[CONTENTID1]Seven[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]There is nothing harder than staying away when all he wanted was to get closer.

It was even more terrible that he is forced to forget when all he ever wanted was to simply love.

It was all Jiyong’s fault.

Youngbae could have said that and blamed his misery on his friend but he was no less guilty. He could have said no. He had a choice and didn’t make the right choice. Better yet, he chose to suffer than to make his friend hurt.

Once again, he had to forget about Seungri. It was even harder this time because deep down, Youngbae knew Seungri liked him –or at least cared about him. This time Youngbae had a chance and ruined with his own hands.

He willingly let Seungri go.

He purposely distanced himself from him. Youngbae did not answer his late night calls where Seungri went along talking about the smallest insignificant things that happened to him during the day. Or when he sent him a passage from a book he was reading and encouraged him to try it as well. Or when he sent him a film recommendation and suggested they watched it together.

Youngbae cut him off. Completely. Definitely.

It was as if the past few months did not happen. As if Youngbae and Seungri didn’t get close to an alarming level. Even those around him started to notice.

“Congrats hyung,” Daesung told him with a wide smile. “You finally got him?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Youngbae ignored him continuing his workout.

“I noticed too you know,” Daesung stood in front of him. “That this this Seungri is different, I mean. The old Seungri would never leave me alone whenever I needed time off but this one would gladly not address me at all.” He paused. “To be honest, I am saddened when he ignores me. I miss his loud talks.”

“I don’t.” Youngbae admitted because that was probably the most thing he hated about Seungri. He did not like it when he was being loud and obnoxious.

“You’re supposed to accept everything about the person you like, right?” Daesung said. “Maybe you never truly liked the old Seungri.”

“I don’t know,” Youngbae sighed in defeat, an automatic smile on his lips. “All I know is that I am happy.”

“You can’t say the same for Jiyong hyung.” Daesung grimaced. “He seems like a mess.”

Youngbae’s jaw ticked. Why did his happiness depend on his best friend’s misery? Why was he so unlucky?

“Well, the old Seungri is Jiyong hyung’s and the new Seungri is yours.”

Youngbae frowned. “Why do you keep talking about an old and a new Seungri. It’s not like they are different people.”

Daesung looked in the distance as if he was not here anymore. He smiled then –a non-angelic smile, his voice came calm and composed. “Maybe they are.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Daesung gave him one of his usual smiles instead. “Forget what I just said.”

He then approached Youngbae and patted his shoulder. “Just don’t be surprised when you figure things out.”

Youngbae was utterly confused. “Figure what out?”

Seungri came in then and Youngbae forgot what the hell Daesung was talking about. He continued working out with Seungri –challenging him even and surprisingly Seungri accepted the challenge and even beat him in weight lifting. He was indeed getting a great built. He must have been serious about having six packs.

Then they went for the massage session together and Seungri showed him a picture he took of a bird outside his window. Youngbae didn’t know that Seungri was interested in little things like these. Maybe because Youngbae didn’t allow himself to know Seungri this close. He was discovering many things and outlets about him as of late. It made Youngbae’s heart flutter.

He felt fulfilled. Happy. Blessed.

Until Jiyong made him let go of Seungri’s hand. Actually, Jiyong didn’t force him to do anything. He was the one who made the decision and had to take responsibility for what he chose. Seungri left for Japan for two weeks now and Youngbae took the chance to make himself forget about him.

He wasn’t successful.

The whole thing backfired on him and Youngbae missed his nearness like a junkie in need of drugs. In one of his drunken nights, he almost took a plane and went to Japan. Just so he could see him again. He wasn’t asking for much. Just one more time would do.

He was wise enough to abandon the idea.

Youngbae could feel the contents of his heart shattering to a million bloody piece. In the past, his heart did not reach the point of breaking. It did hurt but he was never in the danger of losing a piece of his soul. Now, he entirely lost it. As if he was abandoned in the deep ocean and couldn’t find his way back. He could not swim either.

He was drowning. Right. Youngbae was slowly drowning in his own pathetic misery.

All of it was his bloody fault.

Stupid, stupid Youngbae.

His phone lightened and Youngbae’s heart sunk even deeper. He knew who it was. No one called him this late at night except for one person. Seungri’s name and picture kept flashing on his screen and Youngbae could not answer. No, he did not dare to.

He only clutched it in his hand so hard, he thought he will crush it. Youngbae’s lips trembled and he couldn’t stop a tear from flowing on his cheek.

Damn it.

Why did Seungri had to make it harder? It would have been better if he just ignored him just like he used to. Why did he have to change and bring his world upside down?

Few seconds after his screen stopped flashing, Youngbae received a text message.

Seungri ––Please pick up hyung. Let me talk to you just one more time.