The night was unpleasant as I had spent them in tears. I couldn’t even get a decent night’s rest without having to wake up after dozing off for a few minutes due to a nightmare that involved Si Won. After an hour, I would calm down and try to go back to sleep but I ended up tossing and turning in my covers from the uneasiness of him not being home.

  Of course I could be paranoid and be too much but even as I tried to think myself out of it, it wasn’t working. It soon became morning and my eyes were heavy from sleep deficiency but I couldn’t sleep no matter what. I checked the clock on my side table and it was well past seven in the morning.

  I got out of bed, grabbed my robe and went out to make coffee. I sat at the dining table and just stared at my mug as it turned cold.

  I was pulled out of my daze when I heard the door close. I looked up and found Si Won. He was his usual self, only a little – happier.

  He walked pass the stairs and went straight to the kitchen. Maybe he thought he ought to make the coffee this time but when he saw the coffee made, his shoulders slumped. He turned towards me and his face showed he was searching for words.

  I broke the silence by saying, “You’re home.”

  “I uh . . .” Si Won said. He was speechless.

  ‘Not even a sorry,’ I thought and just stood up. I walked pass by him and went straight up so I could take a shower as I cried.

  After the shower, Si Won went in after me and I started on breakfast. We ate in silence at the table. I didn’t even say a word to him. I couldn’t say anything to him. I was angry, frustrated, disappointed and just in distraught. I was afraid if I had opened my mouth, the wrong things would come out.

  Our silence dragged on till afternoon. I was doing the day’s paper’s crossword puzzle on the couch with a pencil in hand while he was studying some blueprints at the dining table. I noticed him stealing glances at me. I couldn’t care less.

  That was until he stood up from the dining table and said, “That’s it.”

  I looked up from the paper and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Come on,” he said with a smile before going to the door where his jacket hung on the coat’s rack. I hesitantly stood up and went to him as he spoke, “It’s a Sunday. The day is perfect so I thought we’d go out.”

  For once, he seemed like he meant it. He looked at me happily. I felt precautious of him. I had dreamt of him being kind like this but because he wasn’t always like this, it struck me as odd.

  He just stared at me as if waiting for a response. I didn’t want to ruin the mood so I said, “Let me go get my bag.”

  He smiled wider and said, “Okay, I’ll be waiting in the car.” Once in the car, he asked me, “What would you like to listen to?”

  He was looking straight ahead but when I looked at him in wonder, he pouted his lips towards the radio. He was asking me what channel I wanted to listen to. I answered whatever came up, “Sakura.”

  He just pressed the power button and on came out the voices of the DJs. The song that played was a Secret Garden OST. It was by 4MEN. I liked the song.

  We had entered a mall and as we walked around, Si Won kept holding my hand. It was starting to scare me at how close Si Won was trying to be. He kept pulling me into every store he thought a dress would look good on me. I on the other hand kept quiet. I didn’t even stop him or ask him why he was doing this, especially since he was buying me all the clothes I had tried on.

  My hands were filled with bags. Si Won carried most of them and seemed more excited than me. We went back to the car and he decided to drive around the city. He said it was to enjoy the perfect day more.

  As we drove, I suddenly felt my stomach grumbling. I clutched the cloth covering my stomach. He noticed me.

  “Oh, are you hungry?” he asked in worry.

  “Sort of,” I answered.

  “No worries, there’s a place nearby I’m sure you’ll love.” Si Won said with a mischievous smile.

  One minute we were in a car, the next we were in a fancy restaurant. The waiter led us to a table for two by the window and handed us our menus. The place was crowded with people. The clothes they wore were branded and they seemed luxurious. They were the people of society.

  I felt embarrassed sitting among them – especially since I was in my white khakis, sandals, and a beige poncho over a white tank top. I looked too normal. Si Won should also know that I don’t do well in crowds. I never liked crowds.

  He perused through the menu with a smile. When a waiter came, I wanted to order, Si Won held up a hand to me so I shouldn’t speak. He gave me a wink and pointed to something to the waiter. He said, “Give me two of these please.”

  “Yes sir,” the waiter said as he jotted the order down on his notepad.

  “Oh and uh . . . one bottle of your best red wine.” Si Won added and the waiter nodded.

  When the waiter was gone, I asked, “What did you order?”

  “It’s your favourite!” Si Won said with a smirk.

