Yoongi shut the door of the dormitory behind him, startling the two boys sitting in front of the television. Jimin and Jungkook watched the older man slide his shoes off silently and turned back towards the television. He’d been especially lethargic ever since the accident. They knew it was best to stay out of his way when he was upset. He drug his feet towards the bedrooms down the hall without a word to the concerned faces watching him. The journey to the mattress felt so long. When he finally made it to his bed he fell onto his stomach and buried his head in the pillows. He was doing his best to ignore the feeling of eyes watching him but after a few moments he pulled his head out of the pile and rolled onto his back. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jin nodded his head. “Were you dropping off another letter?”

“No. This time I lost my damn mind and knocked on her door.”

Jin’s eyes widened at that. He gave the rapper an empathetic frown. “Yoongi…”

“I know.”

“You can’t keep blaming yourself for this. It was a tragic accident. It’s not like you ran the girl down. It wasn’t even our car.” The older boy leaned forward. Enunciating his next words in an attempt to make him understand. “You didn’t kill that girl.”

Morrigan’s voice bounced around in his head, like it was haunting his conscience. “Her name was Roselyn. And I know that. Even her sister knows that.”

“Did she say that? She forgave you?”

Yoongi draped an arm across his eyes. “No.”

“She lost her sister. Give her some time. Badgering her for forgiveness is probably just making things worse. I know you’re hurting but I promise it’s nothing compared to how she must be feeling.”

The image of her standing in the doorway with tears streaming down her face floated into his mind. The tears seeming like a crack in the strong facade she'd been trying so hard to project. She looked angry, sure. But more than that she looked exhausted. And sad. Suga rubbed at his tired eyes; holding his hands there for a moment. Trying to rub away the image.

Suga rolled over and closed his eyes. Today was tough but for some reason it didn't feel like a mistake. Maybe it was selfish but he felt better. When he felt down it helped to get the sadness and anger out somehow. He usually tried to do this through producing but knowing that she was able to get some out, even if it was by yelling at him, made him feel like he'd helped somehow. He wanted to help her. For months he'd been plagued by guilt and regret. It wasn't until Namjoon had tried for the millionth time to console him that he figured out the best way to handle the situation.

The leader of the group had said a lot of things but the thing that stuck was what he'd told him when he walked in on Yoongi trashing his studio. Namjoon ran over and grabbed the empty water glass out of his hand.

His ‘leader voice’ bellowed through the room. “That's enough!”

Suga didn't respond. His breathing heavy and his shoulders low as he drug his feet to the rolling chair to sit.

The leader took a moment to calm himself. His grip on the glass tightening as he lifted a hand to run down his face. When he followed Yoongi to his spot he took a deep breath before beginning yet another lecture. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Throwing tantrums and hating yourself can't do anything for that girl. You cannot help her. She's gone. It was an accident and nothing you do can change that.”

RapMon stared at him momentarily. Suga could feel his eyes on him but he ignored it. He'd heard this so many times. Everyone said the same thing. ‘It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.’ Why did they all think that saying the same thing over and over again was going to help him? Like he didn't want to just brush it off as an accident? He tried! No matter what he told himself he couldn't shake the memories of that day or the feelings of guilt.

Namjoon set the glass on the table and squat down to force Yoongi to see him. Pleading with him to hear what he was saying. “You can't help her. Find someone you can help if that's what it takes to help yourself. I can talk to the boss. Maybe we can do some charity stuff or road safety-”

“The sister.” Suga’s voice cut in quietly. Namjoon didn't understand right away. He simply watched the man in the chair in confusion.

“The girl that died. She has a sister. Maybe I can help her.” Yoongi’s eyes were darting around erratically.

Namjoon finally understood what Yoongi meant and started to protest. “Yoongi, no. The company has been fighting the press this whole time trying to keep us out of this. You can't get involved with her. If the press finds out-”

Yoongi ignored his words and sprinted to the door. He needed to find out more information about the girl that died. He needed to know more about her sister.

The alarm on Jin’s phone blared in his ears waking him from sleep. He must've dozed off. Jin reached over to silence the siren alarm tone. He sat up and saw Suga staring at him. “Sorry, Yoongi. Go back to sleep. You don't have anything scheduled today.”

