The  hot whirlwind  love story that me and Jiro has started  has started to cool down,as months go by. I thought that if I fall in love with a guy ,then everything will just fall into places. I thought that the word LOVE is so big that it will transcend all bondaries. There will be no boundaries and there will be no impossibles once you fall in love.But I realized now that I was so wrong. I never knew that loving someone can be so hard and also painful in some ways. The happiness is beyond description but the pain too is beyond compare.

When me and Jiro started ,I really don't know him,all I cared about is the attraction between us. His expectations of me and my expectations from him is so far off from each other, I thought that if Jiro loves me,he will follow to my wishes and he will wait for me until i am ready, But jiro thought other wise.he thinks that if I love him enough I will forego my dreams and give in to his wishes of marriage and family life.I didn't know that we will be competing and that we will try to outdo each other,in order to prove who's who in our relationship.

At the start of our relationship,Jiro give in to all my wishes and sort of get spoiled in the process. I always thought that he will never say no to me. But then I never knew that he will also have limitations.I never knew that he will turned around and be the proud guy that he really was.But I stood my ground and in doing so,I never knew that I will lose him in the process.

I guess I was so naive and innocent about relationship, I thought that jiro will be just satisfied about us just seeing each other from time to time,with no intimacy. I was hoping that he will wait for me until our wedding day. I never knew that a guy won't last years without any form of expression of love. He has never kissed me,not that he never tried ,but we are always with the company of my family and yes we never really have a time of our own,we never have any privacy at all. And I never knew that this is really frustrating him through all this time...

There was one time when he called me all drunk and as he open up to me all his frustrations in our relationship.He felt bad that I never trusted him enough,that I don't love him enough.,that I don't care for him enough.That same night he asked me again and again to marry him and to run away with him,if my parents object. He said he just wants us to be together and that he loves me too much. I don't know what to say.I still cannot commit to him and I made no promises though my heart would like to say yes but i knew in my mind that it is not time yet for me.

From then on his call became less and less and I did not complain nor said anything,but at night I cried and cried. I don't want to lose him but I can't be that woman that he wants.I am not ready yet. And before i knew it he just stopped calling and I never even tried to call him and ask him what happen. We never have any break up,I kjust accepted our fate in silent tears...My first love is gone before I knew what love is really all about. And i never knew that I will feel the pain for the longest time and that it will get me stuck in loving him for years....