the next monday, taemin walks to class not sure whether what he was about to do was one of his more brilliant ideas, but it never really hurt to try. at least, that's what kibum was yelling into his ear the saturday night he spoke to the older about it. so here he was, shoes scuffling against the linoleum floor of the hallway, messenger bag slapping heavily against his leg.

he turns a corner and finds minho there, talking to donghae and some other tall foreign-looking guy he's never seen before. he takes a breath and straightens his back and walks over to them. donghae notices him first and waves excitedly. taemin returns it with a forced smile of his own. he's never been really comfortable around people he doesn't know so well.

"taemin, hi!"

when he's reached them, minho shuffles awkwardly and looks away from him. taemin takes notice of the flush on his cheeks and wonders if minho actually remembers everything that happened last friday night.

"this is nichkhun. he's an exchange student from thailand," donghae introduces. taemin can't help but feel like such a midget standing in front of minho and this nichkhun guy. i wonder how jonghyun hyung would feel, he thinks and bows in greeting to the older. "hello."

the other smiles brightly and bows in return. "donghae hyung, we should go. i'll see you later, minho. nice meeting you, taemin-ssi!" nichkhun says and they both leave in a charismatic flurry of waves and smiles.

he and minho are left in silence and when he turns to the other, he's already walking inside the classroom.

"hyung, wait!" he tries to grab onto minho's arm but he misses and ends up grabbing the other's bag strap instead. he flushes when the students closest to the door hear him and turn their heads to them. minho turns to him as well, the pink on his cheeks from earlier even darker. "yes?"

taemin desperately wants to know if the blush on his face is because he's spent the whole weekend thinking about what he'd said last friday as well - just like taemin has - or if it's because taemin's causing an agreeably embarrassing scene for both of them. he opens his mouth and prepares to recite to minho the speech he's been reciting since yesterday morning. but the looks of their classmates around them and the i-want-to-get-out-of-here look on minho's face makes him hesitate.

"c-can i talk to you after class? you- you don't have a class after this one, do you?"

minho shakes his head "sure."

taemin smiles and he thinks maybe it won't be so bad after all.

{...}

he was wrong - oh so wrong.

this is bad - terribly, horribly, painfully bad.

he and minho stand alone in the classroom of their humanities class after making sure that no other class would be coming in unexpectedly (with a little help from the student council vice president who's a friend of kibum's). taemin's hands are sweating a little and he hasn't stopped chewing on his lip ever since their professor told them that she'd see them next time. he figures minho isn't any better off. he hasn't stopped swaying side to side and taemin knows from past knowledge and experience that he only gets that way when he's nervous - most especially when it's before a soccer game.

"hyung, about what you said last friday - do you remember it?" he asks, looking but not really looking at the other.

"donghae hyung won't let me forget it." minho replies, a scowl on his face. he's hoping it was meant for donghae and not him.

"oh, coz i thought about it and-"

"you can just forget about it, i shouldn't have said all those thi-"

"- i want- can we be friends again?" he finishes with a bit of a stutter and a whole lot of changing of his mind.

"o-oh." minho looks like he isn't sure if he should be jumping for joy or asking if he's on a hidden camera. then his expression falls into one of uncertainty and confusion, thick eyebrows meeting in the middle. "but why would you want to be friends with someone who likes you that way? won't it give you trouble again?"

taemin frowns a little and feels a little bit offended that minho thinks he hasn't thought about this because he has - a lot. he'd realized over the weekend, with much help and force from kibum, that he missed minho - missed the warmth and familiarity of their friendship - and that he wanted to know what it would have been like, what life would have been like, if he was just that much more courageous and that much more accepting of his feelings back in highschool. 'better late than never, taemin' kibum had told him. he had woken up this morning with the decision that he would tell minho how he wants to try being in a relationship with him and how he wants things to be normal between them again. but, somehow, seeing minho 's face and rethinking about all the pros and cons, he also realized that, maybe, it would be much better for both of them (especially if he doesn't want a repeat of their highschool life) if they start by rebuilding their friendship and move on from there.

"n-no, it won't because... because i've finally come to accept the feelings that i couldn't- didn't want to back then. i was a hard-headed and selfish kid, hyung, but i was also scared. all the things that those bullies said to me about us being gay for each other and how i'm just so pathetically helpless without you really freaked me out because during those times, i thought about you so much i had to wonder to myself if it was normal, and the way that they talked about us embedded the notion in my head that being that way was disgusting. that was the real reason why i pushed you away, hyung, because you being there for me made them think that i couldn't be without you. i wanted to prove to them and to myself that i didn't need you to survive highschool.

"but when this year came, and i saw more of you than i ever have since we both started college, i realized just how much we drifted apart, just how distant our lives have become from each other. when i saw jinki-hyung just come up to your table and sit with you like it was the most normal thing in the world and i watched you two become close, i felt so pissed off. at first i thought it was because i had gotten so used to things being the way they are and here comes a new guy changing all of that in one wide, eye-disappearing grin. and then i thought that it was because i was just forcing myself to not like him at all - that no one could just be that nice unconditionally - and that in actuality i liked him. but, you know, when i kissed him, it wasn't as great as i thought it would be and when he rejected me, i thought it was the worst feeling in the whole wide world - to be told that i was only seen as a brother when i saw him as so much more.