Yoongi nodded but he didn't go back to sleep. He was up now and the memories from last night poured back into his head like a flood.

It was her eyes that he remembered the most. They were big and brown. Tapering away to a sharp point. They were so dim though. Even in the peaks of her anger they were lit with the glow of a low burning fire; like embers. There was one moment though…a few seconds where those brown eyes lit up with something other than sadness or hate. When Morrigan talked about her sister there was love in her eyes. A sad longing kind of love but he remembered how it softened the hard lines in her face.

Suddenly he knew what he could do. He knew how he could help. Suga checked the time on his phone quickly before getting up and changing into clean clothes. Soon half jogging out of the room. Then jogging back into the room and reaching under his pillow. When he pulled his hand out there was a worn tattered envelope in his grasp. It's edges were frayed and the letter inside was worn from the countless times he'd read it. Tucking the letter away he ran out the door. In his new swell of determination he was completely unaware of the eyes watching his departure from the livingroom. Or how those eyes followed him into the street.

----------------------------------

“Yes. Yes, I understand. Thank you for the consideration.” Setting the phone on the table, Morrigan crossed another company name off her list. She let out a deep sigh as her eyes scanned over the large stack of bills before her. She'd been out of work since the accident when she quit her old job, intending to go back to her home country. Morrigan scoffed at the memory. How silly of her to think that her mother would want her back home after letting her sister die. She wanted to tell herself that it was just hard for their mother to see or talk to her because it reminded her of Roselyn but after three months it was very clear that her mother really did hate her. She blamed Morrigan for the death of her youngest daughter and Morrigan was truly alone.

Now she was using the very last of her savings to pay the minimum on her bills. There was so much she had to do. Impending deadlines pushed down on her from above like a thick cloud, Morrigan lowered her head to rest on the table. The glass table top cool on her warm cheeks. She watched her breath fog up the glass for a few moments. Taking a break to zone out and escape the stress of her situation.

She really didn't have the energy for this but unless she wanted to spend her time saving up on the street she needed to at least pay her rent. Maybe it was time to start looking for a part time job, a smaller apartment. Something.

Morrigan was suddenly pulled from her thoughts by one strong bang on the front door. Her cheek peeled off the condensation covered glass table as she sat up. Curious, she listened for a second knock. There was hushed muttering, a few pacing steps, then a few more knocks. Softer now.

Lifting herself from the rolling chair, Morrigan made the short trip to the door. Cracking it open, all she could do was let out a tired sigh when her eyes met his.

“Are you completely incapable of empathizing with other people? I. Don’t. Want. To. See. You. Do I have to move for you to leave me alone?!”

Yoongi watched her eyes with a wavering gaze. Observing any change in the light held within the beautiful irises. His line of sight was interrupted as she took a step further into her apartment. Likely to close the door in his face. His plan came tumbling from his lips in a desperate avalanche.

“I want to talk about your sister!”

Thin fingers tightened on the door as she came to an abrupt halt. Her entire body froze, the only discernable movement in her eyes. As always, Suga watched her eyes. Shock. Sadness. Then a flash of anger, bright like a solar flare.

“What?” Morrigan’s voice was low.

She narrowed her eyes at the boy who once again did more staring than talking. She watched as his lips twitched into the beginnings of words only to dwindle back to a tense line.

“I...I want to talk about your sister.” Restless hands twined together in front of him. “Or rather, I want you to tell me about her…”

“You really are unbelievable.”

Yoongi looked up from his hands and saw that coldness again. He could almost feel it in his bones. He unhooked his hands, sliding one into his jacket. Fingers feeling for the worn edges of the envelope as Morrigan continued in a voice that sent chills through his heart.

“Maybe you didn’t understand where I was coming from with that but if I have to spell it out for you to leave me alone then-”

Shuffling fingers found a corner hidden away in the warm cloth of his jacket. Suga quickly and carefully pulled the envelope out and held it up to the woman before him. His face tense and unreadable.

Morrigan took one look at the paper and took a deep breath, ready to berate the relentlessly selfish man who refused to let her mourn at her own pace. “I don’t want your damn letters-”

The words died in . Along with the anger that had been flooding her body since she opened the door. As her eyes scanned the water damaged paper before her the places in her body where the anger had been raging were drowned with sadness. That handwriting...

