The brisk air felt too cold all of a sudden for a normal Friday night as he walked down the street towards the corner. Then again, it wasn't a normal Friday night not for him. Jonghyun looked at the scene in front of him. There wasn't much to it now, there were people standing all over the place in tears, leaning against one another, having lost something they didn't realize was so precious. Some were here for one of the boys, others were here for both. Jonghyun, was here for his boyfriend. As silent tears made their way down his cheeks Jonghyun moved closer to the makeshift memorial that the friends, and families of the victims had started. Looking at everything that was laying there he got down on his knees in front of the makeshift memorial and placed his own addition- white roses.
"Key," Jonghyun's voice came out strangled as he spoke to the spot where Key had last stood, "I remembered this time, red roses are too cliche. So I bought you white roses, white so that you can make them whatever color you want them to be." Jonghyun glances at the second name present on the memorial, "Should I have stopped you and Minho from hanging out today? Would you still be here if I had? Key... " Jonghyun breaks down into small sobs as he tried to convey his thoughts and emotions into words for his now dead boyfriend to hear. The sobs steadily grew harder until they were shaking his body and all he could mutter out was his lover's name. Suddenly an arm wrapped around his shoulders and he looked up at the owner.
"Jonghyun, Key wouldn't want you to fall apart because of this, you know he would tell you to man up." Jonghyun looked at whom he recognized to be Minho's boyfriend.
"Onew." Jonghyun suddenly felt anger towards the other man, "What do you know about Key? Huh? He wasn't your boyfriend Minho was." He spat the words out as glared at the other, who was quietly suffering.
Onew sighed, "I know Key as Minho's best friend. Just like I know you as Key's boyfriend, but Jonghyun, I know Key well enough to know he wouldn't want you to be so broken up because of this. Just think how he would have felt if he had lived while Minho had died." Onew paused, "He would have changed, Jonghyun. The Key that would have continued to live and breathe would be a Key filled with self loathing, regret, and pain."
Another wave of emotions crashed through Jonghyun's entire being. What Onew said was the truth, he just didn't want to admit it. "Onew," He whispered out, "How can you be so strong?"
"I'm not strong, Jonghyun. I'm just acting how Minho would want me to. I'm sure he would be crushed if he had to see his best friend's boyfriend suffer alone when there are already so many people grieving around him." There were a few tears glistening in Onew's eyes as he spoke and Jonghyun couldn't take his emotions anymore. If there was one thing he needed now more than anything, it was a shoulder to cry on- and it looked like Onew needed the same thing. He suddenly turned and hugged Onew.
"Then we both need someone to lean on." He mumbled as he gripped Onew a little tighter trying to convey his thoughts to the other one.
The memorial carried on, with the two boys leaning on one another, having found a common ground with the loss of their boyfriends. What everyone failed to notice was a blonde haired boy standing at the edge of the gathering, completely at a loss. He watched as Jonghyun and Onew hugged and encouraged one another, and listened to everyone who spoke as best he could; however, nothing stopped the thoughts that ran rampant through his mind, This is all my fault.
Saturday came and went. No one went online, no one talked about the accident. Not one, but two boys lost in a moment. The world seemed to have frozen, and hearts and minds weighed down heavily with the knowledge that they were gone. Some coped by locking themselves in their rooms, others functioned like empty shells walking around their houses and moving about as though on automatic pilot. Words were lost to all as they settled themselves into bed early in hopes that Friday was a dream and that this day was just a waste.
Sunday morning became more devastating as the news spread once more. A suicide. Jonghyun picked up the phone and dialed Onew, the two of the hadn't known the boy well- but their boyfriends had.
"Onew!" He half sobbed-half shouted into the mouth piece of his phone, "I'm a failure."
"No, you're not." Jonghyun could tell from the other's voice that he had been crying, "Neither one of us failed." Onew's voice was choked.
"But, Onew.... Taemin he-"
"I know, but we didn't do anything wrong." He tried comforting the other one.
Jonghyun took a deep breath, he knew there was only one other person who could understand his pain at the moment- and that was Onew. "O-O-Onew, can we meet up?"
That day, Jonghyun and Onew both leaned on the other seeking some type of solace from the nightmare that had suddenly been upon them. In a series of three days both had lost their lovers, and barely had time to grieve before having to face the loss of someone that was important in both of their boyfriend's lives, and both had found comfort in the other as they understood the pain they were experiencing.
A life changes so much when faced with death.
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