I didn't call him that night.

I didn't call anyone that night.

I didn’t want to call anyone that night.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn't want someone to call me. I had no energy to call out to someone else.. But I would have loved for someone to reach out to me.

I’m so tired lately. Being with him was never, ever, this tiring. We have always been in love. We have always been happy. We have always been inseparable. I mean, couples have their moments but.. this is different. Right now.. I’m not happy anymore.

I know him inside and out.

He’s not happy anymore.

It's almost pathetic how I don’t know what to do. He’s been the person I’ve loved for so long.. I’ve only known him. I’ve only known his touch, his kiss, his warmth.. his words.. his affection..

I’ve only ever known this.

No wonder I don't know what to do. I’ve been letting him baby me in this relationship in a way that.. I never got experience.

Is that wrong?

Should we have not been so perfectly happy with everything about each other?

Did we play ourselves?

He’s not the child, I am.. I’m hurt, I-..

I’m so, so hurt..

But I know how to forgive. So why can’t I forgive him? He was wrong.. He knows he was wrong. I know that he meant it when he apologized.. I know he loves me.. So why can’t I forgive him?

Maybe you aren't supposed to..

Maybe this is how it ends.

So this is where it stops?

We should just give up everything we’ve known since we were kids..

We should just forget each other. We should just end everything and never speak again? Is that what this means?

I can’t imagine this dysfunction is a sign of a good thing.. So that must be what it means..

Why can’t you forgive him?

I want to.. Everything in my heart wants to forgive him and pretend it never happened. But there's something in the pit of my stomach, in the back of my mind telling me not to. But I don’t know if this feeling is trying to do me good or not.

I just want us to be happy again

I just want us to-

My thoughts were cut off by the audible vibration coming from my night stand. I opened my eyes to see a dark blue tinted ceiling. How long had I been laying here? I couldn't tell if it was 7 am or 7 pm..

Sitting up, I reached for my phone and answered the call coming in.

“Hello?” I almost whispered.

“Hyung.. Are you okay?” Taemin's voice traveled through so smoothly.. he was worried, but his voice was calming.. I almost forgot to reply.

“Key..” He said softly. I took a deep breath, “Yea.. I’m here. I’m fine.” I said a bit louder than my first word. I wasn’t exactly fine. But what else was I supposed to say? Taemin has probably heard enough about me and my issues with Jonghyun.

“You didn’t text me back, I wanted to catch you before you went out for work..” Taemin’s voice trailed toward the end. I could tell he felt something was up with me, as usual. “I’m fine Taemin.. What time is it?” I asked lazily instead of glancing down at my phone myself.

“About 6:30.. Are you not up?” He asked confused. I then remembered today was Monday. I should have been up an hour ago.

Lord knows I did not feel like going to work, the only place I wanted to be was here, at home. But I knew it would be wrong to let myself ignore responsibilities simply because of the way I was feeling. “No, yea I’ve been up.. I just dozed off for a bit.. don’t worry, really.” I said.

I could hear Taemin sigh from the other end of the line, “I know you're lying but okay.. I’ll come and see you later.” He finalized and hung up before I could deny. I hated how he knew me so well, but at the same time I was grateful for it. I know I can’t stand being misunderstood. Taemin never misunderstood me; he was very bright when it came to my feelings.

After laying there for another minute or so, I looked back at my phone to see I had three missed calls. All of them from Jonghyun. The only response I gave was soft scuff and shake of my head before exiting the screen and placing my phone back on the nightstand.

I sat up and did a bit of freshening up before leaving the flat and making my way to work. I tried my best not to think about my problems during the rainy drive, but of course it didn't work. I could tell this was going to bother me all day.

When I stepped into the building I waved to the receptionist and picked up my new documents, all of which couldn't seem any less important at this point. Turning the corner, I was met with a figure walking in the opposite direction.

“Oh, Good Morning Kibum.” Minho’s voice rang cheerfully, almost unfitting for the gloomy weather we were having. “Good morning~” I sang back, not stopping for any official greeting. I entered my small office, laying the papers in my hand neatly on the desk located in the corner of the room. When I turned around I was startled to see Minho there behind me, silent and looking eager to hold a conversation.

“Do you need something Minho?” I asked slowly, showing a side smile. I knew I was having a bad morning but I needed to be sure to give at least a decent attitude at work. Minho opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but closed it soon after, looking around like he was trying to remember what it was he was going to say.

After a few seconds he looked at me and flashed a bright smile, “Just wanted to see if you had any extra ink for the printer. I may have used it all printing out failed draft articles..” he said. I chuckled softly before heading over to my drawer of supplies, pulling out the rectangular bottle.

“I’m not gonna get in trouble for this, am I?” I asked teasingly while handing it to him. Minho shook his head and pretended to zip his lips like a child before exposing his big smile once again. “Thank you~” He said and disappeared out of the door frame. I turned back to my desk and sat down in the swivel chair behind it, resting my head in the palms of my hands and exhaling heavily.

I felt myself smile at that small gesture. Minho never failed to get at least one genuine laugh out of me. We may not be the closest people on earth, but as a co worker he has always been encouraging, friendly, helpful, and good company. And considering we’re about the same age, we got along fairly quickly. Even if I would get sick of sitting in this place, writing out articles over and over again for review, he’d always pop in to say hi or chat. Not many people can say they have someone like that in their workplace, so I was grateful.

“Kibum-ah”

My head shot up quickl