It was midnight, where the darkness had befallen and living creatures seldom to make a noise; even if they did most were unintentional, light snore, tossing under the secureness of their white blanket. It’s the period of tranquility, a quick, well-deserved rest of one’s tired body and heart. They indulged themselves in a false sense of security of sleep, without questioning the accuracy, as tomorrow would be long enough without spending their night coming up with answers.

And therefore the echoing bangs throughout the hall was one occurrence you’d rarely encounter, even the culprit was surprise at how much forces she had subconsciously exerted.

The door left closed, finally went immobile after a few ventures of breaking it open. The blonde behind the door heaved a sigh, her breath strained, brain jumbling with all the cusses she had prepared in advance if ever the person whom she had thrown outside ever tried to break through once again (“Did you just really kick me out?! Sana, open the door!”).

There was a knock, soft and almost timid, unlike the previous one. Her blood reached the peak of her head.

The nerve of that …

“Can you at least spare me a change?”

She answered it yet with another slam of palm on the surface of the door (it hurt like never but the pain was numbed by anger and presumably her ego to hold back her moan in pain so that the other person wouldn’t have her victory; Sana would love to have the upper hand in this kind of situation). There were scrambles and some mumbles, the blonde bet all the fuss she’d made had woken up her neighbors.

“Ah I’m sorry. Everything’s fine sir…” and the rest turned faint after that.

Nevertheless, she had enough for today. It was ten past one and she had work to do tomorrow. Not wanting to risk being late and suffered from nags for the entire afternoon, she marched to the bedroom, bumping her toe to a leg of the coffee table midway. There was the need to yelp but she suppressed it by diving in the comfort of the mattress, burying deeper and deeper as though she was willing to get swallowed.

She didn’t know if she was being stubborn but the empty space beside her didn’t bother her that much. Or did it? Ah whatever, at least she was alone, that person wasn’t so much of a company anyway. She could manage; she was strong enough to carry herself without anyone. Independent woman she was. There’s no doubt about that.

Then there were thousands of what ifs passing through her mind like a tornado. Basically questioning whether what she did was right or wrong.

However it was already late, so late her eyes getting all teary and stinging albeit the absence of yawn.

She lay on her stomach, her blond strays of hair all over the place. There would be room for questions, just not right now.

She grabbed a pillow from the other side of the bed so that it wouldn’t leave untouched and grumbled to herself.

What a break up…

*

“Hey Sana, you came just right in time. Can I have the- holy yikes, Sana you look terrible!”

Sana swatted Momo’s hand away before she could poke her eye bags and walked to her cubicle grudgingly. She sat heavily on her chair, letting her bag slipped to the ground with a thud and leaned her temple on her desk, eyeing the workloads that had been waiting patiently for her to tend. She saw Momo approaching her with a snicker. If only she had the energy to rip her fellow’s Japanese mouth, she probably would.

“Rough night?”

“I’m not up for your bulls right now Momo.”

“Woah something’s happened.” Momo dragged an unoccupied seat for her. “I want to know. Must be something juicy.”

Sana rolled her eyes. “We broke up, alright? Now shut up.”

There was a moment of silence where not even the perky Momo could come up with a respond. Momo stared at Sana as if she had just brought news of impending apocalypse. Sana swore Momo’s eyes would jump out of its sockets if Momo didn’t blink and filled it with confusion. The latter probably was.

“Pardon me but I think I heard it wrongly. Can you repeat that?”

“We broke up.” Sana tried to repeat it nonchalantly, but the flame inside of her chest burn more and more with each seconds passing by and the smoke had turned her orbs misty yet again.

“I… Well, I’m sorry.”

Sana faked a snort and whirled her chair around to turn on the computer. “Not your fault. What are you apologizing for? It’s her own fault she get to where she was right now.”

Momo scratched her head. “Well, yeah… I guess so.”

Someone cleared , bringing the two’s attentions. Sana’s expression hardened as she saw whom it was. Standing tall and mighty was another immigrant from Japan named Myou Mina from the Product and Development department and gosh, never did she loath the latter’s presence so much. Especially after last night.

“Send me this month’s record of sales.”

“Is it just me or there’s a lack of a certain, important word like, I don’t know, please maybe?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just you.”

“What the hell is wrong with you.” Sana said under her gritted of teeth indignantly, totally fuming.

“Errr guys.” Momo tried to interject, fearing for the upcoming catfight that was about to take place. Her nervous state brought fellow workers attention as some of them fished out their phone from its respective places and was in a ready position in case a fight really did break out. Momo shot them a nasty look. “Yes, alright go take some videos and upload it on YouTube! Idiots.”

“Nothing is wrong with me, thank you for asking.” Mina crossed her arms, looking down arrogantly at the irritated Sana.

“Go before I scratch your pretty face with my very own nails.”

“No problem.” Mina waved the threat dismissively, turning her heels around. “Don’t forget about the file.”

“Gosh! She’s crazy!” Sana exploded once the shoulder-length hair woman was out of sight, nearly knocking a passing colleague’s cup of coffee off his hand. She glared at the direction where Mina had gone. “I so freaking hate her.”

“I know.” Momo patted Sana’s back comfortingly. “It’s okay Sana, it’s okay.”

