“Where is he? He said he’d be back almost an hour ago.” Jiyong huffed, tapping away at the computer and glancing at the empty sound booth. They needed to finish up recording and their scheduled time in the studio was running out.

“He probably ran into someone he knew and got sidetracked,” Youngbae said, looking up from his magazine, “Should we call him?”

The leader was already pulling out his phone, pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming behind his eyes. He knew that Seungri was a social butterfly, but they really didn’t have time for delays.

The phone rang and rang before finally going to voicemail. Jiyong’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “He didn’t pick up.”

“Maybe he’s in an area with bad reception?” Youngbae shrugged.

“Really? You think that’s the problem?” the leader asked, feeling more and more frustrated, “We’re in a city where it’s practically impossible to not have reception.”

Youngbae put his hands up in defense, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to say more on the matter, “Just call him again. Maybe he’ll pick up.”

This time, the call went straight to voicemail and Jiyong let out a grunt of frustration before slamming his phone down on the table. Without a word, he went back to mixing the track he had previously been working on, internally calling Seungri all manner of names.

-

“This isn’t like him,” Youngbae said, “He was only going to the convenience store.”

“It’s been way too long,” Daesung glanced at his watch before pulling out his phone. He tried to call Seungri, but, like before, he was connected straight to voicemail.

“He probably went home,” Seunghyun said.

“Without telling us?” Jiyong asked. Then the leader was putting his hand up, stopping the others from answering, “Never mind. He’s done it before.”

-

There was no answer when Jiyong knocked on Seungri’s door. He stood there for a moment longer before knocking again, this time in a more urgent manner.

“Seungri, you better open this door!” the leader exclaimed.

A terrible sense of dread was slowly causing a lump to form in his throat. The others were right. It wasn’t like Seungri to not answer his phone. And now, now that he was practically pounding on the maknae’s door, as if to knock it down, he was realizing that it wasn’t like the younger man to not give them any notice before disappearing from the studio.

Disappearing.

The word sent a shiver down Jiyong’s spine.

“Seungri!” he called, forcefully slamming his fist against the door, as if begging for an answer.

No one came.

-

Jiyong, Youngbae, Daesung and Seunghyun stood together in the studio, looking at one another, glancing at the door over and over again. It was far past the time they would normally meet. None of them had heard from Seungri since the night before.

The reality of the situation was suddenly dawning on them.

Their maknae was missing.

-

“-last know location outside of a convenience store-”

“-a detailed description of what he was wearing prior to-”

“-during a scheduled recording-”

“-whereabouts now unknown.”

Jiyong had to turn off the television, unable to take the constant assault of repeated information being thrown at him.

A week passed with no news

All media stations were broadcasting the item, showing pictures of Seungri from every angle. They showed security footage from the agency and from the convenience store, where the maknae was last seen. Then, nothing. It all became speculation after that.

There were two main theories. The first was that Seungri may have been taken by sasaeng fans. The other was that Seungri had simply decided he no longer wanted to be in the spotlight and decided to go off the grid.

Jiyong hated listening to all of it. Just hearing Seungri’s name being mentioned in any capacity caused a sharp stab of pain to radiate through his chest, practically knocking him breathless.

“Where are you?”

-

Youngbae had been in and out of contact with Seungri’s mother for much of the previous month. They each tried to update each other on the situation, trying to think of places the younger man could have wandered off to.

It physically hurt to listen to Mrs. Lee’s voice on the phone, filled with a distant sadness as she tried to stay positive.

“No new leads here,” Youngbae would say on the phone, knowing that the woman on the other line would echo those same words. He tried to keep the conversation going, tried to keep it light, ask about Mr. Lee and Seungri’s sister. However, they often lapsed into silence until one or the other decided it was time to go.

Youngbae felt terrible for the Lee family, especially because he heard the detectives that took on the case asked particularly invasive questions. One of them was based on the assumption that Seungri ran away, unable to handle his fame, his schedule, everything. That one really hurt because everyone close to the maknae knew he would never do such a thing.

