‘Of course.’ Jimin thinks, as he stretches his arms and notices the lack of a familiar lump on the other side of the bed, and upon opening his eyes, only seeing a mess of stained chalk white sheets too vast for his liking.

“Of course.” Jimin finally says, as he checks the alarm clock ticking quietly on top of the night stand. 8:33 am, it reads. Yoongi had to go to work. ‘He’ll come back, he’ll be here for dinner.’ Jimin dreams. ‘He’ll walk through the door and knock off his shoes, go straight to the kitchen and hug me from the back. He’ll ghost his soft lips from the blades of my shoulders to the back of my ear and whisper the only three words I want to hear, need to hear.’, but Jimin can only dream.

Yoongi’s a spectre, a ghost, albeit a rather good-looking one at that. He’s elusive, mysterious, and unpredictable. He’s everything Jimin isn’t ready for. Above all, he’s married, and it hurts because she’s beautiful, so beautiful. Every curve of her body fits Yoongi’s in the most perfect way as he engulfs her in an embrace. Her hands slide against his and her fingers fall perfectly in between his larger ones. Her head fits pleasantly in the space between Yoongi’s neck and shoulder. Most of all, her smile makes the corners of Yoongi’s lips tug and transform into a dazzling new sight. A smile reserved only for her, it’s ‘The Smile’, the smile Jimin would probably never receive.

Jimin waits, like he always does. He goes to work at the dance studio from 10 am to 5 pm and goes back to his apartment, makes dinner for two, and waits for a knock, a familiar voice. The voice he’s always ecstatic to hear. Most of the time he ends up on the couch, curled up and fast asleep, food on the table forgotten, and then he would wake up to nothing, the chirping of the birds his only companion. Occasionally he would wake up, still on the couch, but suddenly clad in a soft blanket, with breakfast and coffee already set on the table. A few times a week, Yoongi would actually come and give him a hug and a warm smile, eat the food he has prepared, and end up pinning him to one of his apartment walls, kissing him breathless, and eventually pleasuring him, mindless, and he would drift off to sleep curled up against Yoongi’s warm chest. Those days Jimin wishes it would be their routine, he wishes that Yoongi would stay, actually stay, he wishes that Yoongi wouldn’t need to leave, he wishes that they were each other’s home, but Jimin could only wish.

"When I wake up and you're not there anymore, I will myself to it up and move on. But you come back in the days I need you the most, want you the most, and make it so damn hard for me to accept the fact that you can't be mine, you'll never be mine. So I'm begging you. Please. Please just let me go.” He says, almost out of breath.

“You love her, but you keep doing whatever this is that we’re doing. You look at her like she’s your world but you keep on coming here and keep on ing me behind her back, and the guilt is eating me alive because she doesn’t deserve this. But I still allow you to do it because I love you. I ing love you!” Jimin’s eyes are flowing with tears as he chokes on his own sobs. Albeit that, he’s never felt this light before, like a massive weight from his shoulders has been lifted.

It's a staring contest, a game to see who will utter the first word. Jimin, whose eyes are b with tears and cheeks stained from his earlier breakdown, or Yoongi, who hasn't said anything since Jimin confronted him, who looks regretful and holding back his sobs.

In the end it is Yoongi who breaks the silence. “I love her, I really do.", he starts off. "She takes good care of me and she listens to me well. She’s my best friend, and you’re right, she is my world.” Yoongi says, a pain-filled smile playing around his lips. “I’m sorry Jimin.”

"I'm an . I wanted more, more than what I had, more than what I deserve." Yoongi tries to explain, his voice cracking in the process. "I think I love you too Jimin, but I'm still frustrated and confused about all of this, and I can't leave Seulgi for this petty confusion.", and that's it.

'Petty confusion.' Jimin is heartbroken, deep inside him he wanted Yoongi to say that he’ll stay, that he loved him back, that all of the things that they did meant something. His hand found its way to Yoongi’s right cheek, leaving a stinging handprint on the other’s pale face.

Yoongi left quietly, and as much as Jimin wanted to go after him and ask, no, beg for him to come back, it’s already too late.

“Even when we’re mature when we love, we become children after saying goodbye. Even if I blame you who’s gone, I’m still the one in pain.”