“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride” the minister announced. The people who attended the wedding rejoiced, clapping their hands in support. I faced my right and saw him smiling down at me. He removed my veil and slowly inched to capture my lips.

“This isn’t the first time I’m going to kiss you, however, this time neither of us is drunk nor did one of us fell from the bed while one of us was pulled by the other, and there’s this priest telling us to kiss. So, sorry about this Taeyeon”

“Well, gross as this will be. I have no choice but to allow you to kiss me, don’t I?” I retorted sighing but nonetheless smiling at him. He smiles and finally captures my lips with his. And that seals it. I am no longer Kim Taeyeon, now I am Shim Changmin’s wife, Shim Taeyeon.

Changmin and I didn’t fall in love and decided to get married so that we can spend forever in each other’s arms. No, we’re not like that. We’ve been arranged to get married ever since my mom and his mom became best friends in college.

I don’t know if fate was toying with us but my dad and his dad we’re also close friends and somehow they agreed with what their wives wanted. And fortunate for their ends, Mr. & Mrs. Shim had a boy while my parents have me, a girl.

I guess getting married to Changmin was really inevitable.

But, I don’t entirely despise the fact that I am married to Changmin. Although I can’t also say that I am completely amendable with this agreement. I am just glad that at the very least I know who I am supposed to get married to.

Yes, not like any other arranged marriages wherein the parties involved would only find out who their groom-to-be or bride-to-be just a few months before their wedding. Changmin and I knew that we were going to marry each other since I was 18 and he was 20. We’ve been civil about it and I guess we kind of knew without our parents telling us.

I mean who wouldn’t think about a possible marriage if your families are so close to the point wherein we celebrate the holidays and even small occasions together? Also, if your parents kept on pushing you to each other, you wouldn’t need to be Einstein to figure it out. And lastly, when your companies are big ones and you could be assets to each company take for example our company being a construction firm and him being an architect while they have a hospital and I am a doctor. Marrying off your children to each other is the best thing to do, isn’t it?

I picked up the picture of our wedding.

In the picture, I was wearing a beautiful gown that his mother picked for me. I was also wearing their family heirlooms that his grandmother handed to me before she died five months after our wedding,

Him?

He is smiling handsomely as he wrapped his arms around me. His eyes mismatched like they always do when he smiles and his hair short and gelled up in a neat manner. And the fact that his black tuxedo fit his physique perfectly just made him even more handsome.

I smiled and wiped my cheek when I realized that a tear escaped my eye. I shouldn’t cry because this is my decision. I shouldn’t waver because this is what I decided on and I must stand firm with it

If you asked me if I am in love with him, I would have answered that I am not in love with him nor him with me. And if there was anything that could describe my relationship with Changmin prior to our marriage, it is just purely that of a brother and a sister.

But that would have been my answer if you asked 15 months ago.

If you ask me now,

My answer would be

Yes

I am in love with him

I love Shim Changmin.

And because I love him, I want him to be happy and that is why I am setting him free.

“Are you sure about this?” a deep voice asked me.

I looked up bit my lip, wiped the tear that was about to spill out of my eyes before I looked around and faced the person who asked me. I nodded my head, “I have to do this dad”

My father hugged me immediately. And with what he did the tears the threatened to fall awhile ago finally fell. I wasn’t able to stop myself from crying anymore. I sobbed in my father’s arm like the way I did when we lost mom.

“I’m really sorry, Taeyeon. I shouldn’t have insisted the idea of you getting married to Changmin. I’m really sorry. I thought you two would fall in love and I… I… I’m sorry, baby. I never thought it was this impossible to make you fall in love with him. I never knew I was ruining your happiness this much, baby. I’m really sorry” I cried even harder and held even tighter to my father as he said those words.

I wish what happened to my marriage was what he expected. I really do. But, it became a one way street. My feelings weren’t reciprocated and now I am to deal with a broken heart.

My marriage with Changmin was a roller coaster ride. Or well, at least that’s how I want to think of it. But then, it wasn’t much after all now that I think about it.

We lived in the same house, eat in the same table and sleep in the same bed. But those were things that we already did before we got married. We didn’t find those things awkward because we already had a fair share of sleepovers, dinners and outings.

Well, maybe there were awkward moments.

One was during our honeymoon.

We went on a one-week trip to Santorini.

We didn’t want to go. We didn’t plan it actually. I had to start my residency training and Changmin had to finish a few drawings for the firm. But, our parents, especially his mom were eager to send us away. They wanted us to unwind and explore. We couldn’t say no and so we did go on a honeymoon.