-

Jiyong hadn’t been able to sleep well. Often, he would find himself calling the others. Seunghyun was usually still up and they would talk about nothing for long stretches before falling silent. It was comforting to talk to someone in the same situation.

He found it strange how quickly time seemed to be passing. More than a month was gone and still nothing. News stations that were reporting non-stop on the matter were beginning to tuck Seungri’s story further and further back into the broadcast. Jiyong knew eventually, it’ll just be a blip on the radar, fading away into the background.

The media might have been able to push the matter out of sight, but to live in it, to hope that every phone call would contain an answer – it was hell.

Jiyong called Seunghyun, knowing the older man would pick up.

“Can’t sleep?” Seunghyun answered after the first ring.

“His birthday’s coming,” the leader breathed, chest constricting painfully at the thought.

He could hear the older man on the other line inhale sharply, “I know.”

-

Daesung remembered that he had run into Seungri the day the younger man disappeared.

“I’m going to the store, hyung,” the maknae said with a smile, holding up a well used baseball cap to indicate he wasn’t going to draw attention to himself, “Want anything?”

“No. Just don’t linger. You know how our leader gets,” Daesung answered, giving the younger man a playful nudge.

“I know. I’ll hurry. I promise!”

Daesung could vividly remember watching Seungri walk out of the lobby, the younger man’s blonde hair glowing in the bright afternoon sun.

Like a halo.

-

Seungri’s birthday was a painful reminder to Jiyong.

The band had discussed whether or not they wanted to do anything. They couldn’t make up their minds and so no plans were made. Jiyong took the lead and sent flowers to the Lee family, knowing that the gesture would be meaningful.

At the last moment, he went to his favorite bakery and picked up a miniature cake. With the package in is hand, he called the others and told them to go to his home. They couldn’t just do nothing. It wouldn’t be right. Seungri wouldn’t have wanted that.

And so the four had a small celebration, a bitter sweet event of friends recalling memories and hoping, praying, for the best outcome.

-

On Christmas eve, Daesung dreamed of Seungri.

Seungri was an angel, telling him that everything would be alright.

When Daesung woke, he cried and cried.

-

On New Year’s Eve, Jiyong got too drunk and ended up vomiting at a club.

He was dragged home by his manager and told to sober up. Jiyong was never quite good at listening when he was in a bad mood and decided the best course of action was to drink more. He raided his cabinets and ended up vomiting some more several hours later.

He fell asleep on the bathroom floor, curled up and crying because there was an ache in his heart that would just not go away.

-

Youngbae tried to focus all his energy on work. Music was becoming the only thing that mattered. Every night he wrote and recorded until he couldn’t see straight. If he still had energy he would go to the dance studio and get in a couple of hours, working on new moves.

He tried to not let the memories of trainee days invade his mind as he worked in these familiar places. Often he was successful, but every once in a while a strong memory would surge forth and cause his world to stop for several moments.

He wished he could confront the presence of grief and dread that was looming over him. But there were no demons to fight.

There were only questions.

-

Seunghyun was being praised for his most recent performance, his peers telling him it was going to be the best one yet. They were already talking about awards and better roles, showering him with only good reviews.

He wanted to say that he worked hard, but really his role was easy. His character was a man with a son, who goes missing. He spends the movie looking for his son, trying to find closure. It was easy to draw out those feelings.

It was easy to think of Seungri and place his sorrow into his work.

-

Jiyong stood on his balcony with Seunghyun, smoking.

They both knew it was a bad habit, but it became a thing for them to bond over. It felt good to be in the company of someone who shared the same habits.

“It’s been a year,” Seunghyun drew a long drag from his cigarette.

“Mm,” Jiyong answered, eyes focused on the city skyline, watching the sun sink lower and lower in the horizon.

“What now?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not like we can forget.”

The leader stared at his cigarette for a long moment before raising it to his lips and inhaling deeply, “I don’t know.”

Seunghyun nodded.

“I hate this,” Jiyong breathed.

“Me too.”