"but there was that party, you were drunk, and you were telling me all these things about how you liked me and how you have for such a long time already and just... the way you looked at me, hyung. when you looked at me, there was this painful throb in my chest and i knew it was because all the guilt and emptiness that i should have felt over the years, i felt it all in just that one heartbeat.

"i did a lot of thinking the morning after and it was then that i realized that i never really hated jinki hyung in the beginning. i was just jealous because he was able to do the one thing i only wish i could've done a long time ago - make you smile again. and that the feelings i had for jinki hyung, i mistook for something close to love because there was this void that i thought being with him would fill, but i was wrong too. jinki hyung didn't make me fall in love with him, he made me open to the idea of falling in love again - with you. i was supposed to come in here today and tell you that i liked you the way you liked me back in highschool and that i still do now just like you do. but i want to start everything over again. i don't want to jump into a relationship, get scared, and make another stupid decision that i'll end up regretting. i know what i did to you was unforgivable, but i'm hoping you'll give me this chance and forgive me for all of the retarded things i did."

taemin finishes his monologue with a bit of a sigh. he doesn't think he's ever talked for that long in his entire life. his mind is reeling and his face is flushing a little; he watches minho for any signs of anger and rejection.

a few silent seconds pass and taemin wants to run away in shame, but minho smiles and he places a hand on taemin's head, fingers lightly drumming against his scalp.

"you idiot, i've forgiven you a long time ago already."

taemin wants to cry, he really does, but he thinks that he's gone over his gay-for-the-day quota so he settles for a wide smile of his own.

{...}

at lunch break, taemin silently walks into the cafeteria with jonghyun and kibum who are, unsurprisingly, arguing.

"taemin, that was not what we agreed you would do!"

"kibum, leave the kid alone, he can make his own decisions!"

"shut up, jonghyun. taemin, this could turn out really bad."

"kibum, shut up, let the kid do his own thing! he knows what's good for himself. how is he supposed to learn anything if you keep nagging him all the time?!"

taemin spots minho from afar, sitting at his table alone with his nose buried in a book and his chopsticks buried in a rice bowl. he strays away from the two and makes his way over to him. he puts his bag down and smiles (a little awkwardly) when the other looks up at him.

"can i sit here?" he asks, looking back over his shoulder to see that neither of the two had even noticed his absence and had continued their argument all the way to the table they usually sat at. he hears a chuckle and a 'sure' and he turns back to find minho closing his book and putting it back in his bag.

"thanks." he sits down and places his bag down on the seat beside him.

"aren't you going to eat?"

taemin takes a look at the line for the cafeteria food and decides he'll wait. "maybe when the line's shorter."

minho nods and he starts eating his lunch while taemin watches him. the noise of the cafeteria consumes them and still taemin's wondering how he should make this a little less awkward. he did kind of propose the whole being friends again thing, so he should initiate everything else that follows.

"i-"

"sorry, i'm too quiet. i'm not used to this yet."

"no, hyung, it's okay! i mean, i was just about to ask if you wanted to-"

a bag slams down in between the two of them and they both look up to see kibum's murderous glare being sent their way. jonghyun slides in next to minho and pats him on the back.

"just because you two are friends again doesn't mean you can abandon us, lee taemin. and it doesn't mean that you are given free access to taemin's pants, minho, i hope you understand that."

taemin blushes and grabs at kibum's wrist. "hyung!"

"i know, kibum. i'm not like you or jonghyun hyung," minho answers, picking up his book again and reading right from where he left off.

"what is that supposed to mean?!"

"hi, are we sitting here now?" a gentle voice comes up from behind taemin and he immediately knows it's jinki. he takes his bag, puts it down on the floor to make space for him and turns to the older who's watching minho and kibum get into a verbal fight. he then looks at taemin and smiles warmly at him.

"i think you owe me a bit of story-telling, taem."

"it's kind of a long story, hyung, but i promise you i'll tell you every single detail if you can just get kibum hyung to sit and shut up," taemin begs with a pained expression, now watching kibum make wild gestures at the still ever-stoic minho while the students passing watch in amusement.

"you know you're the only one he ever really listens to. you're his favorite, really." jinki ruffles his hair and chuckles when taemin growls at him.

"and what does that make me?" jonghyun asks, a little put out.

"his ."

all five of them look up to find donghae grinning at them. "hi kids."

"hyung, if anything, kibum's the in our relationship."

"what relationship?" kibum asks dangerously, looming over jonghyun.

"i love you, darling," jonghyun replies with the same charming smile that taemin knows won kibum over the first time they met.

kibum purses his lips in anger before he calms himself down and sits down beside jonghyun. taemin swears he can practically hear kibum purring when he leans his head on jonghyun's shoulder and stares blankly at the table while jonghyun smiles absently, one hand buried in the other's hair.

"so, you guys are coming to the game, right?" donghae asks, looking at everyone expectantly.

"what game?"

"we have a game this saturday, and i'm sure you all want to watch us win." donghae grins widely and places his hands on minho's shoulders.

"sure, hyung! my saturday tutee just cancelled earlier and i'm free that morning," jinki answers and looks at the rest of them excitedly.

"i'm free too," taemin says and turns to jonghyun and kibum.

"we can't. it's kind of, uhm, a significant day. sorry." jonghyun rubs the back of his neck apologetically.

"also known as the day kim jonghyun decides to be someone else's ."

"shut it, minho!"

"i agree."

"donghae hyung!"


a/n: finally got to update! -.-'' i apologize for the long wait, but thank you anyway if you guys are still sticking around for more ;u;