Eight.

That was the number of times they had circled the building tonight. I narrowed my eyes and watched the couple go for another around.

Eight and still going strong.

If they reach and stop at thirteen, I might have to change my favorite number, I thought bitterly, pulling up my hood. It was a childish thought, but I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t thinking straight. How could I when I just found out that he had gotten himself a girlfriend? A pretty one at that, which just added salt to the wound.

It was big news over at SM Entertainment, Jonghyun getting a girlfriend. For about two weeks, there were rumors spreading around the building, but I disregarded them. After all, rumors are just rumors, right? Unfortunately, this rumor proved to be true when Jonghyun himself told the president. The news spread like wildfire in the building. Everywhere Jonghyun went, he was congratulated and high-fived for successfully nabbing his long time dream girl, Shin Se Kyung.

Did I congratulate him?

Yes.

Did I mean it?

No.

Nine.

I heaved a sigh, seeing the lovely couple once more. From the bench where I was sitting, just across the street, I could clearly see the huge grin on Jonghyun’s face as he walked hand in hand with Se Kyung. I grimaced and my heart clenched at the sight.

It just seemed like yesterday when I met him at a studio in SM.

As a member of the active boy band SHINee, it was rare to see Jonghyun—or any of the members for that matter—around the building. If it wasn’t their schedules, it would be rehearsals. I was one of the few lucky trainees who met him.

We met by chance, really.

It was late, probably around 2 o’clock in the morning. I was still in the building, squeezing in a few extra hours of practice after being yelled at by most of my teachers that day. A few of the trainees stayed behind with me, but they were all in other rooms around the building.

 I decided to focus on my vocals that night, considering it was my weakest point. It didn’t help that my voice wasn’t in the best condition due to the weather.

I chose one of the smaller vocal studios because it seemed a lot more private. The walls of the room were painted a navy blue, which gave the room a relaxing feel. I was sitting down on a swivel chair in the middle of the studio, a music stand and microphone in front of me. My music sheets and a notebook were on the stand while a pair of headphones was dangling on the side.

During the middle of the song, the door suddenly opened and a head peeked inside the room. To say I was startled was the understatement of the year. I practically jumped out of my seat upon seeing his face.

“Sorry. Did I scare you?” Jonghyun asked with a laugh, stepping inside the small studio.

 “Just a little,” I replied, placing a hand on my chest to calm my racing heart. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed deeply.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Jonghyun began, his eyes darting around the studio, “but did you happen to see a notebook here?”

I grabbed the notebook from the music stand in front of me and raised it.

“Is this it?” I asked, holding out the white notebook.

“Ah, yes,” he said, taking the object from my hands. He flipped through the pages, checking a couple of sheets. After he skimmed through the notebook, he turned to me.

“I didn’t touch it, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said, my eyes wide as I raised both my hands in front of me.

Jonghyun chuckled. “You know, you sound pretty guilty right now.”

“I would never tou—”

“I know,” he interjected, leaning on the studio’s wall. “Calm down.”

I put my hands down, relief flooding through me, and leaned back on the chair.

Silence loomed over the two of us for a few moments. I didn’t know what it felt like for him, but to me, it was like an eternity—an eternity of awkward silence.

“Were you the one singing just now?” he asked, breaking the silence, much to my relief.

I nodded. “I know I need some practice. That’s why I decided to stay late today.”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun replied, a teasing glint in his eyes. “You need a lot of practice.”

I blushed in embarrassment. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t think of a retort, so I decided to stay quiet. I turned my attention to the music sheets, arranging and rearranging them over and over again in nervousness.

Jonghyun must’ve noticed my discomfort. He probably knew the effect he had on people.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him push himself off the wall, but instead of leaving like I thought he would, he settled in the seat beside mine.

I paused and turned to him, an eyebrow raised.

“Well?” He raised an eyebrow in reply. “Aren’t you going to start singing? If you’re going to debut, your vocal abilities should be at its best, ne?”

I continued to stare at him, my hands still gripping the sheets.

Jonghyun and I stared into each other’s eyes before I turned away, my face beet red. He just chuckled and took the music sheets from my hands.

“Seriously,” he said, looking through the sheets, “Start singing. I’ll listen and give you pointers.”

I observed him for a few seconds. He looked relaxed, a complete opposite to what I was: a complete nervous wreck. It wasn’t everyday that an idol offered to help a trainee out.

A smile slowly appeared on my lips. It all seemed so unreal. I couldn’t believe that Jonghyun—SHINee’s Bling bling—was right beside me, offering to help me improve my vocals.

“I still don’t hear you singing,” he muttered.

I snapped back into reality and with one last look at Jonghyun, I began to sing.

It went on like that for months, him just giving me private vocal lessons in that same small studio in the dead of night. In no time, my vocal abilities had improved, which delighted my trainers. Eventually, Jonghyun and I moved on to having coffee after a hard night’s vocal work or in between our busy schedules. Occasionally, we had lunch together. He even introduced me to the rest of s.

I was in heaven.

Ten.

Nothing hurts more than realizing that every lesson, every cup of coffee, every moment we spent together was precious to me, and yet, it meant absolutely nothing to him.

My heart tightened.

Heaven only existed for a few months. I was in the real world now, as painful as it was to admit it.

For a month, I had tried.

I tried so hard to forget about him and move on, but it was hard, harder than I could ever imagine. I couldn’t throw him away. I couldn’t erase him from my mind, from my heart. All day, every day, I endured the throbbing pain inside my chest.

I couldn’t do it. It was like a habit: make a promise to move on, but at the end of the day, I realize I can’t. I was trapped.

Why was it so difficult?

It was suddenly harder to breathe. Harder to swallow. Harder to stop the tears from falling. Harder to stop myself from running to the other side of the street and confessing to him.