“Uhm, sorry?” Sana exhaled the carbon dioxide out of her lungs loudly, having the urge to slap her face with a nearby ruler. Not again… “Wrong timing?”

“Come here Tzuyu,” Momo wheeled the brunette around and maneuvered her as far as possible from Sana’s cubicle before the blond could lash out from all the disturbances. “So what do you need? Sana isn’t available at the moment. Ms. Im has just dropped her tons of papers to arrange.”

“Oh…” Sana heard Tzuyu said but she feigned oblivious, typing on her keyboard rapidly she didn’t even bother checking. “Okay then I’ll just, uhm, ask for someone else.”

When Sana was finally left by herself she slumped on her chair, looking blankly at all the spelling mistakes she had made, feeling a bit sick for a moment. She snatched the picture she had posted on her desk and put it away to where she didn’t know, just away, far.

Well, at least no one interrupted her peace for the rest of the day and Sana went home feeling restless and exhausted.

*

She woke up with a migraine, her vision spinning as though she was riding a merry go round, not a unicorn she was on but a monster. The side affect of letting your colleague buy you drinks. ‘Drown your sorrow’ she said, ‘even the boss noticed’ she said. Sana should have known better to filter Momo’s words twice before agreeing to whatever she suggested.

She sat up, pressing her palm to her forehead, her bare thighs exposed to the cool air from the air conditioner. Her feet support her whole body as she rubbed her sticky eyelids.

She tugged on her oversize t-shirt to cover her shoulder, ambling mindlessly to the kitchen despite her inner protest of staying in bed. Good thing she had two days off for today and tomorrow, make it four if weekend was added, and come to think of it, she should have gotten this privilege earlier considering how much time she had sacrificed to give her boss all the reports she wanted every single day.

She stumbled upon a book, accidentally kicking it across the floor. How clumsy of her. She admitted her clumsiness had totally doubled over ever since she had slacked on her cleaning schedule and left her apartment unkempt. She didn’t mind it that much, however. Not even an ounce of motivation could bring her up to do chores.

Sana bended over to grab the book, only to toss it to where more of it were stacked in one of the corners, no intention of moving them somewhere else ever crossed her mind.

“What should we eat for breakfast today?” She mused to herself, resting her hands on her hips as she looked around to her empty kitchen. Sana sniffed for a scent of coffee, which was a habit of her, but smelled none. Her stomach grumbled and she rubbed it lazily, shuffling toward the refrigerator.

“I feel like an omelet will suffice me for today.” She whispered as she opened the refrigerator, scanning every visible shelf in front of her. It was almost empty; she hadn’t restored her grocery yet, finding the activity to be too bothersome these days. “Or a bowl of cereal will probably be enough-“

Sana stopped midway, her rambling of all possible menus for the day had evaporated to god know where the moment her sight landed on a single can of coffee, standing alone on the far end. Hesitantly, she reached out for the object, her fingertips flinching at how cold it was and discovered that the expiration date was by the end of the week, which meant five more days from now on, which meant Sana should either drink it or put it in the bin.

Sana didn’t drink coffee. She despised them, so bitter and unhealthy she always wondered why people savored them like a medicine.

Despite her hatred for the said beverage, she put the can back, not even considering both options, and headed back to her bedroom.

She didn’t feel that hungry anymore.

*

Sana ended up spending the time dozing off, her thoughts flying everywhere to foreign worlds. She was distracted and noticeably not being herself. The light of happiness she used to carry everywhere she goes around was abandoned somewhere unsafe, and as she pulled her knees closer to her chest, her overgrown fringes tickled her cheek, she noticed the light bulb on the entryway was close to burning out and briefly wondered how she could replace it when she couldn’t even reach it while tiptoeing on a chair.

Well what should she say? It wasn’t her role to change the light bulb in this apartment. Her height had always been a disadvantage in this field.

“I’ll ask someone tomorrow.” She murmured pathetically, resting her chin on her folded arms, her gaze longing and yet faraway. “Yeah tomorrow.”

Later she found herself staring at all the misplaced furniture around the living room, making trail to the kitchen and her bedroom and even the bathroom. The wasted bottle of beer, the magazines splattered around the room, the cushions near the TV and the titled photograph on the wall. Her apartment looked so depressing, reflecting her emotion at the moment as though her feels were absorbed and her apartment mourned with her.

Sana could hear distant laughers, she recognized it as her own and someone who used to have so much of her heart, someone whom Sana had given so much and in return someone who had made Sana received an equally so much amount of things, tangible or not. She saw a shadow of golden irises, circling the brownish pupils of eyes and hand a tad bigger than hers that she could feel lingering on her back. She caught a whiff of coffee, and vanilla and the freshness of the ocean, so familiar and vivid as if it was right in front of her.

She stared at the photograph indifferently, coldly, then to the magazines and cushions and the beer and her thought flight back to the can of coffee which expiration date was in five days.

Guess she’s going to clean her place up, throw away the coffee too while at it.

And tomorrow, when Sana had committed to her short-term goal, which was to tidy everything up, she found out that it didn’t result well, as there were too many precious things to be stored away. Giving up, she left them be, the photograph still hanging, the can didn’t budge and the light bulb left unchanged.

*

“If our love was half-hearted, then our embraces meant nothing.”

But had it always meant nothing? Had it always been half-hearted? There was something in between them, she was sure of