this unrequited love that he couldn't remember anymore how it felt not to love him. Taehyun was like a shrapnel piece under his skin; he didn’t belong to him but he belonged to him at the same time. Because he had been there so long that Mino had already learned to live with him. He was stranger to his heart but he was familiar somehow. Loving Taehyun wasn’t something that he didn’t know but being the one who was loved by Taehyun was. He had learned how to do with less, though. That’s why he never rejected Taehyun when he came to Mino with someone else in his broken heart even if he didn’t know what he should do with his own wounded heart. But he was like a beggar who went along with every little pieces which Taehyun was willing to give him. That’s why he treasured every little touch, every kiss, every moment that he could steal from Taehyun. 

Taehyun closed his eyes tightly while they were kissing and Mino knew that he was drawing another guy’s picture in his mind… He was wishing another guy’s lips to kiss him... Being a cheap imitation of the one who Taehyun loved was feeling like being stabbed by a rusty dagger in his heart. Mino didn’t decide which one of them was in pain more. Was it Taehyun who loved someone who didn’t love him in return so slept with Mino to erase the other one from his mind or was it Mino who loved Taehyun so much that he accepted to being one used by him? 

“Maybe both of us… maybe both of us are ed up evenly…” he thought.

Trying to ignore this ugly feeling to focus on the moment, when he parted his lips from Taehyun’s, he whispered under his breath:

“Taehyun look into my eyes…”

Taehyun opened his eyes and for a moment his pain flashed inside them. It was enough to catch it. Mino saw it but then those eyes which Mino always thought that they were the most beautiful things in this galaxy turned into empty shells. He was so beautiful in front of Mino that the only thing ruined his flawless beauty was those vacant stares. He was standing there like a broken doll and made his heart more hurt as it hurt already. Mino thought that he could take all his pain to make it himself if he could make Taehyun feel better.

“Stop talking and love me…” Taehyun said then. 

“I already love you…” Mino whispered looking at him. He wanted Taehyun to acknowledge his love. So he told him again this time a bit louder wanting to show him that Taehyun was worth to love contrary to his opinion. Maybe if he said those words enough loudly then he could convince Taehyun.

“I love you so much…”

“No… No… Not like this Mino… not like this…” He shook his head as a sign of objection.

Mino didn’t know whether Taehyun was aware of how he broke his heart or he did care his broken heart. Sometimes he thought that his heart had already broken into millions pieces so far so it couldn’t be more than this but somehow even those little pieces managed to be broken into microscopic pieces again and again. He was like a toy belonged to Taehyun and only God knew when Taehyun would got sick of him and throw him away… or when Taehyun would understand that he can not heal his heart sleeping with someone who he didn’t love and when he’d realize that Mino was useless for his heart’s disease so he’d give up leaving Mino behind with his pain. Whenever he thought about this he couldn’t help but wished a long time. If there were a competition like “foolest person in this world”, he would be the winner without doubt and even when he’d carry that title on his chest like a medal proudly if it was for Taehyun. 

When Taehyun got out of Mino’s room, Mino tried not to feel resented. But while he was looking at the ceiling absent-mindedly all with the lingering smell of Taehyun on the wrinkled sheets and smell of in the room, it was hard. Tears were waiting to be shed in his eyes, still he rejected to shed them. He was a strong man and it wasn’t Taehyun’s fault since he had never given any hope to Mino. Mino had already known what he should have waited from him or rather what he shouldn’t have expected. So feeling resented or being mad wasn’t fair for Taehyun.

He got up from the bed a few minutes later and played a random song on his music player when he lit his cigarette.

The man who ingrained all pain and desperation in his voice, was singing for the woman he loved, with a defeated tone in his voice, “If love is a game you can use me without mercy…” in the song playing in the back ground. He was pouring all his pain and love just like that he had already given up to be loved… already accepted the defeat… While he was listening the song absent-mindedly, he thought that man singing the song and smiled bitterly. “So I’m not the only one fool…” whimpered as if this could make him feel better. While he was watching the street idly, leaning his head to the window, he took another breath from his cigarette and that bitter smile faded away on his face. He wondered that how long it would hurt. How long more he would love him? It had been so long and he hadn’t still get used to the pain in his heart. He still fell asleep every night with it. Then again, every morning he woke up wishing everything to be just a bad dream. But it wasn’t… And there was no answer for his question. He didn’t know how long more he’d love him… how long more it’d hurt… Maybe until forever. As someone who always believed in that everybody find the real love only once in this life, being the one who wasn't loved by the man he loved with all his heart was just like a bad joke and it made his desperation double up…

He wasn’t even aware of the tears that fell down on his cheeks while he was talking to himself as if someone could answer his questions or console him.

“Stop it Mino…” he said himself. “Stop thinking so much and stop acting like a loser…”

"It doesn't matter if he loves Seungyoon so what? Hearts can change… Taehyun can learn how to love me one day if I keep loving him endlessly... treasure him like a rare diamond..." Mino thought... But he knew better than everyone else that he was just a loser... a loser who was trying to console himself all the damn times... a loser who accepted this glorious pain gladly... a loser who was a toy in Taehyun's hands voluntarily... And he knew that there was no way to be 2 rooms in one heart. He was walking towards to fire every day willingly in the name of love and he wasn't sure whether he was a fool or not because of this bravery. Maybe one day his heart could get numb because of so much pain and once it turned to numb then may be it'd never hurt like this again... But today it wasn't that day so he hugged the pieces of his hearts shattered here and there and accepted the pain one more time... Again gladly...