“What do you mean you told him you couldn’t do this?!” Lexi screeched out as she looked at a sobbing Remi

“I -I-I panicked” she said on a cry as she buried her head into her pillow

“Well you better un-panic and go tell that man that you love him too” Sanaai said as she whacked Remi on the back with the pillow

“I-I-I c-c-can’t” Remi whimpered out in a muffled voice “He hates me now”

“What the hell do you mea-”

“I said some bad things and he hates me now”

“What did you say?” Sanaai said softly in worry

Remi struggled with tears as she told them exactly what happened

***

“What do you mean you can’t do this?” PK asked as he searched her face. This wasn’t the usual scared Remi. She was actually serious about what she was saying

“I can’t keep this relationship up” she said softly as she looked down at the floor

The was a lump in his throat as he spoke “W-what do you mean by that”

She huffed with frustration as she looked at him “You’re making me so exhausted”

“Me?!”

“Everytime that I’m just slightly getting comfortable with you, you take another step forward”

“Huh?”

“You go zero to a hundred so quickly that I feel like I always have whiplash with you” She said as she struggled not to cry since she was scared of what she was saying. She loved being with him. She was happy with him but it felt like she was happy while also struggling to stay in step with him “You’re going too fast”

“What do you mean I’m going too fast?”

“I mean that we’ve only been dating for a little bit and you’re saying that you love me”

He looked at her in disbelief as his jaw dropped “Remi. We’ve been dating for almost a year”

“And so? It’s too quick. I feel like everytime I give you one step to advance you take five. I’m struggling here” She said with frustration because she hadn’t realized that she was feeling suffocated. The more she spoke the more she realized exactly how frustrated she was.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked as his hurt showed

“I didn’t know how. I just feel so overwhelmed with it all. We’re meeting parents. You’re saying you love me. You want to have ”

He eyed her slightly as his head cocked “You’re lying”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re lying” He said as his eyes got stormy “I’m going too fast but that isn’t what this is about”

“What do you mea-”

PK scowled as he spoke “You’ve dated before right?”

“Righ-”

“So you’re trying to tell me that none of your other boyfriends ever wanted to sleep with you?” He asked

“Well no… Of course they did”

“Are you telling me that not one of the three guys before me ever said that they loved you or something like that?”

“Well no… one of them did bu-”

“So are you trying to tell me that out of the three guys before me that you met none of your ex’s parents”

“Well I did but that’s becaus-”

“That’s because they were Black” he said softly finally dropping the bomb that had been over their heads their whole relationship

They’d steadily ignored it but it was always there waiting and lingering. PK was the first ever Non- Nigerian that she’d ever dated.

“That’s not it” She said weakly

His eyes were steel as they looked at her “Don’t insult my intelligence like that”

“It’s just that I feel like everything is going so fast an-”

“If it had been a Nigerian man who had tried so hard to sweep you off your feet the way that I did would you be this hesitant about him?” PK as his face turned to granite

“I mean yeah...” She said unsteadily “There’s so many variables to this relationship that need to be considered and I just feel like you’re not looking at them”

“What variables?” He asked softly

“You’re a police officer”

“Are you coming at this from a occupational thing or a race one?” He asked softly

“Well both” She said as she wrung her hands and started to pace

“What do you mea-”

“It’s really hard for me to date you especially with the tension that’s in the U.S right now”

“I can’t help that, Remi” He said softly “I put on my badge everyday and fight for my country. I know the system has problems but I have done what I can with what I have”

“Well even with that it’s not easy to stomach.” She said as she struggled to look at him “Not only that but being with you is scary. Every single time that you leave me I have to live with the fact that this could be the very last day that I’ll ever see you”

“I understand my job is dangerous”

“Extremely dangerous” She countered

“I know you’re scared” He said gently

“I have a right to be scared” She shot back

“I don’t just mean just with me being a cop” He said softly

“I-”

“No Remi” he cut off quickly “Don’t insult my intelligence. I know you’re doing all of this because you realize that I’m serious about what I said about marrying you”

“Pra-”

“If you don’t want to do it because you know that your family members are going to throw a fit because you married a non African just say it. If you’re scared because I’m going too fast and you expected me to be able to be controlled then say tha-”

“What do you mean by that?” She scowled

He scoffed out “Why did you agree to go out with me?”

“Because you asked me ou-”

“No.” He said fervently shaking his head “You agreed because you thought that that was all that was going to happen. I was going to ask you out a couple of times. You’d say yes and have some fun for a little bit. After a while things would just fizzle out and nothing big would’ve been done. I would just be another good memory you had when you talked about college”

“That’s not true” She said weakly

“You expected me to get tired of you and go to my own kind and you’d be able to say that at least you tried once and you could at least say for certain that you were meant for a Nigerian man”

Now she was mad since he hit her earlier thoughts right on the nail “I want to break up. This isn’t working”

His jaw was tense with obvious anger. He scowled at her as he said in a succinct manner “Fine”

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