“Why...w-why do you have this?”

Yoongi felt his heart clench in his chest as her eyes filled with tears. A shaky hand reaching toward him to grab the letter. He cleared his throat.

“I picked it up that day. After the accident.”

Morrigan’s eyes ran across the front of the envelope. Yoongi tracked her gaze as it passed over the faded name: Min Yoongi.

He looked away as the memories played in his head. After the accident their van jerked to a stop in the street. He remembered all the members twisting in their seats to see what happened.  Namjoon peering through the back window then suddenly grabbing at Jungkook and Jimin. Shielding them from the sight. Jin telling everyone not to look. Both of them barking orders at him when he opened the door and stepped out into the street. He remembered watching a woman shuffle past him; as if she didn’t even see him. The woman sprinted to the girl lying in the street not ten feet away. That familiar girl. She was fretting above the body; seeming unsure whether she should touch it or not. A few feet in between him and the girls in the street he saw a white envelope on the street… a letter with his name. Then the screaming started.

Yoongi shook the thoughts away as he watched the woman now. Her wails from that day fresh in his mind. The weight in his heart causing his eyes to prickle slightly. Morrigan raised her eyes from the letter, pausing momentarily as she saw the glistening in his eyes. He sniffed harshly and looked away.

“I know that you hate me. I understand. I can’t tell her I’m sorry. She’s gone. But I feel like I’m going to suffocate. There’s so much guilt in my chest that it feels like my lungs have no room to breathe!” He took a second to gather his thoughts, his mouth tensing to a hard line. “So I’m telling you. I am sorry. I’m sorry that she died feeling ignored. Truly.”

It was Morrigan’s turn to stare. She simply watched him as he let out all the things he’d been holding in. His gaze falling to the crinkled and worn envelope in her hands.

“Most fans write the same thing. We appreciate it, of course. Always. But it’s usually the same kind of stuff. But your sister’s letter was different. She said the usual fan stuff but she talked about you a lot. She said that I reminded her of you.” Morrigan felt a jolt run through her as his eyes shot up to bore into hers. His eyes no longer waivering. “And I know that if I lost one of the people I loved that I would avoid talking about it too. I would be angry. But my friends would make me face it. And together we could get through it.”

She felt the tension in the pooling tears break as they spilled down her face. Dark eyes followed the first tear until it fell to the floor.

“I can’t bring your sister back...but I have read that letter a million times. And the thing that shows the most is that she loved you very much. So, I want to help you. For her.”

When she didn’t immediately protest he decided to take this as a good sign, quickly pulling a pen and notepad out of his jacket pocket. Scribbling something down.

“I’m not known for expressing myself verbally but I am a good listener. This is my phone number. I’m going to come back in two days. If you don’t want me to, message me, and I won’t come.” Yoongi watched the tumultuous emotions in Morrigan’s eyes as he reached across to set the small piece of paper in her hand. “You can yell or scream...just...think about it?”

A quiet buzz sounded throughout the quiet hallway. Suga tugged his phone out of his back pocket, Namjoon’s face showing across the screen. He was late. His eyes flickered between Morrigan and the phone before he tapped at the red circle to decline the call. Sliding the phone back into his jeans Yoongi met her eyes again.

“I have to go. Thank you for listening to me.” he cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair nervously. “So, I’ll see you in two days. Maybe. Hopefully.”

Morrigan watched him swivel on his heel and make his way towards the exit. Looking back once or twice. Once he was outside she turned to her apartment, her door slowly swinging closed with a click.

Lifting her hands she observed the contents in both. In her right, Roselyn’s letter. In the left, a phone number. Thinking of what happened she tried her best to muster the hatred she’d grown accustomed to. The curls of Roselyn’s handwriting spelling out his name. She died trying to get him this letter. He ignored her. He…

Morrigan’s fingers curled with all the strength she could muster. Crushing the thin paper in her left hand. Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes once more. Why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?!

A loud rattling sound rang out throughout the empty apartment. Morrigan wiped angrily at the tears as she drug her feet to the kitchen table. A familiar face lit the screen of her cell phone. Tapping on the green circle she lifted the phone to her ear.

“Morrigan! You answered! How are you?”

Still wiping at the tears she let out a sniffle that she hoped was too quiet for her friend to hear.