That was our first trip with just us. Usually, our parents were with us especially in our younger years or when were older we went with our friends. But as we grew older, we started to spend lesser time with each other. When he entered military service after his high school graduation, I would only see him on holidays. Then we went our separate ways for college.

When he finished his mandatory service, I started studying in St. John Hopkins for my pre-med and med, and him with Architecture in MIT. It is funny how we're just in the same country but in our whole stay there, we only met four times. Maybe it’s because we were both focused on our studies. Or maybe it was because he was upset that I didn’t wait up for him, I started studying before he was released from military service and he was upset he didn’t speak to me for months and didn’t even bother visiting me in Maryland. Or maybe it was because one time his girlfriend answered his chat box for him and told me to stay away from Changmin and stop bothering her boyfriend. She was rude, I know, but Changmin told me how much he thinks that she is the one. So, I thought maybe they were having a hard time and I came at a wrong time to bother them.

It wasn’t just him who dated though. I dated too but only three guys. I had one in middle school, his name was Park Yoochun and it lasted for three years. He was one of Changmin's friends in middle school and was two years older than I am. We planned to enter medical school together and go to medical missions once we become doctors. But on our third year together, he was starting to pressure me in giving him something I can’t give him until after marriage. Few days after, when I visited him in his college dorm I found him waking up next to a girl as as he was. That was the most painful heartbreak that I had. And I cried for two whole days. In those days I cried, Yoochun was brought to the hospital.

Changmin broke his nose and fractured his rib before he came to me and made me promise, “don’t ever give your ity to anyone who won’t wait for your wedding night. Not unless when you're sure you'll spend the rest of your lives together, don't give in. You'll know you'll spend forever together if he marries you Taeng. Because only a man who will love you forever deserves to marry you”. My break up which Yoochun destroyed his good friendship with Yoochun and his cousins Jaejoong and Junsu.

My second boyfriend was named Choi Siwon. He was a year older than me. With him was my shortest relationship yet it was the least heartbreaking one. We only dated for a year and that was before I went to Maryland and start studying. We met when I once visited Changmin in military, Siwon just finished his service and made friends with me while I waited for Changmin. Then surprisingly he was actually one of our neighbors. Eventually I grew to like him. He was really a gentleman, well-mannered, kind and God-fearing. We broke up because one, we won't do with long distance relationship and two, because he found out that his calling is priesthood. So, yeah basically it was a mutual decision to break up.

The last was different, out of all my boyfriends he was the only one younger than I am. His name was Park Chanyeol. He had the longest courting time too because that time I already knew I was supposed to marry Changmin. I mean, why would I get into a relationship that I know would end eventually? But he was persistent, sweet, romantic, handsome, smart and all those wonderful things a man can be. And I'm not even exaggerating. He had a very refreshing smile. I met him when I was told to meet Changmin in his school because Uncle Shim couldn't contact him and he was getting worried. He helped me find my way through MIT. The next thing I knew he was already travelling from Cambridge to Maryland just to know me more. Then I thought maybe Chanyeol can change Dad’s decision. And if Changmin ends up marrying his girlfriend I won’t have to marry him. I can get my own happy ending. But I didn’t get my happy ending with Chanyeol. Our break up was in the middle, it wasn't that heart-breaking as with Yoochun but it wasn't as light as with Siwon.

Changmin had a higher number than I did. He dated a lot even after finding out we were going to get married. But when the girl whom he thought was the one turned him down in his proposal in Maldives, he ended up marrying me. We decided to marry each other but not before we agreed to only be married for eighteen months.

"Taeyeon, you know I was ready to get disowned, right? I was ready to lose the Shim household and be on my own because she's everything to me. She's all that matters to me. She's... She's... She's the one I love, the only one that I loved. But she... She... She... She chose her career over me. She said getting married to me was going to be a burden especially if I'll get disowned. She told me I was being too advanced with my plans and that in her plans I wasn't even part of it yet. I'm not part of her plans while on mine, she's the center piece, everything revolves around her in my plan"

When she turned him down, that was the first time my best friend cried. But she didn’t turn him down just once. Even the day before we got married, Changmin still tried to woo  her. “If she say’s yes this time, you’ll be the first to know. And by then, you know what to do, okay?”

“Yeah, be a runaway bride” I answered and he smiled before ruffling my hair. I'd better be a runaway bride than a stood up bride, right? But she still turned him down. And he came home crying and drunk again that night. Hi