The emptiness of the room couldn’t compare to the emptiness of her heart. The room was shadowed with darkness from the night as well as darkness from her feelings. She had continuously wept and found no hope and depressing emotions. Nayeon sat in complete silence trying to remember all of Jaehwan’s facial features. She wanted to remember him for all his good attributes, like his incredible smile that could light up the whole room.  She thinks back to the times she would softly caress his face, memorising the shape of his eyes, nose and lips.

“I really wish you were here” She whispers into the darkness for the millionth time.

A single tear rolls down her cheek once again before more came running down, falling onto the red pillow she hugged tightly. The pillow couldn’t suffice as Nayeon attempted to resemble Jaehwan’s warmth when they cuddled on the couch. She sighed before sliding off the couch and onto the floor. Nayeon didn’t know how to feel at this point. After reading Jaehwan’s letter she was surrounded by a whirlwind of emotions. Overwhelmed in her emotions she began to think about her next step. Before the incident, Nayeon had lived a routined life and now it felt as though she was thrown off course and didn’t know what to do.

Breaking the silence of the room, Nayeon’s phone rang.

Hesitating before answering the call, Nayeon still hoped it would be Jaehwan’s cheery voice on the other line. But of course… it never was.

“Hello” Her voice was shaky. She clutched the phone tightly in her hands on the verge of tears.

“Oh Nayeon honey. I know sweetie... I know”

A soothing voice replied and Nayeon recognised her mum’s tone. “Ma, how am I ever going to cope?”

“It takes time dear…” Nayeon’s mother tried to think of the right thing to say next, not wanting to upset her daughter.

“I just wanted to check up on you. Your brother called”

Nayeon smiled upon hearing her brother had been concerned about her. She sniffled before replying “He’s a good brother.”

“Yes he certainly is. Now honey listen to me. I know you’re scared about what comes next but you know you have so many people to support you… Even Jaehwan.”

“Jaehwan?”

“Yes, Jaehwan. He’s in a better place now and he’ll always be looking over you. He always did when he was alive and he will continue doing that for you. Just know this… you were everything to him”

After hearing her mother’s words, Nayeon replied in a sudden outburst “If I was everything why did he do this to me?” The tears finally fell from her eyes as she started shouting incoherent replies into the phone

Immediately Nayeon’s mother began settling her, making a ‘shhh’ sound and humming a sweet tune. “Sweetie, I know it’s hard. It’s never easy. Just know Jaehwan had his reasons” Pausing after her words for Nayeon to comprehend them all, she then continued “His mother called. She wants to see you… whenever you’re ready. Take care sweetie. We all love you”

Soon after, Nayeon hung up the phone and resumed her position on the couch. Her brother and her mother has repeated words she wanted to hear.

“Jaehwan loves you”

“You’re still his princess”

But even after those words of reassurance, Nayeon still felt out of place without Jaehwan being completely present. She needed a hug from him, she needed him to say those words… She needed him to tell her everything was going to be alright, kiss her on the forehead and caress her cheek until she fell asleep. Just like what he normally would do when she felt upset.

***

The next day Nayeon decided to take up on the offer to see Jaehwan’s mother. Nayeon thought it was a good idea after not knowing what her next step was going to be. She even felt  kind of excited to go into Jaehwan’s old family house where they spent their teen days watching movies, playing board games and cuddling on the couch. Nayeon thought it would bring her more closure and knew she’d feel more connected to Jaehwan.

Dressed in a pastel blue dressed, she walked towards the front porch where Jaehwan would purposely make her walk on the uneven floorboards just so he could help walk her by holding her hand. Reminiscing all the good times a burden was placed on her shoulders again. She felt everything had gotten heavier, closing in on her. Her shoulders shrunk closer to her body as she breathed heavily, looking in all directions. She felt definitely felt more connected to Jaehwan but it was the right feeling. Feeling lightheaded she crouched down into a ball, hugging her knees.

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this!” She started shouting. Nayeon brought her hands to her face, feeling quiver in her hands. Looking around she became dizzy with memories hitting her like flashes of lightning. She closed her eyes trying to remain calm but nothing helped until she felt hands on her shoulders, moving her to sit down.

Slowly opening up her eyes, she recognised Mrs Lee. “Are you okay Nayeon?”

Nayeon breathed in and out slowly before nodding in reply. Mrs Lee rubbed Nayeon’s shoulders and brought her into a hug.

It wasn’t anything like Jaehwan’s hugs but Nayeon knew everyone was trying their best.

Finally finding comfort Nayeon remembered why she decided to come to Mrs Lee. As Nayeon had drowned in her own sorrows she had forgotten that Mr and Mrs Lee were in agony as well. “Are you okay… Mrs Lee?”

Mrs Lee lifted Nayeon from her embrace, facing her and greeting her with a warm smile. “I’ll get there… eventually. It’s always hard. I never thought my son would go before me and it breaks my he-” A fresh burst of tears came from Mrs Lee.  Nayeon nodded knowing the hardship. She offered a tissue before the two had both regained their strength.

“I’m glad you came Nayeon. We need to stick together to get through this. I also wanted you to come so we could plan the.. the funeral”

Nayeon’s eyes became wide. During her time of grief, it never dawned on her that they’d be having a funeral for Jaehwan.

“A funeral?... for Jaehwan. A funeral for Jaehwan” She repeated her words, trying to comprehend them completely. A strange feeling in her stomach arrived. She felt uneasy thinking about it. Knowing she would see her boyfriend’s coffin, knowing that she’d have to say a speech… she felt uneasy.

***

A/N: A filler chapter. I promise you more things will be happening in the next chapters but I don’t want to rush things because this is how life goes. Hongbin will be coming shortly! I promise I will try and update more frequently. Thank you all for being so patient.

If you want to get a run through of how this story will progress or if you want to know my writing process or anything about me -- please feel free to ask! I’m more active on my twitter @maskedjaehwan

Please anticipate the next chapter! Thank you for subscribing to this story

-Jaellybeans