Byulyi knew that being an idol was going to be difficult, that her everyday life was going to be in the control of her managers, and her privacy in need of constant protection. She knew, it was going to be hell in a lot of ways, but it didn’t matter as long as she was able to perform.

She had to constantly remind herself of that thought, especially now, when this really cute girl kept looking at her, thinking Byul didn´t notice.

Byul was waiting for Yongsun to come out of the restaurant’s bathroom, they had finish their food and paid, all while successfully being ignored as celebrities. It was a blessing and a curse, but Byul actually enjoyed being free to walk the streets and eat in small restaurants even when their songs were first in the charts. She couldn’t complain.

But right in that moment, she was a little confused. Was that cute girl looking at her because she had recognize her… because she wanted a sign… because she had a genuine interest in her?

Maybe Byul was overthinking it. The girl was eating with a few friends, all girls that seemed like college students. The group was very loud had been siting a few tables from Yongsun and her since 20 minutes later they had enter the restaurant. The girl had short black hair framing her face, falling messily in her eyes and covering her ears, her makeup was simple yet really feminine and every time she smiled her eyes wrinkled adorably. She was wearing a dark blue shirt and black skinny jeans, wrap in a comfy sweater.

Byul thought of her own outfit, a grey hoodie and jeans, one of her trusty snapbacks place backwards in her head… her face makeup free. She felt a little embarrass, the girl was so cute and she was looking really plain, there was no confidence in her for actually approaching her.

“Don´t tell me you´re still checking out that girl” Yongsun suddenly sat in front of Byul, raising an eyebrow.

“What… no” she lied “she keeps looking at my though, I think she knows who we are”

“Are you sure you haven’t hookup with her before? She seems your type” the elder commented lowering her voice.

“I´m sure, I´d remember her… she´s really cute”

“I know… you´ve said that like 20 times already” her friend laugh “So what you gonna do?”

“Whaa… no… nothing?”  

“Pffff…Since when are you shy? Just last week I saw two different girls do the walk of shame out of your apartment” Yongsun noted, pretending to be annoyed but with an amused smirk on her face “You are a certified player, everyone knows. I had to entertain the manager while one of the girls leaved the building, but I´m pretty sure she notice anyway”.

“You say it like it´s funny, but I know you hate it” Byul said, smiling sadly back at her leader. Byul knew that the older girl had a hard time covering for her with the managers and because of that she was always thankful. “I should be more careful, getting caught by someone who is not the girls, the managers or you could end my career... and get the tree of you in a huge drama”

“Hey, don´t be a sap” Yongsun patted my arm across the table “I can´t get angry at you, you have the whole dating thing a lot more difficult than us… we could get caught and after the initial shock it wouldn´t matter, but you´ll have to keep hidden forever. It´s really unfair” she said and looked over her shoulder, catching the girl looking at them. The stranger quickly lowered her eyes and fixed them at her hands in the table, her face flustered.

“And that´s why you should take this opportunities” Yongsun added, looking back at her “No one is mad at you, we actually understand. Hell, even the fans know and they shield you all the time.”

“I know”

“I actually think is better if you just play around, a serious relationship is too dangerous” the girl took her purse and started standing up “But if you do fall in love with one of these girls, we will protect you all the same”

“Unnie… thanks and all, but I still don´t think I can talk to her” Byul stood up as well “Let´s just leave”

Yongsun nodded in understanding and the two of them exited the restaurant.

Her unnie was right, falling in love was dangerous for her… it could only end in disaster. Maybe not in the short term, but eventually. She tried to not think much of it… the future, in which MCs ask her why she didn´t marry, or that dreadful moment when her CEO and her fans could not shield her from rumors anymore, when a fake relationship with some boy from her company was needed to protect her. Byul sighed deeply while walking home with Yongsun.

--------------------------------

A week later.

“So she´s down? I thought she was doing better” Wheein said with worry. They vocal line was having lunch at the company cafeteria, while their friend had refuse them to stay in the practice room.

“Yeah… but I bet she hasn't even noticed she's still depressed” Yongsun sighed and lean in to whisper to the girls in front of her “This morning I went to her apartment to borrow sugar and saw an ashtray in her sink. I didn´t say anything but I´m worried… last time she stared smoking again was when… you know”

“When that dumped her, yeah” Hyejin leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms “I thought her sleeping around was a good thing, kept her head clear from problems, but I guess there´s something more”

“I know… I actually told her something like that, but maybe she´s just stressed” Yongsun taped her fingers in the table, trying to figure out her friend, wanting to make her feel better.

“Well, we can´t expect to fix her when she´s ignoring her problems, but she knows we are here for her” Hyejin stated, calm and collected “Let´s just wait and see… maybe she´ll feel better when we can rest after our promotions end, we just have to go through this whole LG thing”

Byul had the dance ready by 11:30 pm, sweat made her skin sticky and her clothes uncomfortable but instead of changing and going home to take a shower, she sat in the practice room´s floor, her back against the cold mirror. She took her phone of her pocket and checked the messages. Her unnie was nagging her to go back to the apartment and the maknaes had stopped like an hour ago asking her to rest. She sighed as she left a message in the group chat telling them not to worry, that she was going home now.

She didn´t though, as she rested her head in the mirror and check the rest of the messages.

Amber:

You and your members are invited to a birthday party, don´t ask me for who… I´m not supposed to know.

Byul:

Ok… when?

Amber:

This Friday, that’s tomorrow night. Are you free?

Byul:

I think so, I´m guessing at least Wheein´s gonna have some energy left. We have an MV to film.

She asked Amber for the details and promise that she´d try to go. The f(x) member and her were the same age and had become fast friends after some schedules together, while Yongsun was closer to Luna, Byul had found herself texting with the other rapper rather frequently and had become normal to them to exchange texts about their love lives… or in their cases, the lack thereof. In the last few months, Amber had even sneaked Byul in her group of friend dedicated to go clubbing.

Amber:

I´m telling you, I got so much game… even that girl´s boyfriend wasn´t that mad. Like… he understood the whole situation, he even offer to join.

Byul:

Eww…

Amber:

Hey don´t judge, some of us are just into everyone and he was kind of hot. But I said no… the whole thing gave me the feel I was gonna wake up alone in a motel room with my drunk pics all over the internet. So I flee.

Byul:

Smart… But hey, at least you got some action. Last weekend I took care of drunk Wheein the whole night, I almost had to punch some dude. Good thing no one really recognize us.

Amber:

Yeah… enjoy that while you can.

Hey, I gotta go. See you tomorrow!

Byul got up, pick up her stuff and call her manager who was still in the building, waiting for her. They got on the car and started their way home, which was luckily close.

“Yah, Byul… I´m telling you, you should lay down the parting” said her manager once she had told her about Amber´s invitation “you could use that time to rest, especially tomorrow… The whole day´s gonna be hell”

“I know, but unnie… it´s a SM party, well at least some SM idols and trainees are gonna be there. It´s good for networking”

Her manager scoff and then laugh loudly.

“Right Byulyi, whatever you say”