“Are you crying? I’m sorry, that was a stupid question. Of course you’re still having a hard time. There all alone…”

“Wow, Stephanie. You’re really good at making someone stop crying. Reminding me I’m all alone. Good move.”

“.... I’m sorry, sweetie. Are you eating? Taking care of yourself? How was your day? You never answer my calls.”

“I uh...had a visitor today. You know the guy that’s been leaving me those letters?”

“The musician? He came to your house?!”

“Yeah. This is the second time actually. He wants me to forgive him or something. And he doesn’t care if I want to or not he just keeps showing up. Wants to ‘help me get through this’. Load of . He just wants to make himself feel better.”

There was a moment of silence before Stephanie’s voice hesitantly spoke. “Maybe you should take him up on it.”

There was a moment where she thought maybe she’d misheard Stephanie. “...What?”

“I mean, you’re all alone there! You need somebody. You’re a strong person but you can’t get through this alone, Morrigan.”

“Steph, stop. I can’t even look at him without getting so angry my hands shake.”

“Morrigan...you do know it’s not his fault though, right?”

Morrigan felt her shoulders drop. Her eyes sliding shut. Anger rising.

“You told me what happened. I know it’s easiest to be angry but...you won’t get any better like that. Rose ran into the street behind them.”

Her eyes popped open, fires burning within. “You don’t think I know that? You honestly think I am not aware that logically it’s not his fault? She shouldn’t have been there. I know that.” Morrigan ran a hand through her long dark hair, trying to steady her breathing. “But for three months… every time I think about her I feel like my heart is giving out and that’s not even all of it. Hating him helps distract me from feeling all of the pain that I can feel just sitting on my chest. It’s selfish but I am terrified of facing all of that despair. It will kill me.”

Stephanie doesn’t say anything. The only thing coming from her line is her soft uneven breaths.

“If I don’t blame him...then I’ll have to face the fact that if I had been paying attention she would still be alive. Or that my incredibly smart sister died because she ran into the street like an idiot. Then what? There’s no anger there. Just-” the quivering of her shoulders making her voice break, Morrigan took a big shaky breath. Swallowing a sob. “Then there’s just sadness. And I don’t know how to deal with that. It’ll just...drown me.”

The phone loose in her hand she could just barely make out Stephanie’s shaky voice. “Please talk to him. I can’t help you but he can!”

“Damn it, Stephanie!” Morrigan slammed on the end call button before throwing the small phone to the carpet. Her hands flew up into her hair in frustration. The crinkling of paper bringing her attention back to the forgotten letter.

A part of her heart pleaded with her to save the letter for another day. When she's had some rest and prepared herself. Advice she's sure to regret ignoring. She lifted the flap of the envelope easily. The glue long gone. Inside sat a thin sheet of paper; worn and nearly broken. The paper must have been unfolded and refolded a million times. When she scanned the page her heart swelled with a sad kind of joy. It was her handwriting. Bubbly and cute and a little sloppy.

When I first got into BTS, I didn't understand how fans could have a bias. All of you are such impressive people. Each are lovable in their own ways. But as I watched I understood.
You remind me a lot of my sister. She's my closest and most important person so this is very favorable for you. Like you, she prefers not to move and can give off the impression of not caring but is actually very kind and hardworking for the things she loves. She may say a lot of nonsense while you say not much at all but both are capable of sharing helpful advice and caring words when you need to. There's never been a day where I haven't laughed because of my sister. And since I've known of you, there's been few if I haven't laughed because of you too. So thank you for that^^
It makes me sad when people misconceive the people you are. When they don't see how hard you're trying to do your best for you and the people you love. But I know, if they're really paying attention, they'll learn.
So, all in all, I wanted to say thank you for bringing more happiness into my life and makin me smile. Your songs and everything have made the days easier to get through. Because of you, I have two bright points in my life now. And I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. I hope everything goes well for you and the boys. Take care of yourself please.
Love,
Roselyn

As she set the paper on the counter, Morrigan felt a familiar drop of moisture hit the collar of her shirt. She's cried more times than she could count in the last three months but this time there was much less anger in her tears. And for the first time in a long time Morrigan spent the rest of the day thinking about her sister and smiling more often than not.