  “Okay . . . then the wine?” I asked.

  “Why? Can’t I order red wine?” he asked back with an eyebrow raised.

  “What’s the occasion?” I asked him and I could feel frustration building up in me at how dense this man could be.

  “Does it have to have an occasion?” he asked me back with a smile.

  I let out a rough sigh and answered, “Usually when you order wine there is an occasion.”

  “Well then, if you say so.” Si Won said and the waiter came with a bottle of red wine. He opened the bottle for us and poured us some. Once the waiter was gone, Si Won raised his glass and said, “Cheers.” Si Won looked at me warmly and added, “For your very presence. If I were to have not met you, I wouldn’t know what I would have done.”

  As he took a sip of his drink, our food came. As Si Won ordered, they were two dishes of the same kind. I had expected Carbonara since he said he had ordered my favourite but what was in front of me was a plate of Olio. Then, it occurred to me . . . he had ordered the red wine for me, thinking I might like it. He was trying to make up for last night.

  “My favourite is Carbonara,” I said and Si Won stopped stuffing his face with the Olio. “And, I prefer white instead of red.” I added.

  “But I remember clearly that I brought you here for our first date. You loved the Olio and definitely loved the wine.” Si Won said.

  “What I remember on our first date was me treating you to a burger at a stall.” I corrected him and he was in horror. I pushed the plate further away from me and let out a sigh before asking, “Who was with you when I called?”

  “Huh?” Si Won asked back in a blur.

  “Who was the woman with you when I called?” I repeated and he gulped.

  He placed his fork and spoon on the plate and wiped the corners of his mouth before answering, “Colleague.”

  I scoffed, “Colleague?” He nodded confidently. I repeated, “Colleague?” I grabbed the napkin on my lap and tossed it onto the table before saying, “If you were seeing someone and cheating on me, you might as well save me the burden of having to figure it out all on my own by spitting it out!” I was so angry at him that my tone just raised by the second.

  Si Won was flustered. He leaned forward and said in hushed tones, “Alright, alright! Calm down, just . . . calm down.” He then looked around the people who were watching us and smiled. When he averted his attention back to me, he said, “Alright, I am seeing someone else. Happy?”

  ‘Happy?’ I thought. My eyes stung from the tears that wanted to come. The pain of it all just seemed too much – just by looking at him made me sick.

  I stood up and left him, with the bags of stuff he had wasted his money on me behind. I turned my back to him and just walked out of the restaurant. I could hear Si Won calling after me but I ignored him. I reached in my tote for my purse as I hauled a cab.

  Just as I was about to open the cab door, I was pulled back. Si Won had followed me and left all of the clothes behind.

  “Now why did you do that for?!” he asked me in a yell.

  “Yah, do you want to get in or what?” asked the cabbie.

  Si Won said, “No,” while I said, “Yes.”

  I made a grab for the door again but Si Won grabbed my wrist and told the cabbie, “She’s not getting on.”

  The cabbie muttered a curse and drove away. I watched the cabbie as it disappeared and then gave Si Won a look that practically said, ‘I hate you’. I just secured my tote on my shoulder and walked away.

  “And where are you going now?” Si Won yelled.

  He tried to pull on my arm again but I pushed his hand away and headed to the nearest bus stop. Seeing holding me still wasn’t going to work, he decided to talk to me as we walked.

  “Look, I told you the truth. What more do you want?” he said and I just halted.

  I turned around so I could face him and gave him one big slap. He was astonished. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I let my tears fall, one drop at a time as I spoke in a shaky voice, “If you didn’t want me anymore the least you could’ve done was ask for a divorce instead of keeping me on the side lines, just waiting for something like this to happen.”

  After that, I heard the bus drawing near. I gave him a chance to say it. Just two words, ‘I’m sorry’ and I would have forgiven him but he was silent. He was probably still in shock from the slap. It was from that I knew; he didn’t love me anymore.

  I quickly turned around and got on the bus. I told the driver, “Don’t let that man get on.” I looked over my shoulder and as expected, Si Won came banging on the doors to open so he could get on as well. The driver granted my wish and ignored him. I found a seat by the window and ignored Si Won as he banged on the window to get my attention.

  I could hear the words, ‘I’m sorry! Min Young, I’m sorry! Forgive me, please!’ But he was just too late.