Although my hands were numb from the cold, I gripped the wooden bench with all my might, my knuckles turning white from the effort. I bit my lip, trying to stifle my cries.

I thought I was going to be all right at first. I thought I could hold it in, but it proved to be much too difficult, especially after seeing his smile widen every time he walked past with her.

My body began to shake as I continued to suppress my tears.

My resolve was slowly slipping away.

I wanted to keep holding on. I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, I had some chance with him, but I knew I was only deceiving myself.

I was tired of it all. My heart had grown tired. I was ready to give in.

Eleven.

He was so happy.

His smile was embedded in my mind, constantly tormenting me. Who would I be to stand in his way of happiness and possibly true love?

I shouldn’t.

I couldn’t.

I would never.

Some people may think that it’s the holding on that makes a person strong, but sometimes, it’s letting go. I realized that it is only through detachment that I can be free.

 And after a month of constant hate and sadness, I decided that it was finally time…

I’ll back off you so you can live better, so you can be happy without me.

…to let go.

With that last thought, my composure broke. I gasped, welcoming the cool November air, and let the warm tears—tears that have been threatening to fall since I found out—fall freely. Nothing ever felt so good at that moment. It was an amazing feeling to finally let everything out—everything that I have been bottling up inside for so long.

I pulled my knees to my chest, my chin resting on top of them. The tears continued to fall, creating damp spots on my jeans, but I couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. It was pointless. As soon as I wiped one away, another came, then another, and then another. It was an endless stream of tears.

Twelve.

Eventually, my cries died down and all that’s left were my puffy cheeks, my swollen eyes, and my hiccups. I silently watched Jonghyun and Se Kyung make their twelfth round around the building; his arm was wrapped securely around her shoulders.

A young man sat down on the other side of the bench.

I ignored him.

As much as I hated to admit it, they did make a cute couple. No matter how much I denied it for the past month, in the back of my mind, I knew they were a perfect match, like two missing pieces of a puzzle. I knew that he wasn’t the one for me, but I deluded myself into thinking that he was, even after he had gotten together with Se Kyung-sshi.

“Just accept it,” a voice said beside me.

I have.

“Sometimes, there are just things that can’t be.”

I know.

I just wished this was one of things that can be.

Then there was silence. Nothing else could be heard except for the hard wind blowing, lifting a few leaves off the empty street. The lamp’s light flickered, slightly distorting our shadows.

“Why is he responsible for your happiness?” he said, breaking the comfortable silence.

My eyebrows furrowed. His simple question blew me away and realization dawned on me.

He was right.

Why is he responsible for my happiness? I clung to him, thinking he was everything that I needed. I thought I needed him to be happy. I thought I couldn’t be happy on my own.

 I’m the only one responsible for my happiness.

“I honestly don’t get what you’re jealous of,” the young man began, interrupting my thoughts. “I mean, I could take you out on a better date than that.” He lazily jerked his head in the couple’s direction.

Without even realizing it, a small smile appeared on my face.

Thirteen.

There was something vaguely familiar about the voice.

I turned to look at the young man, my cheek now resting on top of my knees, but I was disappointed to see that he was wearing his hood up. I couldn’t see his face clearly.

“Don’t be sad,” he said, turning serious once more. The lamp continued to flicker, shedding some light onto his face. “It’s not like he’ll forget you just like that. You’ll still be friends. The only difference is that he has a girlfriend.”

I grimaced.

“I see that.”

He chuckled. “Well, if you do, then why are you still moping around? There’s no need to.”

I turned to Jonghyun and Se Kyung who were making their thirteenth round; he offered her his earphones and a sigh escaped my lips.

“I guess you’re right,” I replied.

“Of course I am,” he scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I liked you better when you were serious and not arrogant.”

I was greeted by silence and I frowned. Perhaps my comment stung him. I was about to apologize when he suddenly stood up from his seat, a wide grin plastered on his face.

“Let’s go!” he exclaimed. He looked at me and offered me his arm.

 “…let’s go?” I stared at him, puzzled.

He nodded in reply.

I waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t. “…where, exactly?”

“Wherever you want to go,” he said with a shrug.

I took a moment to think about his offer.

“What if I want to ride a train to Choonchun?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Then that’s where we’re going.”

I glanced across the street. Jonghyun and Se Kyung had stopped walking after the thirteenth round. They were standing in front of the building, obviously ready to bid their goodbyes.

“I’m taking you out on a date,” I heard him say.

I tore my eyes away from the couple and turned to him.

“Gaja,” he said, offering his arm once more.

Hesitantly, I stood up, my numb from sitting for so long, and shyly linked arms with him.

He beamed.

And a few seconds later, a small smile made its way onto my lips. I couldn’t help it. His smile was infectious.

I removed my arm from his, which surprised him.

“I thought you wa—”

I opened my arms.

He smiled in understanding and leaned in, wrapping his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close.

“Kumawo, Kibum oppa,” I whispered, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He tightened his grip on my waist in reply.

We stood like that for awhile, just holding each other under the flickering light of a street lamp. No words needed to be said. His hug was enough to comfort me.

Then, Key pulled away from me, a smile still on his face. He dropped his hands from my waist and slowly removed my arms from his neck.

“We still have a train to catch,” he said, linking our arms together.

I chuckled. Without warning, my stomach growled. I bit my lip and recalled that I had skipped dinner.

“But we’re going to eat first,” he said, throwing me a knowing look before leading me away from the bench.

I just smiled at Key’s mother-like nature. He had always been good to me.

Sometimes, the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.

Who knows.

 The two of us, we might actually…

Thank you for taking the time to read my one shot! I hope you guys enjoyed it. Comments and suggestions are always welcome. :]