Dear Junhoe,

Hi dude.

Yes, this is Chanwoo and yes, I’m writing a letter for you. You probably think that I’m out of my mind, or I’m a bit insane, and you must be frowning your forehead right now while thinking that “This kid is fooling around with me” but yeah, whatever, in the end, I’m writing this letter for you. In case if you’re wondering, yes, this is real and none of this only happens in your head. I sincerely write this and I really mean all the things that I will write here except when I start telling how handsome you are. You can tell that I completely don’t mean it.

I'm serious.

How are you, Junhoe? Isn’t it strange that we live under one roof but I still ask how are you? I think the word ‘strange’ describes our relationship the best. We’re not awkward (to which I am very thankful because some of members feel awkward toward you until now), but we’re not close either. Not that close as you are with Jinhwan hyung, or me with Yunhyeong hyung, but I sometimes consider us as ‘close’. I don’t know how it does for you, and I want to not care because this is how it works for me. We’re close, case closed.

Okay, you know that I have no idea of what I’m writing when you found out that this paragraph basically only talked about our ‘relationship’.

Strange, isn’t it?

Okay, okay, I know this letter is getting more and more strange and awkward now because I shouldn’t tell a lie from the beginning instead of confessing that: we’re not that close, and we’re awkward. Well, sometimes. Because the other times we’re fooling around, laughing together, spending sleepless nights for vocal training, and secretly sharing countless jokes about the hyungs and Donghyukie. When I start thinking about the awkwardness that grow between me and you, I conclude it is because you don’t let me to call you hyung in the first place. The first time I got to meet the six of you, I got to admit that I’m scared of you most next to Hanbin hyung. Geez, you couldn’t control your expression and it’s hard to tell whether you dislike me or you completely are bored with me. So I chose not to talk to you during the time being because I knew that would be the easiest way to mingle with you.

But then it gets harder when you told me to consider yourself as a ‘friend’ and drop honorifics after you found out that I was born early in ‘98.

I mean… HOW COULD I? How could I just act cool and call you, “Junhoe-ya” when you acted even more hyung than Yunhyeong hyung and Jinhwan hyung did. Your silence was like a high wall that is hard to be crushed down and you guard yourself with unseen authority that I could sense. How could I just think of you as a friend? I’d rather call you hyung and put some distance inbetween to throw myself away from interacting any further with you. Because I put on a bet that day with Junhyeong that no matter what I said, all I got would only that ultimate bored face and judging look from you.

Seriously, you barely let me breathe in our first meeting.

Well, but that was the first impression and all. I knew you were a good kid afterall and I was not regret to put on that faith after the first day. I knew we were going to be close at some point, and you showed me who you really are. I was ashamed to think of you as a person that was cold, bad, evil, and other words you could describe when you firstly met Gu Junhoe. You’re really far from those words. You said that you were the nocturnal person that is very awkward on a day and being hyper at night but I thought it was only your excuse. Hahaha. In my opinion, you’re naturally awkward and when people see that you do not care, it’s not that you completely don’t care. You do care, but you just find it hard to express your feelings and you need people to reach you first.

Still, it doesn’t change my mind