My Dear Kyungsoo-Hyung,

    I want to thank you, first of all, for being honest with your feelings. Thank you for revealing to me of all the feelings you had in the past years, the feelings I have been questioning about. But what I want to know is, why did you wait so long to tell me? And not even in person, you had to write your letter and give it to me on the day of my wedding. Just like you were honest with me, I will also be honest. I was upset, angry, dumbfounded. I felt like such an idiot as I was reading your letter. But I was also laughing, crying, and to your request, I also smiled with tears running down my cheeks as memories were playing like a movie in the back of my mind. I had these feelings because it was from you. The words I read were sincere words from my one and only Do Kyungsoo. I imagined you writing it, late at night, as carefully and delicately as you would with anything. I imagined your big eyes, slowly closing from sleep and every now and then you would stop writing as your head continued bobbing up and down. I imagined myself behind you, watching you write. Hearing your voice guide me through, it was a pleasant experience. But I’m a married man now, I shouldn’t have had those types of feelings, nor imagine those types of scenes. I felt unfaithful towards my husband, but then it got me thinking..who was I actually being unfaithful to? Him? You? I wasn’t sure, and I’m still not sure.

    You said you felt jealous when I was around others, or when I talked about others; how was that? Because I have also felt the same once upon a time. I always wanted to be around you, but you rarely gave me the time, so you were only able to catch me at the wrong times. You can’t say that our lack of bonding has been completely my fault. I can’t even count the times I have looked at your back, or looked at you from afar. Can you count the times for me? For when we weren’t next to each other? We always were, but  you were the first one to move. I always wanted to be near my short hyung, I always wanted to play with you. But you weren’t there.

    The day we first met Joonhyun (that’s my husband’s name), I will admit that I felt an interest growing on him. I felt like a shy school girl, and to be honest, I was shocked that he gave me his number. You don’t just give your number to some guy. And yes, I am just some guy. I may be EXO’s Kai, but without that name, I’m just Kim Jongin. You should’ve properly met him, you would’ve liked him instead of quietly sulking about how my attention wasn’t on you anymore. Another thing, I just hung out with him. We never had a proper date because of my contract and busy schedule. He was there when you weren’t, and you weren’t there because he was? That sounds like a lame excuse if you ask me. I wanted you to be there with me, I really did. I wanted to talk to you about how funny Joonhyun is, about how he wanted to meet my friend from the cafe, if whether or not I should accept his proposal. Every moment I spent with him, I thought of you. I thought, “what would Kyungsoo-hyung say? What would he do? Would he be happy or sad? Would he laugh or frown? Would he tell me to go for it or not?”. But you weren’t there. You just, distanced yourself. And you blame me? I just saw it as that and accepted it. If you didn’t want to be around me, then I didn’t want to be a bother and distanced myself.

You wanna know what he and I talked about? You. He was consoling me when I didn’t have my best friend next to me. And when Taemin started acting the same, I thought something was differently wrong. I was planning of going to talk to you and ask if you had anything to do with it. I saw both of you together, you were hugging him and comforting him. I didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t know if I should be somewhat happy, seeing two of my friends together without me, or feel down because of the same reason. I talked to Joonhyun about it and he thought it was because of him. Was he right? He most likely was. Why couldn’t I just went up to you and settled things? Why did we have end up like this?

How’s Taemin? You said you liked him, in what way? You want to protect him, but how? He can protect himself, he doesn’t need someone else to do it. But, I don’t understand, why him? Why couldn’t it be one of the other members? Why did it have to be Taemin? Did you purposely seek him out? I feel like I have to talk to Taemin as well, I want to know what happened. I want to know why I have to continue living with the fact that you and him are living together and wonder what intentions you two have. I think I’m going crazy. This letter lost its’ focus now.

I should finish this soon before I go mad and start scribbling nonsense. I also had to write this late, I don’t want Joonhyun to think I’m writing some love letter. But I want to thank you once again, for being honest. Honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts someone. Even if the person who is hurt has loved the other.

Sincerely,

K. Jongin

Not the best letter, but what do you want me to do? ^_^

Will there be a part 3?!